Chapter 9
4 August 1991
Harry
After Mrs. Weasley entered the bedroom we'd been hiding in and she assured us that everything was fine, we exited the bedroom and following after Mrs. Weasley calmly. We had all heard Charlie yell that someone was trying to break in in the house and we were all curious to see who it was. But it was also the first time that I was really scared here at the Weasley's. The first thing that'd crossed my mind was that Uncle Vernon had returned, ready to give me another beating for leaving them. But Mrs. Weasley told us that a friend of the family, who they hadn't seen in a long time, had come to visit. She ushered us into the living room, while taking back the wands she'd given Percy and the twins, much to the twin's protest.
The man who stood in the living room was very tall, I estimated that he was even taller than Mr. Weasley, and he wasn't facing us, but he looked into the garden. He wore a set of extremely shabby wizards robes that had been darned in several places and made him look skinnier than he probably was. When Ginny, Fred and George plumped down on the couch, the man turned around. There were long scars across his pale face and he also seemed to have wrinkles, though he didn't seem unfriendly. Other than the fact that he was alert, he looked ill and exhausted. He was definitely younger than Mr. Weasley but his hair was light brown and already flecked with grey. When his eyes met mine, I saw a smile appear on his face. A smile of recognition, which I'd seen many more times before at Diagon' Alley. Uncomfortable, I looked at Mrs. Weasley to see what she wished me to do, and she gestured the rest of us to sit down on the couches. Ron and I sat down on the left red couch and somehow we all stared at the tall man.
The man sat down in one of the brown-leather fauteuils and then he finally looked away from me.
Mrs. Weasley cleared her throat and said, "Charlie is making tea. So we can all enjoy a cup of tea together."
The man nodded in response and the others just nodded.
"Excuse me, but who are you?" Ron blurted out, looking really interested. Before the man could respond, Mrs. Weasley already replied. "This is Remus Lupin, a friend of your father and myself."
"But if he's a friend of you and dad then why don't we know his name?" Ron commented, furrowing his brows at his mother.
Suddenly Charlie came in, levitating a tray of tea and cups, while answering Ron's question, one I found myself wanting answered too. "Because sometimes friends lose touch and when you see them again, it's like nothing has changed. When you grow up, you'll understand."
Ron huffed but I found the explanation sound logical though it still felt off for some reason.
"Remus, you have already met Charlie, but I would like to introduce you to Percy, Fred, George, Ron, Harry and Ginny," Mrs. Weasley proclaimed, pointing at all of us individually.
I was a little surprised that she didn't call me last or explained that I was just staying here for a month, but the man called Remus nodded smiling at each of us.
"May we call you Remus, sir?" Percy asked after sipping from his tea.
"Of course, Percy."
I choked on my tea. Those were the first words he said but somehow his voice sounded so familiar. I looked at the man with big eyes and didn't recognize him, but somehow I recognized his voice. There was something so calming or soothing about it but I didn't know why I was thinking that. Maybe if he spoke again, I could establish if I'd ever seen this man before.
Meanwhile Ron patted my back, "Are you okay, mate?" and I nodded back thankfully.
When everyone sipped their tea, silence followed until that voice sounded again.
"Do you recognize me, Harry?"
I noticed eight pairs of eyes on me and suddenly I felt a little breathless. I didn't look at anyone but instead I stared at the cup of tea in my hands. That voice, where have I heard it before?
"Why would he know you?" Ron demanded, not even hesitating to ask his question.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Mrs. Weasley shift uncomfortably in her seat, and I heard Charlie cough once.
The man sighed softly.
"Because I was his father's best friend."
My eyes shot up from my cup of tea and I looked at the man who seemed like he was in pain. My brain got flooded with questions and I felt a slight panic course through me, knowing that I would never be able to ask them. Did Mrs. Weasley bring him here to see if I was able to not ask questions like the Dursleys had taught me? It didn't make sense because she always assured me that I could ask questions. Maybe she brought him here to remind me of the fact that my parents died and that I should be more thankful that I was staying here in their house? Were they not happy with me staying here? Do they want to get rid of me? Or were they lying to get me to go away with this man to get rid of me? But why did I recognize his voice? And even if he was telling the truth, why didn't he come and visit me earlier? Or didn't he like me? Was I a bad baby so that he didn't like me and therefore didn't visit me?
