"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."

― René Descartes

Chapter eight: Deja vu

It was as if Devery slipped back into the past that morning. She tried to be as inconspicuous as much as possible by sticking to the shadows. She felt like she was that shy first year that avoided everyone again. Old habits died hard, she guessed when it came to her poor mental health.

Devery glanced at her watch outside the great hall and noted the time. Breakfast time was over and her stomach was rumbling like no tomorrow. She'll be useless in potions if she didn't eat and she needed to keep up her marks to be considered for that prestigious graduate program in the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry. The department only took on a few graduates, every few years or so. If she missed out this year, who knew when she could apply again.

With that reason solely in her mind, she quickly walked into the great hall and went for the first table she saw. She sat next to two first year girls in Ravenclaw and they gave her surprised little faces. A seventh year Gryffindor never sat at the Ravenclaw table. Devery forced a smile to appear friendly and she pointed at a basket of croissants then at her mouth and made an eating motion with her hands before mouthing out the word, 'please.'

"Sure," one of the eleven year olds smiled and she passed the basket over. Devery nodded her head in thanks and gladly started to eat. Meanwhile, the other Ravenclaw first year kept staring at her. She had long blonde hair and paler skin than the girl who passed her the croissants. Her little friend looked to be of African descent with her cute black braids.

"My name is Octavia Thomas and this is my friend, Ebony Warren," the first year who passed Devery the croissants, introduced them both and Devery held out her hand for a handshake. Octavia shook her hand with a confident smile and Devery marveled at the sight of her. She wished she had that amount of confidence when she was eleven. Devery held out her hand to Ebony and the little blonde shook it after a little hesitation.

"I know who you are," Ebony let go of her hand and Devery raised her eyebrows with keen interest.

"You're Devery Leafwood and you can't talk."

"Ebony!" Octavia frowned at her friend for pointing out the obvious but Devery didn't mind one bit. She was used to the younger students, pointing her out her condition whenever they learned of it from the gossip mill. Devery just smiled at Ebony and focused on eating but it seemed, Ebony wasn't done with her yet.

"Your boyfriend threatened to punch my brother for sitting next to you, the other day," Ebony narrowed her eyes and Devery looked at the youngster with interest again. So that's why her last name sounded familiar. Ebony was Raven's little sister and Devery suddenly saw the similarities between the two. They had the same platinum blonde hair, pointed-nose and ocean blue eyes.

"You're Sirius Black's girlfriend, aren't you?" Octavia suddenly beamed with something akin to admiration and Devery thought it was cute. It looked like somebody else, besides her, harbored a crush on her boyfriend. Devery nodded for the girl's sake. Technically, she still was. Sirius hadn't dumped her yet and a pool of dread enveloped Devery's insides then. He totally was going to after this morning; good girlfriends didn't leave their boyfriends like that unless they deserved it.

Ebony sighed loudly while Octavia seemed to cheer in her chair in excitement.

"She's his number one fan… it's sad," Ebony scoffed and Octavia frowned in her direction.

"You're just jealous because he said hello back to me on the train and not you," she accused with folded arms and Devery felt her heart melt at their adorableness. It was like seeing herself play-fight with Lily back in the day.

"Shouldn't you girls be making your way to class?" Raven suddenly interrupted the two and he quickly winked in Devery's direction in 'hello,' before arching a blonde eyebrow at his little sister.

Ebony rolled her eyes with a huff and stood up with her bag. Devery noticed Octavia giving Raven a look of admiration too while she stood up with her bag too and she couldn't blame the girl. She had good taste with her crushes. Raven was good-looking in his own classy way. Sirius was more rugged in comparison to him. He was build like a seasoned swimmer with his short blond hair and clean-shaven face.

"Shouldn't you be doing that too?" Ebony said and Raven leaned down to tap his sister on the nose.

"Touche, small fry but my class starts a little later than your flying lesson with Madame Hooch," Raven reminded her and Ebony paled at the mention of Madame Hooch. She frowned on lateness. Devery quickly took pity on the young witch and she clicked her fingers to get Raven's attention. She asked him to quickly translate and he nodded.

"Devery says to not worry about that so much. If you can fly well, Madame Hooch won't fail you for being late," Raven translated and Devery stood up with her bag before signing something else.

