Hi everyone! :)
I was reading ch. 8 after I published it and realized that it's bad. D:
Perhaps bad is a bit strong of a word, but perhaps it isn't. After all, I feel like I failed to correctly show the emotions that the characters were really feeling. To reduce such discord in this chapter, I reviewed it extensively. In the past, editing mostly involved looking for grammatical errors and checking for sentence fluency. For this chapter, I went through each individual sentence and asked myself if I was portraying what I was picturing in my mind to the best of my abilities, making changes if the answer was no.
I'm going to go through and do the same style of editing for my past chapters and re-upload them (probably starting with ch. 8 and then going back to ch. 1 and working in order). If you've already read them (and I hope you have if you're looking at chapter 9), there's no need to read them again; the content will be the same. The reason that I'm telling you this is that I'll have to spend more time reviewing and less time writing, resulting in slower uploads. I know, it sucks, but I would rather focus on quality than quantity, and I'm sure that you guys don't want to read more bad writing. :)
Additionally, I have my AP Lit test on Wednesday, so I might not be able to upload more until after then. Oh wait... this chapter kind of has a cliffanger xD. I'll try to get the next chapter out before then. :)
TL;DR: Reviewing better, slower uploads, hopefully higher quality.
SMF: Who doesn't hate Porky?... Although, I admit that I do feel bad for him at times. :) Heh, I do feel evil for killing Kumatora and Ninten off (I would make the evil face emoticon, but this website turns them into smilies for some reason...). They both have remaining writing devoted to them and will continue to appear in different ways (I make no promises about bringing them back physically, though).
Like a jolt of lightning, Kumatora's death roused me from my despair. Her insane laugh is a sound that I will surely take to the grave and beyond. Insanity's warm clutches may be tempting, but losing our rational judgment is akin to death.
Kumatora, who is normally quite pragmatic, would be horrified to see herself fall into the void of insanity from the outside, I feel. If I were to go insane, would I act like Kumatora? The idea scares me.
I no longer care how other people view me, but I do care about how I view myself. Can I really plunge into the warm, calming waters of insanity knowing that I would be mortified at the thought of going insane just months earlier?
I think not.
Jeff Andonuts worked desperately, trying to find some way to help. Working with computers was Jeff's forte. He should be able to do something, right?
Apparently not.
Jeff's fingers streaked across the keyboard, perspiration making them slippery. On a computer screen above him, he watched stars fall from the sky into a lonely room, taking lives for their own as they ravaged and pillaged the cold room. Two people, Fassad and a pigmask, were already dead. Two more, Ninten and Kumatora, would join them in death unless Jeff could save them.
I have to hurry up!
Jeff had almost finished hacking into the main system. He should be able to lower the glass wall between Kumatora and Lucas…
Ninten fell still, lying lifeless on the icy, metallic ground, leaking blood from a hole in his chest.
I have to hurry up!
Jeff typed as he never had before, knowing that someone's life rested on his ability to hack into the main servers. As he feverishly worked, Jeff heard triumphant laughter from the screen above him. He looked up and saw Kumatora with arms outstretched, embracing the fiery, hellish starstorm.
NO! Just… a little longer… I can do it… Please…
Kumatora's head fell off of her body.
In that moment, all emotions fled Jeff, leaving him only with a sense of heavy emptiness. This was what he had spent his whole life trying to do! He had spent countless hours working with these damned machines in hopes that he could make a real difference in the world through his skills.
In the end, it was all for nothing.
Jeff wanted to give up on life and fade away quietly. If I can't help people, why the HELL did I learn about how to use these stupid machines? If I can't do anything with my skills, what's the point of existing? The quiet, mechanical room gave no answers.
Claus heard a sound from above him. He looked up and his victorious smile instantly dropped from his face. Some of those helicopter thingies were moving towards him, their propellers making a chopping sound as they cautiously advanced. Pigmasks leaned out from the doors, firing red lasers at Claus with their guns. Claus snarled, letting his rage fully surface.
"PK Thunder Beta!" Claus roared, putting all of his rage into the devastating psionic attack.
Thunder flashed from the sky, striking two of the helicopters and causing them veer and eventually crash into nearby buildings. Claus smiled at the progress. Before, I was scared of killing someone, a part of Claus' mind peeped. Now I'm happy that people are dying around me? This isn't right! Claus ignored that voice within him. He would focus on morality after he survived.
