Change of plans

"Justice was in love with you?!" Hawke exclaimed with disbelief.

Elissa looked at Anders with her hand covering her mouth. She looked just as shocked as the rest of the people around the table were. Love was not something they automatically would have connected to the vengeful spirit.

"I had no idea... Oh, I'm so sorry Justice. Though I must admit I am very flattered." Elissa blushed.

Anders stroked her cheek lovingly.

"He admired... admires you so much, but he wasn't seeking romantic love." Anders explained.

"A corpse... never had one of those... You don't find this... I don't know... creepy?" Isabela asked looking at Elissa.

"I don't think Justice ever meant it in a physical way. But platonic love, that doesn't bother me even the slightest bit. I could even confess reciprocating... if not for Anders' insistence to make me his." Elissa replied and looked at Anders lovingly.

Varric rubbed his forehead. The Anders he knew was in some ways vastly different from the one Elissa and Anders was currently describing. He had been so changeable it was hard not to get confused. One moment Anders seemed not to care much for anything and considered everything a game. Then the next he would change and become more like the man Varric befriended almost two years ago. Hearing about Justice was even more confusing. From what he had seen of the spirit, it was volatile and unpredictable. The way they were talking about him, especially Elissa, he seemed kind and truly good.

"Alright, so she wanted to take someone else to Denerim. I understand you not having the will to do anything about it now, but then you didn't seem to be a person who retreated around women." Varric stated.

"I didn't. It would have been the wise thing to do, but I wasn't very wise until I joined with Justice. You see the day Elissa was leaving for Denerim..." Anders continued.


-OOO- Anders -OOO-

"I expect all of my wardens to train in the sparring ring." Elissa had said not long after he joined the order. So there he was at the sparring ring, getting ready for training. In the beginning he loved it. It was another game and he could show off his abilities with full force. Something he had never been allowed to do in the tower. In the ring he could impress women, soldiers and fellow wardens alike. A part of him revelled in the attention and he was not a particular humble winner. Lately he had come to dislike it a little. The fought constantly, chasing darkspawn around the countryside, getting plastered in mud and blood. There was absolutely no reason, as far as Anders could see, needing to recreate it, once safely at home at the keep. The women at the keep had seen it enough not to be impressed any longer. Not that it mattered. After the incident with the maid in his room, he doubted any of them would be interested in him. Not to mention he had begun losing... a lot! And today he was sparring with Nathaniel. Handsome bloody noble. Normally he and Anders got on well together, but the annoyance Anders felt that he had been chosen to accompany Elissa to Denerim could not be fully expressed. So it was with some tension that Anders entered the ring hoping to vent some of his annoyance. Nathaniel grabbed one of the training bows and daggers, before he jumped in as well. Two ranged opponents was usually a dull affair, but for some reason people were gathering around just the same.

"So think you can take on a mage, Nathaniel?!" Anders smirked, twirling his staff.

"As if there was a reason to doubt it." Nathaniel replied drily.

"What? No real insults? I'm a mage it shouldn't be that hard." Anders grinned.

"And what exactly would the purpose be?" Nathaniel said while getting into position.

"To make it more interesting. You get on my nerves, I get on yours and then we will have a spectacular battle. You don't want to disappoint all these people, do you?" Anders chuckled.

"You are right, I do have an overwhelming desire to get you to shut up." Nathaniel smirked.

"There you go!" Anders laughed.

"That's right you sods! Piss off your territory!" Oghren rumbled from the edge of the ring.

Anders and Nathaniel looked at each other cringing their faces at the dwarf's analogy.

"Alright, on my mark you begin!" Oghren said loudly and began the countdown.

Nathaniel quickly reached for the arrows in his quiver and within seconds arrows where flying through the air. Anders created a think barrier of ice in front of him and the arrows got stuck. He then conjured a fireball and to everyone's surprise threw it directly through the ice. Nathaniel only just managed to dodge, but the fireball incinerated the quiver. Nathaniel looked at Anders who had a very satisfied grin on his face.

