Love in the Time of Chaos
Summary: AU. [Post Faceless, Nameless] "Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." (Lao Tzu) A different take on the events of Season 5. Hotch/JJ pairing.
Rating: T
JJ sighed as she stood outside Aaron's bedroom, the door slightly ajar revealing that the room was just as dark as the hallway JJ was currently occupying. She had been standing there for a good ten minutes at least, and she knew she was acting ridiculous. She needed to get going but she was having extreme reservations about the day ahead; she was finally heading back to work for the first time since Aaron's attack.
She took another deep breath and gathered her nerves before pushing the door open and padding over to the bed. She smiled to herself as she took a moment to stare at the sleeping man before her. Aaron had experienced several nightmares over the course of the two weeks JJ had been staying with him but they only occurred between bouts of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep. JJ guessed that this time away from work that was dedicated to his mental and physical recovery helped Aaron sleep so well. Considering rest and deep sleep was a very rare occurrence in the life of SSA Aaron Hotchner, she was beyond happy that he was getting the rest he so desperately needed.
Sitting herself on the side of the bed, JJ put her hand on Aaron's arm before speaking. Even in his deepest sleep Aaron was extremely vigilant, and the smallest disturbance caused Aaron to wake alert and almost violent. A calming presence and a relaxed tone of voice allowed Aaron to wake peacefully and without reaching instinctually for his gun. "Aaron."
He groaned and buried his head deeper into the pillow, letting out a deep breath of air as JJ smiled, rubbing his arm. "Aaron, wake up."
Aaron groaned again but didn't move. "Are you leaving?"
JJ paused, taking another deep breath for herself, her voice no more than a whisper. "Yeah, I need to get going." Aaron nodded, his head still buried in the pillow, before rolling around and pushing himself up, a huge yawn escaping him before he finally opened his eyes. He turned his head to look at JJ and gave her a smile, which she nervously returned.
Aaron smiled at her anxiety, secretly finding her absolutely adorable. "JJ, I will be just fine on my own. You don't need to worry so much."
JJ sighed, nodding even though she didn't believe him. The team had been doing just fine without her for the past few weeks; she couldn't understand why she had to head back to work when Aaron still wasn't completely recovered. She looked at Aaron, taking in his smiling face in order to calm her nerves. "You'll be fine."
Aaron chuckled, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "I promise I will be. Come on, I'll walk you out."
They both headed to the front door, JJ disarming the alarm before walking slightly out of the door Aaron had opened for her. She paused in the hallway and leaned against the doorframe as Aaron leaned against the door. "Please promise me you'll take it easy Aaron, even just for me. I'll be worrying about you the whole time, and I know I shouldn't be, but you would worry about me if it were switched so don't even start with me!"
Aaron chuckled loudly at JJ's ramblings; he found it endearing that the woman who stood fiercely and confidently in front of the press every case was the same woman who rambled almost incoherently when she got nervous. "JJ, I promise I will take it easy. I'll rest and relax the whole time." JJ nodded, still terrified to leave Aaron alone. She knew she couldn't be any more ridiculous, but she couldn't help it. She didn't want to leave him alone. She wanted to stay and continue the same way they had been the past few weeks.
"JJ if you start to worry, you know you call or text me anytime. I'll have my phone with me at all times just in case the team needs me. Call anytime you want and I'll call you to check in too." Aaron gave her a big smile before pushing off the door. "Come here."
JJ smiled as she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Aaron's waist as his arms wrapped around JJ's shoulders. Although they would never admit it to each other or anyone else, this was their favorite position; JJ loved how she could bury her face in Aaron's chest, while Aaron loved how he could rest his head on top of hers. She fit perfectly in his arms in any position, but this was the best for both of them.
Aaron pulled away first and smiled to JJ, who gave him her first real smile of the morning. "Call whenever, even just to keep me updated. I hate that I can't be there with you, but I'll be as helpful as possible from here." Aaron sighed, his own nerves finally surfacing. "Please be safe."
JJ nodded, her smile growing as she noticed Aaron's nervousness. "I'll be safe if you relax and take it easy."
"Deal."
They both smiled at each other for a moment longer even though JJ was getting later and later for work every minute. She sighed as she glanced at her wristwatch, noticing she only had about ten minutes to get to work. She bit her lower lip before leaning forward, pressing her lips quickly to Aaron's cheek. "Take it easy."
Aaron smiled. "Be safe." The two shared one finally smile before JJ turned and headed to the elevator, Aaron shutting the door behind her only after he saw her wave from the elevator. He smiled to himself as he headed back to bed to relax…but instead of heading to his own bedroom, he veered off and headed into the guest bedroom JJ had been occupying, laying himself on her bed as he drifted off and fell into a peaceful sleep.
JJ immediately flipped open her phone the moment it began to vibrate on the table before her. She didn't even check the caller ID that flashed across the screen. She had only been texting one person throughout the plane ride from Quantico to Charleston, South Carolina.
