Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Grey's Anatomy. So you don't have to sue me ;-)

A/N: Finally a update. I've been on a trip to Disney Lands for three days, thinking a lot about this fanfic. I'm still not sure what's going to happen.. So, let's start already!
Read, enjoy, review!

Chapter 9: Watch myself lose control


12:45 AM.

I hear the painful sound of flat line. I collapse on the ground, crying loudly, turning my back to glass of the gallery. Breathe, Meredith, I think.

I hear everyone in the OR getting stuff for a code blue, trying to save my Finn.

I hear people surrounding me in the gallery, trying to calm me down, but I close my eyes and continue sobbing and crying.

I hear Derek charging the paddles, trying everything he can.

I hear myself thinking; there is no use of trying. He's already gone. He has already left me.

1:00 PM

I feel people touching me, carrying me.

I feel people lay me down on a bed, hoping that'll calm me down.

I feel myself turning around, thinking I'm never going to be okay.

I feel a headache coming, I feel infinite pain.

I feel abandoned, I feel empty.

1:30 PM

I watch myself lying on the same bed, still sobbing, tears finding there way down on my face.

I watch the door opening, Derek walking towards me, him lying next to me.

I watch him hold me, I watch him saying he's so sorry.

I watch myself beat him with my fists against his chest.

I watch myself lose control.


I'm sorry this chapter isn't longer, but I feel like it's not right to write any more.
There's an update coming soon, though. Review please!