A/N: Okay so, by now you know this is going to be a long story. Wanna go for a ride? Strap in please. It's going to get rather bumpy. I'm sorry if this chapter is shitty. I'm in the process of moving and my head is scattered. Please R&R!
Take
Just one last dare
Pretend you don't care
Till twilight falls
Wait
There's someone else here
And I can't stop my tears
I've never been so scared
-the birthday massacre, lover's end
Grounded didn't even begin to cover what I was when mom got ahold of me the next morning. I was actually shocked when she told me I was, seeing as I never had been. In the end I couldn't blame her. When your stuck in a house filled with ghosts, worrying comes natural. Violet and everyone had been there waiting for me when I got back, Tate vanishing before anyone could see us together. She had told my mom everything that had happened and how she had just gotten out of there and back in time to have my mom call the cops, but there was still no sign of me, only the bastards that Tate had promised they would find broken. This made me breathe so much easier because Tate had not lied to me after all. Mom and Ben had went looking for me and I found it strange that no one had found me. Was my car really so hidden from the rest of the world? I had found it odd, but decided to ignore it, because the worried and furious voices were giving me a headache. In the end, I accepted my punishment and made my way upstairs with Violet, my offer to help Moira for the day, discarded.
"You could have died," Violet said to me as I fell face first on my bed, a sudden frustration taking over me,"How did you even get away?"
I had not told anyone about Tate saving me. It was the last thing I had intended to confess mostly because I didn't want anyone to know. I looked up at Violet, feeling anger rise up in me.
"Well if you hadn't run off with that fucker, then maybe I wouldn't have been in that situation. I told you not to go. You didn't listen. And as for getting away, it doesn't matter. You should have been there."
I could tell she didn't know how to respond as I lifted myself up and sat crossed-legged on the bed, looking away from her. I was so mad and confused about everything. Not long ago I had been assaulted and felt utter exhilaration from kissing Tate. I knew I really shouldn't have been mad at Violet, considering she would murder me if she found out Tate kissed me, but I really didn't care. She should have been smarter about leaving me alone.
"In case you didn't know," she started, the annoyance in her voice becoming clear,"I had to fight to get away too and ran to get help. You think I didn't try to save you?"
I looked at her,"In case you didn't notice, you are dead. I never said I didn't think you tried to save me."
"But you implied it," she spat.
I rolled my eyes,"Whatever. Well, I'm alive right? So everything's fine and I can enjoy two weeks of isolation."
Violet looks at me sadly,"Don't be stupid. That's not fair to me."
I knew I was being beyond a bitch, but for some reason, I couldn't help it. I was mad at Violet, I was mad at the world and everyone who had wronged me in my life, but mostly; I was mad at myself and my paining desire for a boy who was not only dead, but had once belonged to my best friend.
"Your my best friend," Violet says softly and I can't bare to look at her because I feel my eyes stinging with tears. What was happening to me?
"And your mine," I whisper back, only to see that she disappeared when I turned around to face her again.
I hoped she had heard me.
I walked quietly down to the basement, hoping that no one would hear me mostly because it was 2 a.m. The house was eerily quiet and I could hear my footsteps echo as I made my way down the stairs which creaked quite loudly.
"Where the fuck is that light switch," I mumbled to myself as I tried to feel around in the dark, my hand brushing against something.
I pulled back quickly, standing as still as possible. Whatever I touched had felt…inhuman. I tried to see through the darkness a faint light from outside glimmering through the basement window up ahead. Tate had told me that there were things down here that would not welcome me and I knew I should go back upstairs. But the other voice inside my head wanted to talk to Tate so badly, it hurt. So I moved forward, only to feel something grab my leg and pull it out from under me. I felt my back collide with the hard floor, the force of it bruising me even further than I already was. I sat up as quickly as I could, my head snapping in different directions as I heard something shuffling around. I shut my eyes tight. Don't move. Don't move. Don't move. And then it happened. I felt myself being dragged across the floor, my nails scrapping the hard stone floor beneath me. I screamed and it took me by surprise because I was never one to scream so fearfully until I moved to L.A. Until I moved into this house.
"Let go!" I cried out, but the thing did not loosen its grip. I kicked and thrashed, having had enough of this crap to last me a lifetime and then I felt someone grab hold of my arms, but I knew they weren't Tate's.
"Thaddeus! Go Away!" A woman yelled as I fell into her arms. The basement light flickering to life faintly. I peered through her arms to see a creature that was clearly not from this world, let alone, human. Its fanged teeth were barred at me and its arms outstretched, as if all it wanted was for me to hug it. I was surprised then and then I remembered what Tate had told me about Nora's baby and I realized that this thing was it and it shocked me; to almost death.
"Go away!" she cried again and I finally saw that it was indeed Nora holding me. She finally loosened her grip and I turned to see that Thaddeus had vanished.
