Disclaimer: Even if you sue me to take this down, it's still going to live in my head.
Holly J couldn't help but feel odd, standing in the dress that she had bought on Sunday and ballet flats with a coat over it, one hand on the rail and another holding a brown paper bag that had a bottle of what she hoped was decent wine in it. The house parties in New Haven don't really have a wine list, sticking more with beer and vodka. However, she couldn't very well show up at the Goldsworthy's empty handed. Eli kept insisting that he come pick her up, but Holly J reminded him that Fi would be watching like a hawk, so it was just better if she took the bus.
Fi had protested this dinner as soon as Holly J told her what happened at the mall. She kept going on and on about how it was unnecessary, that Eli had apologized and that should be enough, that this was only going to make things worse for them. How things could get worse, Holly J didn't know. It was just dinner with his parents. They would never have a chance to be alone and Holly J wouldn't be alone with him right now anyway.
She got off at the stop closest to his house and started the familiar trek up the street. Each step reminded her of the first time she met Bullfrog, when Clare had cheated on Eli and he called her to help him through it. That was the day she realized that she had a crush on him. The fact that they could talk so easily, could fight with such passion but still need each other after, she hadn't experienced that in a long time. She couldn't help but wonder who Clare would call to find some comfort once she finds out about Eli cheating. Adam? The guy from camp? Someone else? Will she be as destroyed as Eli was or will she have seen this coming? She knew about coffee and the party, but does she know about tonight or how much Eli's been texting? Probably not, and that made Holly J feel guilty. Clare was a sweet girl and she doesn't deserve being lied to, even if she did try to kiss Declan.
Holly J ditched the brown bag in a near-by trashcan and made her way up the steps, knocking lightly on the front door. The was the sound not unlike someone falling down the stairs and the door swung open to reveal Eli dressed in his best black skinny jeans, a gray button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and a Dead Hand shirt underneath. It was slightly amusing. He had dressed up a little for this.
"Hi," he said, a little out of breath from running down the stairs.
"Hey," she responded, a small smile crawling across her lips. He returned the smile, unbelievably happy that she had shown up. When she insisted on taking the bus, Eli was worried that she was going to back out at the last minute. Adam had spilled how unhappy Fi was about this dinner and admitted that he shared some of the same sentiments. To Eli, they were both overreacting. It was a simple dinner, nothing more.
"Are you going to invite the poor girl in? She's probably freezing out there," Bullfrog's voice came from somewhere behind Eli. He blushed slightly and moved out of the way, letting Holly J into the house. She giggled lightly and stepped into the warmth, quietly thanking Eli, "Long time, no see, Princess. How have you been?" Bullfrog asked as he wrapped her up in a bear hug. It took her a little by surprise but she went along, returning it. Holly J never really liked being called "princess," but she didn't seem to mind it when he called her that.
"I'm doing well, how are you guys? I brought a bottle of wine to share," she responded, handing it over. Bullfrog's eyes practically lit up.
"We're good, we're good. Nothing too exciting around here lately," he said, walking into the kitchen. Eli took her coat from her and hung it up in the closet. He was trying to be the perfect gentleman. It wasn't going unnoticed. The pair followed into the kitchen where Cece was chopping up some tomatoes.
"Holly J, I'm so glad to see you again," she said as soon as they all came in. In two steps, her arms were around Holly J and she had no other option than to respond in kind. She knew that Eli's parents had liked her, but never to this degree. They were treating her like she was a long lost member of the family. Eli decided it was probably best to just let his parents have a moment with her and he retreated to the living room, taking a seat on the couch.
"I'm glad to see you too," Holly J said as she walked over to the stove, quickly stirring a pot that was about to boil over, "Is there anything I can help with?"
"No, no, you're the guest. Sit, relax," Cece said, although she looked around the kitchen at everything that still needed to be done. The water was close to being ready for the pasta to boil, the sauce still needed a few more handfuls of tomatoes and to simmer for a bit, she wanted to make a salad, the bread needed to be sliced for garlic bread…
"Really, I would love to help if I can," Holly J insisted.
