Chapter 9: Awkward Dinners

A/N: While there's technically no domesticated animals shown in Zootopia (Minus the housecat on the "Fancy Cat" magazine cover that LionHeart was reading during the credits and was in Mancha's mailbox during a deleted scene), I couldn't pass up the Husky joke when it entered my head. I thought it was too funny to pass up.

BTW, How's THAT for a chapter cliffhanger?!

December 24th, 12:25pm

Nick arrived back at the mall and met up with Judy again who had a bag full of goodies. She looked at him and noticed something was different.

"What's up with your face? You look a bit flush."

"I may be a weeee bit...bit tipsy! Finnick didn't finish his ba-ba, so I finished it for him. Therrr whiskey may have been a bit stronger than I thought."

"Well, let's get some food and coffee in you. It'll absorb some of the alcohol. You should be ashamed! Drinking in the afternoon."

They walked towards bug burga. "I'm sorry fluff. Finn got a call from Honey. I guesh they were both lonely sho they're hooking up and he left quickly. Didn't want the egg-nog to go to wayshte."

Judy sprung up to the counter. "Oh look! They got paper menus." She handed one to Nick. "I wanna see what their veggie options are."

Nick took the menu and went over it. Judy noticed the same thing as earlier. Nick would squint at the menu, then pull it away from him.

"THAT'S IT!" She yelled.

Nick jumped back in fear. "What?! What'd I do?"

"You're far-sighted! That's why you're having trouble reading small text!"

"Well...yeah! Been like that for years. So what?"

"Don't you see? This...THIS is why you're having trouble with your academics! You're having trouble with the text! I know EXACTLY what to get you now! I was gonna give you this expensive Roladucks watch, but instead, we'll go over to the eye center and I'll get you some glasses!"

She bought Nick a bug burger and coffee that he quickly wolfed down and it helped sober him up a bit. She then grabbed Nick by the paw and pulled him away from the food court.

Nick was a bit disappointed. "Wait! I want the Roladucks! Glasses are too practical."

"Of course it's practical!" Judy replied. "After all, I'm practical-ly perfect in every way."

"Well thank you, Mary Hoppins."

Meanwhile...

Finnick arrived at the outside of Honey's bunker. He wore his best bowling shirt and had a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates with him. He was ready.

"Okay Finn." He said to himself. "You can do this. Hit her hard and fast with your love and don't quit. She's gonna block. She always does. This is a fight! I gotta knock her out with compliments and break through! You can do this! You can do this!"

"What's the password?" She said from the other side of the door.

"I love you."

"WHAT?!"

"I love you! Please! Open the door. You KNOW it's me!"

Honey was hesitant, but unlocked the locks. After ten minutes of unlocking, she opened up to find Finnick standing there with his fancy shirt, roses and chocolates.

"What in the world are you up to?!"

"Right now, I'm standing in front of the most beautiful, the most wonderful woman I know and telling her I love her."

"You're drunk!"

"Yeah. I am drunk. I'm intoxicated by your beauty."

This knocked Honey back. "DAMN!"

"Got the first hit in!" Finnick thought to himself.

"Honey, I'm sick of this just being a one night stand and I think you are too! I want to be with you! Not just tonight. I wanna wake up in the morning and stare at your beautiful face.."

"Stop it!"

"Feel your big, wonderful rump..."

"You mean my huge, fat ass."

"It's a GREAT ass! My favorite ass ever!"

This made Honey giggle. "You're serious aren't you?"

"Like a heart attack. I wanna wake up one morning with you on top of me, snoring away. I can barely breathe while you're drooling all over my head and gassing me with your halitosis. That's my paradise right there!"

She started to laugh. "Some paradise. C'mon Finn! How could anyone ever love someone as ugly as me?"

"Dammit Honey! That's all in your head! I've never met someone like you before! You're smart, you're funny, you're crazy as they come! I love you. No more games. No more other guys comin' over! Just you and me!"

"C'mon Finn you can't mean..."

