Yay, a review! Thank you, kind reviewer, who obviously took time to read my story! I have no idea how you found my story in the depths of Fanfiction…
That's Revolutionary! is based off of some quite real and in-depth research I am doing in class, so… you're in luck!
That's Revolutionary!
France: You owe me, America.
America: Why?
France: For one thing, you told Britain to attack me with a fencing sword…
America: He does that all the time anyway.
France: But also because of your Revolutionary War.
America: Are you kidding me?
France: No, I gave you soldiers. I just realized today that you're a big, strong nation and can definitely pay me back for the soldiers.
America: …How?
France: Oh… um… money?
America: But wouldn't that mean I have to pay the American Indians as well? I mean, they fought for me. Come to think of it, they fought for you too. You owe them.
France: But they fought for Britain too! So you shouldn't have to pay them, they fought against you!
America: We allied with some tribes, and Britain allied with different tribes. So Britain plays those tribes, and I play my tribes, and you pay your tribes, and I pay you, and I assume I play Prussia too because he sent me a pretty awesome ex-general… but is Prussia even going to say that von Steuben was his general? I mean, Prussia did say that von Steuben had to leave-
Britain: What's this about paying America?
America: France brought up the point that I should pay for his soldiers' help during the American Revolution.
France: But America is bringing up something ridiculous. He says he has to pay Prussia except that-
America: You see, von Steuben was a very intelligent general in the Prussian army, but he got exiled, and so he was able to come to Washington's troops in the wintertime. He really trained up our army. So I was saying, as long as we're paying people back for military help, we should pay Prussia- except Prussia exiled von Steuben. So maybe von Steuben's descendants? Except I don't think von Steuben had kids, because he was exiled for probably being homosexual.*
Britain: What?
America: You see, von Steuben-
Britain: No, that 'what' was rhetorical. So, let me get this straight. France asked you to pay back for the soldiers he sent you during the Revolution, and you didn't say something like 'I saved your sorry rear in WW2'? Or better yet, 'Do you realize what state the world would be in if all countries were forced to pay any military help back?' I know, we can include disaster relief too, and have a country like Haiti repay America within a time limit of 1 year. Oh wait, they don't have the money and that's why they needed the aid!
France: When you put it that way…
America: Hey, why don't you tell us about your own revolutions, guys? You had some cool revolutions too.
France: Well, your radical ideology-
Britain: Upstart, annoying, rebellious ideology-
France: Britain!
Britain: I'm not sorry.
France: Your revolution inspired us to start our own. But, well… It'd take too long to explain out the entire thing, so I'll give the short version. The commoners obviously occupied most of the population of France, so they wanted a representation that reflected that. So they stormed the Bastille on July 14. Then they sat around and tried to decide whether or not to keep the king. The king cut the decision short by attempting to run away and getting caught. Austria and Prussia bullied us into keeping the king because they felt threatened by your ideologies! The king died anyway, we went to war with Austria and Prussia, this one man killed many of my citizens at the guillotine, and at the end of all that Napoleon stepped up to power.
America: …Your revolution ended with a dictator.
France: Unfortunately, yes. However, this dictator won us many wars.
America: You failed.
France: After Napoleon died, we finally got our modern government.
America: That was a pretty tough revolution.
Britain: Your revolutions were so messy!
America: Sum up yours, then. We'll see how bloody yours is.
Britain: We held a sword to the king's throat and made him sign a paper.
America: And then…?
Britain: We had a constitutional monarchy.
America: And then…?
Britain: That's about it.
America: Well, then.
France: So why'd you break away from Britain anyway? All we really heard was the idea of freedom.
America: Britain was imposing taxes, and making us house soldiers, and imposing taxes, and preventing our expansion, and imposing taxes, and taking away our right to trial by jury, and-
France: Let me guess, imposing taxes?**
Britain: Hey! That's not how it went at all! You were getting so unruly you even went against our laws sometimes, and France cost us a lot of money because they fought a war with us, and you needed to pull your weight as well. So we taxed you and we taxed our other people. And of course I didn't want you to expand, there were Indians out there!
France: I guess there are two sides to every issue.
America: But, we won, so that means I was right.
Britain: No it doesn't.
France: I don't think it does.
America: You agreed with us. Why else would you help us?
France: To defeat Britain.
America: Oh. I see.
France: Hey, it was a good cause!
The End.
* This is the type of random information they don't put into the history textbook… I learned this when I watched a very credible video on the American Revolution and it says, "He was exiled for being a homosexual."
That was a "WHAT!? Cool!" moment for our entire class and our teacher.
**That's what you hear about. Britain's Stamp Act: all pieces of paper taxed. Britain's Tea Act: tea taxed. Britain's Sugar Act: sugar taxed. Dear god, the colonists must have been broke!
Seriously, google the French Revolution. It's crazy. Britain's, on the other hand, was this little paragraph in my medieval history textbook saying how some noblemen held a sword to the king's throat. Then it explains the Magna Carta and significance and all that in the boring way only history textbooks have.
End note: Wow, I posted on this story!
~EverythingMath
