A/N: you know how I am. All over the place and jumpy and confused and yada yada yada. So here's the deal.

(While I wait in all my agony to post 'Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda'…), I give you… ANOTHER CHAPTER OF A NEW DESTRUCTION!!!! AAHHHHH!!!! So let's destroy some stuff. Not really. Although now I have inspired myself yet again…

Disclaimer: don't own songs. Or Ben 10. wanna own both. Well, I have Ben 10 on tv and all that and… I'm babbling. Srryz. Songs aren't mine either, obviously.


Kevin's POV

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

I couldn't believe this. I was already losing trust from Charmcaster and I knew Cooper would be soon to follow. Julie had everything to gain from this and I had a feeling she wouldn't leave me out in the cold to fight everything alone. She would side with me.


That don't bother me

A downpour kicked up outside. I sat up and looked out the window to see the silver haired woman staring out at the rain with a scowl. Julie was smiling and getting up. Cooper was watching her intently. The Asian-American went out from under the cover of the lone canopy and let the drops rain down around her, soaking her hair and face and filling her eyes.


I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

I couldn't watch any longer. I gave up on trying to rest and went to the backseat. I was cold. I was tired. I was hungry, but I didn't know how long I could go without crying over this.


I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though

It's better off when I'm alone than when I'm driving with them along. It'd be too hard to keep going with that. I stretched out and covered my face with my hands I feel my eyes laced with moisture and I'm not sure how to cry any more. It seems like it's been a lifetime since I was able to just let it all go.


Goin' on with you gone

Still upsets me

Silently, I feel wet streaks down my face and I know it's going to be a long night. I know I'm going to be miserable for a long time.


There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay

Somehow, I know I'll get through. I wanted to make it through. I wouldn't let her die without me putting up the fight of my life. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted her back.


But that's not what gets me

The music was the only thing that really caught up with me and I sat there listening to the pounding on the roof. My heart hurt so bad I could really feel it.


What hurts the most
Was being so close

It's not one of those things that are just in your head. My chest felt like Ben had just leapt on me full force as Fourarms or Humongosaur. I knew how much that could hurt. It was even worse.


And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

Gwen was dead. It was my fault. I wished I hadn't hurt her. I wished it wasn't my fault. I wished I didn't have a stepdad. I wished I wasn't even born. I wished my moron of a stepdad wasn't even born. Man, it just sucks in general.

And never knowin'
What could've been

This hurt so bad that I couldn't even bear it for very long. Crying was hard enough. Then actually talking about it… That was something Gwen would insist on if she were still here. But since she wasn't, I had a suspicion Julie would try and step into Gwen's place. Temporarily or permanently, I had no idea. But I liked having someone I could trust right there in the passenger seat to keep it away from those I wasn't too sure on.


And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

And Gwen didn't even know how hard I did try. Hours wasted on that safe house that didn't even work. Time spend chasing her, only to be running in place, getting nowhere.


It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it

This wasn't going to be easy. At all.


It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

I wiped my eyes and lifted my head to see them all sitting there, talking innocently. About me, obviously. Cooper's gaze kept darting to me for only moments and then flicking back to Julie and Charmcaster.


Still harder gettin' up,

Gettin' dressed,

Livin' with this regret

So I put my head back down against the window. It made my skin cold.


But I know if I could do it over
I would trade,

Give away

All the words that I saved

In my heart
That I left unspoken

And the rain still poured on outside, filling up little holes in the blacktop and creating puddles the size of huge pancakes.


What hurts the most
Is being so close

I watched her die.


And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

I watched her suffer.


And never knowin'
What could've been

And now that I thought about it again-


And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

-I might've been able to save her.


What hurts the most
Was being so close

I could've thrown myself in the way.


And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

It would've registered my DNA instead of hers. It would've killed me instead.


And never knowin'
What could've been

Maybe it would've worked. Maybe it wouldn't've.


And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

But I think I deserve a little bit of credit for putting in the effort.


Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

The DJ decided to cut into the song. "Yup. That's one of the older songs by Rascal Flatts. This is a newer song by Kelly Clarkson. Listen up to 'Already Gone'."

Remember all the things we wanted

Oh god. Not another sad song. How much more torture could I take? I'm strong most days, but after an awful night of losing Gwen, taking on the responsibility of a team, and now working to fix it all, I did not need sad music to top it off.


Now all our memories they're haunted

And worse yet, another favorite of Gwen's. I had a couple of her cds saved in my car. She always brought something new to show me. I never actually liked much of it.