"You want me to live here permanently? I would sell my van for you."

That did it. She started breathing heavily. Tears started running down her cheeks. "Finn, sugar! D-Don't sell it! Not for me! That van is your entire world!"

"Uppercut!" He thought. This was his big opening.

"From now on, YOU'RE my entire world! I don't know how many times I gotta say it, but I'm not gonna stop! I...love...YOU!"

She started to cry. "Ooooh...BAYBEEEE!" She hugged Finnick and started to kiss him passionately. "I love you too you little Romeo! Let's go to the bedroom!"

"No."

"No?"

"I gotta wine and dine my baby first!" Finnick said with a smile. "I'm gonna take you to the nicest restaurant I can afford! But first, can you please...PLEASE get that skunk dye off you?"

"Sure, but...that dye got EVERYWHERE y'know?" She said with a very flirtatious look. "Every little nook and crack. I'm gonna need some help. Care to join me?"

"Like you gotta ask?" Finnick said as he started to remove his clothing.

She started to remove her clothing as well as she headed towards the bathroom. "So this is real now? I'll wake up tomorrow and you'll still be here?"

"Yup."

"Finn honey...don't sell your van. We'll work something out."

"Okay, my love."

That sent shivers down Honey's spine. "Oooooh! You little...Get in the damn shower!"

"Knockout!" Finnick thought to himself.

2:00pm

Nick had taken his eye exam and was selecting his glasses. "What do you think carrots?"

"Why do you want the thick rims?"

"Glasses are sexy nowadays! Besides...it's like I have a secret identity. During the day, the mild-mannered Bark Kent, at night...Superfox!"

Judy giggled. "Well, it's your Kitsmas gift. Whatever makes you happy."

"Thanks carrots. You're always looking out for me. I hope my Kitsmas gift for you tomorrow night shows my appreciation."

"Well, I got to admit, you got me REAL curious. I'm guessing it's not just a dinner?"

Nick smiled. "It's not."

"So what's next?"

Nick gave a big sigh. "Next...we go meet my mom. I'm dreading this."

"Why? Does she hate me?"

Nick laughed. "Quite the opposite! She won't stop talking about the woman who saved her son from a life of crime. It gets real annoying real quick. The main stuffing you'll be eating is praise and compliments all night long."

Judy chuckled. "Sounds great! Let's go."

"We can get there in about 2 hours by bus. SIGH! She's so nuts about you, she's already wondering when I'm going to marry you."

Judy laughed. "WHAT?!"

"I know! We're not even dating! Do you now how annoying it is when someone is pressuring you into marriage?!"

4:00pm

"Why don't you wanna marry my son?! Give me one good reason!"

"Because I'm straight Miss Lupine!" Gary shouted to Larry's mother. "You know this! I've been coming over here since I was a pup!"

"I just want what's best for my son and you've always looked after him. We both love you and want you in our family. Can't you...I dunno, come to some compromise?"

"No Mary. It would be a bigger disaster then that Husky he used to date."

2 Years Ago

Larry was out at a fancy cafe with his husky malamute boyfriend.

"Ruff, the past two months have been wonderful. You finally stopped drinking out of the toilet and let's be honest, no one sniffs my crotch better than you, but I feel like there's a lack of communication between us! I give so much and you never give me anything in return! Do you even love me? Because I've never even heard you say it. Not even once! Ruff, if you want this to last, then tell me! I want to hear 'I love you' come out of your lips just once. Please!"

"RRRRYE ROVE RRROOOOO!"

"Stop being silly Ruff! Just tell me! Please!"

"RRRRRRYE RRROVE RRRRRROOOOOOOOO!"

"You know what? Forget it. I can't take this heartache anymore! Goodbye forever Ruff!"

Larry stormed out of the restaurant.

"RRRRAIT! RON'T REEVE REEEEEEE!"

The waiter then arrived. "Here's your check sir."

"RRRRIXTY RORRARS?! AWWW RRRRIT!"

