"I am not serving that awful toilet water at my wedding."
Katniss heaved an exasperated sigh. "As I've said thirty times before, Jo, it's tea. It gets served with coffee. Tea and coffee."
Effie Trinket, their effervescent wedding planner, perched on the arm of the couch behind Johanna. "It will be expected, Johanna. Tea and cake!" As if that was the most obvious thing in the world. Katniss rolled her eyes but, as usual, she was in agreement with Effie and Johanna was being needlessly stubborn.
Johanna shrugged her shoulders, digging a spoon into her pint of ice cream. She dangled the spoon from her lips as she spoke. "I don't really give a fuck what they expect. It's my wedding and people can drink coffee with their cake or they can suck my balls."
"Charming," Effie derided with a roll of her eyes.
"Indeed," Katniss mused, stealing Johanna's spoon from her mouth and taking a bite of the ice cream for herself. Johanna pouted at her but Katniss continued to carve out some of the dessert. "And it's our wedding, bridezilla." The older girl's lips contorted into an offended little circle and Katniss grinned at her cheekily. "Oh come on. You have been an absolute nightmare about the wedding since the day we started planning it."
"Oh this behavior is not just for my benefit?" Effie asked rhetorically, using her long, painted nails to primp her hair.
"I have not!" Johanna protested and placed her hands on her hips. Their apartment was littered with wedding plans - color schemes, seating charts, RSVPs, a tower of envelopes Johanna stacked into the shape of a house - and Johanna had argued over every detail. They'd hired Effie to be their wedding planner, and she had an immense talent for scheduling and almost zero patience for Johanna's stubborn theatrics. There were few people on the planet equipped to deal with Johanna when she was focused on a task. Katniss was proud to be among the few. Effie had come to drop off the seating charts for their approval and somehow they'd gotten on the subject of the menu. Again.
Katniss crawled over the couch cushions and rested her palms on Johanna's thighs, placing gentle kisses on her neck to mollify her. "But you're my little bridezilla," she crooned into her ear, surreptitiously giving her earlobe a small lick. Johanna shuddered at her touch and dug her fingers into the flesh of Katniss's hips. She launched them forward and pinned Katniss on her back, startling the younger girl and making her bite her lip to quell a groan. Katniss looked up at Johanna's big brown eyes, squinting in challenge. "What, don't want anyone to know that big bad Johanna Mason is a little cutie who wants everything for her wedding to be just so?" Johanna abruptly leaned down and gripped her teeth around Katniss's shoulder. Katniss gasped and her hips rolled against Johanna's pelvis involuntarily. "That she's more her mother's daughter than she'll ever admit?" she managed to squeak out in a strangled falsetto.
Johanna pulled backward to level her eyes at Katniss. One eyebrow slowly raised in question and her eyes were absolutely on fire. "You are treading on thin ice, Everdeen." Katniss shivered at the tone of her voice.
Katniss grinned up at her and looped her arms around Johanna's neck. "Is that what I'm going to call you once we're married?" They hadn't touched on the subject of last names much, but Johanna's desire was to take Katniss's since, as she put it, 'Never felt much like a Mason.' Katniss didn't mind. There was something alluring about the traditional concept of ownership that came with having Johanna take her last name. Johanna would be hers in all ways, including legally. Johanna Everdeen. Katniss smiled inwardly.
"No," Johanna replied, squishing one knee between Katniss and the couch, and the other on the edge of the cushion. She pulled Katniss upward to meet her and wrapped her arms around her middle. "You'll call me the luckiest person on the planet."
Elsewhere in the room there was a groan and Katniss looked over to her right, a blush spreading on her cheeks. Cressida had her hand on her forehead and a grimace on her face. "You guys are actually disgusting," Cressida announced, motioning for her cameraman and assistant Messalla to stop rolling. "Can you ever get in an argument without resorting to fucking or saying something so saccharine I nearly barf?"
Johanna shrugged her shoulders. "You're the one that wanted to shoot this documentary. It's not my fault my future wife is the hottest thing walking the planet." Katniss slid out from underneath Johanna and padded to their kitchen to put away the ice cream. "And that ass just won't quit," she enunciated, practically moaning. Katniss shot her a look over her shoulder, but her smile was wide.
