I just changed some things in this chapter. During the rest of January I am going to fix this story. Until I find a perfect way to edit this. Review~


The fear in my friends expression when I found myself awaken in a hospital bed, seeing Road beside my bed crying over and over. "I should have never left you alone with that asshole." her voice hoarse as she grasped onto my blankets. Leaving a small puddle of tears where her hands rested.

Then I finally realized something. Though my heart knew Lavi longer than Road, in that moment she was the one always right there, helping me pick up the pieces. She was one the one helping me out when I cried out for him. Where was he now? When I needed him the most? Where was he when I was slowly losing my life.

I let out a small sigh.

He was no where to be found, and that was something that just made my heart die out a little more.

I felt dizzy, nauseous losing my vision but I listened to Road, I heard her words. "I swear Allen.. I swear on myself on everything, I will do everything in my power to get revenge on him for what he did to you. Lavi will rue the day he played with your heart like a toy."

I shook my head, lightly placing my hand onto hers, "T-there's no need for revenge Road. No need for it anymore, I got rid of him.. h-he is gone for good, he won't bother me anymore." I faintly smile, though the words that come out of my mouth pierce my heart to the very core.

Silence.

Once again silence struck both of us, I honestly don't think Road believed me when I said Lavi was out of my life. But what could I do to make her believe that he is gone and the name Allen Walker will never pass his lips again.

What could I honestly do to make her believe that everything from now on was just going to be about me getting the help I truly need. I guess nothing I say; nothing I do can make her believe me, after all for what seemed like the longest time, Lavi was the only person who had my attention, no one else could really open my eyes make me see the whole world.

Weakly I place my hand onto her head. Patting her head slightly as I smile at her. She of course freaks out. "WALKER!" she exclaims as she quickly forces my hands at my sides, "You shouldn't be moving your arms.. A-after what had just happened! You should be taking care of yourself!"

I chuckle softly, "Well then Road tell me how exactly am I going to eat?" I tilt my head as we sit there in silence, to be disturbed by the rumble in my stomach. She falls off her chair and I look down at her, both of us bust out in laughing, "Of course Allen.. Not even a near death experience can stop you from being hungry."

As soon as she says that the nurse walks in, "Mr. Walker your food will be coming in shortly, and miss, visiting hours is almost done." Road nods, and quickly stands up from the floor. She bows lightly towards the nurse and mutters softly. "I will be leaving once Allen gets his food if you don't mind."

"Not at all, just making sure is all." the nurse speaks in a soft, musical tone as she exits my room.

"She sure seems nice." Road mutters softly, "I wonder how her family feels about her working in a depressing place like this, surrounded by death, accidents the most unimaginable things.." I just stare at her for the longest time and shrug my shoulders lightly. "It might be a horrible job but someone has to do it right? Besides you shouldn't be thinking something like that, its not good for either of us to have a depressing chat."

Road nods.

I gulp softly.

"We will have to some day. No matter how much you try to avoid it Allen. We will have this talk."

Before I think of anything to make a comeback of her statement, here comes another nurse, right on time with a tray of food. "Mr. Walker we have prepared your food for you, we hope you like it and are having a pleasant time here."

I nod as the women rolls the tray over to me and fixes my bed for me, as I slowly sit up smelling the delicious food. Its vegetables. For some reason, I didn't want to eat meat at the hospital. Weird I know.

"Well Walker, I think I am going to leave you and your precious food alone, but remember if you need me, I am just a phone call away. I'll even jump through a window just to make it to you okay?"

Already shoving the food into my mouth I nod rapidly, "Shure thang." I mutter, not really even understanding what I said she just laughs as the nurse walks out of the room. She slowly walks towards the door and smiles faintly, "Allen you know you're my best friend right? And I love you as a friend, just please be more rational with your decisions."

I blink multiple times as she walks out of the room, I swallow hard taking a small sip of my water. Staring out the window I mutter quietly. "I know Road, I'm an idiot for causing you so much suffering. It truly will be over soon and you won't have to cry anymore."

I kick off my blankets and slowly move towards the bathroom, having to drag the stupid monitor with me wherever I move too just pisses me off. Especially hearing the constant beeping noise. Literally makes me want to just smash the thing against the wall.

Slowly dragging my body towards the bathroom as I look at myself into the mirror, a sigh passes my lips. "I'm doing this for me." I mutter, no matter how selfish it may seem I need to do this. I take out the pocket and slowly open the gown, letting it fall elbow length. As the blade pierces my flesh I wince slightly, as the small blood droplets begin to appear, trickling down a bit as I finish the last letter on my chest. LAVI. I look at the wound, "magnificent. Truly magnificent." I mutter as I quickly put back on the gown, my wound already is burning my flesh as I wince more and more. Making my way back onto my bed as if nothing happened just seconds before.

It's truly amazing how one person can make you feel like complete trash, and make you want to die. Forgetting the people before that person, who used to make you laugh and smile. Tell jokes with and just hang out. Forgetting the people who truly meant something to you. Before the word love came into the playing field.

So was it truly love I was feeling? Or was it lust? Or acceptance? Someone finally showing interest in me, and I had to snatch up the adoration. Though this one person always lied to me. Never wanting anything to do with the actual me. He played me like a fiddle, telling me he loved me all those times. Making promises about loving me forever.

I know love causes people to do foolish things, but I never believed the empty promises. Never believed the 'forever's. So in the end why did it hurt me so badly?

Thank you…