"It was lovely to have breakfast and to meet you, Ebony and Octavia. I would love to do it again. Maybe, you can sit with me at the Gryffindor table, some time?"

"I would love that!" Octavia bounced in excitement. Ebony not so much. The young witch just stared her way.

"Don't be a stranger and have a good day, girls," Devery then held out her hand for a high-five and Octavia gave her one.

"That's really cool, how you can say all that with your hands," Octavia complimented and Devery smiled in thanks.

"Come on, Thomas, we don't want to be late," Ebony grumbled and the young witch turned to leave the great hall with Octavia, running after her.

"Be safe!" Raven called out last minute but his little sister ignored him.

"She's a lot sweeter once you get to know her a little better," He said in Ebony's defense and Devery gave an amused look. Raven chuckled at her reaction and they started to make their way down to Potions.

"I see, you have given your bodyguard a break this morning," Raven quickly noted on Sirius's absence and Devery just shrugged. She didn't feel like talking about it.

"One month and already there is trouble in paradise? That must be a new record for Black," Raven chuckled again and Devery shook her head at her old friend. She knew he was just playing around.

"Doesn't Slughorn want us to pick a potions partner, today?" Devery quickly changed the subject by signing and Raven confirmed with a quick nod.

"Do you want to partner up?" he quickly asked. "I think we can really balance out each other's weaknesses. You know the poisons and I know the antidotes, like no one's business."

"Sure, sounds good," Devery agreed, seeing Raven's logic as well. Together, they might even beat the likes of Severus Snape in Potions. That boy was freakishly good at Potions and Devery missed learning his takes on potions. When they were friends, Lily and her took turns in partnering up with Severus so they could share the good marks he brought, even though Lily didn't really need it. That girl was exceptionally gifted as well with potions.

"Awesome, awesome," Raven smiled. The conversation then drifted to all things associated with music. The two friends talked about the latest vinyl they've listened too and whether or not they had learned to play some new tunes. Raven dabbled in percussion and played the piano. Devery played the violin and sometimes, the flute.

"Admittedly, I haven't practiced much violin lately," Devery cringed. "NEWTs are kicking my ass, already."

"That's understandable. I've barely managed to keep up my piano because I've brought my keyboard from home this year but once, Professor Flitwick starts the choir and orchestra again, I'll be good to go," Raven indicated.

"I saw on the noticeboard that's he's starting it up next week," Devery quickly remembered and she felt happy to play music again. Playing music was the only way she could produce an organic sound without any repercussions. For a minute or two, she felt normal.

"Let me know if you want to practice on the weekend," Raven prompted.

"What about Quidditch?" Devery signed. Thanks to James being a loud mouth about the sport and the Gryffindor Captain, nearly every Gryffindor knew when the season started.

"True, everyone starts to practice tomorrow but Potter is not my Quidditch Captain. Mine doesn't care if I miss a practice or two," Raven replied and Devery grinned at the thought of James's relationship with Quidditch. It was quite a passionate one and since it was his last year, she bet the guy would be even more over-the-top about the sport. At least, he was doing something he loved.

"Let the academic torture begin," Raven grumbled when they neared their potions classroom and Devery laughed silently while they walked inside. They were one of the best ones to arrive except for a few Slytherins and Hufflepuffs. Professor Slughorn, their Potions Master, plotted about with ingredients in the front and there was a blackboard with a few names in chalk. Professor Slughorn liked his students to write down who was their potions partner for the year.

"I'll go write down our names," Raven walked off and Devery went to find a seat in the front so she could see better and she felt a little odd to not have Sirius with her. He hated sitting in the front but he tolerated it for her sake after complaining about it for a minute or two. Sirius liked to sit in the back and they took turns in where they sat. It was a nice compromise. Devery released a deep sigh and that was when she heard a voice, she never quite expected.

"Good morning, Devery," Severus Snape suddenly greeted telepathically, in front of her desk and Devery grew wide-eyed. She hadn't heard that deep voice since fifth year. Her green eyes slowly travelled his familiar thin frame, wrapped up in Slytherin robes.

His long black hair still hung around his thin pale face and his long nose still hooked downwards like his chin. The only difference was his hair. It was washed. But his black eyes were a whole other story. They still carried a hidden sadness and in the forefront flashed concern.