Cressida, a filmmaker in her time not managing Plutarch's coffee shop back at the university, had approached them before they started planning their wedding to ask if she could film the process. The natural exhibitionist in Johanna agreed immediately, but Katniss was less sure. Their relationship was not something she wanted to project to the world. Not because it wasn't good, because it was amazing, but because it was private. Cressida convinced them it was important to show the world the realities of a lesbian couple preparing for a wedding. Katniss couldn't argue that. She had read horror stories online of people who couldn't find vendors due to homophobia, families who didn't show up for the ceremony, and other discriminatory tales.
So far the process had been painless. While Johanna was oddly petulant about random issues of their wedding, it caused no problems for them. They rarely fought to begin with - their fights were petty and short, hot and quick like a drop of oil in a pan - and this didn't add much extra stress, other than the disorganization of their apartment and running interference between Effie and Johanna.
"Katniss's ass aside," Cressida began, "do you have any plans today?"
Katniss nodded her head as she walked back into the room. Messalla made himself comfortable on their armchair and looked over the footage on his hand-held video camera. Katniss decided to like Messalla after meeting him, even though Johanna mentioned they used to sleep together, back during college when Cressida would throw parties at her apartment. He was a nice guy, though, and very respectful. Similar to Johanna in that his appearance - tattoos, piercings - gives people the impression that he's some sort of deviant. Instead, Johanna's a brilliant scientist and Messalla's a soft-spoken cameraman. Poster children for not judging a book by its cover. Cressida was poised on the arm of the chair, legs crossed, eyeing the footage over his shoulder. Cressida and Johanna's friendship continued even after they moved away, and Johanna had chosen the blonde as her maid of honor. It was easier than choosing one of her three brothers to be a best man.
"They are going to meet the Beaufort Park people to see if they can have the wedding and reception there," Effie chirped from the side of the couch, looking down at her phone that seemed to hold all the information on their wedding inside of it. The blonde was almost never without it.
Beaufort Park was a beautiful public park with rolling hills, a placid lake and tall thickets of trees that backed the property. It was one of their favorite places to go near their apartment and seemed the most perfect, picturesque place to hold a wedding. Johanna steadfastly refused to go near a church and insisted their non-denominational wedding be outdoors. Katniss didn't care; she would've married Johanna in the back of an apple cart.
"And tomorrow we're going to the bakery to get them to do our cake," Johanna filled in, stretching languidly on the couch.
Effie frowned sourly. "That was not on the schedule. Did you make an appointment without me?"
"Sorry, Mom," Johanna replied with an eye roll. "Katniss's old pal from home, Peeta Mellark, runs a bakery in her hometown. He said he would give us a great deal." She leveled her gaze at Katniss. "He's very fond of you. 'Oh for Katniss Everdeen? Why shucks!'" Johanna mocked in an absurdly high tone. She scowled in distaste.
Katniss grinned and folded her knee to sit next to Johanna's outstretched legs. For someone so tiny Johanna insisted on taking up a lot of space. "You can't possibly be jealous of Peeta Mellark. We were kids." Johanna looked unimpressed. "And he's married now, Jo."
"Doesn't mean I don't need to protect my interests," she responded, lifting up her arms in a stretch. Katniss bit her lip as she watched Johanna's shirt ride up and reveal her stomach and the little 'v' shape of her pelvis. Johanna caught her eye and gave her an exaggerated wink.
Cressida rolled her eyes. "Cut it out for like five seconds, please. I'd like to keep my lunch down." Messalla smirked and shook his head. Cressida shot him a glare. "You know they're gross, you only tolerate it because you're hoping Katniss will agree to a threesome."
Effie placed her hand over her heart. "Oh my."
"Not gonna happen," Katniss immediately interjected.
"I don't play well with others," Johanna said disinterestedly. "And you'd never be able to keep up with this one," she added, jerking her thumb toward Katniss. "She's got stamina you wouldn't believe. Like a fucking stevedore in the sack." Katniss smacked Johanna's leg, her cheeks burning hard. "What?" It was a point of pride for Katniss that she could exhaust Johanna sexually, but it wasn't something she wanted everyone to know. Or anyone, for that matter.
