Longing for Spring – 9

To say the conversation with Maggie left Matt with a lot to think about would be a gross understatement. In just a few minutes he went from being a happy, almost care-free newlywed and father-to-be, to a man who felt a part of his life had been a lie – a feeling he hadn't experienced since he discovered he was adopted. For not only had he fathered another child with CJ, he had lost one too. He could only imagine how painful that experience would have been if he and CJ had known at the time.

Over 25 years had passed since and now he was consumed with the "what if's." What if CJ hadn't been injured at that homecoming game? Suppose she had discovered she was pregnant while at Harvard instead? Would she have continued her studies and still become a lawyer? Would she have told him? He'd like to think she would have, but she did keep Jolie from him for a few years. Their lives might have been completely different had she carried the baby to term. He might have come home from the war, married her and raised their child together. He might have never become a private investigator and stayed at the business end of Houston Industries. They might have never solved dozens of murders and kidnappings, endured being shot at, kidnapped and mentally tortured. They might never have spent the past thirteen years apart.

But damn! Why did Maggie have to tell him with this now? He and CJ were finally married after years of having their relationship interrupted. If she only wanted good things for their marriage, why did she reveal her secret? But, wait, could he really direct all his anger at Maggie for keeping such a secret? His beloved daddy knew for many years and never said anything to him either, even on his deathbed.

Ah, but as he searched his feelings he found that he was also angry with himself. He was the one who encouraged CJ to reconnect with her mother. If he hadn't flown to Houston with Jolie last summer against CJ's knowledge, and asked Maggie to follow up with a surprise visit to CJ, Jolie might have never been kidnapped and Maggie may have never revealed her secret to anybody!

Going even further back he could also fault his own self for getting CJ pregnant in the first place. How could he have been so careless with his best friend? If he had perished in 'Nam he could have left CJ with a child to raise alone!

Well, blame and regret wasn't going to get him anywhere, much less quell his emotions. He had to figure out the bigger question of whether or not he would tell CJ the shocking news. Maggie should be one to tell her, he reasoned, since it was her secret to reveal, especially if CJ had questions about her surgery. If Matt told her it would be second-hand information. But maybe the news would sound better coming from him. Or maybe, it wouldn't be better if he waited. CJ had been through enough drama of late. He could tell her afterwards, after she delivered their third child safely.

But, Matt and CJ vowed to never keep secrets from one another ever again. The past was certainly proof that it was too painful, and all over just a bad idea.

He walked out into the waiting room where Jolie and CJ sat waiting for him and looked at them fondly, especially the woman whose slight belly bulge reminded him of how she probably looked when she carried Jolie and earlier, if she had she carried their first child full-term. Seeing her in this light also made him think back to 1972 when an optimistic, naive young man left for war returned confused and cynical. His relationship with CJ suffered as a result. So maybe it was a good thing that he wasn't in a position to feel obligated to marry her. Still he couldn't help but wonder about the child that never came to be, what he or she would have looked like, and what he or she might have grown up to do with their life.

"He's back," Jolie said, prompting CJ to look up and rise to her feet, anticipation present in her eyes.

"Well, what did she say?" she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing really. Just wanted to have a little heart to heart with me. You know: a little mother-in-law/son-in-law talk."

As he glanced at Jolie and away from CJ's stare, he prayed she would buy the explanation. Maybe she would think that he didn't want to share anything stressful in front of Jolie.

She took his arm and walked away, out of Jolie's earshot.

"A heart to heart? My mother? Matt, what did she really say to you?"

Oh no. Her suspicions were up.

"Nothing important, CJ. She just wanted me to know how glad she is that were finally married and hopes I'll take good care of you, Jolie, and the baby, especially if something happens to her. She told me her will and other important papers are back at the house in Houston."

"Oh," CJ responded, a little disappointed she had said only technical things.

"She also told me to tell you and Jolie that she loves you."

She looked at him a little shocked.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"She actually said that?"

"Yes."

"She didn't want to tell me in person?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

CJ could have found that odd. This was her mother after all - a woman not known for being warm and fuzzy. The fact that she relayed such a message through Matt at all was historical.

"I was hoping to see her. I feel bad for arguing with her just before it happened."

Matt was thinking that CJ shouldn't feel bad about anything with regards to her mother...

"What were you two arguing about anyway? Was it Jolie?"

She nodded her head.

"Uh huh, and a few other things."

"Like …"

"Family secrets."

Matt's pulse quickened.

"Family secrets?"

"Yes. I told her I was sick and tired of all the family secrets in my life, that as her only child, I deserve to be treated better."

He looked at her quizzically.

"After you left Fred called this morning. He said Samantha died in prison yesterday … pancreatic cancer … just like my father. When I pressed Mom for information, she admitted to me there's a chance Samantha may have been my sister."

She watched his face as he processed this new information.

