Prettyinpinkgal: Misuzu makes me wanna hug her. So bad.
Disclaimer: I don't own AIR.
THE LAST FIFTEEN SUMMERS
THE EIGHTH SUMMER
It was the last day of school before break again, the day when everything began and ended. Misuzu always felt funny on this day. It was as if her normal life as a weird girl, her normal awkward existance, faded, and instead she entered a new world full of possibilities.
She didn't know what was special about summer. Perhaps it was the way the sun took its sweet time-and sweet it was-sliding across the sky. Perhaps it was that the sky seemed a more vibrant hue than usual. There was the music of the cicadas, the way the ocean was now warm enough to venture into, the way everything was a lovely shade of green and life, yet Misuzu was certain that something else was behind it.
The truth was, she often felt like she wasn't entirely..."here". She felt everything sharply, she struggled hard, yet there was no doubt in her mind that indeed, a part of her was...
Up in the sky?
This was the only time before the fifteenth summer, the thousandth summer, that Misuzu felt this connection with the girl in the sky. And it was quickly lost, as she heard the screech of tires outside the window.
Okaa-san was here. Misuzu wearily opened her eyes, although she had not fallen asleep. Was it bad of her to be happy that Okaa-san always came so quickly? Surely it couldn't be too bad that she was happy, since she only liked that it showed Okaa-san cared.
"Ah, that must be your mother, Misuzu-chan," said the nice nurse. "How are you feeling?"
"Sleepy," Misuzu breathed. "And I feel weak."
"Well, at least your attack didn't bring about a fever like it did last time, hmm? Plus, now you don't have to worry about missing more school, what with summer vacation finaly being here."
"Mmm," Misuzu affirmed, turning her head to the door, waiting for Okaa-san. Always waiting.
"Do you have any fun plans for the summer, Misuzu-chan?"
"No, ma'am."
"Just playing with your friends at the beach, then?"
Now, Misuzu turned slightly to face the nurse. Her smile, which now came fairly naturally when she felt sad, appeared, "I don't have any friends. They don't like me because I have weird crying fits."
The nurse's cheery smile fell. "Misuzu, I don't think many people actually dislike you. I think a lot of people are just scared about what they don't understand. Has your mother taken you to see some doctors about it?"
"A few. Papa paid for it. They say I'll grow out of it."
"...You don't believe you will, do you, Misuzu." It wasn't a question, just an observation.
"I hope they're right, but I'm scared they're not."
The nurse pat her head affectionately. "You're a very brave little girl, Misuzu. I'm sure if you just hold out a little longer, you will finally be able to have the happy childhood you deserve."
"Nihaha," said Misuzu with a genuine smile.
"But you know," said the nurse, turning her swivel chair back and forth, "I think a lot of kids actually want to be friends with you."
This grabbed Misuzu's attention. "Eh? R-really?"
"Mmm! A few kids come in after you go home from an attack, asking if you'll be all right, or how long you're going to be gone this time. Several of the children really care about you."
Misuzu's heart swelled with the idea. People cared? About her? Tears rushed to her eyes, but her thoughts about being brave were gone.
"Ah, another attack?" the nurse demanded urgently.
The door slid open, and in walked Okaa-san, who, Misuzu never knew, had been listening in for quite some time. "Misuzu, are you all right?"
"I-I'm okay. I'm just, oh, Okaa-san, I'm so ha-happy! I thought everyone...hated me! But...but a lot of people are just scared of making me cry! It's because they like me that they stay away! Oh, I'm so happy! Really, really happy!"
Misuzu was too busy wiping her eyes to see what caused the warm spot on her forehead, but as she her tears slowed to a stop, she gingerly brought fingers up to feel the spot. Then she realized that Okaa-san had suddenly begun talking to the nurse about a lot of stuff, mostly about her but also about random stuff. Did that mean...Did Okaa-san kiss her? Was that a kiss? She'd never been kissed in her life! Mama and Papa had never once kissed her, but Okaa-san...!
Careful, she told herself urgently, feeling another attack creeping up. Okaa-san only did that to show off in front of the nurse and show what a good mom she was (this felt like complete cruelty and utter blasphemy, and she hated herself for thinking of something so ugly and awful and completely unforgivable, but while she apologized to Okaa-san mentally, she knew it was needed).
Soon, Misuzu found herself being carried by Okaa-san, and both of them were thanking and saying goodbye to the nice nurse. As they left, Okaa-san asked, "Misuzu, do you eat a lot during dinner?"
"Eh?"
She was starting to feel a little exhausted again.
"You're really light."
"Nihaha."
"NOT 'nihaha!' What would your dad think if...?