"Oh my!" Effie gasped under her breath.
Messalla rolled his eyes as he looked between all the women. "I never said that," he protested with an indignant pout. "I'm all set if you guys want to roll to the park."
Effie cleared her throat and stood from her position next to Johanna, smoothing out her frilly turquoise skirt. "Very well. I expect an e-mail about the cake as soon as you have the information. Perhaps I'll stop by there today." She focused her blue-green eyes at Johanna. "Send me the name and address, please, Johanna?"
"Sure thing, ET." Effie bristled at the nickname and flittered out of their apartment, her heels clicking down the hallway.
Katniss held out her hand and helped Johanna up off the couch. In one swift movement Johanna put her arm around Katniss's back and dipped her, giving her a deep kiss. Cressida groaned from behind them and swiftly walked out of their apartment, tossing her hands in the air. "I am so fucking done with you nerds."
Cressida mounted a camera on the passenger side dashboard of Johanna's car in addition to the one Messalla was carrying in his hand. They sat in the backseat as Johanna drove them all to the park. Cressida leaned forward, placing a hand on the back of Katniss's seat. "So even though I know the story, tell the viewers how you met."
"What viewers?" Johanna demanded, narrowing her eyes at Cressida in the rear-view mirror. "No one's gonna watch this except maybe our parents."
The blonde groaned. "Shut up, Jo." She smiled and looked at Katniss. "Why don't you tell us, since I already know Jo's side of the story?"
Katniss glanced back at Cressida, an evil grin on her features. "I don't think I've ever heard Johanna's side of the story, you know," Katniss began, firmly planting her tongue between her teeth and her lips. She looked at Johanna, who was staring straight ahead at the road with her fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel.
"That's because she'd never have the balls to admit how into you she was," Cressida responded, sitting back in her seat with smug satisfaction. Katniss understood Cressida was essentially daring her to disclose. Johanna never backed down from a dare.
Katniss knew Johanna liked her before they became anything official, Cressida had basically told her the time she came to pick up tea when Jo was sick. But they never discussed what was going through Johanna's mind when Katniss came to the coffee shop almost every day. Johanna heaved a deep sigh and pulled into the gravel parking lot of the large park, cutting the engine. "There's nothing to admit. I liked Katniss, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have asked her out, asked her to be my girlfriend, asked her to be my wife, and we wouldn't be having this conversation."
Briskly Johanna unbuckled her seat belt and got out of the car, slamming the door behind her. Katniss and Cressida shared a puzzled look and followed behind. Messalla held the camera on Katniss as they strolled toward the parks building. "Go ahead, Katniss, tell us the story."
Katniss cleared her throat, running her fingers through her hair. "Um, well, I went into the coffee shop near our university to meet my friend Gale." She looked down at her feet while they walked, a wistful smile upon her face. "I had never been there before. I wasn't into coffee then." They crossed the field toward the main building and Katniss looked out on the lake. She gazed at Johanna, a few paces ahead of them. "Johanna was working and I saw her and I just... I've never been so attracted to someone so fast. It was like being hit by a truck."
Johanna slowed her trot and Katniss caught up with her, taking her by the hand. Johanna leaned up and kissed her on the cheek. "Same."
Katniss blushed. "I didn't think you were into me. I guess I thought you thought maybe I was cute, but I couldn't even say anything. Remember when I said I would 'do myself?'" Katniss cringed at the memory. That was not one of her finer moments. None of her attempts to woo Johanna were particularly fine. By some stroke of insane luck it worked.
Johanna laughed softly and nodded. "You have no idea, the effect you can have," she whispered, looking away from the group. The breeze was lifting her hair, which now fell below her shoulders and waved in the wind. Katniss ran her thumb along Johanna's knuckles as they walked together. The younger girl couldn't help the fluttering of her heart in her chest; she wasn't sure she'd ever get used to Johanna being hers.
Figuring Johanna wasn't going to explain further, Katniss looked back toward the camera. "I went there almost every day for weeks," she admitted. "Sometime before Christmas at some frat mixer, I ran into Johanna-"
"More like stalked me," Johanna interjected with a grin. "And it was December 8th."