We were always meant to say goodbye

Hardly any bands left a lasting impression on me. Except like one or two. And even then, I wouldn't listen to them on a regular basis. Not like I listened to my own music.


Even with our fists held high

I'd tried. I tried to keep her with me. I tried to keep them all. I mean, an entire universe resting on my shoulders didn't leave much time for sleep. That was the reason my eyelids felt so heavy now, but my mind was wide awake, going through the motions of living.


It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I could even hear the lyrics to this one through the rain. I didn't try to listen, but it made the pain sink in deeper, through my layers of defense and offense and it seeped through the last of my shields and I was exposed to the extreme hurting of loss.


I didn't want us to burn out

Those puddles filled deeper with that cold, solemn rain.


I didn't come here to hold you,

Now I can't stop

I joined the team to finish a mission. To find Max. And once we did, it should've been over. I should've disappeared back into trading, keeping close to the rules of parole and working to actually change myself.


I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

She left me. By mistake. On accident. Because of a stupid fight, I doomed billions and billions of life forms to extinction across the universe.


And I want you to know,

You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on,

So I'm already gone

My heart still beat strong and steady, aching. Hers was gone, freed and probably dancing around somewhere. I hoped she knew how hard I tried. I prayed. For the first time in a long time. To her. To Gwen.


Looking at you makes it harder

Another tear crested down my cheek, leaving its stain across the monster that I had become.


But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Something golden and shimmering fell from my pocket, onto the cold leather, sliding into the slit between the seats. Only a tiny bit of the chain still remained visible.


Started with a perfect kiss then

We could feel the poison set in

I stared at it before slowly letting the realization kick in. Oh. My. God. I couldn't have even given it to her before she left. It probably would've carried with her into whatever life was next. But at least she would've had it.


Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

The rain hammered my windshield, making it like a waterfall.


You know that I love you so,

I love you enough

To let you go

I gave her the locket so she'd remember me.


I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

Now I needed it to remember her.


And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

And everything we had.


But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone

As if I wasn't already a big enough wreck, I had to let a few more tears loose, glad no one could see them.


I'm already gone,

Already gone

She was dead. I wouldn't let that go unavenged. Gwen had given me hope for something new.


You can't make it feel right,

When you know that it's wrong

I laid there for a long while. The rain pounded down around the car, drumming against the windows. The sound was supposedly relaxing. Maybe in another life. Maybe for someone else. Not for me.


I'm already gone

Already gone
There's no moving on,

So I'm already gone

The locket sat in my palm, the gold shimmering under the light of the coming day. I couldn't believe only a day had passed. Only a day. Gwen hadn't even been gone twelve hours.


Already gone,

Already gone,

Already gone

So I opened the latch on the chain and put it around my own neck.


Already gone,

Already gone,

Already gone,

Yeah

I flipped open the actual locket part. The picture stared back at me. Gwen was sitting there, so innocently, so beautiful. Her eyes were that shade of emerald that I loved, still seeming to sparkle, even in a picture. Her fiery red hair was like silk. It was such a bad picture of me, but she looked like a million dollars. Actually, the girl was priceless, she was so incredible.


Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I looked like… myself. Same ebony hair. Same black eyes. Same dark clothes. Normal. Now it felt like normal was at least a lifetime ago.


I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

Slowly, I closed it up again. I tucked it under my shirt. It felt good to feel something warm so close to me, that one piece of Gwen I had left. A small fragment of her, but a piece.


And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

I heard puddles splashing outside. Not just raindrops, but footsteps.


But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone

Quickly, I pulled myself up from lying on the seat, wiped away the surviving tears and made sure the gold chain wouldn't show. I had to make sure my reputation wouldn't suffer because I couldn't control myself. I still had an image and a shred of dignity to keep alive.


I'm already gone,

Already gone

I clamored back into the driver's seat just as the passenger side door opened and Julie looked in. "Are you going to be okay?" she asked, brown eyes trained on me, so soft and gentle.


You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

Was I? I had to be. I had to keep moving. I had to see if this would really work. "Yeah. Should be."


I'm already gone,

Already gone

The Asian-American gave me a soft smile. "Ready to go?"


There's no moving on

So I'm already gone

"Yeah."


A/N: this took me weeks to write. Pretty sad since I can whip off almost anything else. I just started it, forgot about it, then started it again and hadn't found time since.

So what'd you think? Like it? Not so much? Maybe? Idk? Review and help me out! I thought Kevie was a lil OOC in this one… srry.

~Sky