All the leaves have fallen and the days were shorter, winter was right around the corner - the third week in December, Christmas was four days away and Annie was still at Spring Hope. Eyal had an appointment with Dr. Shapiro before his first visit with Annie. She had been refusing any and all visitors until now, she finally agreed to see Eyal at Dr. Shapiro's repeated request. Through hours of chats with Dr. Shapiro, as he called their sessions, she came to the conclusion that she had not brought closure - facing the reason for not marrying Eyal and she still wasn't ready. Her recovery was painful and slow with several more months of chat sessions with Dr. Shapiro ahead of her but she was determined to win. As Eyal turned into the long driveway leading to the main building, he envision a lovely setting in the summer time but now, it looked bleak and barren.
"Thank you for coming Mr. Lavin." Dr. Shapiro was motioning for Eyal to have a chair. "There are a few things I would like to discuss with you before your meeting with Ms. Walker."
"Of course." Eyal taking a seat at a small table beside a picture window overlooking the dormant garden.
Dr. Shapiro taking the other chair next to the table, "Ms. Walker is making great progress but we still have a few more months to go before she is ready to return to her real world which can be stressful."
Eyal just nodded, waiting for more information.
"Her drinking problem started back during her college days, when she began depending on a drink to calm her nerves and she was also a social drinker. This type of drinking can go on for years and never turn into a real problem in one's life. But over time with a few people with the sustained use of alcohol will cause the inability to logically reason there by drawing assumptions with grave consequences. This is the case with Ms. Walker and she is now working her way through the weakness of failing to evaluate simple circumstances with a rational conclusion.
"I've call it over thinking. She did that rather often."
"Over thinking is a very good analogy. She is a highly intelligent person and understands the problem. However, with Ms. Walker there was a more deep rooted dilemma, her unhappy childhood made her feel inadequate which caused insecurities. She had been very good at suppressing the complexity of the situation until faced with reality of becoming a step-mother."
"My two children."
"I'm afraid so. She became panic stricken over the idea of having responsibilities of two children. She was afraid she could not live up to your expectations of being a good mother or damaging the children by making parenting mistakes."
"Like I have the corner on the market of being the perfect father. I'm a long ways for that."
"Most of us are, it is all on the job training and at times we do faultier. You see, she had no real role model to draw on. Her own mother was a beaten down woman, never a true mother figure for her. She had turned to her older sister for the needed support but that was only friendship, not the mother/daughter relationship she needed and her father gave no parenting love or support."
"That answers a great many questions I had." Eyal was willing to do anything the doctor suggested to benefit Annie, even if it meant walking away for good.
"This is a critical face to face meeting for her and I hope you understand she is still in a very fragile state. I'm requesting that you treat her with so call kid gloves. Please don't try and push anything on her. Let her lead the conversation."
"I understand fully."
"She may be rejecting you and your family again." Dr. Shapiro was trying to forewarn Eyal for the worse.
"We've already been rejected, not much else she can do."
"Good, now let me show you to our visitors room, she is waiting." The two men stood and walked down the hall to a cheerful open room with cozy seating arrangements for visitors to have private chats with patients but still under the watchful eye of attendants.
"Eyal, hello ... It's good to see you."
"The feeling is mutual. You are looking good." Eyal smile at her, taking the chair next to Annie. He had a way with greeting, a slight tilt of his head and movement of his shoulder at the same time that put Annie at ease. She had notice the gesture was only with her, not when he was meeting other people, just that little something special in his mannerism.
"What healthy, they are feeding me well here and I even starting taking some cooking classes they offer." Annie had taken a little extra pride in fixing her hair and applying a touch of makeup, nothing over powering. Her first meeting in over a year and she wanted to look good.
"Yeah healthy but pretty also. So can you fix breakfast now?"
She laughed, "That meal I can master. How have you been?"
"Fine, keeping busy." Eyal wasn't real sure were to go with what he was doing.
"Remember when we first met?" Annie was now feeling more comfortable talking with Eyal.
"I can't seem to forget. Safe house in Zurich." Eyal was smiling at the thought of the green horn CIA agent but it didn't take long before she had captivated him with her wit and intelligence.
"You were such an arrogant dude."
"No, no, Annie. You're confusing arrogances with charm." He was joking.
