Chapter 8 Humor


Bella's POV

I lay comfortably in the grass, my head on Edward's satin stomach. We'd made love at least four times that night and we knew we still had time for a few more rounds before the sun came up.

I rolled, keeping my head on his stomach, so I could see his face. He smiled down at me, my favorite crooked smile.

I had managed to keep Edward distracted most of the night. I was also glad to have my thoughts directed elsewhere. The idea of my daughter maturing sexually over night was not something I was exactly looking forward to. But I tried not to focus on it now. I trusted Nessie. She was such a bright, sensitive girl and so much like her father. I knew even though she was going through a confusing time, she would not want to rush things with Jake. Even with her rapid development, she always made wise, careful decisions. Nessie knew what sex meant and she would never rush into that. But just in case, I didn't feel bad about the condoms.

Edward sighed deeply, his golden eyes hardened. I guess I hadn't distracted him that much.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" I asked tracing, the curve of his belly button. He gently stroked my shoulder.

"Nothing. I'm just praying to god Nessie has all her clothes on right now," he grumbled.

"Edward, I didn't give her those condoms to give her something to do. I just wanted her to be prepared just in case. Jake isn't you, honey. He doesn't have your freakish self control."

"But how could you think Nessie would even be ready for that?" he accused. When did trying to head off teen pregnancy all of a sudden become a bad thing?

"I don't. But I know if she feels a fraction of what I felt for you that first night we spent together, she might be tempted. And remember she has stronger bones than I did." I laughed. Edward cringed. We lay in silence and I went back to drawing circles on his stomach with my index finger. I loved touching Edward. His skin was heaven under my fingertips.

"What did Alice give you?" Edward asked softly after a while. "In that little bag?" I had completely forgotten about Alice's little surprise.

"Oh, it was nothing. Just a little something you might like to see me in later."

"Really?" he purred.

"Mmhmmm," I stared deep into his liquid topaz eyes. He was up for another round. I rose to my knees facing him.

"Where do you think you're going?" he demanded, grabbing my wrist.

"Well I was going to have a seat right here," I said rubbing his pelvis with my free hand.

"I have a better place for you to sit." Edward leaned forward, gripping my waist and he pulled me on top of him, my knees on either side of his head.

There was nothing like the sensation of Edward tasting me. My head fell back instantly, a deep growl rising from my throat. He growled in response. His strong tongue massaged my clit, while he drove two fingers into me. Heat shot all over my body, my breath came harder and harder. Edward knew exactly how I liked it, exactly how to make me come, but he never did the same thing twice. And every time, it got better.

We'd been together, in immortality, for almost a decade now, and I could safely say Emmett and Rose had nothing on us. I'd heard them plenty of times and had the unfortunate experience of seeing them a few times, once when they literally came through our bedroom wall in the throws of passion. Those two were a mess. It was all fucking, no passion, but I guess that worked for them. Jasper and Alice had a happy mix of passion and fun, the definition of their relationship.

But with Edward, it was like every time was the first time. Like he was exploring new territory with every kiss, every stroke of his hand, every thrust of his hips. And every time he knew exactly what I wanted, talked dirty when I wanted it dirty, romanced me slow when I wanted it soft, and I never had to ask. He always anticipated my every desire and my every need and every time, it was perfect.

I was grateful for being turned soon after we'd made love for the first time. My body had remained so tight and Edward loved the way I felt, wrapped around his throbbing length.

I was overjoyed when he finally let me taste him. Well I shouldn't say finally. He'd let me our first night after I woke, but I'd waited for so long to do some many things with him. His erection was considerable, but I bravely took it into my mouth, memorizing every inch with my tongue. I got off making him moan. I loved when he came in my mouth. And he too, loved returning the favor.

He grabbed my hips burying his face deeper between my legs.

"Edward." I moaned. I was so close. He was driving me crazy. Right before I reached the edge, he lifted me up. I glared at him suspiciously.

