Hello, and welcome to chapter nine of Evening Falls! This chapter is only Bella's POV, and is far shorter than my chapters usually are, but since it's her wedding day, I thought Bella deserved a chapter to herself. (Plus the rest isn't quite done and I'm impatient. :p )However, I will have another chapter up soon with Elisa and Edward's POVs, never fear!
A huge thank you again to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. Your encouragement and readership has meant so much to me and I am very much looking forward to moving on with the story. There is still a huge amount to come, and while I'm a bit anxious about Breaking Dawn and how it might affect your desire to read this story, I'm hoping that my tale is different enough to still keep you all interested. At the end of the chapter that I upload tonight, I will have a new story summary that will give you some hints as to what is to come!
Please keep the reviews coming - they are such an inspiration to me.
Edit: So sorry that I didn't get the next chapter out last night...family stuff came up but it's almost ready...should be up late morning to early afternoon PST! Thanks again for reading.
Everyone's here..
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next
I dare you to move...
'Dare You To Move', Switchfoot
Bella:
Nice, soothing, blissful calm surrounded me as I sat there, perched on the stool in Alice's bedroom, waiting for the ceremony to begin. I had to admit that it wasn't exactly how I expected to feel at this point, just minutes before the biggest life-altering event of my life. I knew a great deal of my sudden inner peace was due to the conversation I'd just had with Edward, but I was started to suspect that Jasper had snuck up the stairs and unleashed some serious tranquility in my direction as well. At the moment, I was feeling too relaxed to mind.
I glanced at the others in the room. Jessica was still at the window, pointing out guests to a patiently listening Angela and regaling her with every bit of gossip she'd heard over the summer so far. On the other side of the room, Esme and Renee appeared to be bonding - they'd been deep in conversation for the last several minutes, only stopping to toss me fond looks every few seconds.
On the other hand, Alice, well... I smothered a chuckle as I watched her pace back and forth across the bedroom floor, her hands on her hips. She was muttering under her breath and casting annoyed glances at the door. It was almost amusing, in a way, getting to be the serene one now as she grew more and more tense. I really hoped that Rosalie and Elisa made an appearance soon though, because I suspected Alice's head might actually explode if they kept her waiting for much longer.
Just as head exploding seemed dangerously imminent, Alice suddenly stilled, looking at the door. A few seconds later it opened and Elisa appeared, shepherded inside by Rosalie.
"Sorry about the delay, Search and rescue took a little bit longer than I'd anticipated." It was hard to tell if Rosalie was joking or not...her words were playful but her face was tense. As soon as she realized I was looking though, she smoothed out her expresson and gave me a gleaming smile.
Elisa was greeting Esme and Renee now, murmuring apologies, and then she turned to look at me. I smiled at her. "We were starting to get worried, Elisa. What have you been doing all this time?"
I was surprised by the wariness that sprang into both Rosalie and Alice's eyes at what I thought was a fairly innocent question. Elisa's face was hesitant, almost torn, as if she were debating whether to reply or not. A glance from Alice seemed to decide the matter and she shrugged. "Nothing much. Just talking to a few people. I lost track of time."
I didn't believe that for a second, not with all the shifty looks the three of them were giving each other. They were definitely hiding something - you'd think Rosalie and Alice, at least, would be better at it after all the years of practice they had. I suppose I should have been concerned but it was funny how I just couldn't bring myself to care. Wow. Jasper was awesome. If he could bottle this effect, he'd be...well, even richer than he already was.
I giggled to myself as I took another sip from the glass of champagne Alice had pressed into my hand several minutes earlier, and then I stopped. Maybe it wasn't Jasper after all. Maybe the champagne was going to my head - I wasn't at all used to alcohol. I eyed the contents of the crystal goblet suspiciously, and then shrugged and took another swallow. I could definitely get used to euphoric, carefree me.
"Wow, check you out, Bella!" Elisa said now as she watched me. "I should be asking you what happened while I was gone. When I left you were...um...well, kind of a wreck. Now you're all..." she searched for the right word. "...glowy!"
This set me into another fit of giggles and Elisa gave me a strange look. "Glowy..." I snickered. "You're so cute, Elisa."
"Um...yeah." Elisa was eyeing the glass I'd set down on the dressing table, and then subtly, she eased herself between me and it. "Well, I'm glad to see you've gotten over the nerves. There was nothing to be scared of anyway."
"Well, you're braver than me, Bella." Jessica announced from the window before I could reply. "I'd be terrified if I were you. I mean, there must be like a hundred people here! Oh my gosh...is that the mayor?"
"Alice!" I choked, all my serenity instantly dissolving. "Tell me you didn't!"
Alice looked at a spot over my head, determinedly not meeting my eyes. "Well, I ran into her at the post office and it seemed rude not to..."