"Mum…" the soft voice of Percy sounded.
I got lightheaded and realized that I was breathing so fast that I felt myself panic even more.
"Harry?" a voice near me implored.
"Mum, he going to pass out," another voice sounded warning.
I was instantly surrounded by darkness and couldn't see anything anymore. What was happening? Why were they doing this to me? Were they…
Remus
I was feeling more and more helpless with every second that passed. Harry was clearly having some kind of panic attack and I didn't even know the spell Sirius and James used to use on me when I was having one. Thinking back hard of all the times they performed one on me, I found my memories filled with situations of me having a panic attack but empty of the specific incantation. Then a shriek pulled me out of my memories.
"MUM! DO SOMETHING!" the young girl shouted, pointing at Harry's heaving chest.
"Molly! He should be stunned," the urgency in my voice surprised myself.
And to be sure I could stun him as soon as Molly didn't, I also took out my wand and pointed it at Harry because his breathing was way too ragged. But Molly quickly took her wand and cast a spell while the twins had flown forward to grab Harry and keep him from falling, which the son named Ron, was already doing.
"What's happening to him?!" the fearful voice of the young girl sounded.
Unfortunately knew the answer all too well, "He was having a panic attack."
"Why?" she asked.
"I don't know," I nearly whispered, still not taking my eyes of the boy who resembled James only in appearance.
Harry's breathing calmed down only slightly and when I saw the sweat on his forehead, I found myself feeling so sorry for him. Ron and the twins now slowly released Harry and Molly rushed forward hurriedly. She placed her hand softly on Harry's forehead, wiping the sweat away and measuring his temperature.
"He will come to when I lift the spell," Molly said, her voice still shaky.
"I will send a patronus to dad," Charlie said, already rising to his feet to go to the garden for some privacy.
Molly nodded.
"Mum, I think when he wakes up, he might need less new impressions," Percy stated as if it was obvious and if he was wondering why no one was leaving the room.
I eyed Percy and knew that that was an invitation to leave, directed at me personally and it offended me more than I showed.
"Yes, let's put him in bed, I'll sit with him until he wakes up," Molly replied, taking the stunned boy carefully in her arms.
"Maybe it should be me, or Ron," Percy interjected, looking at me sideways.
"No Percy, he needs to be taken care of by an adult. You might not know what he needs."
"Mum, it was an adult who gave him a panic attack," Percy's voice was sharp and his previous silent invitation for me to leave was now spoken, and received loud and clear. I instantly realized he blamed me for freaking out Harry. I couldn't blame Percy for that, because it seemed to be true until now. Molly looked straight at me and sent her son an angry look. "Percy! Apologize to Remus!"
Feeling guiltier than I'd ever expected when I saw Harry for the first time, I walked closer to the children surrounding Molly and Harry.
"Molly, please. Your son is right. I will leave now. Sent me an owl as soon as you think he is ready to meet me again. I'm very sorry for the trouble I caused. The last thing I wanted to is to frighten Harry."
The melancholy in my voice didn't go unnoticed by Percy and he raised one eyebrow at me.
When Charlie re-entered, he nodded at Molly and took Harry over in his arms. "I'll bring him to bed, Mum."
Molly insinuated that she wanted to protest but then she nodded quickly. "Be careful, Charlie. Percy, you walk behind Charlie to make sure everything goes right. I'll be up in a minute."
Charlie, Harry and Percy disappeared upstairs and then she pulled Ron back by his shirt.
"The rest of you stays downstairs!" she gave her other children a stern look, but the eyes of the children didn't seem to agree with that.
"But Mum-"
"What if he wants me to-"
"Mum-
"But if Fred and I-"
"NO!" Molly's voice sounded shrill and I heard the worry loud and clear. In response the children still seemed to disagree but knew that their mother was very serious.