"Well, if you really want to, you can start pulling off some lettuce and washing it for a salad…"
Eli watched as his mom and Holly J cooked together, each swapping tips and sharing stories. He managed to catch a few words here and there, Yale being thrown around more than a few times. He had had the foresight to tell his parents to steer clear of his college plans, since he wanted to be the one to tell her first. The good thing about his parents was that they generally respected his wishes and let him live his life, making his own mistakes. They didn't pry too much when he came home from the mall on Sunday and asked if Holly J could come for dinner. If they had noticed that Clare hadn't been around for almost two weeks, they hadn't said anything. It was getting harder and harder for them to see each other since it was the high holy season at her church, which was a relief for him. Eli liked Clare, he really did, but… he couldn't take his eyes off the girl who was currently stirring a pot of sauce on the stove, laughing with Cece.
"Uh oh. I've seen that look before," Bullfrog said quietly as he sat next to Eli on the couch. A wave of guilt instantly passed through him and he immediately started to play with his glass of water. What look? He didn't have a look.
"I'm just… watching them cook," Eli retorted softly.
"Yeah… but with the same look on your face that I get whenever I take a step back and watch your mom," Bullfrog looked over at his son sadly, "You've fallen for her again."
It wasn't a question. Bullfrog knew, and probably had known for a while. He was the only one that Eli couldn't hide from. His dad knew him better than anyone else.
"I don't think I ever got over her." Just saying it out loud, however softly, meant something. There was a reason for all this madness, for the excitement even though he didn't want to be, for the anger at himself, for the guilt. The 500 or so miles that were between them for most of the year didn't really matter. It wasn't over, not for him.
"Well, duh," Bullfrog said, "I've seen the way you've been practically tripping over yourself since she's been home. I watched how you mourned her leaving and pushed yourself to deal with it. And I think you're happy with Clare, but you're not better with her."
"What do you mean?" Eli asked. He knew it was true, but he didn't really understand why.
"You know how I knew that I was in love with Cece? I wanted to be better for her. All my life, before I met her, all I cared about was what would make me happy. I hung out with my friends, I liked what I liked, and I did what I wanted. But then I met her, and it became all about her happiness… and I didn't think I measured up. So, I wanted to be better. Smarter, friendlier, I wanted to try new things. I became better for her. With Julia, you started. You became a safe haven and provider for her. I've never seen you care about someone so much. You became better with her. Yes, with Clare, you've worked on your… collecting, but it's not like what I've seen you do for Princess over there. You dress nicer when she's around. You're friends with her friends. And I would love for you to go to TU since it's close to home, but I know you want more for yourself. I want you to go and see a little more of the world. Your mom and I want you to be on her level. We've seen you work your butt off this year to make the grades and get the applications in on time. We also know that it's because of her, but that's not a bad thing. Eli, you're better with Holly J."
The words sank in slowly. He never really realized that he had done any of those things, other than his hoarding, of course. To him, it was just a part of being a good boyfriend. Julia was having a hard time so he wanted to be that person that she could come to. Holly J didn't need him to protect her, but she had asked him to be a part of her life and he wanted that. He never saw it as bettering himself.
"Okay, you two, dinner's ready," Holly J called from the kitchen, a smile on her face that made Eli need to return it.
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The family sat together, the wine Holly J brought being exhausted quickly as they all ate their fill. Holly J found herself having a really good time, being around people who weren't judging her every move. Fi had been pretty good about being supportive, but Holly J knew that she still didn't like what was going on. She didn't know if Eli's parents knew the whole story, but they were warm and welcoming towards her, and that's what she needed right now.
"So, Holly J, do you have any plans for Christmas?" Cece asked as Bullfrog poured them all more wine. Eli was pouting slightly. Since he was not only under age but also driving Holly J home tonight, he was being denied anything to drink. She found it to be a little cute.