Devery swallowed hard. "Good morning, Severus," she replied.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly and Devery couldn't help but frown a little. The git must've read her mind to get a read on her emotions. Unbelievable. Severus took a step back when he felt Devery reinforce her mental walls with occlumency.

"How I am feeling is no longer your concern, Severus. We are not friends anymore," Devery fired back telepathically.

"Good," Severus finally spoke out loud because he could no longer breach her mind. "Make sure it stays that way," he seemed to warn her before taking his leave from her desk but he paused in mid-step when he sensed, Devery pull her mental wards down.

"I know how you work, Severus. You never do anything, without a reason," Devery got out of her seat and shoved at his back, telepathically. The pair of them started to get odd looks from the other students entering the classroom. Her and Lily's friendship breakdown with Severus was well spoken about in their grade.

Severus kept his face forward. "Like I said, keep those walls up, you're slipping. These are dangerous times. I am only going to warn you once."

He sounded like Dumbledore in that moment and Devery quickly moved in front of him to block his path.

"Tell me, what you know Severus! Right now or so help me, I'll –

"Get out of my way, Leafwood," Severus glared down his hooked nose at her and he moved to walk around her when Devery quickly used her wandless magic to block his path with some chairs, screeching across the floor. The commotion got them a lot more attention then.

"Now, is not the time," Severus warned with hard eyes and Devery folded her arms.

"You can't just tell me that and leave it at that, Severus. You know how I work," Devery gave him her own warning and Severus started to look frustrated.

"Fine but remember you asked for it," he grumbled.

"Where and when?" Devery demanded.

"Lunch time at the docks. I'll bring sandwiches."

"How thoughtful of you?" Devery clenched her jaw.

"Peanut butter and jelly?" Severus arched an eyebrow.

"Of course," Devery couldn't help but smile a little at the question and so did Severus at her answer. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were their favourite.

"I'm not bringing Lily," she quickly cleared up.

"Good because she was never invited," Severus added. They were both going to leave it at that and return to their desks when Sirius spotted them and he did not look happy one bit. He marched over to them with James, Remus and Peter at his back.

"Snivellus," Sirius voiced that age-old insult and Severus gave his old rivalries a dark look.

"Quit blocking my girlfriend's way," Sirius bit out and a sudden look of glee entered Severus dark eyes when he remembered one crucial detail.

"I thought Leafwood was now Warren's girlfriend, considering they are potion partners," Severus remarked and Sirius could only stare down at Devery.

"What?" He quickly grew tongue-tied and Devery just shrugged her shoulders. It didn't matter now. He was going to break-up with her as soon as he got her alone, anyway.

"Have fun with that," Severus remarked amusedly in Devery's head and she frowned at his retreating back. She held Sirius's entire attention in that moment.

"Raven asked me after breakfast and I said yes. I figured you wouldn't mind because you work much better with your friends in potions and you need the grade. I distract you," Devery quickly thought up a lie for her reasoning and James made a sound of a sinking ship. Sirius looked scary as hell when he glared at his best friend and James held his hands up in surrender.

"Okay… okay, I'm gone. Come on, wormtail, we'll partner up. Moony can deal with his moody ass," James took his leave quickly with Peter and Remus followed, not look pleased. Sirius turned back to Devery with a frown.

"Is this how you are getting back at me for pushing you away this morning?" He accused and he sounded angry.

Devery quickly shook her head with her own frown. She thought she was doing what he wanted. Backing off. Giving him space.

"You knew I wanted to be your partner in potions, Devery. We talked about this last week, remember?" Sirius looked at her like she was senile. "And it's not like you are teaming up with Evans either. It's Warren. Raven Warren. Merlin, Devery, are you trying to drive me crazy?" Sirius grew angrier by the minute and Devery kept her eyes on the floor. Once, they wrote their partner's name on the blackboard, that was it according to Professor Slughorn. He bewitched the chalk.

"Maybe, I am," she signed and she turned to go back to her desk because she thought that was that but Sirius stopped her by grabbing her wrist. He looked down into her green eyes, closely.

"I want my shoelace back." Devery felt twisted up by that request and she reluctantly took it out of her pocket. Sirius quickly grabbed it.

"We are not done here," he shocked Devery further by gently grabbing her chin and his hard grey eyes, glanced over her head before returning to her green eyes. They softened slightly then.

"If Raven so much as breathes wrongly in your direction, he's in for it."

