8: To Keep Her Close

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad to be writing again… haha!

"Gone, huh?"

The Warden sitting in front of the window did not move or stir, or even bother to reply. There was still the smell of rain about him—he had not moved since the night before. Fergus Cousland suddenly had the urge to just pull his little brother into a hug, just to make him feel better. But that would not help, he knew. The position his brother was in was one he knew all too well. He walked over to the bedside and sat down next to Fenix, who looked extremely tired and yet still deep in thought.

"I know it's not easy," Fergus started, "It hurts. I can empathize."

Fenix's lips quivered, as though they were about to say something. All that came out was a sigh. "She didn't even believe me," he whispered, clenching his fists, "She kissed me and lied to me, and I never knew better. I should have… I should have been smarter…"

"Fenix…" Fergus watched as his own little brother buried his own face in his hands and let loose his tears and overwhelming emotions. It took him minutes to calm down, and he wiped his face dry of tears and looked up again.

Fergus noticed that his eyes were bloodshot—Fenix had probably not slept the night before, and had instead tried to follow the bard, wherever she went. But that was a futile attempt, he knew, because Leliana was skilled and swift, making her a hard target to follow. He could not blame his brother for not being able to chase a bard, an assassin. But that was not the point. Fenix needed to stand on his feet again, and find resolve.

"You know," Fenix started, playing with Morrigan's ring, "She didn't even say goodbye."

"You can find her," Fergus said, "You're the Warden-Commander, Fenix… the Hero of Ferelden! What are the chances that you'll never see her again?"

Fenix let out a laugh. "Brother," he said softly, "Do you know that I have absolutely no idea who I am talking about?"

"Well, now that you mention it, me too," Fergus said, scratching his head. "But be it Morrigan or Leliana, I doubt you'll have trouble locating them. I expect Morrigan to come to you instead, from what I gathered from Oghren and Felsi. But for Leliana, you should know where to start."

"And where do I start, even if I planned to look for her?" Fenix asked, feeling his eyes hurt. He closed them and hung his head. "She's never going to agree to come back with me as long as Morrigan is alive, even if I went down on both knees and… and… threw this ring away a second time."

"I think she meant well for you," Fergus pointed out, "and she never considered how she would feel herself… But if you make her believe you, she'll know what to do from there. But now it's up to you. You must first know what you want… or need."

"I can't," Fenix said, sighing, "I need them both just as much."

"That's a horrible thing to say," Fergus commented, scratching his chin, "Considering how no man should ever take in two wives."

"And who said I was going to marry both of them?" Fenix groaned. "I just don't know what to do now, brother. I don't know which way to go."

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation, and Fergus stood up to open the door. "Teryn Cousland," the guard greeted, saluting with a letter in hand, "I have a message for Lord Cousland given to me from a messenger that was sent from the square."

"Who was it?" Fenix asked, standing up.

"It was a young boy, and he also had a three silvers in his hand," the guard replied, "I suspect he was bribed by whoever wanted to see you."

Fenix took the letter and opened it. Its contents were much clear:

Meet me in the square. I'll be waiting in the alley behind the tavern.

Yet, he did not know who sent it. It could be Leliana, deciding to return to see him again. It could also be Morrigan, who decided to take the first step to bring them closer to each other again. Or, it could be someone who wanted him dead.

"It might be Leliana," Fenix said, pursing his lips. Before Fergus could say anything, Fenix grabbed Duncan's sword from the bedside table and left the room.

Behind the Griffon's Nest tavern

She waited for about half an hour before she saw him walking into the shadows of the alley. He looked slightly worn, if not older, from the last time she saw him. He was no longer in his heavy Warden's armor, but was now armored with light dragonskin armor and the sword he had always used. She remembered him telling her that it belonged to the Warden who found him and brought him to Ostagar, the one that had saved him from certain death at the hands of Howe.

His eyes were still that very same shade of blue—the shade she had come to love and adore—but had anxiety in them. He was looking around cautiously or expectantly—she could not read him. Perhaps she had been away from him for too long… but not anymore. Her golden eyes followed him as he sighed and resolved to lean against the wall opposite her location, still oblivious that she was looking at him from the shadows.

Her lips curved into a small, sad smile. "Did you miss me?" she asked, stepping out from her hiding place. The moment he looked up, he seemed to look almost ecstatic at her appearance. His lips—those lips she knew and missed so much—formed a wry smile as he approached her, his blue eyes softening, gazing into hers. Her heart seemed to want to explode at that moment, but not before she pulled him in to kiss him like she used to, so overwhelmed with the happiness she probably could not contain any longer.