"And a hundred people??" I glared at her as Renee hurried over to put a soothing hand on my shoulder.
"Sixty-five!" Alice corrected, giving Jessica a dirty look. "Well, more or less." She smiled sweetly.
I forced myself to take several deep breaths, picturing Edward's face in my mind as I willed the calm to return. "That's fine...it's all fine." I mumbled. "I'm happy. I want to do this. I'm perfectly serene. I...I need more champagne." I reached for my glass but Alice snatched it away.
"Oh no, you don't." She chuckled. "You hold your liquor like a broken glass, and we need sober Bella at the altar." Darn it.
"Never mind all that now." Esme was next to me before I realized it. "Less than fifteen minutes to go now." She smiled brightly. "Renee, let me take you downstairs and get you and Phil seated."
My mother came over and hugged me tightly, tears already trembling at the corners of her lashes. "I'm so happy for you, Isabella. I will see you in a few minutes. Make me proud." She kissed my cheek and then they were gone.
"There's a few last minute traditions to observe." Alice informed me before I had time to spiral into an anxiety attack. I noticed now that Elisa, Angela, and Jessica were all holding boxes.
Nervously, I swallowed. "What's this?"
Alice smiled at Elisa, who walked forward, handing me a long, flat, black velvet jewelry case. "From Edward." She announced. "Your something old, to show that family and the past is never really forgotten."
With slightly trembling fingers, I opened the long case and then gasped at the sight inside. The antique, multi-strand pearl choker that met my gaze was absolutely beautiful. I traced the ivory cameo at the center in awe.
"Let me help you." Alice was beside me, lifting it out of the case and fastening it around my throat.
"This belonged to his mother too, didn't it?" I murmured as she adjusted it.
Alice nodded, smiling. "It's perfect with your dress." She stepped away from me and nodded to Angela.
"Next is something new to represent looking ahead, to new beginnings." Angela smiled, passing me a much smaller jewelry box. This one contained a simple but beautiful pair of teardrop pearl earrings to match the choker.
"Thank you." I told her as she helped me slip them into my ears, and then Rosalie stepped up to me.
"Something borrowed, not only a piece of jewelry but a piece of the happiness that Emmett and I share, to show you and Edward the way to find your own." With that, Rosalie slipped a brilliantly sparkling diamond bracelet off of her own wrist and onto mine.
I barely had time to stammer another thank you before a giggling Jessica was thrusting another box into my hand, this one small, white, and cardboard. "Something blue, for purity." She said, her voice amused as I lifted the lid. "Though I doubt you'll stay pure for long once Edward gets a load of that on your leg." I blushed as I looked down at the frilly silk blue garter nestled on the cotton. Edward wasn't really planning on hiking my skirt up in front of everyone and -
My thoughts were cut off as Alice, chuckling no doubt at the obvious direction of my thoughts, stepped forward. "The last traditional token for the bride to carry down the aisle is a 'sixpence for the shoe'. It represents prosperity and good fortune in your new life." She dimpled as she smiled at me.
"That's a nice thought." I said, relieved that Alice wasn't handing me any coins to stick in my already dangerous high heels. "It's a good thing we don't have any sixpences lying around though. I'm naturally inclined to fall already without anything sliding around in my shoes."
Alice rolled her eyes. "I know that, Bella. That's why I had your shoes specially made."
My eyes widened as I looked down at my delicate, strappy heels. "You mean, it's already...?"
Alice smiled smugly. "Yes. There is a sixpence imbedded in the lining of your right shoe. There's no real need for either of you to worry about the prosperous part, but everyone can use a bit of good fortune, don't you think?"
"Wow." I admired her ingenuity as I wriggled my toes inside my shoe. "I can't even feel it. Thank you, Alice!"
"Ladies!" Esme had reappeared at the doorway. "It's time!"
I froze. Outside, I could hear the band begin to play, and my palms became moist. I could feel myself start to shake.
"It's alright, Bella." Alice whispered softly, putting a cool arm around my waist and walking me out the door. Behind us, Jessica and Elisa were chattering excitedly, and on the other side of me Angela gave my shoulder a reassuring pat.
"I know." I whispered back to Alice. "I'm fine. I want to do this." Why, oh why, when I knew this was my choice, did that have to feel like a lie? Why did all my blazing insecurities and crippling shyness have to come raging back now?
Before I was ready, we were downstairs in front of the French doors that led out to the patio. From there, it was just a short walk around the corner of the house to where the ceremony would be. Charlie was waiting for us, smiling nervously as he shifted back and forth. His eyes grew damp as he looked at me, just like they had earlier at the house when he'd first seen me in my wedding dress, and I felt my own eyes dew up in response.
Esme suddenly turned to me and clenched me in a tight embrace that left me mildly breathless. "My daughter." She breathed as she released me, her face emotional. With a final pat on my cheek, she hurried out the door to join the guests waiting for my appearance.