Devery mouthed his name but his soft lips on her forehead made her pause.

"You're mine, Leafwood, don't forget that." Sirius quickly kissed her forehead and stepped back because Professor Slughorn was ordering them to take their seats. "We'll talk later," Sirius said with a determined look and Devery went back to her desk on slightly shaky feet. She had no idea how to feel in that moment so she buried herself in schoolwork. She'll meet up with Severus later, for sure. But Sirius? She wasn't so sure about that one. Was she ready for it to end?


To everyone's surprise, James did not end up being Peter's potions partner. Lily already wrote down that he was her potions partner. The redhead assumed that Sirius would pair up with Devery and vice versa, Remus would go with Peter. James made no complaint. Only Peter did when Sirius quickly snapped up Remus to be his potions partner, which Sirius later regretted because Remus grilled him about his hot-headed ways around Devery and he promised to do better. Unlike the other marauders, Peter wasn't naturally smart. He was bright in other ways. He ended up being partnered with Augustus Rookwood from Slytherin.

After potions, Sirius tried to pull Devery aside for a chat but Lily beat him to it. The witch was way too quick and they sat together in their next class: Ancient Runes. Sirius tried to make contact with Devery through their notebook but she ignored him. That's when he grew more worried and frustrated by the minute. What did he do wrong now besides this morning? He wondered.


Devery almost gave him the slip after Ancient Runes. She quickly ran to use the girl's bathroom on the first floor. He now stood outside that bathroom, waiting. Remus, James and Peter left him to it to get lunch. He would go in but there were other girls in there. Like a few of his ex-girlfriends.

Devery felt like throwing up but she didn't. Instead, she continued to rub soothing circles into her temple while she sat in a locked cubicle. Her anxiety was doing whacky things to her body. Her stomach felt like it was in knots and her head was doing the tension headache thing. She hadn't had anxiety this bad in a very long time but she couldn't blame herself for reacting this way. A lot was happening and her mysterious meeting with Severus was not helping. What did he know? She wondered.

"Black looks like a lost puppy, waiting outside," a girl, Devery didn't know suddenly interrupted her deep thinking with a giggle.

"And that matters to me, how?" Another girl answered and Devery knew who that voice belonged too. That was Sirius's most recent ex-girlfriend, Meriden Spade, a seventh year from Ravenclaw.

"Haven't you noticed how clingy he seems to be around that Gryffindor, he's dating?" A different girl piped up. "He wasn't like that when we dated," she added. Devery's ears couldn't up but perk up with interest then and she quietly peeked through the gap in the door. She spotted Meriden, topping up her makeup by the sinks. Another girl from Ravenclaw was also there and she was brushing, Meriden's long brown hair. Devery didn't recognize her or the third girl from Hufflepuff who said, she dated Sirius as well.

Meriden snorted, "he only acts clingy until he gets what he wants which is to shag you sideways in a broom cupboard or two. Unless… did you get that far with him, Paige?"

"No comment," Paige looked sheepish. "How about you?"

Meriden smirked.

"I'm only going to say one thing… to this day, I am still his number one shag in that little black book of his."

"What little black book?" Paige looked intrigued.

"Black rates every girl he dates and tosses them aside after he shags them. He's quite egocentric that way," The other girl from Ravenclaw answered for Meriden.

"Try not to brush too hard, Wynona," Meriden cringed and Wynona apologized.

"That's why we weren't surprised when we found out Black was dating that mutated freak of Gryffindor. He properly saw her as a challenge. He's quite good in the sack and properly wants to see if he can make her scream. Or, maybe there is a bet, who knows with Black?" Meriden pondered with a chuckle and she shared an amused look with Wynona.

"Or, maybe the freak fed him a love potion? Can you imagine how pathetic she'll look in the throes of pleasure?" Meriden then started to mime her and Devery could only watch with pain-filled eyes.

"Look, I'm Devery," Meriden made a face and some awkward hand gestures before throwing her head back with a silent scream. Wynona burst into laughter but not Paige. She found Meriden's ridicule of Devery's disability to be revolting but she kept her mouth shut. Meriden started to laugh too.

"And Sirius, the poor bloke will just sit there, nursing blue balls because he will have no fucking idea what the muted freak wants! Heck, she wouldn't know what to do with his dick either! She's a sodding virgin!" Meriden laughed out harder.