Their kiss seemed to deepen as she felt his arms snake around her waist and bring her close, his lips tasting just as sweet as she remembered from her memories, if not sweeter. It seemed like a second of bliss before they broke the kiss, only knowing each other in that single moment. She breathed hard against his mouth and whispered, "You didn't answer my question… 'tis most annoying."

"I did," he said simply, holding her close to him still.

Morrigan smiled. "Then why the sad face? Are you not truly happy to see me again?" she asked.

"It's not that," he reassured her, his sincere tone warming her heart tremendously, "Don't worry about it. I just… had some difficulties."

"Do you know why I came back?" she asked.

"I don't know," he replied, "Tell me."

She kissed him again. "For you," she said, "'Twas a temptation I battled for many months… all alone. Then I began to miss you and… our nights together. Is it a sin to say I missed the days of the Blight?"

He laughed. "Yes," he replied, "But then that makes two of us."

"I despise you so much," she muttered, "I have never been more open and vulnerable to anyone in my life. 'Tis most… strange."

"It's not strange," Fenix said, "It's normal. Don't worry about it."

"I'm pleased you came," she told him, kissing him again, "I thought you'd never show."

"And why is that?"

Morrigan shook her head and smiled again. "I thought perhaps that you would be angry with me after that night. 'Twas a night that never stopped haunting me, clawing at my soul…"

"You have a soul?" he murmured, burying his face in her hair. She smacked him on the shoulder and growled, "You have a way with words." He shook with laughter, his voice like music to her ears.

"Are you staying?" he asked her, searching her eyes.

Morrigan raised her eyebrows. "You know I never stay in one place for too long," she said, "Especially now. I was constantly on the move, when I left you. Because of the templars."

"I'll handle them," Fenix assured her, "I'm just… I don't wish you to disappear like the last time."

"Say it," she whispered, "'Tis a line I have not heard in the longest time, my love."

Fenix leaned in, his eyes still transfixed on hers. "I love you," he told her, "So much." He was not sure whether he was in a dream or not, but it felt surreal to him as she leaned in as well to kiss him again. He had not felt her in his arms in months—or was it years, he could not measure—and breathed in her scent deeply, and held her close as though he were afraid that if he let go, he would wake up from this dream.

"It feels like a dream," she said softly, as though she read his mind, "A dream I'd… hate to abandon."

"Then… then don't," Fenix pleaded, "Stay with me this time… and…"

"And?" she asked, her lips stretching into an expectant smile.

Fenix closed his eyes and rested his lips on her forehead as images and memories of Leliana came flooding back to him, and how Fergus had hinted at their inevitable marriage. It was inevitable to Fergus, perhaps, but to Fenix, it was a clouded path he could not see ahead of. But now she was gone, and Fenix knew that he may never see his beloved bard again.

And now in his arms was the woman he first loved. The Witch of the Wilds… the most beautiful woman he had ever come across. The one that had won his heart so easily. The one that disliked human social behavior and thought of love as a weakness. The one that made him weak.

The one he could not lose, either.

He breathed in deeply, and exhaled slowly as he opened his eyes. The words he then spoke were the ones he had watched his brother say to Oriana, and the words his father had probably taken a long time to cough up to his mother.

"…marry me."

There were so many things Morrigan had seen in her life with Flemeth and alone, as she traveled after the end of the Blight, but she had not expected this to come up at such a time. She did not shy away from him immediately, however, like she used to but only searched his eyes, as though she was trying to look for the reason why he made such a foolish move on her, whether he knew that she might not even say yes.

"'Tis a serious matter," she told him warningly, "You know that I may not… accept this."

"Why? The Blight is over. Flemeth is dead," Fenix said pointedly, "I can protect you from the templars. What more do you need?" The desperation in his eyes was obvious, but Morrigan could only hesitate as she bit her lip. She had only wanted to reunite with the Warden for a short time before moving on again, but this made everything even more complicated than it already was. She did not plan on committing herself to him at all, but something in her prodded her irritatingly, telling her to say yes because she wanted to.

She wanted to.

"We may not be happy everyday. I may not be able to meet all of your needs. But I know one thing," Fenix said, "I can love you for as long as I live."

"Stop that," she said, shaking her head while cringing, "'Tis making me feel uncomfortable."