Katniss nudged her. "Gale told me you would be there. Not my fault you were there drinking and -" Katniss cut herself off and brought her gray eyes up to Johanna's. "You remember the date?"
"Of our first kiss? Yeah. That was a week after I quit smoking, to the day." The large slate building that held the Parks Department for the town came up in front of them with two large columns framing the wooden double doors. "Traded one addiction for another."
Katniss let out a dramatic gasp. "You liked me," she sang to her, kissing her on the cheek. "You wanted to kiss me." Johanna snarled quietly at her as they entered the wood-paneled office building. Cressida and Messalla trailed silently until they got to the door of the office.
Behind the desk was a short, olive-complected woman with black hair that tapered into red at the ends. She looked up with wide honey brown eyes as the four of them entered the room, Messalla with his video camera in hand. "Can I help you?" she asked cordially, then she narrowed her eyes at Johanna, and a smile curled on her lips as her eyes lit up in recognition. "Mason?"
Johanna's grip on Katniss's hand tightened. "Kathryn." She wasn't sure whether or not to attribute it to jealousy, but Katniss didn't like the look on the other girl's face. Living near the Everdeen's house, it was rare that they ran into someone Johanna knew. They lived seven hours downstate from Johanna's parents, three from the university. Katniss was glad to never run into more of Johanna's trail of conquests. Until now, it seemed. "I didn't know you worked for the Parks Department."
"I started a few years ago," she explained in a voice that sounded put on, low and sultry. It grated on Katniss's nerves and she found herself clenching Johanna's hand even harder. "I'm actually running the region at the moment."
"That's impressive," Johanna remarked. "No Physics?"
Kathryn chuckled and shook her head. "Not exactly. I can use some of that knowledge here, but not as much as I'd like." She looked up at Johanna through hooded lids. "Are you still doing it?"
Johanna nodded. "I majored in it," she said sheepishly. Well clearly this woman doesn't know her all that well if she didn't know that, Katniss thought. "And I consult for NASA now. We're moving out to California next year and I'll be working there full time."
"Now that's impressive, Mason. I had no idea you'd continue Physics. You were so very good at it, though. Must've been all that extra credit." She winked at Johanna and Katniss felt Johanna tremor. "Wow I haven't seen you since, what, your senior year? You look great. All grown up."
You're damn right she looks great, Katniss thought to herself. She's also mine. "Thanks," Johanna replied, scratching the back of her neck with her free hand. "So do you." No she doesn't, Katniss mused internally. She looks like a teenager with a bad dye job. She didn't, though. Sourly and silently, Katniss acknowledged that this woman was gorgeous. It didn't take a scientist to determine how she and Johanna knew each other. "Ah, so listen, we um, we need to... I mean, we were wondering how we'd go about reserving an area of the park on a certain date."
The woman's eyes scrutinized Johanna and Katniss could feel Johanna's palm getting clammy. "For what kind of event?"
"A wedding," Katniss interjected forcefully. "Ours," she emphasized, relinquishing Johanna's death grip on her hand in favor of sliding her arm around her waist. Kathryn raised an bemused eyebrow.
"You're getting married?" Kathryn balked, moving her eyes to Johanna. Katniss could tell the woman was biting back a laugh and she had to stop herself from growling out loud. "I never thought I'd see the day. Johanna Mason getting married." The dark-haired woman tapped a pencil against her desk, tugging on her bottom lip with her teeth. Her makeup was similar to Johanna's - dark eyeliner, crimson lips, smoky eyeshadow. She looked significantly older than Johanna, however. "You always were a romantic." She directed her gaze to Katniss, who met it with a heated glare. "And this is your fiancée. Aren't you adorable?" Katniss clenched her jaw. "A little young for you, Mason."
Expecting Johanna to defend her, Katniss stayed silent. Unfortunately, Johanna didn't even try. "Look 'Ryn, I just need to know if there's a form we have to sign or - or something like that." Katniss eyed Johanna curiously out of her peripheral vision and realized, shockingly, Johanna was nervous. Johanna was never nervous.
