Ok so I know it's been a while...after I uploaded the last two chapters there were no reviews so that didn't really inspire me...then two lovely people reached out wanting more so here it is!
'I broke up with Finn!', she said excitedly and threw her arms around Quinn. Quinn gasped in shock. She hadn't expected this at all – although now she knew why Finn had quit Spring Awakening. 'You broke up with him? For me?', she asked incredulously. 'I did it because I love you', Rachel said, still smiling. She leaned in to kiss her, but Quinn pulled away. 'Rachel. We, um, need to talk', Quinn said. 'What? Why?', Rachel asked. Quinn sighed. 'Look. Rachel, you are an amazing girl. I won't deny that I enjoyed it when you kissed me…but I think my heart belongs to someone else. And honestly I'm just really confused', she said quietly, knowing how painful it would be for Rachel to hear. She looked up, seeing the brunette had tears in her eyes. 'It's ok. I knew it had to be too good to be true', Rachel said shakily. 'Can we just…I don't want to say forget about it, but', Quinn began, but Rachel interrupted, 'Yes. Please let's just forget the whole thing', she agreed quickly. 'Alright, if that's what you want', Quinn agreed. 'Um…do you want some coffee?', she offered. Rachel nodded.
They walked into the lounge. Quinn, in the midst of all the confusion, had forgotten that Jesse was still there. 'Hey Rach', Jesse said, looking confused as the two girls entered. 'Jesse, I think maybe you should go', Quinn said. Jesse stood up to leave. 'No, he can stay for coffee. It'll be fun', Rachel said, her voice higher than usual. Quinn knew she was trying to stop herself from crying, but didn't say anything. She walked into the kitchen, made the coffee and returned to find the other two laughing. 'Rachel was just telling me about when all the guys got into trouble for picturing your football coach to cool off', Jesse explained. 'Oh come on, that was kinda cruel', Quinn said, but she couldn't stop the corners of her mouth twitching. 'Yes, but when you marched up to Beiste in the corridor and screamed at her…hilarious!', Rachel said. They all laughed. 'Oh my God, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe I said that', Quinn exclaimed. 'Are you kidding? It was powerful and bold, and beautiful and perfect', Rachel whispered. She thought no-one could hear her, but the other two caught it all.
There was an awkward silence as Rachel glanced up, seeing Quinn and Jesse's faces, both shocked and awkward. Then her face fell apart and she ran out of the room, crying. 'I'll go', Jesse said. He ran out of the room. Quinn groaned in annoyance. She had been so stupid to think that it could all be ok, and that Rachel wasn't hurting at all – and now Jesse probably hated her for upsetting Rachel. Quinn sat down, curling her legs up under her chin and trying not to cry. She could hear muffled crying in the hall and after a few minutes she heard the front door slam. Quinn let out a loud sob and fell onto the floor, crying. They had both left her. God, why had she made such a mess of everything? She shouldn't have said anything to Rachel, she shouldn't have let Rachel kiss her, she shouldn't have said anything to Jesse…oh Jesse. She cried louder, sobbing his name over and over.
She felt someone wrap their arms around her and she opened her eyes seeing Jesse. She gasped, shocked. 'You're here…I thought you left', she whispered. Jesse shook his head. 'No. I wouldn't do that', he told her, holding her tightly and rocking her, planting kisses in her hair and soothing her. 'I don't deserve you. Not after the way I handled things with Rachel', Quinn said. 'We all make mistakes. God knows I've made a few', Jesse said. 'What do you mean?', Quinn asked. 'Oh, you're talking about the egging, right', she realised. Jesse didn't say anything. She glanced up, seeing him look uncomfortable. 'Jesse?', she asked. 'I can't tell you. You'll – you'll hate me', he murmured. 'Well that's impossible so why don't you just tell me? It can't be worse than the mistakes I've made in my life', Quinn said. 'Oh god…it's so, so much worse than you could imagine', Jesse said, looking like he could cry. 'Jesse what is it? Look I promise I won't judge, but I'm getting worried now. It's not drugs, is it?', she asked. Quinn was seriously worried. He shook his head. 'No, no it's not drugs', he assured her. 'I mean, I've tried them once or twice, been there, done that. I didn't like it so don't worry', he told her. Quinn nodded. 'Sure. Everyone tries it, I suppose. So what is your big secret?', she asked. Jesse closed his eyes, sighing. She gently took his head in her hands. 'Hey. Jesse, you can tell me', she said. He slowly nodded. 'Alright. And, after I've told you, I'll totally understand if you never want to see me again', he said quietly. Quinn frowned. What could be so bad that she might never want to see Jesse again?
'I told you about Johnny, my first real relationship?', he asked her. Quinn nodded. 'Well, we were together two years, sophomore and junior. I – I fell in love with him. And he loved me too. Just not enough, it seemed, because he cheated on me with Jimmy, who worked in Starbucks', he explained. 'I know who you mean. He tried to give me drugs once', Quinn told him. Jesse nodded. 'Yes, I believe in addition to making lattes he sold D, C, X, smack, horse, joogie boogie boy, blow – ' Quinn cut him off; 'yes I get the picture', she said, smiling at the RENT reference. 'Sorry. Jimmy gave Johnny drugs a few times and I hated him already. Then I found out he stole my boyfriend and the hate went to a whole new level. Anyway, after he cheated, Johnny tried to apologise and I tried, I really did try to forgive him but I just couldn't. We broke up and avoided each other for the last few weeks of school, then Johnny went off to college and I was a total mess. I…I…', Jesse trailed off. 'It's ok. You can tell me', Quinn comforted him.