"Not yet, love. I'm not ready for you to be done yet," he purred. Just the sound of his voice made my core tighten and drip. He gripped my waist with one strong arm and pulled himself up into a seated position, sitting crossed legged. He wrapped my legs around his back and lowered me onto his throbbing length.

"Ah," I whimpered as he slid inside me.

"You like that, baby?" he purred into my throat. All I could do was nod. His hand traveled down to my breast. He gripped it roughly and brought my quivering nipple to his lips, a sure fire move to make me come harder. I rode him slow and rough until we exploded together.

We made love three more times before the sun crept towards the horizon and we were forced back to the shade of the car. I was anxious to get home and get things ready for Nessie. I'd make her favorite breakfast, well human breakfast that is, pancakes and orange juice. She preferred human blood, but we were able to ween her off of it. It became her little joke to ask for a pint or two every year on her birthday and for Christmas.

On the way home I couldn't help but smile, remembering how Edward used to prepare her bottles for her. He was such a good father. Such an amazing husband. And lover. And I got to keep him forever.

"What it is, Bella?" he asked, warmly stroking my cheek.

"Nothing. Just thinking about how much I love you." I said truthfully.

"Interesting. I was just thinking the same thing." He took my hand and kissed my palm gently. Just 18 more hours and I could have him again.

When we got home Emmett and Rose were waiting on the porch for us. Emmett had a horribly mischievous look on his face. Rose's expression wasn't much better. Edward and I approached them cautiously, my hand in his.

"When was this?" Edward asked gruffly. My head snapped to take in Edward's expression. He was suddenly furious.

"The first time or the second time?" Rose asked.

"Either," Edward demanded. I hated having to wait for the full conversation, even though I knew Edward would tell me. I felt like a child waiting for some adult to explain something to me.

"Well we caught it on the way out around midnight and then on the way back around 5 am. It was a few hours old then," Emmett remarked, trying not to laugh. I'd had enough.

"Edward." I prodded stiffly.

"They caught Jake and Nessie's scent out by Great Bay this morning," Edward growled.

"I don't see what the problem is," I replied. So they went for a run.

"So he's afraid they went into the woods for the same reason we all usually do, late at night," Rose laughed.

"Edward, you know she wouldn't do that," I reminded him. He just growled.

Just then Alice and Jasper came through the back woods.

"So I'm thinking that us girls should take Nessie to breakfast for a little girl talk," Alice chimed. She always had something up her sleeve.

"And why do you think that is?" Edward asked annoyed.

"Because I got her back in my vision this morning and we're taking her to breakfast that's why," Alice all but snapped her fingers at him.

"Oh Edward, we gotta fuck with Jake, please," Emmett begged. His plea was mixed with some unspoken words.

"I think that's actually a pretty good idea. Either way, we scare him a little and if he actually touched her, I will actually break his face," Edward said.

"What's going on, honey?" I asked. I didn't like all this plotting, but the idea of messing with Jake was a little funny. It'd been a while since he'd been the center of their razzing.

"Nothing, love. We'll just scare him a little bit, make him think he's messed with the wrong hybrid. I promise I won't kill him or embarrass Nessie. I'll just give him a mini heart attack.

"Okay, but be nice to Nessie when she gets back here. I have a feeling she maybe a little overwhelmed by all this still." Alice and Rose agreed with me. She'd been so upset when Andrew simply asked her out yesterday. All this stuff with Jake had to be a lot to handle in one night.

As the hours passed, the plotting got more and more ridiculous. We decided to wait outside, for Nessie, while the boys waited inside for Jake. We'd pry Nessie away from Jake before Edward and the others got to him. She'd be genuinely scared if she saw Edward's body language, carefully staged for maximum terror.

"I think you should have a bat," Emmett laughed.

"No, something heavier. A bat would break on his huge head. Something that would actually hurt him. Carlisle, you still have that crystal paperweight?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, it's up in my office," Carlisle replied. Jasper retrieved the large crystal, easily the size of a softball. If thrown with enough force it would probably kill him and Edward loved that idea.