This woman was enjoying lording some power over Johanna and bit the inside of her cheek coyly. "The Parks Department doesn't reserve areas," she explained. "You can feel free to set up whatever you need to, as long as other people have reasonable access to the park. No giant displays, no blocking off areas. You can set up tents and chairs, all that. Is it going to be a big event?" Kathryn paused. "Are your brothers married yet? And you've got those cousins from Canada, I'm sure Michelle's invited every Mason on the planet. That woman does love pomp and circumstance."
Katniss felt Johanna's entire body go rigid like a statue. How in the hell did this woman know so much about Johanna? Putting aside her hurt and confusion, Katniss rolled her eyes and placed her palm on the desk. "Is that relevant?" she asked hotly, raising an eyebrow at the woman.
Kathryn snorted and leveled her gaze at Katniss. "Just making conversation, fiancée." She drew out the moniker like an insult and Katniss took it as one.
"Katniss," she stated, holding out her hand. "Katniss Everdeen."
The woman took her hand and shook it firmly. "Kathryn Price."
Katniss put on her best facade of indifference. "I take it we don't need any permission from the town or the state, that's what you're saying? Because, as I'm sure you realize, this is not the only thing we need to do in preparation for our wedding. I wouldn't want to waste your time. Or ours."
Katniss kept her face impassive as Kathryn sized her up, then her pretty crimson lips split into a smirk. "It's not a problem, Miss Everdeen. No, you do not need permission. And since it's for 'Hanna, I will personally make sure the area is clear for you. What part of the park do you need?"
Hanna? Katniss pressed the soles of her feet into the ground to prevent herself from leaping over the counter and strangling this woman. "Right near the lake. And enough room for about three tents. We have around 100, maybe 150 guests." Johanna's mother insisted they invite just about every single member of the Mason family; Kathryn's observation had been correct. Katniss's own contribution to the wedding guest list was small.
Kathryn smiled sweetly at her. "Shouldn't be a problem. When's the date?"
"October 2nd." Finally Johanna broke from the wide-eyed shock she was in and looked to Katniss, a smile wavering on her lips. The date seemed trivial, but Johanna was insistent on that being the day they get married. Katniss was unsure of why but since it seemed important to Johanna, she agreed.
"Wonderful. I'll leave a note in the system to make sure they don't give you any problems." Her eyes went back to Johanna and she seemed to be gazing straight through her. Katniss had never seen Johanna look so thoroughly opaque. Kathryn scribbled something on a post-it note and handed it over the desk to her. "We should have lunch sometime, Mason. Catch up."
"Uh, sure," Johanna agreed reluctantly, taking the slip of paper and shoving it in her pocket. "Thanks for your help. It was uh, it was nice seeing you."
"That vice is plenty versa." She winked at Johanna and Katniss turned around, practically pulling Johanna out of the office. Cressida frowned as they passed by, but Messalla kept filming them. Katniss stormed down the hallway and back outside, arms rigidly at her sides. Johanna jogged lightly to catch up with her and took one of her hands to spin her around.
"Whoa, slow down. What the hell is your problem?"
"My problem?" Katniss asked, wrenching her hand away from Johanna's grip. She pointed over her back. "Who the hell was that, 'Hanna? How did some random fucking slut behind a desk know all about your family? I didn't even know you had cousins in Canada!"
Johanna huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "First of all, you shouldn't call her a slut. That's a misogynist term and you know I don't like it." Katniss rolled her eyes. "Second of all, that was Kathryn. She ...she and I..." Johanna stuttered and it only managed to make Katniss even angrier. She clenched her fists at her sides. "We dated. For a while. Back when I was in high school."
"What?" Katniss screeched, bewildered. "How did you even meet? Ew, was she your babysitter? Please tell me you didn't fuck your babysitter."
"I was taking an accelerated Physics class my freshman year. She was in that class." Katniss mirrored Johanna's crossed arms and waited for the shoe to drop. There was no way this woman was in high school with Johanna. Johanna sighed and relented. "She was a substitute teacher for my class because the regular teacher left on maternity leave." Johanna rubbed the back of her neck and lowered her gaze to the ground. "I really don't want to talk about it." When she raised her eyes to meet Katniss's, the younger girl saw the torment in them. It almost made her release her anger. Almost.
"No, fuck you." Johanna's eyes widened in surprise. "We are getting married and you keep this from me? You never told me you had a serious girlfriend before, never mind one who is almost twice your fucking age."