"Well, you little..." Nathaniel muttered under his breath.

He reached for his daggers and charged towards Anders. He slid through the mud for momentum and Anders just managed to move out of the way. Anders smiled to himself. A trick Nathaniel had picked up from Elissa, but not as skilfully applied. He cast a paralyzing glyph on Nathaniel and retreated to the other end of the ring. When Nathaniel finally was released, he charged after Anders again. Anders froze the slippery mud, making Nathaniel lost his footing and landed flat on his back. Anders walked slowly forward with a grin on his face and put his staff gently at Nathaniel's throat (who was still lying on the ground trying to regain the air that had been punched from his lungs).

"I win." Anders chuckled with satisfaction as Nathaniel groaned.

The onlookers cheered and Oghren roared with laughter.

"Andraste's blood, Anders. You're insane, you know that right?" Nathaniel groaned sitting up.

"Aw come on. If anything serious happened I could just have healed you." Anders replied and offered the rogue a hand.

Nathaniel gave a hiss as he stood up and was unable to put any weight on his right leg.

"Looks like I'll be needing your healing after all." Nathaniel growled.

"Ehm, yes... let's get you inside." Anders replied having the decency to look apologetic.
Inside Anders helped Nathaniel to a chair in the common room and began examining him.
"You have twisted your ankle, nothing serious. I'll just heal it and..." Anders stated trying to remove his boot.

"No, wait..." Nathaniel replied and Anders looked up at him with a questioning look.

"Why in the void not?" Anders said with a baffled expression.

"Look, I promised the Commander to accompany her to Denerim, but after what my father did... let's just say I don't imagine myself receiving a friendly welcome at court." Nathaniel explained in a low voice.

"And you are hoping that this injury will be a ticket out of it. I know what it is like to be hated, trust me I really do, but the commander is counting on you." Anders objected.

"I know..." Nathaniel sighed and then looked at Anders with a smile.

"You can go in my place." Nathaniel suggested.

"I don't think that is such a good idea." Anders replied.

He felt torn. He had never expected Elissa to take him to Denerim. He was a mage after all and things between them had been... awkward. Yet it had still bothered him when she had decided to bring Nathaniel to court. On one hand spending time with her, trying to somehow get the upper hand in this game of his would be enjoyable. On the other, it could be awkward and the last thing he ever wanted was to hurt her. He wanted to teach Elissa to take more enjoyment in the moment instead of living in the past, but somehow he was failing miserably.

"What is not a good idea?" Elissa asked coming into the room.

Anders sprung to his feet and turned to look at her. Her hair was loose and wet and even from a few feet away he could smell the vanilla scented oils she used in her bath. It made his heartbeat quicken and he almost sighed as the scent passed through his nostrils.

"I had an accident in the sparring ring. My ankle is broken and will take time to heal." Nathaniel replied.

"Actually it is, Ooof!" Anders crouched, feeling the air being knocked out of him by Nathaniel's fist.

"That's what you get from knocking me over in the sparring ring." Nathaniel replied without a hint of sympathy.

Anders' heart ached as he saw Elissa turn pale. She looked more fearful than disappointed really. No wonder. Because of Oghren's occasionally loud mouth, all the wardens now knew of her former attachment to the king. Thankfully the wardens had the common sense not to spread it to the staff and soldiers.

"Then I have to go alone." She replied starring wide eyed into the floor.

"Why don't you bring Anders? We all know the King would welcome any warden to court and at least he is not a corpse." Nathaniel suggested.

"So I rank only slightly higher than a corpse. How flattering." Anders said sarcastically.

"Would you mind terribly?" Elissa asked walking closer to him.

The look on her face was enough to undo him there and then. She could have asked him to kiss a templar looking like that and he would have no regrets. She was pleading him with those green eyes that almost turned completely black as he pupils dilated.