When the fireplace went off and Arthur stepped out with wand in hand, he immediately looked around the room.
"What is the matter, sweetheart? What happened?" Arthur asked before pressing a kiss on Molly's cheek.
"Harry had a panic attack," I said before I could stop myself.
Arthur shook my hand firmly and nodded quickly, already knowing that, "Why?"
"We don't know. But I suspect he recognized me somehow and when I told him I was a friend of James, he started to hyperventilate. Then we couldn't make contact with him anymore so Molly stunned him to regulate his breathing."
"Charlie and Percy are putting him into bed right now," Molly added.
I knew it was time for me to go but I didn't want to. I wanted to ask Harry why I scared him, calm him down and explain to Harry why I hadn't visited him. But against my wishes I shrugged and walked to the fireplace.
"Please let me know when he's better and please give him my apologies. I had no intention to scare him in any way. I'll go now."
Arthur nodded and gestured to the jar of floo powder. "We'll let you know as soon as we know more, Remus. Thank you for coming."
I sent Molly half a smile and stepped into the fireplace and waited for the green flames to take me away, back to Sirius.
Percy
When Charlie had left the room and mum and dad sat down on Ron's bed, dad said something I didn't expect him to say.
"Percy, your mother and I had a small discussion and if you truly believe it is better for you or Ron to be with him when he wakes up, we will give you five minutes. If it's not helping, we are going to talk to him and if that doesn't work we call for a mind healer."
Shocked I nodded turned to the raven-haired boy that was now breathing calmly but still stunned. Mum seemed to have second thoughts about this arrangement but dad said, "Molly, we promised. And we'll be right outside."
Once they stood in the door opening and mum lifted the stunning spell, dad closed the door softly. I knew that mum, dad and Ron were all waiting right outside listening in, but I was sure that I knew what was best for him.
I sat at the end of Ron's bed, not wanting to freak him out by sitting on the edge of his bed. I took a quidditch magazine and opened it at a random page. When he slowly started to move, I didn't look at him anymore and tried to read the words of the page.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw him sit up straight and look at me, but I didn't say a word. I kept my eyes glued to the quidditch magazine in my hands. Harry stopped moving and kept on watching me in silence. After what felt like minutes, the silence became unbearable. Just when I wanted to see what time it was, I heard a soft voice.
"What are you reading?"
Slowly I looked up from the magazine. "Oh, just Ron's quidditch magazine, I wanted to read something light," I replied smiling and so showing him that asking questions was a good thing.
Harry nodded slightly.
I knew that he was uncomfortable with people staring at him. I wasn't going to be one of them so I looked back at my magazine, just browsing through it.
And now it didn't take him long to say something else, "I'm sorry."
Still browsing through the magazine and once looking at him shortly I nodded. I tried to make him feel understood, so I guessed, "You're feeling sorry for panicking?"
Because his crazy family members would've probably made him feel very sorry for such things.
Harry nodded. "I just didn't want to leave here. I'm sorry I was difficult; I should have been more thankful and do more, like cooking and cleaning."
He let his head hang and I felt a stab in my lungs, I was so angry at the people who destroyed him. But I forced myself to focus on the things that I read in the book about abused children. I was silent for a few seconds, to think about the words I had to say exactly right.
"Hey, Harry?" I asked, now putting away the magazine next to me on the bed.
"Yes, Percy?"
"I would like to tell you something, do you feel up to talking with me for a few minutes?"
Harry nodded quickly.
"When you lived with your aunt, uncle and cousin, they didn't treat you right. And that makes us angry, because you believe that you are difficult and feel that you need to cook and clean all day long. But that is not how it normally works. Do you understand that?"
"Yes, Percy," the answer was quick.
I knew he was lying but I decided to take a different approach than to call him out on it.
"If you don't understand something, we would like you to ask questions. That is something we would really appreciate. That is really important in our family, do you understand that?"