"I said I don't want to talk about it," Johanna seethed at Katniss through gritted teeth. Katniss felt the anger in Johanna's eyes and, though in a depraved way it turned her on, she couldn't let this go. It was one thing to know that Johanna had slept with a bunch of people before her, but to know she had loved someone else was a different issue entirely. "Just fucking drop it. Please."
"Why? We've always been honest with one another. Why is this different? Why is she different?"
"It just is!"
"I don't accept that," Katniss clipped in a voice that felt entirely unlike her own. Katniss stepped forward, prodding her fingers into Johanna's ribcage. "You know everything about me. I've never loved anyone else. And I know I don't have the storied sexual history you do, but-"
"Is that what this is about? You want a fuck history?" Johanna grilled, firmly standing her ground. "Go ahead! Sow your wild oats, Katniss. Even out the score." While Johanna tried to keep the malice in her tone, Katniss could hear the hurt that strained her vocal chords. A small shiver of fear shook her as Johanna leaned in close. "I didn't keep this from you because I don't love you. I kept it to myself because it's really fucking painful. And if you don't trust me enough to respect my judgment? Then... I don't know."
Johanna exhaled and turned around, taking a few steps away from her. Katniss gazed at the back of Johanna's head, backlit by the sun that was beginning to set, the breeze still moving her dark, wild hair. She was insufferably beautiful. Katniss's instinct was to go to Johanna, comfort her, but she couldn't. Her deep-seated misgivings made her immobile. Johanna whirled around and rummaged in her pocket, tossing her keys to Katniss. "Drive them home. I can't be around you right now."
Through her anger, Katniss felt the immediate pangs of guilt and sadness. It was one thing to see an angry Johanna, she had seen that on multiple occasions. But a sad, defeated Johanna? Rarely, if ever. And never was that disappointment aimed at her. "I - what? Where are you going?"
"For a walk."
Katniss swallowed. "Are you going to see her?" There was no use in trying to deny the hurt in her voice. Kathryn managed to drudge up the one lingering insecurity Katniss had about her relationship: that she wasn't enough for Johanna. "I don't mean right now," Katniss clarified off the look on Johanna's face, "I mean... ever?"
"No," Johanna replied slowly. "Maybe." Katniss's throat tightened. "I don't know. That's not the fucking point. The point is you don't respect me."
"Yes I do!" Katniss protested, feeling the creep of desperation swell up inside her. "I do respect you. I just don't know why you'd hide something from me. You know I'd never judge you."
"It's my secret to hide! Mine!" Johanna blurted out, running her fingers through her hair in frustration. "You think because we're getting married you're entitled to know everything about me?" She clenched her fist and pointed her finger at Katniss. "That's bullshit. Marriage is about partnership, not ownership. Fuck you for trying to use our engagement as leverage to get information about me. And double fuck you for not trusting me. So what if I go see her? She's someone who was important to me in my past. I get to keep my past, you know."
"I never said I didn't trust you," Katniss replied weakly.
Johanna raised an eyebrow. "Oh no? So all this jealousy about a woman I loved is not because you think I'm gonna fuck her?"
Katniss winced at Johanna's words, at both the tone and the truthfulness of them. Did she really think Johanna would cheat on her? No, not if she was honest with herself. "I trust you."
"It sure as shit doesn't feel like it."
Katniss bit her lower lip, blinking a few times to stop the tears she could feel pooling in her eyes. "Well I'm sorry for thinking that my girlfriend would want to tell me things about her life. Excuse me for thinking I had earned your trust. I guess I was wrong."
"I do trust you," Johanna insisted, her voice softer. "But marrying me does not mean you get to own all of my past. It means you're a fixture of my future."
Johanna stood still for a few beats and Katniss turned her eyes to the grass. "Will I see you at home?"
"I don't know," Johanna answered. As Katniss looked up she saw the walls go up in Johanna's eyes like she hadn't seen since before they started dating. Her voice turned ice cold. "Don't wait up."
Katniss turned to Cressida and Messalla, a flush of embarrassment reddening her cheeks, as well as wetness in her eyes. Messalla's camera was down at his side and his eyes were on the ground. She didn't know when they stopped filming but she couldn't quite stand the pity in their eyes.