How'd the briefing go?
JJ smiled and shook her head as she read over Aaron's text before writing her own. Garcia told me you had her send you the case file. JJ set her phone down on the table before her, determined to not obsessively wait for Aaron's next text. Nevertheless, her eyes stayed glued on the tiny piece of plastic in front of her until it vibrated.
If it makes you feel better, I looked it over while sitting on the couch in a very lazy and relaxed position. Did you consider the idea of a mission-based UNSUB?
JJ looked around the plane at her fellow teammates who were all engaged in other things before chuckling to herself. She knew Aaron would be involved in the case, even from several states away, but she was trusting that he was indeed taking it easy. That's pretty much the conclusion we reached during the brief. We're ready to hit the ground running. I'll keep you updated if you stay on the couch.
The phone vibrated only moments later. Promise. Be safe and stay in contact.
JJ smiled as she set the phone down. Only Aaron could make her whole body increase ten degrees through a simple text message; she felt like a sixteen year-old girl who was experiencing her first love. The small smile was still on her face as she turned to look out the jet window, which provided David Rossi with the perfect opportunity to observe her silently before taking the seat across from her.
"Texting with Aaron going well I take it?" JJ was startled out of her mindless daydreams at the sound of the older profiler's voice. She blushed three shades redder at his suggestion but tried to remain composed. Dave leaned forward and lowered his voice in order to keep the conversation away from the earshot of the other members of the team occupying the jet. "You walked into the BAU tenser than I've ever seen you. And you stayed incredibly tense throughout the briefing, both at the BAU and on the jet. This is the first time I've seen you remotely calm since the day started, and I'm pretty sure credit is owed to a certain missing team member of ours."
"Stupid profiler." JJ looked down at her hands, choosing to ignore the smirk on Dave's face. She had confided in him about her most well-kept secret but had yet to give any details or further explanation. It was still unsettling to disclose her deepest secret to the profiler before her, but she couldn't resist the temptation of having someone understand and share the secret she had kept to herself for so many years. "It's just…it's harder to be away from him than I thought it would be."
She looked up and found Dave nodding, a sympathetic look on his face. "Worried?"
JJ nodded. "He's recovering so well, but he's still not completely healed. When…when I was there with him, I could make sure he was doing well for myself. If anything happens to him when I'm not there…"
Dave reached forward and squeezed one of JJ's hands as he stared her straight in the eye. "Nothing's going to happen, JJ. Aaron's going to be just fine. He's a pain in the ass, no one can deny that." The two shared a small laugh before Dave continued. "But Aaron has to know how much you're worrying. He would never do anything to make it worse on you."
JJ nodded, glancing to her phone subconsciously. "We promised each other that I'd be safe if he'd take it easy."
Dave burst out laughing, startling the other team members who had been focused on other things prior to Dave's outburst. JJ blushed again, shifting her gaze frantically between her teammates, relaxing only as they began to turn back to their previous activities. JJ glared at Dave but he was busy focusing on his phone. He apparently found what he had been searching for, smiled, and handed the phone over to JJ.
JJ's jaw dropped slightly and she smiled as she read the message on the screen. Dave, do me a favor and keep an eye on JJ on this one. You know how much I hate not being there. Just make sure she's safe through this one for me. Keep me updated, I'll be as much help as I can.
JJ looked up to stare at a very pleased Dave. "I thought it was somewhat strange, but it makes sense that you two would get close after everything that happened." JJ handed Dave his phone back, a shocked look still on her face as Dave pocketed the cell phone before moving to stand up and head to get a cup of coffee. "And just so you know, I did promise Aaron I'd keep an eye on you. If anything should happen to you on this case, it'll be my ass. And although I'd never admit this to him, I'm pretty dedicated to keeping a very pissed off Aaron Hotchner off my ass." He gave her another smile before heading off to the opposite end of the plane, leaving JJ to stare out the window, her every thought focused on the man several hundred miles away.
JJ was so emotional she could barely get her plastic key card into the lock of her hotel room. Rossi and Morgan had a police officer drop her off at the hotel, insisting that JJ needed to step away from the case for a bit. The media and public were in such an animalistic frenzy over this case that JJ was been stretched thinner than she had ever imagined she could withstand. Unfortunately the only other agent on the team who could effectively help her was currently recuperating hundreds of miles away; even though the whole team was frustrated by Hotch's absence, JJ was definitely hurting the most.
The press, the public, and the victims' families she could handle without any problems. She had been trained to handle the stress of her job and she never faltered when it came to her role as media liaison for the BAU. What had finally done her in was being the first agent on the latest crime scene and seeing the tiny, seven year old girl with two gun shot wounds in her tiny little body. Up to this point their UNSUB had only sought out adult victims: three males and five females. But seeing the little girl with blonde pigtails and a brand new pink dress drenched in blood had pushed JJ over the edge. She had managed to keep it together in front of the police officers and the crowd that was straining to see what horrors had occurred in their city, but as soon as Reid guided her to the SUV, she broke down and lost her usual calm composure. Rossi and Morgan had both agreed she needed to walk away and ordered her to head back to the hotel.