"You're kidding?!"

"No."

"Do the boys know?"

"Not yet. I know it's not good to stall, but I was trying to figure out how and when I was going to tell them such news."

That makes two…


Julia watched through the peephole as Carl kissed CJ good night. Just as CJ reached for the doorknob, Julia ran as fast as she could to the sofa, landed on it, and grabbed a book.

As soon as CJ closed the door behind her she stood with one hand on her hip and glared at Julia.

"Nice try."

"Oh, CJ. I didn't hear you come in!"

"Yeah, right," she said, walking over to her and turning her book upside right.

"I know you're smart, Julia, but reading upside down was never one of your talents."

Julia made a face. "Well, how else is a girl supposed to get any information on you unless she spies?"

CJ sat down as the sofa as Julia sat upright.

"How about just asking me?"

"Hmm. Okay… are you gonna tell Matt about Carl?"

CJ glared back at her.

"Okay. Stupid question. Are you gonna fly to Texas next month to see him?"

CJ slumped back against the sofa. "I do want to see him. I can't believe it's been almost a year."

Julia touched her arm.

"You really miss him, don't you?"

CJ paused for a few seconds before answering. "I sure do."

"You still love him, don't you?"

CJ paused again, wistfully contemplating that very sentiment before finally nodding.

"Uh huh. I don't think I could ever stop loving him."

"Hmm. How about Carl? You've been seeing him for, what is it, five months now?"

She nodded again as she stood up and started pacing.

"Never thought I'd find myself in the position of being in love with two men at the same time."


Needless to say that statement CJ made about being tired of secrets wore on Matt. For the next few hours he was faced with having to keep his emotions in check if he wanted to hide this gigantic secret from her. But, was that really a good idea? If he didn't share this secret in a timely way, well, did he want CJ mad at him, too? Revealing the secret would give them something to talk about, especially since Jolie had left with Zoey and they were alone. Perhaps he would feel a lot better if he just told her. He shouldn't underestimate her strength - multiple life experiences proved that she was a pretty tough cookie and they were in a hospital after all. But, he couldn't just blurt it out. He had to ease into it… gradually … gently.

"Y'know, CJ. I remember us in the same boat, more or less, when my father was going through heart surgery. I'll never forget how you stayed with me that day."

She brushed her hand on his arm. "I wouldn't have been anywhere else. My best friend needed me and Bill was special to me too. Do you know he visited me back in college when I had that accident, when the bleachers gave way at that game?"

"Yeah?" he responded, pretending to be unaware of that fact, then realizing it was the perfect seque. "About that accident, CJ…"

"Yes?"

He took a deep breath and stared into her eyes, then paused and looked away.

"Matt, what is it?"

She saw the stressed expression on his face and began worrying herself.

"Matt, my mother said something else to you, didn't she?"

He was about to shake his head, but then changed his mind.

"How'd ya guess?"

"I know you, and I know my mother, and you were gone a long time."

He paused again, knowing she was too smart for him. The longer he stalled the dumber he felt.

"CJ," he said, taking her hand. "I have something to tell you right now that might upset you. So I want you to promise me that you'll do your best and try to remain calm."

Her heart immediately started beating faster.

"Calm? Uh oh. How bad is it?" she asked as he hesitated. The more he hesitated - with that look in his eyes – the same look when he's told her bad news in the past – the faster her heart beat.

"Matt ..."

He stroked her hand. "Your mother revealed something she never told you about."

She folded her arms and slumped back against the chair.

"Another secret? Hmm. Not surprised."

"Yeah, well this one's a doozy," he half-chuckled.

A curious CJ pessimistically braced herself for another chapter of "Maggie's Secrets." After recently learning that Samantha might be her half-sister, did she really think that book had been closed?

"CJ, that day in the hospital, while you were unconscious, the doctor discovered something."

"Discovered something? What?"

"They asked your mother for permission so that they could save your life. She didn't think it was necessary to tell you. She was afraid you'd be too upset and it would affect your recovery."

"What would affect my recovery?"

He stalled, as CJ grew impatient.

"Houston!"

Okay, here it goes …

"CJ, you were pregnant. They had to terminate in order to save your life."

Matt watched for a reaction as she processed this news. Without saying a word, she stood up and started pacing, then stopped and placed her hands on her hips and shook her head.

"Oh, this is a really good one, Mom. Pregnant, huh? And, you didn't tell me!" she exclaimed, almost laughing.

"CJ?"

She kept shaking her head.

"Real good timing, Mom. Watch, she'll probably die on the operating table before I have chance to talk to her about this one!"

Matt didn't know what to say as he was too perplexed by CJ's reaction. Maybe she was in shock?

"CJ, honey," he said, rising from his seat and placing his hands on her shoulders. "You okay?"

She thought about some before setting her jaw, "No. I'm mad as hell."

That makes two …