Back to December 24th 4:05pm

"That guy really put the 'mute' in 'malamute'." Larry said. "But mom, Gary's right. He's my best friend. I can't force him into a relationship like that!"

Mary was disappointed. "I know. It's just...after your dad left me, Gary was always there for you like a big brother. His family even helped out when I was struggling to make ends meet! That's why I wanna keep him in our family!"

"Well, I love him, but waddya want me to do about it?! If you want him in the family so bad, why don't YOU marry him?!"

Gary ears perked up. He looked over at Mary and Larry. "Ummmm...What?"

While Gary was sitting, Mary went over and put her arms around his shoulders. "That's actually not a bad idea! Gary, you're in your mid 20's, but I'm not in my 40's yet. I had Larry at a very young age. I know you're only a year older, but he's always seen you as a father figure after his lousy dad divorced me. You're practically family already."

Gary's ears were turning red. "W-Well...I don't know! I mean. I have always found you attractive, miss Lupine, but ummm..."

She played with Gary's ears. "Gary sweetie, can you do me a favor?"

"S-Sure Miss Lupine! Anything!"

"Call me Mary. Come with me to the bedroom. I need help with my...'stuffing'."

Mary pulled Gary along to the back of the house. "Well...okay Mary, but that's an odd place to cook stuffing! You could burn the house down!"

Mary slapped her forehead and thought to herself. "Why do I always end up with the idiots?!"

Meanwhile...

Nick, with Judy back under his jacket, arrived at his mother's house. He put on his new glasses and wore a hat to disguise himself. He knocked on the door.

"TAP! TAP! TAP!"

Nick's mother, Vivian opened the door. "Who is it?"

"Good evening madam! I'm with Publisher's Clearingmouse. I was wondering if you'd like to subscribe to any of our fine publications!"

Nick didn't fool Vivian for a second. "Knock it off Nick! And what's with the glasses?"

Judy pops her head out of the jacket. "I bought them for him Miss Wilde. He's been having trouble reading his text books."

Vivian squealed in delight. "EEEEEE! Judy Hopps! I've been dying to meet you! C'mere!" She pulled Judy out of Nick jacket and gave her a huge hug. She rubbed her cheeks all over Judy's. "Ooooh! My son's savior! It's so wonderful to see you!"

" 'Savior' is a bit much, don't you think?!" Nick asked.

"Hush puppy! She's done more for you than Finnick has in the last twenty years!"

Vivian put Judy down and they all started entering the house. "Finnick taught me how to survive! I really wish you'd give him a chance!"

"HELL NO! You wouldn't have stayed away from me all these years if it wasn't for him! All he taught you is how to con people out of their money and live under a bridge!"

"Mom, this conversation is like a Kitsmas cartoon special. It reruns every year!"

As Nick and Judy sat down at the kitchen table, Vivian ignored her son and turned her attention to Judy. "So Judy, I can't thank you enough for what you've done for my idiot son. Even your Kitsmas gift is to help him improve himself!"

Judy replied. "Well, he told me he was slipping in academics, so..."

Vivian smacked Nick over the head. "Nicholas Piberius Wilde! You told me you were doing just fine!"

"OW! I am! In my physical training anyway."

Judy added "I saw him having a hard time reading a menu and I put two and two together that he was far sighted."

Vivian started heating up the dinner. "You see? What would you ever do without her? You NEED her Nick! You know what I'm talking about!"

Nick rubbed his temples. "PLEASE not this again!"

"What?! I think you two would be a perfect match! You told me she was naive and not very street smart."

Judy glared at Nick. "Hey!"

Nick looked back. "You know it's true fluff."

Judy just pouted. "Yeah, well...still..."

Vivian kept up the argument while preparing dinner. "You can show her the ropes and she can help you in your training and inspire you! You'd make the perfect team!"

Nick argued. "But we're already a perfect team! We're gonna be partners! I'll be seeing her 8-9 hours a day every day!"

