CHAPTER 9
"AWESOME! YEAH!" Deidara cheered loudly.
"That's it! Feel the youth!" Gai exclaimed.
"Can we start yet? I can't wait, yeah." Only Deidara could get so excited over a fire starting lesson, which happened to be what you were doing today.
"First, we have to gather different types of wood. The twigs are the most youthful, is that right, sensei?"
"You have learned well, Lee. We arrange the twigs in a cone, then we light the starter..."
"Oooh, Tobi is excited!"
"The youthful fire needs air! Right, Sensei?"
"OH!" Deidara slapped his forehead.
"Realize your fucking mistake, huh?" Hidan sneered.
"Remember, when you do this you need to arrange some stones around the fire. We don't want our youthful land to get burnt."
"WE ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO BE DOING THIS? YEAH!"
"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" Tobi added to Deidara's cheer.
"Oh no." Sasori grumbled as Gai started to demonstrate the fire starting process. He arranged the twigs and the larger wood pieces in a cone-like shape. Gai lit the starter hidden in the twigs, and fanned the growing flame. It was not long until the fire was decently sized.
"Alright, there will be three groups of three, and one group of two. You will get matches, fire starters, and wood. Twigs must be collected by yourselves."
"Work with me, yeah?" Deidara asked you.
"Sorry, Deidara, I am already with Konan and uh..." You glanced at Pein.
"WHAT?"
"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi will work with you!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"At least you get to build fires. That's what you like, right?" Deidara was mumbling something about 'tobi stepping on fire' and 'wasting my effort, yeah'.
"Restrain him?" You suggest.
"Hmmmm..."
"Alright. Here are the matches and starters! Wood is over there." Gai started handing out the matches and starters that were needed to start the fire.
"Gather the twigs." Pein ordered, not bothering to gather them himself."Now we put the starer here, and arrange the twigs in a cone..." You were grumbling, why did you and Konan have to do all the work?
"Is he always like this?" You whisper to her.
"He has had a bad past, that's all." She whispered back.
"Good. now..."
BOOM.
Yes, that was an explosion.
BOOM.
Wait, an explosion?
BOOM.
"DEIDARA? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Hidan yelled.
"Nothing, yeah."
BOOM.
"You are the only one with a lighted fire." Sasori pointed out.
"I am?"
BOOM.
"What are you doing?" It was Gai.
"I dunno, yeah. Fire acting crazy, yeah."
BOOM. Lee quickly dumped a bucket of water on Deidara's exploding fire.
"Cherry bomb, yeah." He whispered in your ear, before winking. Or at least, you thought he winked. It is hard to tell when there is hair over his other eye.
"Very clever." You whisper back.
"Well, I guess you need to make a new fire."
"Sure, yeah."
"Before we were interrupted, you were supposed to light the starter. Then add more twigs..."
"He likes to be in charge." Konan whispered, as she added some wood onto the fire.
BOOM. Your fire exploded.
"What?"
BOOM. That Deidara must have slipped in some of his cherry bombs when you were not looking.
"What the fuck?"
"You just cannot stop yourself from commenting, right Hidan?"
BOOM.
"Stand back!" Gai dramatically threw a bucket of water on the fire.
"Now you will have to light it again." Pein commanded, as you groaned.
BOOM.
"Tobi is a good boy!"
BOOM.
"DEIDARA!" Sasori yelled. His fire was exploding too.
BOOM.
"WHAT? WHAT DID I DO? YEAH?"
BOOM.
"I don't know, but I don't know anyone else who likes explosions!"
BOOM.
"I will do it!" Lee, like Gai, dramatically put the fire out.
"At least we can get a lot of practice today!" Gai cheerfully declared. Fires exploded randomly until it was time for lunch.
"And after lunch, we will be cooking using the youthful fires. Won't that be fun?"
"How the fuck are we supposed to fucking cook if the fires won't stop fucking exploding!"
"I guess fires just like us, yeah."
"It will be a challenge!" Gai declared. "What is the point of it being too easy?"
"Aren't you supposed to start with the basics?" Sasori asked.
"We can't teach the basics with all the exploding fires, right sensei?"
"Lunch in ten minutes," Tsunade broadcasted.
"Alright, time for a nice youthful RUN!" Your party groaned, but by then Gai and Lee were probably at the dining hall.
*Gasp! The first time scenes are cut without the ending of a chapter! No, not really.*
"What do you mean we have to learn to fucking cook?" Hidan's voice echoed. "Cooking is for fucking gi-" You glared at him, shutting him up.
"Like I said, you will be cooking your own youthful dinner tonight!" Gai exclaimed. "First, we need to build the fires again."
"But the fires won't stop exploding, yeah." Sasori glared at Deidara.
"Then I will build the youthful fire, sensei." Lee declared. Deidara looked upset, but neither Gai or Lee stopped to look at him.
"Alright, we arrange the stones, twigs here..." Gai began.
"Yosh, Gai-sensei!" Lee exclaimed.
"And we have a youthful fire big enough for a few people!"
"YOSH!" Everyone stared at them, except Tobi, who was clapping his hands.
"Yay, that was better than-"
"WHY YOU..." Deidara grabbed Tobi and started to strangle him.
"Ah, don't fight. Use the youthfulness to run!"
"Great idea, sensei!"