"But the sod will deserve it," Wynona added. "That's his karma for leaving your side."

Meriden agreed with a strong nod. "And then, he will come crawling back and like the good natured witch, I will take him back out of pity and remind him what a real witch can do with their mouth," Meriden then smacked her lips together at her reflection while Wynona released another laugh. Paige looked beyond uncomfortable at this point and she took her leave with a mumbled goodbye. Meriden blew her a kiss in farewell and eyed her reflection for any more imperfections.

"But you will make him work for it?" Wynona questioned and Meriden threw her a 'duh' expression.

"Of course, my beloved Siri will need a lot of mending once he's finally plucked that voiceless virgin and things around here will finally go back to normal. Leafwood will be a laughing stock with a poor score in that little black book of his and Sirius will be King to my Queen again." Meriden retold with a pleased look on her face and she reached for the tap to wash her hands.

But instead of a calm streamline of water coming out, the pipes burst and a horrid girly scream erupted out of nowhere. A few of the cubicles behind them banged open by themselves and water from the toilets started to blast towards the ceiling. Meriden and Wynona got drenched immediately and they started to scream themselves, fearing the worst and the worst did come. Moaning Myrtle flew passed them, screaming her head off.

"Get out of my bathroom! Get out!"

With ruined hair, soaked robes and a torrent of makeup running down their faces, Meriden and Wynona, ran screaming out of the bathroom.

The horrid blasts of waters stopped as soon as they left and the broken pipes in the sinks turned into a dull dripping. Moaning Myrtle looked quite pleased with her work and she floated towards the last cubicle that was still locked and relatively dry. Myrtle floated towards the ground and she slowly pushed the cubicle door open with one of her ghost hands.

Devery's tear stained face and whimpering lips, made Myrtle wished she did something to those horrid girls sooner. She never tolerated bullying in her bathroom plus she liked Devery. Myrtle met her in this bathroom back in first year and struck up a conversation with the young student when she heard her singing a lullaby. Devery thought she was alone at the time and made Myrtle promise with the power of her voice to not tell another soul about her true identity.

"They're gone now," Myrtle said softly and Devery used her sleeves to wipe her wet cheeks but tears still fell against her control.

"I will mess up their bathroom too," Myrtle promised and Devery gave the ghost a sad smile for her sweetness but she shook her head, feeling against the idea. Devery slowly made her way out of the cubicle. Only her black shoes were wet and they kept making a splotchy sound on the wet tile while she walked. Myrtle stayed floating beside her.

"Let me know if you change your mind, Devery and your always welcome here… in my bathroom," Myrtle said and Devery reached out to hold her hand but her hand slipped through. She mouthed out, 'thank you, Myrtle,' and finally took her leave from the bathroom. She had to meetup with Severus but two familiar grey eyes stopped her feet. Sirius grew instantly worried at her tears and he felt more twisted up inside when he spotted fresh ones, leaking down her soft cheeks.

"What happened, Devery?" he was at her side in an instant and he reached out to hold her but Devery stopped him with a quick shake of her head. Sirius frowned then when he remembered one important detail. Paige, Meriden and Wynona were in the girl's bathroom as well.

"Did the girls do something?" He started to feel his anger build again but Devery just stared up at him with those broken green eyes of hers.

"Meriden said something, didn't she?" Sirius cursed. "That bitch." Devery kept her eyes downcast then. She really didn't know what to say in that moment. Too much information was given and she didn't know how to process all of it. Some of it, she knew already. She knew Sirius wasn't a virgin and that he had plenty of experience.

But the little black book, Meriden talked about? And all that scoring? That was completely new information to her. But now was not the time to deal with this. Severus knew something and she had to know what that was so she went to move passed Sirius but he stopped her by gently grabbing her arm. For once, Devery did not enjoy his touch and she communicated her distaste without a second thought. She roughly pulled her arm away and stormed passed Sirius.

"Devery?" Sirius reached for her again and Devery shocked him again by pushing his hands away.

"Leave me alone," she signed and a flash of deep hurt flickered across Sirius's face.

"Okay, baby," he reluctantly agreed and he forced himself to respect her wishes. If she wanted space, she got it. He stayed back and watched Devery walk away and he hated every second of it. All the while, he wished desperately to fix whatever Devery was upset about. Seeing her this way was painful.