Kaidan woke up with another headache. It took him a few moments to drag himself out his dream. He had been dreaming of Mae; he had taken her back to the sushi restaurant and kissed her passionately across the table. When he had pulled away, it was Shepard in his arms, Shepard's lips bruised from his kisses. He had felt happy.

He shook his head to clear it, sitting up. It had been two weeks since he had heard the news from Anderson that she was still alive. He had been expecting to hear from her. Surely he had to be next. But he had heard nothing. He felt like he had done when she had first died; he floated around during the day, his brain foggy and thick, unable to concentrate on anything. His biotics were becoming more erratic. He was lost without Shepard.

He had visited Mae before shipping out to Horizon. She had come to the door in a floral robe, her hair hanging loose down her back. She looked positively angelic.

"Kaidan?" She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"I'm sorry to wake you, Mae. I'm leaving the Citadel today. I thought I would come and say goodbye." Kaidan had known as he said the words that it was the final goodbye. Mae deserved to be with someone who could care for her properly, not someone who was hung-up on his apparently resurrected girlfriend.

"Oh?" She had clearly understood his meaning, too. He saw the questions in her eyes.

"She's alive," he had said quietly.

"Oh."

Kaidan didn't regret his decision. He rubbed his stubbly chin distractedly. He needed to have a shower. The Alliance weren't involved with the colony normally, so there was nowhere for him to stay. Anderson had thought it would be a good idea for him to stay with some sympathetic residents, so that he could try to build a positive relationship with the colonists. Kaidan also suspected that Anderson was worried about allowing him to spend too much time alone.

So he was staying with the Traynors, an older couple whose daughter was a comm specialist in the Alliance. They were some of the few people on this whole planet who seemed to like him. He felt like everything he did annoyed somebody. It wasn't a great feeling, but with everything else that was swimming around his head, he could hardly bring himself to care.

He sat up and reached for his trousers and t-shirt. The Traynors spare room was small and bare. He didn't have his own bathroom here and was sharing with them. He didn't mind the situation to be honest- they were really pleasant people.

He decided to go make a cup of coffee before getting his armour on and doing his daily patrol of the area. So far, there had been no sign whatsoever of the Collectors. It did seem like a potential target for them, though; like the other places that had been hit, this was a quiet, poorly defended human colony.

It was early and the house was quiet. He could hear the Traynors snoring as he walked past their closed bedroom door. He padded downstairs and into the kitchen.

A woman had his back to him and was going through the cupboard, muttering to herself. Kaidan couldn't believe the house was being robbed. He just seemed to attract trouble.

"Hey!" he called, folding his arms. She looked slender and weak. He doubted he would have to use his biotics but he tensed himself just in case.

She stopped and turned around, clearly startled. "Who are you?" she demanded, narrowing dark eyes at him.

"I'm Commander Kaidan Alenko."

"The war hero? Why are you in my parents' house?"

"Oh. Oh." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I just woke up." He stepped forward and offered her his hand. "Let's start again, shall we? I'm Kaidan."

"Commander Alenko, you mean?" Her eyes glittered. She had a plummy, full, beautifully-regulated accent. "I'm Specialist Traynor. Samantha." She shook his hand and he noticed her fingers were trembling slightly.

"Are you alright, Traynor? Your hand is shaking."

She offered him a slightly crooked smile. "I'm fine. I was just worried you were going to charge at me. You have a very... murderous expression." Turning away from him, she continued rummaging through the cupboard. She was a very pretty young woman. Her dark hair was twisted into a relaxed knot at the nape of her neck. She was wearing an oversized grey hoodie.

"Did you just arrive this morning?" he asked.

"Yes." She cleared her throat. "You'll have to forgive me, Commander. I'm famously poor at social interaction. I'm not good at small talk. Do you want a cup of coffee?"

He chuckled at her. "I'd love one." Sitting at the table, he folded his hands on his lap, watching her make the coffee. "You on shore leave?"