"Thank you," I said breathlessly to Nora as we both stood up. I felt an immense amount of pain from her than when I had first met her.
She smiled faintly,"If that ever happens again, just say go away and he will."
She turns away from me and I don't know what to say to her to make it better. Nothing would. Unless I fulfilled my promise.
"Nora, I'm really sorry about Thaddeus," Is all I could manage.
"Me too."
I watch her leave, a rush of cold gracing my skin. I held my arms tightly as I stood there for a few seconds, going over the interworkings of my mind before I turned around and found myself in Tate's arms.
"Did I scare you?" he smiles, looking down at me.
I can't help but stare into his eyes, the bright blue penetrating my green ones.
"Where did you come from?" I questioned.
"Why are you down here?" he challenged.
I frowned,"I was looking for you."
"So was I. You weren't in your room."
I stepped away from him and sat down on the bottom step of the stairs, rubbing my leg where Thaddeus had grabbed me. It was beginning to welt. Tate kneeled down so that he was at level with me.
"I told you to stay way from here."
"Yea, I got it." I snapped at him and he laughed. Breathtaking.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"I'm fine."
"No you aren't."
I looked dead at him,"Does it matter?"
He doesn't answer me, but removes himself from the floor and sits next to me,"I do care about your feelings. I'm really sorry about kissing you like that. I just, I don't know what's happening to me."
He eyes me, a hint of understanding inside of them. His mouth plays into a child-like smile and I can't help but feel myself melt from his perfectly placed dimples. This was wrong a voice in my head screamed. Wrong, but so right.
"I feel sorry for Nora," I said,"Losing a child is hard."
"Losing anyone is hard," Tate replied, leaning back on the stairs.
"Yea."
The silence seemed to last a lifetime before Tate spoke and I was almost glad he broke it.
"I know they told you. About what I did."
I looked at him instantly, my heart thumping faster. I had not wanted Tate to know that I knew in fear that it would ruin my relationship with him. I didn't want him to think that I thought less of him or would push him away like everyone else had.
"Tate, I told you. It wasn't you. You aren't this person. I mean, this Tate in front of me, that's who you are."
His eyes pull away from mine,"I wanted to give her everything. I ruined it all. I guess when you came, I realized I got a second chance. But, I want them to know who I am. I'm not this person."
His voice is full of desperation and I grab his hand,"I know. I know. We are going to fix this. Everything. I promise. I'm not going to let anything else happen in this house. I know what its like to feel this way. To feel immense guilt and suffering."
His eyes snap back onto mine,"Guilty? You can't have possibly done anything as bad as me."
I shake my head as I feel a lump form in my throat, hot tears welling up in my eyes,"Its my fault Marius is dead."
I can't look at him as I speak and I feel his hand squeeze mine,"Tell me."
I swallow hard and look back to him, pure concern written on his face.
"My mom was having her bachelorette party so Marius decided to take me out for the whole day. He said I could do whatever I wanted,"I smiled at the memory of it but could still feel myself crying,"It was one of the best days of my life. I guess when your still young everything feels that way. He took me to the movies and then the museum and then dinner and even dessert after. The museum was my favorite. Marius loved museums too. I had always been fascinated with history and art and I could share that with him. I was immature, but mature for 13. I remember it was really could out that night after we left the ice cream shop. He had made sure my scarf was on before we left. I had insisted we take the long way home so we could stay out a little longer. He said no at first but finally gave in. I remember he was telling me how he and mom were thinking about having a baby. I always wanted a little brother. We weren't far from the house. I remember because the park was across the street from us and that meant we lived two blocks further down. Mom took me there all the time. It happened so fast. Some guy in a jacket came out of no where. I never saw his face. Marius tried to get the guy to just take his wallet and leave us alone but he didn't. I knew he had a gun. And then Marius and the man were fighting. I heard Marius telling me to run, and I did as fast as I could, knowing I needed to find help. I heard the gunshots in the distance and I knew it then. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. But I knew I had to find help. Even after I did it was too late. When the police brought me back over there I saw Marius just lying there in a pool of endless blood. I ran to him, not letting go, the blood staining my jacket. The police had to pry me off of him. I kicked and I screamed but I knew that there was nothing I could do. I never washed that jacket."
I had lost myself during my story and had forgotten Tate had been listening to me. I was unaware that I had been sobbing uncontrollably, my mascara staining my cheeks. In all the time since Marius died, I had never opened up to anyone else about this except Violet. But with Tate, it was different. It was safe. He held me then as I cried and cried. My mind spinning out of control. Maybe it was meant to happen this way. Maybe I was meant to suffer in order to heal. I knew though, that I could never feel guilt like this again and I had every intention of doing what I had said I would. Even if it bled me dry. I was going to set them free. But part of me hoped that somehow Tate and Violet, Vivien, Moira and Ben, would stay with me forever. I was starting to imagine a life without Tate and it felt like no life at all.
I'll wait. Forever if I have to.