Now Harry nodded slowly and looked into my eyes shortly.
Another few seconds passed and I looked around the bright orange room when the small voice sounded again, "But you don't think I am difficult?"
"No, not at all. I am actually happy that you are here because you like to read too. My other brothers don't particularly like it. It is nice to talk about that with someone."
I sent him a small smile and to my surprise I saw a small smile appear on Harry's face as well.
Another few seconds passed and I saw his small smile turn into a frown. He bit his lip and kept on looking at his hands when he asked, "But why do my aunt and uncle don't like questions, and you do?"
"Because when you care about someone, you would like to get to know the other person. And that can only happen if you ask questions."
Now a look a pure horror crossed Harry's face.
"Is that why you don't like me? Because I don't ask enough questions? Or is that why the teachers and other children also didn't like me? Because I didn't ask enough questions?"
An immense feeling of failure coursed through me, and I didn't know how to solve this. I should've thought better of the consequences before I answered Harry. Trying to salvage the situation, I shook my head.
"But we do like you, Harry! Otherwise we wouldn't want to play quidditch with you, or Wizard's chess, or talk about books, or build sandcastles as Great-Aunt Muriel's beach house. But it is easier to get to know us if you ask us questions and for us to ask you questions. To talk with each other."
Confusion was written across Harry's whole face. "But my aunt and uncle said that I should be quiet until I was spoken to, otherwise I would be punished. I- I- wouldn't get any food."
I swallowed.
"Here it is different, Harry. We'd love it if you asked questions, you are not obliged to, but we would like it! Of course there will always be questions we cannot answer, but we ask each other a lot of questions here."
Harry took a deep breath and gathered all his courage. His green eyes stood brave and I could see he really prepared himself.
"Will you promise not to get mad when I ask questions?" his voice was fragile and on the verge of tears.
"I promise not to get mad when you ask questions," I said seriously, but still smiling a little.
Harry stared emotionless at me for a few seconds but then he nodded and a small smile played around his lips.
I still needed to address the bog elephant in the room but I was glad with the little progress we'd made. "Hey, Harry?" I asked.
"Yes, Percy?"
"The next time when you feel afraid, or overwhelmed, doesn't matter which situation we are in, will you tell me? So that I can help you?"
I said the words slowly, so that he knew what I meant. Quite quickly he nodded frantically, "Yes, Percy."
"Good!" And when I heard his stomach grumble, I laughed out loud. "I think it is dinner time soon. Would you like to go downstairs? I heard Ron say that he would like to play another game of Wizard's chess with you."
"Sure."
Arthur
The letter that Ginny pressed in my hands when I was reading the newspaper in the living room, was addressed to Molly and myself and had the Hogwarts seal on it. When I noticed the words 'URGENT' on it, I immediately walked to the kitchen where Molly was cooking. I recognized the handwriting on the envelope and I knew that it belonged to Albus Dumbledore.
Dear Arthur and Molly,
As you know Minerva and Severus have been busy with building a case against Harry's family. While that part has been prepared to the fullest, they cannot find a law that prevents Harry from being questioned by the full Wizengamot. As you can understand, we want to protect Harry from being questioned and so reliving his bad memories. Since then, Minerva and Severus have been reading every law there was on child protection, but in vain. The only way to protect Harry from this, is a rather drastic measure which I would like to discuss in person at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
Albus Dumbledore
Hello beautiful people (that means all of you),
First of all, thank you for all your appreciation, it makes this writer's heart beat faster and faster.
Second I would like apologize for the huge dialogue chapter, but I still hope you like it.
As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, tips and opinions about how I write certain characters.
I hope you like the way I portray Percy, the way I described Harry's panic attack, and the way Remus's perception was visible or Molly's paralysation when Harry had a panic attack.
Thanks for everything!
Aimee
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER, I ONLY PLAY WITH THE CHARACTERS FROM TIME TO TIME. THE OWNERSHIP LIES WITH OUR HEROINE/CREATOR-OF-BEST-STORY-EVER: JK ROWLING.