"No, not really. I celebrated when I saw my parents and Fi is leaving for New York on Friday. I was just planning on having a quiet day alone," she confessed. Part of the deal with having Holly J stay over break was that she would watch the condo while Fiona was gone. To be honest, she hadn't really thought about Christmas day. Spending it alone seemed much more pathetic once she said it out loud than she thought.
"No way. You'll spend it here with us," Bullfrog said simply and Cece nodded in agreement. The proposition took Holly J by surprise. Spending the holidays together was kind of a big step and here Eli's parents were, leaping off of it for them. On the other hand, she really didn't want to spend Christmas alone and if tonight was any indication, she would be more than welcome.
"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to intrude…"
"Oh, it's no intrusion at all! We would be happy to have you. Eli can pick you up on Christmas Eve and you can stay the night, then he'll take you back to Fiona's after dinner or you can stay here again, whatever you want to do," Cece explained. Holly J looked over at Eli, searching him for any objections. He had been a perfect gentleman all evening but she didn't want to accept their invitation if he wasn't comfortable with it. He probably already had plans to spend it with Clare or something.
"You can sleep in my room. I'll sleep on the couch," he said softly. Right now, he loved his parents. Any excuse to see her again, even if it was a family sanctioned event.
"Well, sure, I guess," she laughed, "I would love to spend Christmas with you," The Goldsworthy's cheered lightly and they all clinked their glasses in a toast. Under the table, Eli tested Holly J's good spirits and lightly brushed his hand over hers. She responded in kind, lacing their fingers together. It was decided. She wasn't going to give him up without a fight. Not if he didn't want her to.
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Too soon after dinner ended and the last traces of it were being scrubbed off in the dishwasher, Holly J said her goodbyes to Cece and Bullfrog and climbed into Morty. Eli brought the engine to life and turned a few knobs to start the defrosters. The two of them sat in silence, not sure of what to say. She had had a good time tonight and was excited for Christmas. Eli was a little more nervous. He had come to a decision during dinner and he didn't quite know how to explain it to her. Putting the car into drive, he pulled out of his driveway slowly. It was fairly late at night and the roads were clear, making the trip to Fiona's condo a shorter one than either of them liked. If he didn't know that he was going to see her in a few days, he probably would have gotten lost on purpose. Pulling up to the curb, he parked but didn't turn the car off. They needed to talk to each other.
"ThankIyouneedfortoatelllovelyyounightsomething," they started at the same time, the nervous giggles replacing the silence. Holly J rubbed her hands together, trying to warm them up a little since the heat had just started to trickle out of the vents.
"I'm glad you had a good time," he said softly as he took her hands in his own. His calloused palms over her own felt nice, strong and protective. Her thumb smoothed over the stone of one of his rings.
"I did. I never realized how much I missed your parents. And Christmas is going to be fun. Thanks for letting me come to that," she said, really reaching for things to talk about so that she wouldn't have to get out of the car. Earlier, she was determined to not be alone with him, but now that she was, the thought of leaving him was almost too much.
Eli's eyes met her gaze and his last shred of reality snapped, the final tiny voice in his head that was holding out was silenced. Her kind, sad eyes had pushed him over the edge and there was no coming back from this. In one smooth motion, his lips were on hers. It was soft and gentle; any hint of neediness or lust was lost. There was no selfishness and it wasn't born out of spite or weakness. It was intoxicating but at the same time, everything became so clear. This kiss was for love.
When they finally broke apart, one thing shined brighter in Holly J's eyes than anything else and it chilled Eli to the bone: fear. She was so scared of what this could mean. Was it a good-bye kiss? Were they just further incriminating themselves? Had someone seen? Her heart was beating a mile a minute, half from sheer terror and half from the butterflies in her stomach that refused to die.
"As soon as I see Clare again, I'll end it. I won't lose you again, Holly J."
A/N: No news on the job yet. Hopefully by next week I'll be able to shout it from the (proverbial) rooftops. Thank you so much for reading, even you, hater anon. Corissa, Lyssa, and Steff are my dream team of motivation. Don't forget to review! See you later this week (hopefully with good news!)