The blonde woman approached Katniss and threw her arm over her shoulder. "I'll go after her. Help straighten this out. That's what maids of honor do, yeah? Chase after brides? C'mon Messy." Messalla shot Katniss a sympathetic look and began walking briskly in the direction Johanna had gone.
She looked after them but Johanna had disappeared into the distance already. In all their years together, Johanna had never walked away from her. Johanna was confrontational and if they had issues, they always faced them together. Normally if something upset her, she'd call Johanna and they'd talk it out. But without Johanna to talk to she had to hold all her sadness inside her and make the lonely trip back to their apartment.
She couldn't go back there. It would be too depressing to be there alone. Katniss walked slowly back toward the car, dragging her feet through the grass. How had this day turned on itself so fast? One moment she was blissfully remembering the day she met the love of her life, the next she was watching her walk away.
Once she tucked herself into the driver's seat she took out her cell phone, staring at the picture that was her lock screen. A selfie of herself and Johanna at the Marie Curie Museum in Paris stared back at her. She smiled fondly at the picture as she ran her thumb across the screen. Of all the wonderful historical and aesthetically beautiful places in Paris, Johanna had been childishly ecstatic about seeing the Marie Curie Museum. The look on her face in that photo was pure, genuine happiness. Something that's rare among anyone, and especially rare for Johanna.
She unlocked the phone and pulled up Madge's number, swallowing down the lump in her throat. After a few rings her best friend's bubbly voice came through the line. "Katniss! What's up, girl?"
"I fucked up," Katniss croaked, a short sob coming from her lips. "I fucked up and Jo's really mad at me."
Madge expelled a sigh into the receiver. "Want to come by my place?"
"Do you have alcohol?"
Madge snorted. "Girl you know I've got the hookups. We'll pick a poison and go over just how badly you fucked up." Madge paused on the other line. "How bad did you fuck up? Beer fucked up? Vodka cranberry juice fucked up? Or wine straight from the bottle until we puke fucked up?"
"I don't know. I'll let you decide. I'll be there in a few. Bye."
"Bye Kat."
Katniss turned the engine over and took off toward Madge's place. Like Katniss, Madge moved back near home after graduation. She began work at the local hospital as an on-staff psychiatrist, a perfect occupation for a girl that loved to listen to other people's problems.
Katniss arrived a few minutes later and let herself into Madge's small home. The blonde girl was waiting for her in the kitchen, two glasses of white wine poured into oversized coffee mugs. Katniss let out a short laugh at the pathetic sight, but her laughter quickly devolved into sobbing and Madge collected her into a hug.
"Let it out. Mama Madge is here." Katniss chuckled in spite of her tears and held tightly to her friend. She buried her nose in Madge's wispy blonde tresses. Madge ran a hand soothingly up and down Katniss's shuddering back, as if to absorb her friend's anguish as her own. Katniss pulled away, wiping her face with the back of her hand. Madge eyed her sympathetically. "Oh, honey. Sit down."
Katniss nodded and slumped down in Madge's kitchen chair. A few photos of them were stuck to the fridge with magnets, along with photos of Madge and her family. Katniss sucked in a trembling breath and looked at the wide, inviting blue eyes of her best friend. "We ran into someone from Johanna's past when we were booking the park for the wedding."
"Someone important?"
"An ex," Katniss replied miserably. "Like, The Big One. She never told me about her."
"Really?" Madge questioned, genuine surprise in her eyes. She took her time in digesting that information, then placed her hand on Katniss's own. "It went badly, I presume?"
Katniss released her held breath and took a long sip of Madge's proffered wine. "Yes," she confirmed glumly. "She was ridiculously flirtatious with Johanna, who was totally shocked. I mean, she was nervous. Johanna. Johanna Mason. Nervous at some ex she hasn't seen in years."
"I imagine it was shocking for her. Did their relationship end badly?"
Katniss shrugged. "I have no idea. I asked her who it was and she refused to talk to me about. Just said it was some substitute teacher she fucked in high school."
Madge nearly spit her wine back into her cup. "Hold on. What? A sub in her school? How old was Johanna?" Madge quickly shook her head. "Never mind, it doesn't matter. That's against the law." Katniss scrunched her face and Madge raised an eyebrow. "Did that not occur to you once she said that?"