"Yep. Using the time off to visit the parents because I'm permanently single and have nowhere else to go." She threw him a self-deprecating smile and handed him a cup, sitting down beside him and cradling her own in small hands. "How about you? Not here for shore leave, I imagine?"

"No. I'm here as part of an Alliance outreach program."

"I didn't realise we had one." Kaidan didn't know if she was referring to the colony or the Alliance. He got the impression that she was a seriously intelligent woman.

"I'm responsible for trying to fix the GARDIAN turrets."

"Do those things still not work?" Traynor sipped her drink thoughtfully. "I bet the people aren't taking your presence particularly well. The Alliance isn't well-liked out here."

Kaidan opened his mouth to reply to her when there was a frenzied rapping at the back door. Traynor stood up, looking confused, and went to open it. Lilith stood there. Kaidan had been working with her quite a lot recently. She looked exhausted and panicky. He stood up automatically at the sight of the expression on her face. It wasn't going to be good.

"Sam?" Lilith was momentarily sidetracked by the sight of the Traynors' daughter. She reached out and hugged the young woman.

"Lilith! How nice to see you. What's wrong?"

Lilith looked to Kaidan, biting her lip. "The communications are down."

Kaidan felt his heart rate start to climb. This was how the Collectors always began an attack. It was happening. "All communications?"

"I'm afraid so." Lilith raked a hand back through her hair. "Can you help us fix them?"

"We need to fix the guns first," Kaidan said. Traynor looked at him, raising her eyebrows at the intensity of his tone.

"The communications are our priority, Commander," Lilith replied gently. "I'm sorry."

"I can help fix the communications," Traynor offered.

Kaidan shook his head slightly at her, so slightly that he didn't think Lilith noticed. Traynor's eyes narrowed but she said nothing. "Lilith, can you start heading over there? I need to get my things. I'll meet you there."

Lilith nodded, apparently satisfied, and headed off. The door closed behind her.

"What's going on, Commander?" Traynor asked.

"It's the Collectors." He heard her gasp. "You're Alliance trained. I need you to round up as many people as you can and get them to safety- a bunker or something similar."

"Yes, Sir." She swallowed, clearly terrified.

He hesitated, then patted her on the arm. "Traynor, you'll be fine. I know you will."


It was hell. Would it ever wear off? Kaidan could see and hear, but he couldn't move at all. He could hear the screams of the colonists, see the Collectors dragging their victims away.

They were truly vile creatures. Watching them, Kaidan noticed that they seemed to be utterly devoid of emotion. It was as though they weren't even really alive.

What would happen when they took him? The Alliance had no idea why the Collectors were abducting colonists. Death had never been a particular fear of Kaidan's, even less so since Shepard had died. He knew he didn't want to die without never seeing her again though. Her return had complicated so much.

The Collectors all left suddenly, heading towards the heart of the colony. Kaidan couldn't move his head to see who else was left around him but he had a feeling he was the only human left in this area. Lilith had been dragged past him earlier. He should have been able to help her. He felt the same rage he always felt when he couldn't save them all, the same disappointment in himself.

The Collectors seemed to be in no hurry to return. Time dragged impossibly slowly for Kaidan. He found himself drifting out of consciousness, starting to dream of Shepard again.

They were sitting on a bench in the Presidium. The wreckage of Sovereign was burning. Kaidan could see himself, battered and bruised from the fight, being pulled away. He was looking back towards the wreckage, looking for Shepard.

The Shepard on the bench beside him took his hand as they watched. "Remember this?" she asked.

"How could I forget?" Kaidan sighed, turning to look at her. She looked tired.

"Oh, look, here I am." Shepard squeezed his fingers as the Shepard he really remembered, not his imagined partner watching the scene, clambered out of the smoking wreckage. He watched the expression of indescribable relief and love on his on face.

