Chapter 9 – Adrienne
May 2010
I stared at Quil, wide-eyed and shocked. If I didn't known any better I would have thought that I was looking in the mirror because his face mimicked mine almost perfectly.
Of course it started with me crying, as it seems it always does. We had just found out that Jacob joined the disciples. Quil tried to reason with him but Jacob shook him off. I'd went to ask Bella about it one day but she'd went back into zombie mode so I pretty much had my answer.
I couldn't understand what was so god damned important about Sam and this stupid gang, especially since both of us knew how much Embry and Jacob hated the disciples anyways.
We were sitting on the floor of the living room as I sobbed helplessly into his shoulder and he soothed me with sweet promises. "It's okay Adrienne, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
I wiped my tears lightly away and stared into his huge brown eyes.
I'd always thought of Quil as beautiful but it was almost an understatement. Honestly, he would never be able to compare to Embry in my eyes, but there was a certain charm about him. His hair was just starting to grow out longer than I'd ever seen it and it was curling slightly at the ends. He had always been burlier than the other two and it fit his mind well. Quil was cocky and there was no denying that.
Maybe that's why I'd never pursued him before. I liked the shy and quiet types because it was fun getting to watch them figure out how to break out of their shell, something that I knew he didn't need any help doing.
Suddenly Quil's hands grabbed either side of my face and he stared at me for a moment and I couldn't even hear him breath. Before I knew it his lips were on mine, opening my mouth to gain entrance and I let him only because I was so startled.
I didn't really move at first but he was persistent which I thought was so very Quil. I started to kiss him back, meeting his tongue with unfamiliar swipes and I really tried to enjoy myself but it all felt so wrong.
Quil was beautiful and he was one of the best friends that I figured I'd ever have but that's all that him and I could be, friends.
Normally when I've experienced a bad kiss I just didn't feel anything. Nothing arises inside me or makes me want to press for more, and that's usually when I know the relationship won't go farther. But with Quil it was more than that. Kissing him erupted a fire within me that was full of hatred and unhappiness. It wasn't until I felt like I was going to be sick that I finally pushed him away, gasping for air and coughing.
I could feel my face mangled into confusion and I felt myself relax a little when I caught wind of his face, glad that he hadn't liked it either. We stood like that for what felt like hours before he finally broke the tension. "That was…"
"Yeah," I agreed.
"We shouldn't ever – "
"Yeah," I repeated. That's when the conversation stopped. An awkward silence loomed over us and I couldn't help but think of how strange that was. I'd known Quil for three-quarters of a year and I hadn't experience one awkward encounter with him until then.
But that was a little less than three months ago and Quil's promises had faded away just like Embry's and Jacob's had. As if things couldn't have gotten any more fucked up, Leah and Seth joined them too. I could have expected that kind of bullshit from the guys, but Leah? It just didn't add up. She hated Sam more than any of us combined but that didn't stop her from following him and the rest of the disciples around La Push every day. They were probably running happily through the forests of La Push with the Sam and the disciples right now and I was sitting at lunch, scowling at the food in front of me.
"Are you going to eat, Adrienne?" Edward's melodic voice woke me from my daydream. I couldn't help the scowl that formed on my face. He'd been paying extra attention to my eating habits lately and it had been exceptionally annoying.
So I'd missed a few meals here and there but it was hard to eat when you were depressed all of the time. Cheerleading season was over which meant I didn't have a sport to keep my mind busy and I think my mom was going to kill me if I reorganized the kitchen cabinets anymore.
The Cullen's had moved back in the middle of March and Bella was completely thrilled, although I could tell that she missed Jacob sometimes but don't we all. The two of us had bonded slightly over our hatred for Sam Uley when Jacob stopped talking to us but things quickly changed because Jacob actually started talking to her again.
I tried not to be jealous and bitter about it but I usually was anyways.
Bella was looking at me sympathetically again, just like she usually did and I groaned internally. I hated being pitied more than I hated pitying myself.
It just wasn't fair for all of this shit to happen to me.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understood that there were millions of people in the world that had it harder than me and I honestly wasn't anything close to how Bella had been once Edward had left, but the only reason I even tried to do things anymore was because it was a distraction from the aching pain in my chest.
Every once in a while it would hit me harder than usual but I would push it aside like everything else and get on with my life. The chair next to me pulled out and I felt a sloppy kiss hit my cheek and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.