Nick put up a good argument, but Vivian got straight to the point. "I want grandkits."

Nick and Judy were both shocked. "Mom...you KNOW that's biologically impossible right?"

"You could adopt! And then maybe..." She started to sniffle. "...maybe I could babysit them and you'd come over more often."

Nick felt guilty. "Mom...you know I come over as much as I can! My life is always busy!"

"BULLSHIT!"

"MOM! Not at the table during Kitsmas!"

She bowed her head in shame. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to swear."

Judy hopped off her chair and rubbed Vivian's arm. "Vivian...Nick's my very best friend. He's saved me as much as I saved him. I'll always be there for him. I promise. And...who knows what the future holds?!"

Nick was a bit taken back by this. He tried to change the subject. "So! Um...is dinner almost ready?"

"Yes, Mr. 'Change the subject when it's getting good'! I even made some of your favorite."

She set the dinner plates down. Nick was pleased. "Homemade mac and cheese! My fave! Awww! Thanks mom!"

"Anything for my ungrateful baby!"

Two hours pass. Some of it pleasant. Some of it awkward. Vivian was still pressuring Nick on getting more romantic with Judy, but he'd manage to fight off most of it without being offensive to his future partner. It was time for Judy to go home and rest for tomorrow.

"Well, it's been a lovely visit, but me and Nick have been up since 4 am today and I need some sleep! I got a big day of work tomorrow."

"Why were you up at 4am?" Vivian asked.

"I'll explain later..." Nick said. "but...you might not like it."

Before Judy left, Vivian pointed up at the top of the doorway arch. "Are you two forgetting something?!" There, on top of the arch was some mistletoe.

Nick rubbed his face. "Oh boy! You did think of everything, didn't you?!"

"Damn straight." Vivian said with a smirk.

Nick bent down and looked at Judy. "Well...tradition is tradition."

Judy blushed a little. "Yeah. I guess it is."

"Well then, as a gentleman, allow me to lead." He bent over and touched Judy's head. He leaned in and started turning her head to give her a kiss on the cheek, but the clever bunny surprised him by turning her head back, reaching up and quickly kissing him right at the center of his muzzle, taking him by surprise.

"I'm no gentleman." Judy replied.

Vivian pumped her fist. "YES! Now that's what I'm talking about!"

Embarrassed, Nick turned around and talked to his mother. "Do you ever stop?!"

"Nope! And all your fur just got a lot more red."

Judy started to leave. Nick stayed behind to sleep in his old room and spend Kitsmas day with his mom.

Judy waved goodbye. "See you tomorrow night!"

"See ya fluff!" Nick replied.

Vivian stood by Nick as Judy walked off. "Son, if you don't escort her to the bus stop right now, I will beat your ass until..."

"I'm going! I'm going!" Shouted Nick. "Hey carrots! Hold up! I'll walk you to the bench."

December 25th 9:10am

Bogo was finished with briefing the officers on their assignments. "Dismissed!" He then turned to Judy. "Officer Hopps, I want you in my office in ten minutes!"

"Y-Yes sir!" A nervous Judy replied.

This was it. She knew she had no choice but to tell the truth. Bogo could see right through her. Would she be fired? Would Bogo understand why she did it and let her off the hook? She knew that Nick was right. At least her friends would not go to jail without Khan being able to press charges. She sat on a chair in front of Bogo's office. "Well..." She thought to herself. "At least it can't get any worse than getting fired."

"Come in!" Bogo shouted from behind the door. Judy hopped off the chair and opened the door to walk in. As she came into the room, a look of sheer horror etched across her face. There, standing behind Chief Bogo was Tiberius Khan himself looking smug as hell. Sitting on a chair in the corner with handcuffs on and still in his morning pajamas was Nick, looking like a man about to head to the gallows. His ears drooped and his bottom lip trembled.

"H-Hey carrots. Think your dad can use one more farmhand?"

Bogo glared at Judy. "Hopps. Take a seat."

"It got worse!" She thought. "MUCH worse!"