By they time we heard Jake's car, we all were straining to keep our composure. Alice made us vow we wouldn't say anything about last night until we were seated at the diner. Ignoring Nessie casually was teasing enough, but not so much that her feelings would be hurt. Also we'd be far enough away from Edward that we could really get her to open up.

The boys rushed inside and took the positions, just before Jake's care pulled up. Him and Nessie eyed us suspiciously. The look on Jake's face was priceless. I could barely keep from laughing.

Jake got out the car and went to Nessie, holding her hand. They held hands all the time, but this time you could see it, you could feel it. Something was different. And even Nessie, she was different. Her cheeks, permanently flushed a different shade of pink and her eyes were brighter than before. Even her body language was different, she drifted with Jake with every step, like her gravity was centered around his. This, I wasn't ready for. Instead I focused on the humor of this situation, hiding my true emotions from her. I promised I would never make her feel strange about any of these new feelings.

"Awww you guys are so cute," Alice cooed.

"Morning Ladies. What's the occasion?" Jake asked skeptically. He pushed Nessie behind his body a little, the way Edward does with me when he senses danger. I forced myself to focus on the humor.

"Oh nothing. We're gonna take Nessie out for breakfast and you're gonna spend some quality time with the boys," Rose said, her typical acid for Jacob dripping off her tongue.

That forced the humor back into the first place. "They're waiting for you inside," I said, struggling not to laugh. And that would be my guise for the morning. I was wrong to accuse Edward of being overprotective because if I had known that it would come to this, if I had known that they were this in love, I would have tried to stop it too. I wasn't ready. This was my baby girl and I was not ready to let her go. But I knew what she would do if she was pushed. I knew what I did, the threats I made to Charlie. So I focused on the humor instead, so Nessie wouldn't see the pain in my eyes.

We swept Nessie away, leaving Jake to face Edward and the boys. Once we were seated comfortably at the diner, the interrogation began. She repeated the story Edward had told me the night before and then she confessed to the depths of her feelings for Jake. I knew my first assessment had been right. They would never be parted again. I had no choice, but to hold her hand and smile approvingly. Nessie had my vote of confidence even though it hurt like crazy.

Rose tried to give her a hard time about her outing with Jake, but Nessie shot right back.

"You sure you just talked?" Rose asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Not all of us are like you and Uncle Emmett. Some of us can enjoy the outdoors with out clothes on." Nessie snapped. I should have scolded her, but it was the first time someone had really given it to Rose straight. None of us could really stomach her and Emmett. Alice and I nearly fell out of our seats, my laughter sincere this time.

Jake had changed her in this way too. There was more confidence in her words. She no longer spoke as if she hoped we would approve, but instead told us things not caring what we thought. Only Jake's opinion mattered now. And that right there changed everything for me. A wave of comfort washed over me. I knew what she was feeling. I knew what it was like to have man change you so completely and I was grateful that my daughter had found that, with some I too loved and trusted, someone she could truly be herself with. A new happiness filled me.

I decided then to support her fully in this. I would not let Edward's feelings about her age drive a wedge between our family. Her happiness was the most important thing. I would rather her happy with Jake with our consent then her sneaking to Jake against our orders.

When we got back to the house, I tried my best to diffuse the tension, keeping in mind that Edward would still want some ground rules in place.

"Jake, I think and Edward and I can both agree, that although this came a little prematurely for us, we're glad its you and not someone else and we think that maybe we should just lay out some ground rules considering Nessie's age and the fact that she still has school and such." I said the words slowly, gauging Edward's reaction. He was annoyed, but nothing a few kisses couldn't fix.

"I know this may seem a little juvenile to you Jacob, considering you're a grown man and all, but Nessie still has a curfew, she still has school and other friends and she has her own bedroom, where she will be spending nights alone," Edward asserted. Nessie's lip twitched, but she held her tongue. She wasn't so brave as to try Edward's temper yet.