"Yes, alright." He answered and Elissa made a huge sigh of relief.

"Thank you. We are leaving in an hour." She replied and walked toward the door.

"Thank you, Anders. You can heal my ankle now." Nathaniel stated as Elissa had left the room.

"I don't think so." Anders replied and walked out the room.

"Anders? Anders! You did this to me! Come back! ANDERS!" Nathaniel shouted and only received Anders' snickering as a responds.


-OOO- Elissa -OOO-

Elissa felt nauseas. After everything that had happened between her and Alistair, she had not wanted to go to court alone. So in that moment where Nathaniel had suggested that Anders should come instead, she had accepted without thinking. Now she would be trapped between two men, to which she had a strained relationship. She cursed herself for not just have pulled away when Anders kissed her. She knew perfectly well what sort of man he was. To her he seemed no different than Zevran. And though she valued the elf's friendship dearly, she would never be able to have that kind of meaningless relationship. Anders had been taught not to have emotional relationship. He had told her as much himself. And the other day he had even confessed to the wardens being confining to him. He said he had no intentions of leaving, but Elissa didn't believe him. Yet still there were times where he seemed like a different man completely. It was like there were two men. Then one the world, the circles and the templars had taught him to be and then the person hidden underneath. It was the hidden personality she couldn't figure out. The one that was kind, good, caring, self-deprecating, passionate and a will stronger than any she had seen. The surface he had created was entertaining enough, but not that interesting to her. But there were times where she found herself falling for the hidden one. The problem was she was not entirely sure which of them was real. Which of them she could trust him to be.

They were to take a carriage from Vigil's keep to Denerim. Horseback would have been faster, but Queen Anora had ordered something from Amaranthine. Those were of course convenient for the warden-commander to bring, according to the Queen. Elissa was annoyed, but had no desire to antagonize the Queen. They had problems enough between them as it were. Sitting in the carriage Anders was sitting next her. Though she had made some distance between them and was now pressed up against the side of the carriage looking out at the countryside passing by.

"I have a question if you don't mind." Anders said looking at her.

She sighed heavily getting pulled from her thoughts and gave him a tired look, before leaning against the seat.

"If you want to." She replied with another tired sigh.

"I am curious why you asked Howe to come. You two don't exactly have the most pleasant history." He stated.

"Nathaniel has lost so much because of his father and he was not responsible for any of it. I thought bringing him to court and show that I did not blame him, both as the Hero of Ferelden and his father's greatest enemy, he might be able to rebuild something. That he and his sister would not be looked upon with such disgrace." She replied.

"Oh... that was thoughtful of you." He replied, clearly expecting a different answer.
Elissa sighed and sat up straight.

"There is another reason..." She replied was a sad expression.

"Uh, intrigue. I knew you were hiding the good stuff from me." He teased with a smirk that made her smile.

"Well, Oghren has been less than subtle about my previous attachment to the king, but how much do you really know?" She asked looking at him.

"I know that you were lovers." He replied calmly, looking at her carefully.

"We were more than that. We were in love. The kind of love, where you would do anything just to see the other smile. It was almost ridiculous. We could be covered in blood and corpses all around us and as soon as our eyes met we would be smiling like love struck fools." Elissa chuckled.

She met Anders' eyes still smiling and though he returned it, she felt like there was something more to it. Her heartbeat quickened as she looked into his brown eyes. It was painful how much he looked like Alistair in some ways. So instead she looked after the differences. Alistair was light blonde, where Anders was more red. Anders had pale skin opposed to Alistair who was tanned. Anders' hair was long and he had stubble making him look a little rough and savage. Alistair looked very proper and noble. Elissa found herself smiling brightly being reminded of how different Anders' was to Alistair.

"What?" Anders asked with a smirk and pulled her from her daydream.

She felt herself blushing fiercely and looked away.