"No," Katniss admitted. "I was too busy turning green."
"Johanna couldn't have been old enough to consent. When did they start seeing each other?"
Slowly, Katniss began to come to the conclusion Madge was getting at. "Freshman year," she said, revealing it to both of them. Madge's bright blue eyes widened. "Oh my god. Johanna was only like 14." The jealousy and sadness that had been simmering inside her chest began to boil over into anger. "How could this woman do that to her?"
"I don't know but at least you know part of the reason she was hiding it from you." Madge sighed and took another gulp of her wine. "You two need to straighten this out. I know Johanna is moody but she also doesn't sit and let things fester."
"She doesn't want to talk to me," Katniss lamented, drawing a small circle on the table with her fingertip. "She said she didn't want to be around me." Katniss gulped. "She kept saying how I don't get to own her. That her past is her own. That just because we're getting married, doesn't mean I'm entitled to know everything about her."
Madge leaned back in her chair. "Okay, then, we'll wait it out. This is not the first Hurricane Johanna that's blown through these parts." She smiled knowingly and shrugged her shoulders. "All couples fight, at least a little. Considering how stubborn you both can be, I'm surprised that this is the first big one." Katniss gave her a droll look. "I'm serious! Johanna's a hothead but you are just as stubborn sometimes. She's right that you don't get to own her, but it sounds to me like that little speech is more about her being nervous about the wedding."
"About the wedding, why?"
Madge shrugged. "I don't know, jitters I guess. Marriage can seem daunting to people. I mean Johanna turned into a mega-bitch right before you started dating, she was so offended by the concept of monogamy or commitment."
"If she was afraid of commitment, why ask me to marry her?"
"You're so oblivious," Madge commented, shaking her head. Katniss stayed silent. "Because she loves you, dummy. People do lots of things they're scared of for love, including marriage. Johanna probably feels nervous, but she doesn't want you to think she doesn't wanna get married, so this rather shocking reunion with her ex brought up all her old feelings of insecurity and fear."
Katniss nodded and tipped her mug back, swallowing the rest of the wine. Madge immediately refilled her cup from the wine on the table. "What if she doesn't call me?"
Madge placed her hand on Katniss's. "Katniss, she'll call. Or you'll call her. Maybe you spend the night here and you talk it over in the morning but..." Madge stopped herself short and heaved a sigh. "I was waiting for the wedding to make this speech but you need it now." She took Katniss's hand in both of hers, squeezing it. "I've never seen two people so made for each other. And not just in that destined, sickeningly romantic kind of way. In the way that you're both ...putty around each other." Katniss raised her eyebrow. "Let me finish, skeptic. Geez. One of the main problems in relationships is rigidity. People fall in love with someone and when they start to flex out of the person they were, their partner cannot change. Same thing happens when people fall in love with an idealized version of their partner, which happens a lot."
"This was gonna be your speech?" Katniss asked.
"Hush." Katniss obliged and pretended to zip her mouth shut with her free hand. "Thank you. You and Jo, you're not like that. You've both changed over the years, because of each other's influence and because that's how life is, but you allow that change in each other. You encourage it. I look at you two and I see two people who would do anything for the other person, including change a little bit. You don't sacrifice who you are, but you form to each other like putty."
"We're putty," Katniss stated. "Good putty."
"The best kind of putty." Madge smiled. "So she'll call. And you'll talk it out. And you'll apologize for being a big jealous asshole, and she'll apologize for taking out her massive insecurity on you. And, knowing you guys, you'll go lock yourselves in a bedroom somewhere and not return my calls."
Katniss chuckled and leaned her head down, placing her cheek on their clasped hands. "But we'll be putty again?"
"Yeah brainless," Madge replied, nudging Katniss.
"Hey, that's our word," Katniss protested. "Her word, at least. For me."
Madge smirked. "Yeah, I know, and sometimes it's fitting."
...
TBC
Author's Note: I CAN'T STOP. Anyway, this is part 1 of the wedding.
Thanks for johannas-motivational-insults for her beta reading and patience, not necessarily in that order. :)