"Edward, that is fine with me. I don't think Nessie will intentionally try and cross you, but you both know my ground rules. I can't determine the rate at which Nessie matures emotionally and whenever that happens you know what my reaction will be," Jake reminded us, but mostly Edward. His fist twitched in my palm.

"Yeah, we know," Edward growled. I had a feeling I would be spending the next few weeks if not months trying to come up with ways to distract my husband from their relationship.

Suddenly Nessie's phone rang. We all knew who it was and Esme had yet to give Nessie an excuse. Our family flitted into the room gathering around Nessie and her grandmother, waiting for her expert advice. It rang a second time.

"Get right to the point. Tell him you're not interested in that type of relationship with him. Be polite, but stress that your feelings for him will not change and whatever you do, do not mention the word friend," Esme said quickly. It was a little anti-climatic. We were hoping for something more poetic.

Nessie nodded and answered on the third ring. "Hi Andrew." She stood and walked into the kitchen. She knew we could hear them both, but it was too awkward to have us all watching.

"That's it? That's all you could come up with?" Rose teased.

"I don think you should sugar coat those types of things. He'd be pursuing her forever. We all know what happens when people don't take a hint," Esme said looking at Jake. He rolled his eyes.

"That kid is gonna kill himself. He's in love with her," Emmett joked Edward and Jake both growled.

"Shh," Alice hissed.

Did your mom say no? Andrew asked. He sounded crushed.

"Well not really Andrew. I just don't have feelings for you like that. I'm sorry." She said straight out.

Oh. Well I thought that might be the case, but I had to try. He was bouncing back already. Well I'll see you on Monday then.

"Okay," There was a little hint of shock in Nessie's voice. She was prepared for the worst. I think we all were.

Enjoy your time with your mom. He concluded. It was shame. I was really starting to like this kid.

"I will, thank you. I'll see you Monday. Bye," Nessie said as she walked back into the room. She clicked her phone shut. "Well that was easy." she shrugged.

"I'll say," Jake agreed. We all sat there for a moment in silence and then everyone spoke at once.

Emmett had every intention of spending the afternoon in watching college football. Alice said she had something to pick up from the store and took off, leaving Jasper with Emmett. With that Jake and Edward decided to all stay in and watch the game too. I had planned on sinking into the couch and watching Edward while he watched the game, day dreaming about our night together.

"Mommy, can I talk to you for a sec?" Nessie asked rising from her seat next to Jake.

"Sure honey," I replied and followed her out of the room, glancing back at Edward once. He nodded slightly telling me it was okay.

I followed Nessie out to the front porch.

"What's are your mind, sweetheart?" I asked. I gently brushed her hair back. She sighed deeply. "Come on let's go for six and half mile walk," I encouraged.

She smiled at that. "Okay." We ran for a few minutes to a small stream deep in the woods. She plopped down on some tree roots and I followed. It was beautiful fall day. The air was crisp, but the sun hid behind the clouds.

"So what's going on?" I asked casually.

"Well I wanted to know how you felt about this. Everyone's been so focused on walking on egg shells around Daddy, but you carried me mom, you protected me, you saved me. I need to know what you think," she pleaded. I was completely taken aback.

"I don't really know. I told you that you two have our blessing—"

"But I want to know how you really feel," she interrupted me. I was glad we'd stepped away from the house. I wasn't about to have this conversation in front of the whole family.

"Renesmee, my whole life, both the human part and this part, I have never wanted for anything. And since you were born, the only thing I have ever wanted to for you to happy and healthy," I gently touched her cheek. "You – you're uncharted territory. I was so afraid of what you might become, that you would be forced to live a painful and short life, but look at you. Nessie I couldn't have asked for a better child and if Jake makes you happy, then that makes me happy," I told her truthfully.

"Really?" she squinted at me.

"Yes, honey. Jake is my best friend and I am happy the two of you have each other." I waited while she watched the ground, gnawing her lip. "You really love him don't you, sweetie?" I asked. I wanted to hear her uninhibited answer.