Tyler Crowley, my ultimate distraction. He was in Bella's grade and he was naturally one of the nicest people that I'd ever met in my entire life but he was one hundred percent boring. Part of me knew that it wasn't okay for me to string him along like I was but the other more selfish part of me didn't care as long as he'd let me escape my pain for a few hours at a time.
We never went passed third base, much to his dismay, but the small amount helped. He was also good at just hugging me and he would only complain if his arm fell asleep.
He was already immersed in a conversation with Ben and Mike about the newest action film that was coming out and I thanked whatever being I should be thanking that he wasn't paying attention to me because today had been one of my worse days.
I'd seen the bastard leaning up against his black motorcycle as soon as the bus pulled into the parking lot that morning and it took every ounce of self-control that I had not to run up and punch him in the face.
I hadn't seen Jacob since the beginning of February and somehow he'd been able to grow even more. He'd gotten taller and he chopped his beautiful hair all off and was now sporting a buzz cut. He barely looked like himself anymore and the thought made me sick to my stomach.
The anger pushed aside the queasiness though and I marched right up to him with more confidence than I ever thought I'd need. Part of me hoped that he was here to see me and to beg me to be his friend again.
But the look on his face when his eyes caught mine told a completely different story. He was here for Bella and I should have known.
"Adrienne," he breathed quietly.
I didn't say anything but I glared full force. "Oh hey, Jacob," I spat at him. "Long time no see."
His eyes darted to the ground, the people passing by, and the cars in the parking lot. He looked everywhere but at me and it was really starting to piss me off.
I could tell from the look on his face that he was trying to figure out which words would be the best to use in this situation and I waited impatiently. I momentarily feared that this stupid scowl would become a permanent fixture on my face but then Jacob started talking.
"I've missed you, Adrienne," his voice was soft and I wanted to break down right there and tell him that I missed him, too, but I couldn't do that and least of all not right now.
"Fuck you, Jake," I growled at him and I knew that I'd taken him by surprise. Flipping through the memories in my mind, I couldn't remember a time that any of the guys had seen me angry, mostly because I was a generally positive person.
But when your best friends decide to basically suck the life out of you it sort of changes the way you look at things.
It looked like he was about to say something but I intercepted and a whirlwind of emotions dumped all over Jacob in the middle of the school sidewalk, where Jacob's motorcycle was parked, illegally might I add. "You can't just ignore me for three god damn months and then say that! All I can figure is that Sam has gotten you all brainwashed and he's going to eventually take over the world or something because the friends that I knew would have never left me alone like they did." I was inches from his face and he cowered back slightly.
"It's not like that, honestly," he pleaded with me.
I snorted at him. "Okay, then enlighten me, Jacob."
He hesitated and I felt like spitting in his face.
"Embry still loves you, it's just complicated right now," Jacob's voice sounded pain and it was almost enough for me to back off. Almost. "He about killed Quil for kissing you."
My cheeks burned at this conclusion and I looked away. "Embry doesn't get a say in who I should or shouldn't kiss anymore. He gave up that right three months ago."
Jacob's eyes softened and I could feel that the dam inside of me was about to break. I couldn't handle this and my mind was racing. Fuck Jacob for telling me this bullshit. Fuck Embry for even trying to lay a hand on Quil. Fuck Quil for even bringing it up.
"Hello, Adrienne," a melodic voice rang from beside us. Both Jacob and I turned our heads at the exact same moment coming face to face with Bella and Edward. "Jacob."
I didn't miss the difference in his tone as he went from my name to Jacob's. It was resentment and hatred, mixed with the tiniest bit of jealousy?
"I should go," I muttered, backing up slowly.
"Wait, Adrienne –" Jacob started but I was already halfway up the steps and ready for this stupid day to be over.
I thought more and more of our conversation in the parking lot as the day went on and something had finally occurred to me. Jacob didn't run away when I'd confronted him, instead he'd actually had a conversation with me that didn't involve him saying that we couldn't be friends.
Those thoughts are what led me to the small bus stop just passed the school, waiting for the three o'clock bus that would gladly take me to La Push so I could speak to everybody in person. No matter how nervous I felt, or how much I might get my heart broken, I knew that it was the last thing that I could do right now.
At least it wouldn't hurt to try. Hopefully.