Okaa-san didn't bother finishing, and Misuzu knew better than to answer. Neither thought that Papa would care very much if Misuzu ate well or not.
"I eat good," Misuzu then said. "I always warm up stuff that you bring home, Okaa-san. And...and someday, when I'm not so short, I'll make us real meals, things that'll be really yummy!"
"Aaah, stop it, you're making my mouth water!" drawled Okaa-san.
"Nihaha!"
They arrived at the motercycle, gleaming in the summer sun. Okaa-san put the small helmet with dinosaurs on Misuzu's head, fastening it as she said, "Safety first!"
"Safety first!" Misuzu parrotted.
"Ah, hey, it's really hot out here. Did you want me to get you a drink? We can stop at the vending machine. Or do you need to go straight home?"
A little nibble of guilt was sinking into Misuzu's stomach. "Um...do you...need to go back to work? Right away, I mean?"
Okaa-san looked at her cautiously. "Why? Why does it matter?"
"Um...'cause...'cause if you're not in too much of a rush, then maybe we could stop real quick for something to drink? I saw something pink before."
The nervous look disappeared, and Okaa-san grinned hugely. "Well, alrighty then! Let's go get ourselves a drink! But boy, Misuzu-chin, you really do like pink, don't you?" she teased.
"Of course!" Misuzu cried as loud as she could for someone rather worn out. "Pink's pretty and cute and...fluffy fluffy!"
Okaa-san laughed hard. Misuzu liked it when she laughed and wasn't avoiding her like everyone else. "How the heck is a color fluffy? You're crazy, kid! All right, to the vending machine!"
"Yay!"
"Hold on tight, 'kay?"
"'Kay!"
Misuzu snuggled against Okaa-san's back-this was the only way she could hug Okaa-san without getting too close 'motionally-and the two sped off. The speed used to scare Misuzu, but now she really loved it. It was what she imagined flying was like; if she didnt hold on to Okaa-san tightly, she would become one with the clouds.
Okaa-san was saying something. Even though she drove carefully when Misuzu was with her, it was still going fast enough to make it hard for Misuzu to reply.
"What?" she called, her throat hurting.
"I said, 'Do you want to see your dad this summer?'"
Misuzu's heart froze. Because of this shock and because she was steadily losing her strength from her earlier attack, her grip slipped a bit.
Finally, they arrived at the vending machine. The school was really close by, but to Misuzu it seemed like hours since they left. Misuzu was about to slide off and sit on the bench when Okaa-san said in a weird voice, "Hey, Misuzu, what do you think about your papa?"
Once upon a time, she had loved him. That she knew. Just like she had loved Mama. And maybe she would now, if she thought they loved her. But it was three years now since Papa had left her. Despite how lonely she sometimes was, even with Okaa-san around, she sometimes cried at night, missing Papa at first, and then wondering what she had done bad that made him leave her, and then what she could do to fix it. Now, as the anniversary of her living with Okaa-san crept around the corner, Misuzu found she had no desire to go back to that sad and lonely city with so many people she could never be friends with.
But Misuzu didn't say any of this to Okaa-san. For one, it was apparent to her that it was a terrible thing to say you didn't love your papa, or your dead mama. She felt mean and not grateful. Besides, even though she didn't know when, Papa was probably going to come again to take her back, so she probably should try to get along with him, right?
On a more subconscious level, though, Misuzu was also terrified of scaring away Okaa-san by saying she loved her and not her real parents.
"Papa's Papa," was all Misuzu said. Okaa-san didn't ask her to talk about it anymore, and instead she bought a coke for herself and a pink juice, which Okaa-san said was ultra-thick peach juice, for Misuzu.
Misuzu sipped. Then she tried it again. Her face squinched up (Misuzu knew she made up a word with that, but that seemed like the only word she could use to describe it). Her face started turning blue.
"Misuzu! Breathe, dummy!"
"Baaah!" gasped Misuzu, a little cutely to some older women who were passing by. "That's weird. It's weird juice, Okaa-san, it's not...!"
She squeezed, a little frustrated.
"Wah! Some juice came up the straw, see?"
"Huh. Weird."
Misuzu sipped it happily. "It's yummy!"
"Hey."
Misuzu looked up at Okaa-san, who was taking a swig of her coke. Then: "Wanna stay with me this summer? I don't think they have this brand of juice in the city."
Misuzu nodded. "'Kay."
Misuzu made sure to drink lots of juice that summer to show her thanks.
And it turned out okay, because from what she overheard Okaa-san saying to Papa on the phone, Papa didn't even know about the possibility of a summer visit, so that meant Misuzu didn't hurt his feelings.
Papa's feelings were never hurt by Misuzu.
Were Okaa-san's?