The music outside changed now, and my heart hammered wildly as Alice turned to Jessica, handing her one of the small bridesmaids' bouquets. "You're up!"
Jessica sent me a bright smile, tossed back her hair, and then sauntered out the door. In quick succession Angela, Elisa, and Rosalie were sent after her. Then Alice turned to Charlie, gave him a brief but heartfelt hug, and looked at me, beaming. "This is it, Bella!" her voice was nearly vibrating with excitement. "Thank you so much for going through with this. You won't regret it, I promise." I could only whimper in response. Alice ignored that as she picked up her own bouquet and with a few graceful, gliding steps, she was gone.
"Well, Bells." Charlie lifted his arm for me to take. "I guess we're next."
I didn't respond, nor did I take the offered arm. A loud voice, one sounded a lot like Alice, was shrieking inside my head for me to move, but I could not make my body obey. I was stricken with terror and it was a far different reason then I had imagined it would be. I was not afraid to marry Edward, not anymore. I was not frightened to walk out in front of all those people...well, alright, so I was, but that was an infinitessimally tiny fear compared to what was raging inside me now.
No, what was making me so rigid with fright was the sudden, heavy sense of loss I felt, the terror of letting go of my parents, my friends, of my humanity. I knew this was coming, but I'd always pushed it to the back of my mind, letting it get lost in my desire to be with Edward for all of eternity, a decision that I still knew was the right one. Yet I had lived in denial too long, only allowing myself the briefest bit of lingering on what I was giving up. Now I had to face it...right now, this minute, because as soon as I took Charlie's arm and walked outside, there was no going back. It was too much to deal with. What if I wasn't strong enough to give it all up, to stand at Edward's side for all of eternity, watching the world change while we remained frozen in time forever? Could I really be a true Cullen? Did I have it in me? Or had everyone overestimated me? Had I overestimated myself?
"Bella?" Charlie's voice was anxious now. "Honey, your music's started. We've got to go."
"Dad..." I croaked out, feeling my eyes fill with tears. How I wanted to do it, how I wanted to be brave enough to take that first step, but strong Bella had left the building. In her place stood cowering, shaking Bella, too scared to even take a breath.
"You're holding everything up, you know."
Someone spoke from the doorway and I froze into place as the voice penetrated my brain. I knew it instantly, its every resonance, the light teasing tone that I never thought I'd hear again, and yet I could not bring myself to believe it was really him. He couldn't be here, safe, whole, smiling, on my wedding day. I was just having some enormously vivid wish fulfillment fantasy.
It was the stunned expression on Charlie's face that made me realize I wasn't dreaming, that forced me to raise my disbelieving eyes to the doorway.
Jacob was standing there, his massive frame filling the doorway that led to the lawn, and blocking out the light from the cloudy sky overhead. I couldn't speak; couldn't make a sound. Distantly, I was aware of Charlie mumbling something and then leaving the room. For an endless second we merely stood there, staring at each other. I took in every detail of his appearance, from the neat black slacks and suit jacket he wore over a casual white shirt to the new length of his hair. I t was trimmed neatly, far shorter than when I'd last seen him, just long enough to barely reach past his ears.
Then I took in his face, frowning slightly as I saw how prominent his cheekbones were. He hadn't been taking care of himself. And yet, unbelievably, his full lips were curled into a smile as he gazed back at me. Not the bitter smirk of the boy/man forced into a secret life he wanted no part of, but the genuine sunshine smile of my Jacob. His eyes, they were sparkling too, crinkled into laugh lines as he took in my astonishment.
"Cat got your tongue, Bella? Can't even say hello?" He grinned.
"Uh..." I could only sputter for a moment and then deep, joyous relief finally loosened my tongue and the words spilled out. "Jacob! Where have you been? Are you OK? How could you just take off like that? Do you have any idea how worried I was when I heard? And Billy - "
"Bella." His smooth voice interrupted and I was instantly silent. "Look, I'd love to play Twenty Questions all day with you, but there's a whole crowd out there waiting for you to make an appearance. Plus I imagine the groom is getting just a bit nervous by this point." I could tell by the sudden mischievous touch to his grin that he was enjoying the idea of Edward sweating it out at the altar, waiting for me.
"But Jacob - " I couldn't just leave it at that, shrug my shoulders at his miraculous reappearance, and then trot blithely down the aisle.
"Bella, the only thing you need to know is that I'm alright." Jacob's face was serious for a moment. "That's why I'm here. I knew you wouldn't believe it until you saw me for yourself. And now you do. I am alright, and I'm going to keep being that way. I'm sorry that I left, and that I worried anyone, but it was just something I needed to do. But I'm here now, for you. I didn't want to miss your big day."
