PART 1
SOMEWHERE OVER LAKE
MICHIGAN (1981)
The moment Spidey
heard the machine gun fire, he burst upward through the trap
door that divided the cockpit from the avionics bay. And, just in
time, at that. For, as he crawled along the ceiling, from the cockpit
to the first-class section, he saw the Iotian Borg drone extend a
claw-like instrument from its upper left arm. An instrument that it
slowly began to lower towards Wonder Woman's bare left shoulder.
THWIP!
"MMMPH!" gasped the drone, as its head became completely enveloped in artificial webbing.
THWIP!
The drone's legs became webbed together, at the ankles, almost like a bolas spider. This allowed the wall-crawler to pull backwards on the webline, and topple the drone face forward. This was followed by even more webbing than he had used on the Klingon.
"There! That'll teach you not to cop a..."
Before he could finish his taunt, his spider-sense started tingling again. Spinning around, he saw the nanite-infected co-pilot pointing an orange flare gun at him, in a two-handed grip.
THWIP!
The same glob of webbing that gummed up the flare gun's barrel also bound the co-pilot's hands together, leaving Spidey free to pull him forward, and "love-tap" him into unconsciousness. Unfortunately, he had forgotten about Senator Kinsey, who was also still nanite-infected.
The latter silently charged forward, brandishing the empty fire extinguisher like a club. Wonder Woman, however, had recovered from the effects of the CO2 fumes a lot quicker than a normal human. And, after three quick overhead twirls, she let fly the loop of her golden lasso.
In less time than it takes to tell, he was hog-tied within it. Before Spidey could properly thank her, however, his spider-sense began tingling once more!
"Now, what?" he muttered, in exasperation.
"Somebody!" yelled Tony Newman: "Anybody! Get in here, and give us a hand. The pilot's gone berserk! He 's trying to kamikaze us into Sheboygan!!!"
The dirigible flew along, the uniforms of its crew making them look more like sailors of the British navy, circa WWI, than enlisted men of the Potsylvanian Air Force.
Standing look-out duty was Natasha Fatale, her strapless dress as black as her shoulder-length hair. And, just as she was about to sigh in boredom, she saw it, clear as day, through the binoculars.
"Dahlink!" she exclaimed: "There it is!"
"Where? Where?" demanded Boris Badenov, raising his own binoculars to his eyes.
"At four o'clock," she replied, pointing with her left index finger.
"Ah-ha!"
The Potsylvanian master spy grabbed a nearby microphone, and started screaming into it.
"Attention, gunners! Attention, gunners! The hijacked 707 is on an intercept course with us, approaching fast from the southeast. Prepare to fire the...uhm!"
" 'Size-and-mass neutra-lazer,' dahlink."
"Thank you, Natasha. Prepare to fire Dr. Shrinker's thing-a-mabob!"
PART 2
Now, where was I
before the Pizza Hut guy so "foodly" interrupted. Ah,
yes!
Nick Knight listened to
the short-but-intense struggle that ensued, following the strange
machine gun fire that came from the upper deck of this strange
airship. That lasted about five minutes, at most. Then, his ears
clogged up; a sensation it had become second-nature for him to
ignore in all his centuries of self-flight.
"We're going down," observed Doug Phillips."
"Why don't we go up into the cockpit, and see what's what?" replied his young colleague. As they did so, however, Tony Newman stopped halfway up the ladder.
"Aren't you coming, Mr. Knight?"
"I'm sorry, no. I have a...rare skin condition that makes me allergic to sunlight."
That comment immediately reminded the time-traveling scientist of what he had momentarily forgotten in all the excitement of their new surroundings. Namely, the facial transformation undergone by the Englishman, during his fight with the long-haired alien. A transformation that Tony had initially passed off as a stress-related hallucination. Before he could inquire further, however, Doug urgently called down to him for help.
So, Tony raced up the ladder, and instantly saw that Doug was struggling with the pilot.
"Pull up, Capt. Peachfuzz," shouted the former (reading the latter's name tag): "Pull up!"
"Negative! This...subsystem...has been...compromised. It must not...merge with...the Collective. This...subsystem...must be...purged."
Tony lent his strength to Doug's efforts. But, Capt. Peachfuzz maintained his downward grip on the helm, with all the strength of a Viking berserker.
"Somebody! Anybody!" Tony yelled: "The pilot's gone crazy. He's trying to kamikaze us into Sheboygan!"
"Oh, merd!" muttered Nick, to himself. Vampire or not, he was still a chevalier at heart. So, he took off the upper half of his tuxedo, and draped it over his head like a shawl. He then flew up into the cockpit, and employed his vampiric strength in the literal unseating of Capt. Peachfuzz.
He accomplished this just as the sunlight streaming through the cockpit's windshield began to make his clothing smolder.
"Uhm! I hate to say this," said the self-proclaimed Spider-Man: "But, your tux has just become a 'smoking' jacket."
Before the eight-century-old vampire could appropriately retort, a strange red glow filled the cockpit. This was followed by a wave of vertigo that made everyone pass out.
When they revived, the first thing they noticed--looking in at them, through the plane's windshield--was a giant eye.
tbc
"Dr. Shrinker" was one of the rotating segments on the first season of THE KROFFT SUPERSHOW (ABC, 1976-78). The title character was played by the legendary Jay Robinson. Perhaps, second-best known as racist millionaire "Monroe Feather," from the "blaxploitation" classic, THREE THE HARD WAY.
