Chapter nine
As he had no clue what to say or where to begin he took a seat next to Hannibal's bed. He sat there in silence watching over his Commander and listening to the faint noises of the beeping machines. A million thoughts were running through his mind mixed together with excerpts of the conversation with Maggie. Face was very aware that the situation could have been way worse and his anger started to rise.
"Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well? Huh? Did you just assume I'd notice being second-in-command of this team? Did you think it was funny? Why do you always feel the need to test me? Suppose for one second I hadn't noticed something was up. It could very well have been that way, since I was dead tired after that mission we barely pulled off. All I really wanted to do was close my eyes and get some rest. But maybe my gut instinct told me there was something going on. Why couldn't you just come right out and say it? Don't you trust me? You'd rather die than talk to me about this …"
Face had jumped off his seat in the middle of the conversation and had started to walk around the room angrily. He hadn't noticed the change in heart rhythm on the monitor. So he was surprised to find Maggie and the doctors barging into the room and he was ordered to leave. He ended up standing in the hallway outside of the room wondering what on Earth was going on. Murdock and B.A. had gone to get some much needed rest for a while and so he was all alone. With nobody to talk to and not knowing what was going on, Face was starting to overanalyze once again. His mind was racing, his throat was dry and his heart was hammering in his chest.
"Temp."
He was startled when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and his name being called. He turned around to see Maggie standing there. His mind was still racing while he frantically tried to read the expression on her face.
"Temp. I need you to calm down."
Did she just say he needed to calm down? Why? He was calm after all. His mind was abruptly taken back to the present all of a sudden and he held a hand to his painful cheek.
"Ouch. Why …"
"Did I slap you?"
"Yes."
"You were close to hyperventilating, Temp. And I needed for you to focus on breathing normal again instead of getting all worked up over nothing."
"Nothing? How can you say that …"
"There was a change in John's heart rhythm pattern, but nothing to be alarmed about. He was probably just responding to your presence and what you were saying to him. But we had to check and make sure he was alright. That's all. This was the first time we actually noticed a change in his heart rhythm pattern. What did you say to him?"
"At first I had no clue what to tell him and then I just got mad at him for what he put us through. Why didn't he tell us something, Maggie? Why doesn't he trust me? What if I had failed him? He would have been … dead. I just … I just can't imagine not having him around."
"Temp. First of all, you're not a failure at all. You did everything you could to get him help as soon as you could and you so bravely offered up your freedom for his safety. That's not being a failure. That's taking control of the situation and leading the team and do what's best for them. When Hannibal finds out what you did for him, he's gonna be so proud of you. And I already know how proud he is of you, young man. He saw the potential in you all these years ago in 'Nam and that's why you became his second-in-command. He trusts you with his life."
"I shouldn't have gone off at him like that. I had no reason. He's very sick and fighting for his life. He doesn't need the added stress from me."
Maggie looked at him and softly caressed his cheek.
"It always surprises me that deep down inside of that brave young man there's still this insecure little orphan boy that worries too much about what people think about him. And he also worries a great deal about the people that mean the world to him. You have every right to feel the way you do. I know I would be mad at him too. So you managed to express that anger. That's good! You can't keep hiding from your true feelings. And besides you got mad, because you care about him. Trust me. He has picked up on that. It was good that you opened up to him and it's also good that he heard your voice again, because I'm pretty sure he was worried about you as well."
"Are you sure he's okay?"
"Yes, he's doing fine for now. This was the very first time we saw any kind of response which is a good sign that he might regain consciousness very soon. Let's just hope that he does. It's you I'm worried about, young man. Wouldn't it be better if you get some rest?"
"No! No. I can't leave him like this, Maggie. I just can't. I … I need to keep an eye on him."
"Alright. Alright. No need to get all worked up. You can stay with him, but I do want you to get some rest. It won't do him good if you end up being sick. You can spend the night here and I will ask one of the nurses to set up a bed for you."
Face nodded his head. The doctors had left the room once again. Face wanted to get in when he stopped all of sudden.
"What is it?"
"What do I say to him, Maggie? I … I don't really know what to say to him."
"It doesn't matter what you say, Face. Trust me. All he needs is to hear your voice."
Face merely nodded and walked back inside. He walked up to Hannibal's bed and sat down next to him. A million thoughts were running through his brain as he watched Hannibal sleeping peacefully. He was still worried sick. There was so much he wanted to tell his Colonel, but he had no clue where to start. So he just sat there staring at him in total silence, until he couldn't take it anymore.
"I'm so sorry, Hannibal, for yelling at you earlier and for getting mad at you. I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. I … I just … I worry about you, you know. I just wish you would have said something to me earlier so it wouldn't have come to this."
Face felt drained of all energy all of a sudden and grabbed Hannibal's hand.
"I'm just glad Decker gave me the opportunity to spend at least a little bit of time with you."
Maggie had been watching the two of them and immediately noticed that Face wasn't doing too well. She quickly went into the room and witnessed as Hannibal softly squeezed Face's hand.
"Maggie, he .. Did you …"
"Yes, Temp, I saw it. He squeezed your hand."
"That's a good sign? Isn't it?"
"Yes, it usually is. Now don't get all worked up about this. We can't push these things. He'll wake up whenever he's ready and then we can assess what is going on. You need to calm down, young man, and most of all you need to get some rest."
"No. No, I'm not leaving him. Not right now. Maggie, I can't. I have to be here when he wakes up."
"I understand that, Temp, but you're no good to him when you're out yourself. Your body is drained of all energy due to mental and physical exhaustion. You need to rest. Tell you what. I'll let you spend the night here in Hannibal's room if you agree to let me give you a shot with something to help you sleep. It's the only way your body will recuperate."
" . Do it."
Maggie stepped out of the room to get what she needed. She ordered Face to get ready for bed and handed him the bag she got from Decker. When she returned a couple of minutes later, she found him sitting on the bed cross-legged wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt. She softly smiled at him while disinfecting his arm and began to prepare the needle. Face took a deep breathe.
"Don't worry," she said reassuringly. "You won't feel a thing. I promise. When this thing starts working, you just might start to feel somewhat dizzy. It's a normal side effect. I'll be right here with you. Okay?"
Face nodded his head. Maggie gently pierced his skin with the needle while keeping an eye on him. The dizziness came quickly and Maggie gently eased Face to lie down in the small hospital bed. He closed his eyes straight away and she softly ran a hand through his hair. She waited patiently until she was sure he was sound asleep. Maggie smiled and tucked him in. Now I understand why John cares so much about you, she thought as she tiptoed out of the room.