"No I'm not; you were very irritated with me at that time. But you changed."
"Did I?"
"Yeah! You know you did."
He smiled and found himself laughing lightly. "Just maybe I met this frustrating new American spy who had only been off the farm for three weeks that insisted on irritating me with all her talk of protocol and checking in. And the worst thing about her is that she saved my life, multiple times."
"Was I really that irritating?"
"Did I really throw your phone out of the car window or break apart another one in Zurich?"
She laughed softly, showing signs being totally comfortable with him and smiled. "You see much of Christine these days?"
"Have a bit of news. Christine and Jack got married this past month."
"Really. That's wonderful. I liked Jack, I had called him a huge piece of male flesh. The two of you are very much alike."
"We are? I don't see it."
"Because you not looking at it from the viewpoint of a woman." Annie was now flirting with Eyal.
"Okay, so tell me how that is." Eyal was giving her that famous smile of his.
"The night we went to see Carmen, Christine and I were with the best looking two men in the whole place. We had often joked about what handsome spies you two are."
"I got to say we had the prettiest ladies in New York on our arms that night. It was a wonderful evening even if it was a mission." Eyal remember how exquisitely chic and alluring Annie look in her one shoulder black grown.
Annie smiled at the flattery, "Remember the time we tried line dancing at The Pony Patch?"
"Sure do - that was Avi's idea that we get out on the dance floor and make fools of our selves. Trouble was, he was good at it, already knew how." Eyal was chuckling with Annie; reminiscing the first meeting between his son and Annie.
"How is Avi doing?"
"Made the basketball team for his school. He's doing fine, making good grades. He has adjusted to his American life well."
"And you little girl, Bee?"
"She is two years now and just starting to talk. Growing like a weed and pretty as a picture." Eyal was proud of both the children.
Eyal, I have been doing a lot of soul searching the past few weeks." She stoped and looked toward the window; she was fighting back her heartache, still in love with this Israeli and greatly burden with shame. He did not deserve her.
Eyal took her hand in his, "Annie, it is alright, I'm on your side 100% whatever you want to tell me will be fine with me."
Annie looking at Eyal's kind eyes, "You seem to know what I'm thinking before I say a word."
"Something I picked up from you, empathy."
"Can't you forgive me?"
Eyal squeezed her hand gently. "Annie I don't know what happen between us but this battle you are now fighting, I want you to win this struggle return to being the fantastic person I met in Zurich. You have so much to offer this world, please keep moving forward."
"Then you forgive me?"
"Yes Annie, I forgive you and I understand." He reached up and brushed some hair off her forehead and gazed compassionately into her eyes.
Annie with tears welling up in her eyes continued, "Eyal, I love what we have as trusted friends, but I'm not ready to take it down that road we started. You are a true friend and I never want to lose that friendship, but I now desperately need time for me. I have to get myself back into a useful life, a life I'm confident I can handle without any dependence on drugs or alcohol."
Eyal said softly, "Annie, you will always be a close and dear friend of mine; you hold a place in my heart that no else has had for over a decade. Believe me Annie, I do understand where you are coming from and it is okay."
"I didn't want to hurt you Eyal."
"It would have only hurt if you never told me your feelings, remember Neshema, you are a lifelong friend. If you ever need me, I will be there for you."
For the next hour or so, they set together talking about visiting Danielle for a time before returning to the CIA; spending time in California, suffering, Hollywood and side trips up the west coast. Then it was time for Eyal to leave, he gently kissed her on the cheek, and said good bye.
The damp cold air was a grim reminder of how Eyal felt. Freezing rain mixed with snow was starting to fall as Eyal walked to his car - the weather matched his mood, bleak and depressing. There had been maybe a tiny spark of hope in Eyal's heart on seeing Annie but all was now gone, the final goodbye. A terrible empty feeling left him drain, wondering why the current had deal him such a rotten hand. The roads were getting slick and treacherous - just miserable as the rain had now turned to snow and a normal two hour drive took him six hours - six long hours to think what could have been and his pending loneness without Annie, the woman he truly loved.
Annie had pushed Eyal away again for the second time without telling him the reason - but why. She was running from the man that understood her, the man that loves her and she loves him. What was the reason she was running from Eyal and running to what?