"At first, I didn't know. Mommy, last night was so awful. Well the first part. I'd never felt this way before. I didn't know what was going on. Jake was just a friend to me and then to look at him in this whole new way, it was so scary. And then of course Daddy and you. I just want you to be proud of me. I have all these new feeling." The tears were starting to well. "Yes—I do love him."

I leaned forward and pulled her to me, stroking her hair. She was just so sensitive. "Renesmee, I don't think it's possible for me to be more proud of you. And your father, Nessie, you were his redemption. He was able to give you life. I wish you could have seen the change in him when you were born. You resurrected him, honey."

"But Uncle Jasper said it was you who really brought him out of his shell," she sniffled.

"A little, but honey he was so torn about making me an immortal, about what that would do to my relationship with Grandpa Charlie and mostly he was broken up about taking my ability to have children away. When he heard you for the first time Nessie, it was like heaven's angels were singing just for him. I wish you could have seen his face."

"I remember his voice," she said softly.

"You do?" We'd never really talked about those horrible days of my pregnancy. That day in particular was one of my human memories I'd held onto for dear life, the face of my husband falling in love with his child.

"Yes. I was so relieved. I remember wanting to see you both so bad."

"I know you couldn't wait," I chuckled. "Sweetheart, we both love you so much and we want you and Jake to be happy together."

"Did you really think I was going to have sex with him last night?" She made a face at that.

"Why is everyone freaking about this? Geez. No. I didn't but I just wanted you to be prepared."

"Well don't worry. It'll be a long time before I'm that prepared."

"Good."

"Mommy can I ask you one more thing?"

"Sure, honey."

She looked up at me through her lashes. I knew that face. Alice had taught it to her, her "I'm going to ask you something outrageous, but you won't say no cause I'm so freaking adorable" face. I prepared myself for the worse, her wanting to live with Jake.

"I promise not to ask every weekend, it's just so new and I want to spend more time with him. You know I won't get to see him nearly as much as I want to during the week. I can't even tell my friends about him." She was rambling. I stared at her searching for the actual question. "I just love him so much and I want to at least get more time with him this weekend—"

"Nessie, just spit it out," I pressed.

"Can I spend the night at Jake's again? I promise I'll be home early tomorrow and I'll get all my homework done. We wont even go out tonight. We'll stay in and watch movies or something. I just want to spend some time alone with him." I couldn't blame her. We would have all paid cold hard cash for alone time. Darn this huge vampire family.

"Fine," I sighed.

"Thank you, Mom. Thank you. Thank you." She left goofy, sloppy kisses on my cheek.

"Yeah, yeah. And I bet you want me to break this to Daddy."

She smiled brightly at me.

When we got back to the house I immediately asked Edward into our bedroom. Nessie avoided his gaze as she ducked back under Jake's arm, nestling close to him on the couch.

I closed the door tightly behind me turned to face my husband.

"God, what does she want now?" He threw his head back, exasperated.

"She wants to spend the night with Jake again." His head snapped forward. "But before you say anything, I already told her it was okay."

"Bella—" he groaned.

"Edward listen. She wants some semblance of normalcy with him and she can't tell her friends about him and they barely see each other like they used to. We agreed that this wouldn't be an every weekend thing. She is just trying to get a better feel for their new relationship." I could see where she'd gotten her rambling from.

"Yeah. I'll tell you what he's trying to get a better feel for. He let his mind wander when you gone."

"Are you saying you never thought about me that way when we first started dating?"

"That's different. I knew we were meant to be together forever, from the first moment I saw you."

I shot him a knowing look. He wasn't fooling anyone.

"Okay. I wanted to kill you the first moment I saw you, but that's beside the point," he scrambled for reason.