"You could get used to this, you know," he said, flashing his confident grin at her, "I know you're not, but you could in time. Trust me."

"I do not wish to stay in one place!" Morrigan argued, "Do not… chain me down."

Hurt flashed in his eyes. "I'm not trying to chain you down," Fenix said, "I just… love you. You get that, don't you?"

"Yes," Morrigan said, nodding, "But marriage is out of the question."

"Why?" he asked.

She scowled. "My life is not free of worries and problems," she told him, "I must handle them, and like you, I have an endless flow of it. You understand, do you not?"

"What problems? Tell me, I could help you," he offered, "Just say you will."

"I cannot," Morrigan replied, breaking away from their long embrace, "I… am sorry. 'Tis not a matter of trust, believe me. I will tell you in time, but not at this moment. All I ask is that… you do not give up on me."

"And how am I supposed to do that if you're not going to stay by my side?"

She flinched, as she saw his frustration. It had been so long since she had seen that familiar look on his face—one that only showed when he and the rest of the party were talking strategy and considering their options against the archdemon—that he almost looked unfamiliar at that point.

"I will… see you from time to time," Morrigan reassured him, "Just… trust me."

"How long will that be, from time to time?" he asked, folding his arms, "Between months? Years?"

"I cannot promise anything," she told him, compromise present in her tone, "But I can promise that I will still see you."

"That's…" Fenix paused, and paced up and down for a while before stopping in his tracks and turning back to face her, as though he had finally come to a decision. "Fine," he said, nodding, "I may not like it, but I'll agree to it."

There was a silence as Morrigan walked up to him again, and brought her hands to his face. "Thank you," she whispered, before landing another kiss on his lips again. He felt a sinking feeling as she broke the kiss and looked at him one last time, sending him a silent goodbye as she shape-shifted into the familiar dog form and disappeared into the crowd.

He returned immediately afterwards, to relay what had happened to Oghren and Fergus.

"So she doesn't wanna get hitched," Oghren repeated bluntly, "but wants to stay with you?" He chuckled. "I always knew she was a softie…"

"Does that mean…" Fergus started, scratching his chin, "…what about Leliana?"

Fenix shook his head in confusion. "I don't even know what to make of this situation," he said, sighing heavily, "I really don't." The conflicted look on Fenix's face worried Fergus—on one hand, Fenix could search for Leliana and take her back with him to Highever, but on the other hand Fenix could settle for being with Morrigan—however unorthodox their relationship might be—as long as he would be happier.

"I don't want to talk about it," Fenix said frostily, standing up. "I'm going to retire for now. I'll… I know what to do."

"I sure hope so," Fergus said, as he watched his brother leave the main hall.

Perhaps he should leave it to Fenix to decide for himself, because this was a man's problem and Fergus knew what it was like to have others poke their noses into it and attempt to help. He did not want to stress his brother any further, and did not want to look like he was turning into his late mother. But he had a rough idea of who he would like Fenix to turn to in the end.

Morrigan did not seem like she could be trusted, but Leliana was a different story. She was sincere, kind and sensitive. All of the traits Oriana had possessed when she was not… gone. Fergus closed his eyes at the painful reminder that stabbed at his heart. He did not want his brother to experience such a pain—he simply loved Fenix too much. He tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair, and turned to Oghren.

"Where do you think the revered mother is?"

Oghren raised his eyebrows. "What business do you have with a sodding religious zealot like her?" he asked insensitively, the ale he had drunk a moment ago taking effect again as usual.

"I'm going to see if I can find a friend," Fergus said thoughtfully, "Someone that would help Fenix…"

"You sure you wanna stick your butt into his life like that?" Oghren asked.

"I'm his brother," Fergus said, standing up, "I know what's best for him, even if he might not agree."

He was going to pay a visit to the revered mother soon, to see whether she had any leads on where Leliana might have been. She had been mentioned by Leliana a number of times during her stay here, and Fergus had a gut feeling that her disappearance would not be a mystery to the revered mother. However, he could not leave Highever so easily. He tapped his fingers on the chair's arm impatiently again, considering his options.

Suddenly, the image of the elf assassin appeared in his mind. He had seen this elf—his name was Zevran, he recalled—and had also heard of his abilities from Fenix. He would have to send a messenger to Antiva to locate this elf again, if he was not in Ferelden anymore. Maker help him, for it was going to be a tough task.

He only hoped an assassin would be able to locate the other easily. He hoped Zevran had the skills and the will to help his little brother—whatever it takes to keep her close.