'I slept with everyone in Vocal Adrenaline to try and get over him. Then the rest of the school. Then basically the whole of Akron. But it didn't work, I couldn't get over him. He – he left some kind of scar on my heart that I couldn't get rid of. It's still there. It's small and it doesn't hurt that much anymore. But it's there. Johnny will always be a part of me. I just have to accept that and move on. But…but I practically became a slut in the process', he said, now crying. Quinn lay his head on her shoulder and allowed him to cry. She tried to process what he had said. 'So…so you had a lot of sex', she said slowly. 'I wouldn't call it sex. For me, sex is something special, something intimate, something you enjoy. None of those hook-ups were special or intimate or enjoyable. They were dirty, crude. I felt sick the whole time but I kind of became addicted to it, because when someone's holding you, screaming your name…you feel needed, you feel like you have a purpose, just for a few minutes. But it hurt twice as bad when they left. And sometimes it was hard because I bedded straight guys, and the occasional lesbian, who would have a sexual identity crisis afterwards and I'd feel bad. Then towards the end of summer, a guy who I'd hooked up with a month or so ago found me – I think he was called Roger – and told me he was HIV positive', Jesse said quietly. 'Oh my god', Quinn whispered, planting a kiss in Jesse's hair. 'Jesse I'm so sorry, I had no idea. I – I don't know what to say', she said, starting to cry. She couldn't lose him.
Jesse hurriedly spoke. 'No, I don't have it, I'm fine. It was just scary at the time, the possibility', he said quickly. 'Still. It made me appreciate things a little more. And it knocked some sense into me. I knew I couldn't go on in that way, sleeping around. So I sorted my life out. Well, for the time being. After everything went down with Rachel and I went off to college, the same feelings from my breakup with Johnny surged back and I couldn't help myself, only this time it got worse. I…Quinn I hired a different prostitute every night', he said all in a rush. He obviously knew this would be breaking point. Quinn was lost for words. It was one thing sleeping around and being highly promiscuous, she could cope with that. But prostitution? 'Jesse…what you did. It goes against all my values', she began and Jesse nodded. 'I'll see you around', he murmured, getting up to leave.
'Wait. Please. Wait', she said. He turned around. Quinn stood up to face him. 'I…I don't like what you did. I don't condone it, at all. But…oh dammit, I'm falling for you too hard to care', she confessed. 'You can't do it again. I know it hurts when people cheat on you, and it hurts for the cheater too', she told him. 'I promise you that Johnny didn't just laugh about the incident and forget about you. He probably still regrets it now. I should know', she told Jesse. He looked at her questioningly. Quinn took a deep breath. He had bared all to her, and it was only right she should do the same. 'How much did Rachel tell you about my…situation, when you guys were dating?', she asked. 'Just that you were pregnant with Puck's baby', he said. 'Well, that's true. But right before you arrived on the scene, I had been dating Finn. And I – I cheated on him. I slept with Puck. And I had to carry around a reminder of that enormous mistake every single day for nine months. And I lied, for months, telling Finn it was his baby. And last year, when I was with Sam, I kissed Finn. I cheated on Sam. I felt awful about it, especially as it was the second time I'd been unfaithful. But not a day goes by when I don't think about it. Not a day goes by when I don't regret it. So I promise you that Johnny regrets it too', she told him fervently.
Jesse nodded. There was silence for a moment. 'Quinn. I…I want to be with you. I do. But I'm worried, I'm scared that you'll cheat on me too', he said quietly. 'And I just don't think I can handle going through all that again', he finished. Quinn nodded. 'I know nothing excuses cheating, but do you want to know why I cheated on Finn and Sam?', she asked. He nodded. 'I cheated on Finn because the whole time we were going out, I felt like I wasn't enough for him. He constantly lusted after Rachel…he even kissed her a couple of times. So I knew I wasn't good enough. And then one night, I was with Puck and he made me feel like I was important and like I mattered to him. That's why I cheated on Finn. It doesn't make it ok, I know. I hated myself for doing it. And then last year, Sam was perfect, he was everything I wanted, everything I needed. But there was something just not right between us, something missing. And even though the quality of our relationship was really, truly good…there was something not there. And I found it in Finn. I couldn't resist – I was so weak. I cheated, for the second time', she said, crying a little. 'I know that I would never cheat on you, Jesse, because I know that you would never make me feel like I wasn't enough for you, I know you wouldn't kiss someone else behind my back. And I don't think that there would be anything missing from our relationship. I swear, I will never, ever be unfaithful to you, Jesse', she finished.
Jesse and Quinn stared at each other for a long moment, then Jesse leaned forwards and kissed her deeply. Quinn returned the kiss, curving her body into Jesse, allowing him to hold her tightly. He gently helped her lay back on the couch, never breaking the kiss, and she felt his body on hers. The kiss became faster and harder, and then Quinn knew she had to stop. 'I can't have sex with you', she blurted out. 'I mean – oh my god, no that sounded awful – I mean, not yet', Quinn said. Jesse nodded. 'It's fine, I completely understand. I think we should take this slow', he agreed. She smiled and kissed him again. Quinn felt like everything might be ok.
so unless you want to wait another month then you'd better REVIEW! Also, Johnny is coming back to the story to seriously shake things up...and those of you who got the Johnny/Jimmy reference, I salute you ;D
um yeah so...REVIEW! and check out my other stories :)