"Alright! Everyone, running." Gai exclaimed, as profanities rolled out of Hidan's mouth. Gai led you to a field nearby and instructed you to start running.
"I'm fucking tired." Hidan was complaining, after running for fifteen minutes.
"Who would have thought? Someone who looks so fit actually tires easily." You taunt him.
"I'm not that fucking tired!"
"That's the spirit!" It was Lee. You noticed that Gai had disappeared.
"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"
"SHUT UP, YEAH!" You hear, as you ran by Tobi and Deidara. It was getting boring, there was nothing to do but run.
"I have the youthful food!" Gai declared, appearing out of nowhere like he sometimes did.
"It is a bit early for dinner." Pein pointed out.
"We will be learning how to prepare... FISH!"
"..." Everyone seemed to stare at Kisame.
"What?" Kisame grumbled. "I'm not offended."
"Aww, it's okay. Tobi is a good boy." Kisame's expression softened a little.
"We cut the fish here, then we gut it like so... Remove the bones..."
"Wow, you're good." Konan noted.
"Heh," Kisame replied. "Don't ask why."
"And we cook it like so," Gai explained, as he put his fish over the flame.
"And we have to fucking do this because?" Hidan asked, holding a burnt fish.
"You will see."
"Ha ha, you burnt it in about five seconds." You comment to Hidan.
"That's weird, yeah. Is that even possible?"
"No, but you have to admit; it's pretty funny."
"Oh, yeah." Hidan was glaring at you while he prepared a new fish.
"let's see that again. I don't think it is possible to burn a fish under five seconds."
"Your fish, yeah." You noticed your fish was starting to burn on one side.
"Oh, thanks Deidara."
"Five bucks Hidan will burn the fish in two seconds." Kakuzu joked. Konan looked at you disapprovingly.
"But he's an idiot!" You defended.
"What the fuck did you just say?"
"Nothing."
" Alright! Now your fish should be done! " Gai exclaimed. "Now you will be learning how to prepare meat!"
"Can I kill the rabbits?" Hidan asked 'innocently' as Gai took some rabbits from his knapsack of doom.
"They only need to be prepared. Here is how you remove the organs..."
"Oh no! Poor bunny!" Tobi cried.
"It's okay. They can't feel it. Yum, meat." Gai put some meat chunks on a skewer and roasted it on the fire.
"And you may want to cook it like this... Remember to flip to over occasionally."
"Heh heh." Hidan chuckled sadistically, poking one of the dead rabbits and not paying attention.
"And it's done! That is how you cook meat. Just in time for dinner!" Gai divided out the food. You ate the flame-cooked meat. It was pretty good. Tobi, however, was not eating because he felt sorry for the rabbits. Zetsu was comforting him.
"Tomorrow, we learn how to fish! No use learning how to cook youthful food if you cannot catch it," Gai explained. "We will have all day to catch youthful fish." Tobi gasped, and fainted. (He was THAT innocent. Poor Tobi.) "Looks like someone is excited! Too bad he cannot have any youthful marshmallows."
"Awesome, yeah!" Deidara exclaimed.
"Are you only saying that because marshmallows are flammable?" Sasori asked.
"They are? COOL!" Deidara popped a marshmallow on a skewer that he took from Gai's backpack of doom.
"Such youth..." Gai mumbled happily, as he passed marshmallows on skewers out. The thing about marshmallows was that, when you got them just nice they were all crispy and they shot hot marshmallow goo into your mouth. It is very tasty and sticky. But who cares about the sticky? You bit into your marshmallow. The crust came off like it does sometimes, leaving a little blob on the stick. You moved the blob back over the fire.
"Wow." Deidara commented. Hidan's marshmallow had apparently caught fire. It was burning black.
"Ahahaha a marshmallow fire! Don't laugh..."
"He he, you can't handle fire at all, can you?" You mock, not noticing that your little marshmallow glob is also catching fire.
"You fucking can't either!" Hidan retorted.
"Oh, frick." You blew the fire out then took another marshmallow from Gai, doing your best to ignore Hidan's laughter.
"I'll get you for this!" You growl.
"Yeah, yeah. You started it either way."
"Will you just stop provoking Hidan?"
"But he practically asks for it!"
"Yeah," Deidara added. Konan just shook her head and went back to talking quietly with Pein. What were they discussing?
"Now would be a good time to run some laps, right, Lee?"
"Yosh, Gai sensei!" You felt that now would be a good time to sneak back to the cabin, hideout, whatever. Maybe you should tell Deidara your plan. Nah, too suspicious. You just sneak off.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Oh, maybe it was not just you who had decided to run off. You smirk at an annoyed Hidan. Apparently you had just stepped on his toes.
"You really want to run, don't you?" You hear Konan's sarcastic voice come from behind you. "If you had just stayed, you would have heard Gai explain that we do not have to run."
"Awesome! Let's camp out at the shelter we built yesterday!"
"No. We should just go back." Konan did not specify where 'back' was.
"Back where?"
"The cabin, Hideout or whatever it is called these days." You followed Konan, leaving Hidan behind.
"Bye, fuckers!" He called out. You were so getting him back tomorrow.
(Dragon: 3 weeks for this lame, mediocre chapter? I feel like I could have done much better, but well, procrastination and apathy seemed to have gotten the better of me... Next chapter will be out when I finish planning chapter 1- oh wait, I don't reveal my publishing secret. XD)