"I've been reliving this moment for two years," Kaidan said. "You're not dead any more, do you know that?"

"I was never dead. I've been in here the whole time." She touched his chest.

"You're a lot more loving in my imagination." He closed his eyes. "Why are you working with Cerberus?"

"I don't know." She squeezed his fingers. "The feeling's coming back into your legs."

Kaidan collapsed painfully to the ground. His whole body was stinging; his legs were weak.

"Commander?" Traynor's voice was coming from his omni-tool.

"Traynor. Are comms back up? What's the situation with the Collectors?" His voice came out breathless and rough. He tried, unsuccessfully, to stand up.

"They're back up. The Collectors are still here. They're located at one location. I'm sending you the nav point." She paused. "There's something else. Sending you security footage from the location."

Sat alone in the mud, Kaidan stared at the image on his omni-tool. A woman was shooting Collectors. The image was blurry, but it was Shepard. She was here.

"I'm heading to that location." Kaidan pushed himself up and forced himself to run. "Traynor, give me an update on the colonists."

There was an awkward pause. His body stung as he forced it on. Traynor finally replied in a subdued voice. "A significant number have been taken."

He didn't reply, merely continued sprinting through the colony. Sweat was beginning to pool on his brow. He had to get to Shepard. She was in danger and she needed him. In the long few minutes that it took him to get to her, that was all he could think of. Not the Cerberus thing, or the death thing. Shepard, who he loved, was fighting Collectors without him.

The defence towers came online with a chorus of noise that was overwhelming. He glanced up as he ran. The Collector ship was leaving! But there were so many colonists aboard. He had failed. With a frustrated growl, he ran on, determined to get to Shepard.

It was still and very silent when he arrived. For a moment, he stood still, heart racing. He was too late. She was dead again. He grabbed onto a crate for support, for a moment reliving those hours waiting for news after the Normandy was destroyed.

"Do something!" A man's voice, one that he didn't know, shattered the silence. Quietly, Kaidan inched closer, staying behind cover.

"I didn't want it to end this way." Shepard. "I did what I could." He felt a lurch in his stomach as he heard her voice. Even though he had seen enough images to believe that she really was back, hearing her talking confirmed it for him.

"If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on board that ship." Those were the slightly annoyed, flanging tones of Garrus Vakarian.

"Shepard? Wait." The unknown male voice sounded just as annoyed as Garrus. Kaidan realised it was Delan, the bad-tempered mechanic. "I know that name. Sure, I remember you. You're some kind of big Alliance hero."

Kaidan didn't know why he was compelled to reveal himself at that moment. He found himself walking out into the open. "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, saviour of the Citadel." He was looking at her in person for the first time in two years. Those wide green eyes looked back at him, full of emotions. Surprise, he noted, wasn't among them. Cerberus must have tipped her off that he would be here.

She didn't look different. The scars were different, something which made him do a slight double take. The armour was different. But she was the same. She had a smear of blood on her cheek. Her beautiful hair was scraped back, some strands falling loose around her face. It was Shepard.

"You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost."

"All the good people we lost, and you get left behind," Delan said. "Figures." He looked back at Shepard. "Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types." He strode away angrily.

Kaidan looked back at Shepard. He saw her swallow. She was framed by Garrus, who was still clutching his rifle and giving Kaidan a hard look he couldn't read, and the woman he recognised as Miranda Lawson. Lawson was truly breathtaking to behold, but the only thing he really took in was the Cerberus logo on her chest.

He ignored both of them and walked towards Shepard. He saw her move towards him. Suddenly, he was stood before her, looking down into face. Two years vanished for a moment, and he forgot she had ever been gone. I love you. He could taste the words in his mouth.

She blinked at him. A small smile softened her face. It was the smile he had loved seeing in the mornings.

He swept her into his arms. Two years since he had held this woman. He clung to her armour, and felt her doing the same. She was the only woman for him. He had been stupid to ever think otherwise. Her face pressed into his shoulder and he caught the scent of her hair.