"Think about it this way," I walked closer to him and starting at his stomach, I began walking my fingers up his torso. He watched them closely. "The sooner they leave for Jake's, the sooner we can start our night." I stopped my index finger just shy of Edward's mouth, right on the corner of his bottom lip. He turned his head slightly, and using his tongue, took my finger seductively into his mouth. He watched my face as I watched his lips, as he slowly suckled my finger. A small whimper slipped out of my mouth. Damn it. I was trying to seduce him.

"Fine," he said casually releasing my hand. "But she better be back in plenty of time to finish her homework."

Just then there was a knock on the door.

"What Alice?" Edward hated being interrupted. I could tell he had a quickie on his mind. She poked her head in the door.

"When Nessie leaves, I need to borrow your wife for an hour," she said. She wasn't taking no for answer.

Edward threw up his hands. "Great. You guys going to Jake's too?"

"Edward stop being such a baby," she stuck her tongue out at him and flitted back downstairs.

We didn't have to wait long. As soon as the game was over, Jake and Nessie left. He promised she'd get to sleep at a reasonable hour. All we could do was take his word for it. I couldn't stand to make all these changes any more difficult for her, nagging would do no good.

As soon as they cleared the driveway, Alice jumped into action.

"Okay boys. We'll see you in a little bit," She chimed. They all just grunted, having settled in for the primetime game. Alice could wear on you with her spur of the moment crap.

Once Alice, Rosalie and I were in the car, I realized I had no idea where we were going.

"Inn By The Bandstand," Alice replied lightly.

"They rent rooms there by the hour?" Rose asked. The Inn was a really nice New England B&B, not a meet and greet sort of place.

"Nope." Alice for some reason trying to keep us in suspense, kept her mouth shut until we were up in the room. On the bed were our gift bags from the night before. I had completely forgotten, again.

Alice quickly whipped around and held up three sets of keys.

"What are those for?" I asked. She tossed one to Rose.

"That one goes to the Mount Forsithe boys locker room," Alice said, tossing another key to me. "And that one goes to the Mount Forsithe music room. I thought maybe you'd want the Biology lab, but I know you've all been there, done that." I knew instantly what Alice had been planning. On the three year anniversary of the day we met, Edward and me, in all my immortal glory, broke into Forks High and christened our old Biology classroom.

And the cafeteria.

And the nurse's office.

"Oh Alice. I love the way you think," Rose grinned devilishly.

"Well I just figured we didn't get to use our little treats for them last night, so tonight why not step it up a notch," She smiled back.

"Where'd you get these?" I asked skeptically.

"Broke into Wilkin's house this afternoon and had copies made. Don't worry his originals are back where they belong."

"Oh Alice," I shook, my head chuckling.

"Come on, let's hurry. Esme's gonna give them instructions on where to meet us in an hour. Ha—I even left notes telling them what to wear," he cackled wickedly.

We quickly dressed. Rose put big full curls in my hair, a style Edward loved. The outfit Alice had gotten me was a little different from hers. A three quarter sleeved white button up shirt, white knee high socks and a pleated skirt made out of men's blue, green and yellow striped ties. From a distance it resembled our standard uniform skirt, but up close it was much cuter and much shorter. She got me a pair of white cotton panties with lace trim and a matching bra. She finished off the outfit with a super tight, low cut, navy blue sweater vest and a yellow tie. Edward was going to flip out.

"What the? Very funny, Alice." I turned to see Rose standing with her outfit hanging from her pinky, a cheerleading uniform in Mount Forsithe's school colors. We didn't actually have cheerleaders at our school.

"What, I'm just trying to help all of Emmett's football dreams come true," Alice laughed. I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"What's your key to?" I asked pulling on my sock.

"The Principal's office," Alice winked. "What? I've been bad."

It was dark by the time we finished and we quickly rushed over to the school, ditching the Audi a few blocks away. As we ran toward the campus, Alice called Esme and gave her the word.

We parted ways and I cautiously snuck into the music room. It took me all of ten seconds to figure out how to wait for him. I curiously eyed Mr. Morgan's grand piano, the lid shut securely.

I hopped up and waited, legs crossed, for my husband.