The tears nearly overflowed then, and it took a gigantic effort to hold them back. I sniffed loudly, and Jacob sighed. "We can talk afterward. You've got to get moving." He picked up my bouquet from the table, and I suddenly became aware that 'Here Comes the Bride' was still playing, but slower now, a little discordant, as if some of the musicians had stopped and others were wondering to continue. My heart nearly stopped and then began to hammer wildly as I remembered once more what I was facing and I stared frantically into Jacob's face.
He surveyed me and my clear terror for a moment. "But hey, if you want to back out, I can hotwire a car and have us on the freeway in ten minutes. What do you say?" His grin was positively wicked now.
I stared at him for a moment, and then simultaneously, we both began to laugh. For a moment that was the only sound in the room, and as our chuckles mingled together I felt myself go nearly weak with relief.
"But you're sure, aren't you? I mean, despite the fact that your knees are knocking together." Jake's smile was gentle now. "This is really what you want, isn't it?"
I paused and took a deep breath, then nodded. "Yes." I prayed that it wouldn't hurt him again, that simple word. "It's more than that. It's what I need. I'm just a little...well, a lot terrified."
"It's OK to be scared. But you've made your choice, Bella. Now it's time to follow through." His voice was still kind - too kind. Jacob was moving across the room as he spoke, opening the door and speaking to summon Charlie back in. My father came, hesitantly at first, and then as he saw my luminescent expression and the smile on Jacob's face, his own face visibly relaxed. Charlie came to stand next to me, and automatically, I took his arm, still staring, wide-eyed, at Jacob. Why should he be so mature, so understanding? Why wasn't he tearing me apart with his words, or with the pain I knew I must still be causing him? I didn't deserve his friendship, his forgiveness, his acceptance, and yet he was here, holding it out to me. It was too much, for him to take the burden off my shoulders and add it to his own, and yet suddenly I felt so light...so free.
"You ready, Bells?" Charlie was asking me now.
I looked once more at Jacob, for courage, and he nodded at me. "Just put one foot in front of another. Oh, and try not to fall down." His lips quirked and then once again, his face became serious. "You're a beautiful bride. Be happy, Bella. You deserve that."
"Thank you, Jacob. Thank you so much." My voice was hoarse and then we were moving towards the door. The panic was warring with anticipation now, but Alice must have seen that I was coming because suddenly the band began full force again and I could almost hear the crowd shift and turn their heads to the end of the aisle where I would be appearing at any second. I turned to give Jacob a pleading look and he nodded in answer to my unspoken question.
"I'll be here, Bella. Right out front. Go on now."
With that, with the strength I'd borrowed from Jacob giving me momentum, Charlie and I stepped through the glass door, onto the lawn, and turned towards my destiny, towards my choice, towards my new life.
And with each step I took, I said goodbye.
Goodbye to Charlie, my father. The man who was silent, but strong, the father I'd barely known until I was seventeen, and yet I had come to rely on him so much, and never once had he let me down.
Goodbye to Renee, my erstwhile, scattered brained mother, the one who taught me to love and laugh and to care for others. To not only expect the unexpected, but embrace it.
Goodbye to Jacob, my sun, my shelter from the storm, my safe haven, who taught me that love comes in so many different forms and can sneak up on you when you least expect it.
Goodbye to Angela, my true, faithful friend. I'd learned my lesson well from her...kind, loving souls like Angela were rare and should be treasured, not neglected or taken for granted. I would never forget that again.
Goodbye to the rest of them, Jessica, Mike, Ben, Eric, Lauren... and so many other people who all had their effect on me, some more so than others, but each had left a mark and a memory that I would treasure. Each had their own small part in my fate, in shaping the person who would walk before them today and I was suddenly so grateful to them all, to everyone that was waiting for me, that my throat closed and my eyes became misty. I wished I could tell them. I wished I could have been more for them what they were for me. Most of all, I wished for the best for them, that one day, each and every single one of them would get to be as scared, uncertain, terrified, and most of all, as gloriously happy as I was right now. Everyone should have a day like this.
Most of all, goodbye to me, Bella from Phoenix, Bella of Forks, human, clumsy, insecure Bella Swan. I'd learned all I could from the me I was right then. Now I was choosing to let her go, to metamorphasis, not just into a vampire, but into an adult, a lover, a fighter, and a wife. Everything was going to change. I wondered what this new Bella would be like. I hoped that I could be proud of her. I hoped that she would be someone who deserved to be as lucky as I knew I was.
And then we were turning, my father patting my hand nervously as we appeared around the corner of the house and the crowded mass of seats in front of the floral archway came into view. I heard the collective intake of breath, the whispers, and vaguely I registered every head turning in my direction. I didn't care. There was only one face in my vision and I smiled as Edward's eyes locked on to me.
The time for goodbyes was past now. My future was waiting, and on steady legs and with a soaring heart, I walked forward to meet it.