"Oh sorry... well anyway, in order to get enough support to end the blight Ferelden needed a new ruler, but the Landsmeet was in disagreement. Some supported Alistair and others supported Anora. Ferelden had already been through so much and after what Loghain did, stability was needed. So in the interest of Ferelden I suggested that Alistair should marry Anora." She replied looking down at the floor with a vacant stare.

"You made the man you loved marry another woman... I'm so sorry." He replied reaching for her hand.

"It's alright. As a noble I knew that the likelihood of me marrying for love was very low." She replied.

"At least you are allowed to marry. If a mage wants to marry they are usually told 'no' by the revered mother, even though it isn't forbidden." He replied with venom in his voice.

Elissa was not offended. She knew that his anger was not directed at her.

"Well, you are a warden now. You can marry anyone... If you find anyone who will have you." She giggled.

"Ha ha, very funny." He replied faking offense.

She giggled, but then her smile faded.

"What is it?" He asked almost tenderly.

"The reason I didn't want to go alone is because Alistair wants to continue our relationship."

"As his mistress." Anders replied with understanding.

"Yes, and I don't know how this sounds, but I would rather not have him at all than having to share him with someone else. I hoped that Nathaniel would make him feel uncomfortable enough to keep his distance. I know Alistair loves me, but it would be better for both of us if we moved on. He knows that as well in his heart, but every time we see each other it brings up all those feelings again... like a ghost haunting you." She said with great sadness in her voice.

She looked down at her hand, which was now tucked tenderly in between Anders'. His thumbs caressing her knuckles softly. She could feel his eyes observing her, but she didn't dare to meet them. She did not trust herself enough.

"Don't worry. I'll scare him off for you." Anders chuckled good naturedly.

"Just tell him you'll turn him into a toad. He is terrified of that." Elissa giggled.

"Hmm... as tempting as that sounds, I don't think that is a good idea. I like my head being attached to my shoulders." He grinned.

"Not to mention we would be living in the 'frogdom' of Ferelden after." Elissa looked up at him with a grin and he raised an eyebrow.

She started laughing heartily.

"I'm sorry, it was bad I know." She laughed and felt her face burning as tears fell from her eyes.

Anders chuckled, before gently taking her chin and drying her tear away with his thumb.

"Don't apologize for that. It is so rarely you laugh... it's nice to hear." He said softly.

She felt her heart drumming in her chest, before she pulled away. She couldn't allow this to continue. A part of her wanted to care for him so deeply, but she wanted the same kind of love she had with Alistair. Something true and long term. With both her and Anders being wardens it could be done. There was no one who would interfere politically, unless the Chantry became even more vigilant. But Anders was not very constant in his nature. The thought of her giving her his heart only for him to disappear, when she had become a novelty... she couldn't bear it. She still wanted the same things she did in Highever. She wanted the kind of love her parents have had. The kind where they loved each other so much, that nothing other than dying by each other's side would do.

"He broke your heart." Anders stated looking at her.

She gave a short resentful laugh.

"No, I broke it myself... and his. It is the same thing that always happens. I start thinking too much about every decision I make. Trying to make the right and noble choice. Just once I wonder what it would be like to actually throw caution to the wind and do something just because it made me happy." She replied with a sigh.

She then turned towards him with a small smile.

"Listen to me complaining. Like I was the only person in the history of Thedas, who has been disappointed in love. Besides it's not all bad. With my status as warden-commander and Hero, perhaps I can help change things for both mages and elves." She said with a smile.

Anders looked into her eyes and she felt her skin tingle, almost unable to keep his gaze. She turned from him and leaned against the carriage and looked out on the country side. The fields turned golden as the summer had almost ended and the breeze making it look like waves, as the sun reflected on it.

"Pretty as a painting." She muttered, thinking of Alistair when they had first seen Lothering. One of the many casualties during the blight. She had heard many Fereldens had fled to Kirkwall. A city known for its Tevinter origins and vigilant, almost obsessive templars.