His eyes filled up with tears. He loved her and she wasn't dead. She was here, nestled in his arms. Still brave and beautiful.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard." The words came out in a thick, muddled rush. "We all did."

She drew back, and she smiled, but he could see it was forced. "It's been too long, Kaidan," she said, with false brightness. "How have you been?"

Irritation prickled at him. "Is that all you have to say? You show up after two years and just act like nothing happened." She had never been as giving with her emotions as he had. It had always annoyed him. He rubbed his forehead agitatedly. "I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart." There he went again, spilling his feelings to her. His anger was mounting, now at himself as much as at her.

Something closed in her face. He saw clouds gather in her eyes.

"How could you put me through that?" He was almost shouting now. "Why didn't you contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

She hesitated. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. I was clinically dead. Took two years to bring me back. So much time has passed. You've moved on." He saw Mae's face flash before him for a second and felt overwhelming guilt. He hated Shepard's calm, reasonable tone. It was like she was dealing with him. Like she had expected him to be this way. Somehow, that annoyed him even more. She sighed. "I didn't want to reopen old wounds."

"I did move on. At least, I thought I did. But now we've got reports about you and Cerberus." His eyes flashed over to Lawson again.

Lawson met his glare with a steely one of her own. "Reports? So much for security."

Kaidan looked back to Shepard, his chest burning with anger. "Alliance intel thought that Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. I got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson told me that you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."

She folded her arms, a typically Shepard gesture that showed she was getting just as angry as he was. They had never fought before, he realised. "Our colonies are disappearing. The Alliance turned its back on them. Cerberus is the only group willing to do something about it."

He took a step towards her. "You can't really believe that. We both know what Cerberus is like, what they're capable of. I wanted to believe the rumours you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You turned your back on everything we believed in." He took a deep breath. "You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

Her face was unguarded for a moment, and he saw the hurt in her eyes. "Kaidan. You know me. You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself- the Collectors are targeting human colonies. And they're working with the Reapers." She took a step towards him, mimicking his earlier action. She was looking at him beseechingly. She wanted him to believe her. He wanted to believe her.

"I want to believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"

Lawson scoffed, folding her arms. "Typical Alliance attitude. You're so focused on Cerberus that you're blind to the real threat."

Shepard glanced at Lawson, then back to Kaidan. Her calm, dealing-with-Kaidan voice was back. "You're letting the way you feel about their history get in the way of the facts." She was siding with Cerberus. He couldn't believe it.

"Maybe." He knew his voice was laced with venom. "Or maybe you're working with Cerberus because you feel like you owe them because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed." She inhaled as though he had struck her. "But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always have been. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

He forced himself to turn away from her.

"Kaidan, wait." Her voice was thick with emotion. He couldn't resist looking back at her. She looked broken, eyes brimming with tears.

"It's too late, Shepard."

"Let him go." Garrus spoke up for the first time, glaring at Kaidan and placing a hand on her shoulder. It was a gesture Kaidan had never seen him make before. Bile rose in his throat.

Shepard shrugged Garrus' hand off and stepped forward, capturing Kaidan's hand in her own. For a moment he stood still, marvelling at how small her fingers were the same way he always did. "I could use somebody like you on my crew, Kaidan." Her voice was quiet. "It'll be just like old times."

Just like old times. He had laughed with this woman. Covered her in a fight. Shared a bed with her. Every morning. I love you, Shepard. "No, it won't." He blinked back tears, forcing himself to do the right thing. "I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful."

He pulled his hand from hers and walked away, refusing to look back. Hot tears prickled his eyes. He hadn't handled that very well.

How many men got a second chance when their girlfriend died? Only one that he knew of.

Was he doing the right thing? He wanted to rush back to her and kiss those lips, the ones which had said begged him to come back. He wanted to apologise and follow her to end of the universe.

Duty first. Always.