She quickly threw down her go bag before belly-flopping straight on the double bed closest to the door, relishing in the comfort of laying on something more comfortable than a metal chair in a police station. She laid still for several moments, breathing deeply and evenly as she reflected on her day. The UNSUB had managed to shoot four more victims since their arrival two days ago. The team had nailed down a profile, but they had yet to come across the trigger that had pushed the UNSUB to act on his "mission" and go on a shooting rampage throughout Charleston. As soon as they could isolate that, Garcia could work her magic and they could find the son of bitch, close the case, and go home to Quantico.
JJ sat up and pulled out her cell phone, pushing the two-button as she held it in both of her hands. She sighed as she stared at the name on the screen, debating with herself about whether or not she should push the send button. She really didn't want to call him in case he was already in bed, but she desperately wanted…and needed…to talk to him. She hadn't gotten a chance to really speak to him much since they landed in Charleston; a few quick texts throughout the day and one or two brief phone calls about the progress of the case were about all she could fit in.
She sighed again as tears began to blur her vision as she continued to stare at the screen of her phone. She hated that Aaron wasn't around for this case. JJ rarely let a case get to her until she got back to home to Virginia. She always stayed strong while the case was being worked by the team, even if it tore at her heart.
But every time a case got to her, every time a victim was too unbelievably innocent to have gone through what they went through, every time she had to hold a victim's family member as they sobbed on her shoulder, Aaron had been the first person to be there for her. Whether it was a quick squeeze of her shoulder or a brief talk, Aaron was always the first one to step up and check on his agent. He was always the first one to check up on any of them any time a case became too much. She knew Aaron would've helped her through today until she could call her mom or talk to Penelope or think it through on her own, and she absolutely hated that he wasn't there for this case.
Moments after the first tears fell from her eyes her phone began to vibrate in her hands. JJ stared hard at the lit-up screen for a minute before immediately accepting the incoming call. "Hello?"
"How are you doing JJ?"
Just hearing Aaron's voice was a comfort JJ so desperately needed. She finally allowed herself to break down completely as the tears fell forcefully from her eyes. "She was only seven Aaron! How could anyone ever hurt a seven year-old?"
"I know JJ, I know." His voice was soft and comforting, and JJ could tell he hated the fact that they were stuck on the phone just as much as she did. Aaron was having a harder time being away from the case–and away from the team–than anyone else.
"She was so little and you could just tell that she was such a happy little girl and she was just lying there! Her mother said she had just gotten her dress and it was just covered in blood. I don't understand it Aaron, I just don't understand! She was seven!"
"JJ we will NEVER understand why she died. There was no reason for it. You know that. Our job… what we see, day in and day out, rarely makes sense. But you will catch him and he will get what he deserves. It'll never be enough, but it'll help both you and her family."
JJ cried and cried as Aaron whispered to her, reassuring her that even though he was only on the phone, he was still there for her. JJ finally began to calm down, her breathing still labored but the tears becoming less and less frequent. "I'm sorry."
Aaron chuckled lightly into the phone and JJ smiled on the other end. "It's ok JJ. This job takes a lot out of us, it's ok to feel for the victims and their families. I know you get closer to them than the rest of us, which in a way makes you a lot stronger than the rest of the team." JJ took a deep breath, feeling a lot better after being on the phone with Aaron for so long. "What was her name?"
JJ smiled and wiped the remaining tears off her cheeks. She couldn't help but admire the fact that he would be invested in a little girl he had never met or seen, and JJ had to admit that his care and respect for the tiny girl made her love him even more. "Mallory Stevens."
They both remained silent for a few moments, almost as though they were giving the girl a small memorial of their own. JJ shifted on her bed, lying on her side with her phone still pressed against her ear. "I was considering calling you right before my phone went off. I didn't want to wake you, but I really wanted to check up on you and talk to you."
"Dave gave me a call right before I called you. He mentioned Mallory and we discussed the case a bit. I asked to talk to you, but he said you had a hard time with her. I might have hung up on him." JJ laughed, rolling her eyes at her boss's crazy antics. She never would have guessed that Aaron had such a wonderful sense of humor outside the office, but she was completely enamored with it.
"I'm sure Rossi'll have something to say about that."
Aaron scoffed on the other end of the phone. "Please, Dave can suck it." JJ roared with laughter, and Aaron chuckled simply at the sound of her laughter, proud that he could make that sound come out of her. The two continued to talk for almost another hour before the pair bid each other goodnight. As soon as the call was ended, both Aaron and JJ stared at their phones for a few moments before sighing and burying themselves in their separate beds, hundreds of miles away.