The remaining pigmasks seemed to pick up on the fact that they would be safer out of the air, as it would make them much smaller targets for PK Thunder. The helicopters hastily landed and a horde of pigmasks started streaming out.
Well, Claus thought. That's not good. He turned around and resumed running for his life.
The insane laugh that must have come from Kumatora sent an icy chill down Ness' spine. Instinctively, he ran towards the direction of the laugh.
If she's brainwashed… Ness thought. He didn't know what he would do if she ended up with the same terrifying smile and frozen heart as Ninten. Ninten's malicious transformation still threatened to send him over the edge at times.
Ness saw the door leading to the room where Lucas and the others were. The door was locked. Ness pounded on the door with clenched fists. Damn it Jeff, you had better get this door open soon…
The door opened in front of Ness. Thank you! Sighing in relief, he entered and stopped dead in his tracks. Four corpses lay in the room, but Ness only cared about one of them at the moment.
"Ninten!" He shouted, running towards the boy that was laying on the ground with a massive hole in his chest. "Ninten!" No… is this really happening? "Please, Ninten, open your eyes… Please don't be dead…" Ninten almost looked peaceful, resting there. His serene face just made it look like he was sleeping. Ness swallowed an urge to break down crying.
"Did you know him before he was brainwashed?" Lucas asked. Ness turned around, noticing Lucas for the first time.
"Ninten was… very special to me," Ness said, unable to take his eyes off of the corpse.
He looked up and saw that the starstorm had ravaged the video cameras that monitored the room. Ness could speak freely, a rarity that he cherished.
"We were captured by the pigmasks on the same day," Ness explained. "I was terrified of what they would do to me and my family. Ninten… comforted me. All that he had to offer were words, but his words proved to be enough to keep me going. He told me that so long as we had each other, we would be able to tough it out through hard times. Without him, I don't think that I would have made it. I would be…" Ness and possibly his family would probably be dead in a gutter somewhere. Ness blinked out the image.
"It sounds like he meant the world to you," Lucas responded, his teary eyes meeting Ness'. "I know how that feels."
Ness nodded, trying his hardest not to cry. He failed.
"He was… brainwashed the next day," Ness continued, tears blurring his vision and sorrow forcing him to shiver. "It's so sad… he was such a wonderful person. I wish that he had just died instead of being turned into someone that he despised. It seemed like Porky was trying to prove Ninten's words wrong… to prove that friendship could be broken by a cold-hearted machine. But he was wrong."
"Why?" Lucas asked, cocking his head in an attempt to analyze Ness' words and emotions.
"While Ninten left me, his words remained," Ness whispered in thankful sorrow. "I clung onto each one like an insecure child latches onto their mother. They were… all that I had left. By keeping that part of Ninten close to me, I was able to survive in this living hell. We only knew each other for one day, but he impacted my life more than most people that I've known for years."
"Wow," Lucas replied with wide eyes.
"Yeah," Ness said with a weary sigh. "I was hoping that Ninten could come back. He really deserved it, you know? But… I guess that he'll never get the chance to live out his life." Something about that made Ness want to jump out of a window, if only so that the wind would blow away all of the weight that he felt.
Lucas nodded in understanding, more tears sprouting from his bloodshot eyes.
"I feel the same way about Kumatora," Lucas whispered, sobs cutting off some of his words. "She was scarred, Ness. Nobody should look at death as a friend as she did. She deserved to know the true beauty of life. She should have known birds chirping at the orange sunrise. She should have known leisurely days at the pond, cool water washing away her anxieties. She should have known how to embrace someone with her arms, creating a mutual pact of love and trust. But now she'll never have the chance. That… makes me so sad."
Ness nodded, his heart weighing him down like a backpack filled with stones. For minutes Ness and Lucas sat there in silence, thinking about what it truly meant to die.
Claus didn't know where he was now, and he didn't care. Out of his fringe vision he saw ruined buildings and people with empty eyes wearing tattered clothes, but he didn't take the time to analyze his surroundings. All that mattered was staying one step in front of the pigmasks. Claus threw blasts of PK Fire to discourage pursuit, hearing them sizzle upon impact with the concrete ground. The pigmasks barreled through, squealing in pain. Claus figured that he must be worth a lot for them to go through such an effort. The pigmasks continuously fired their beams, many of which grazed Claus, leaving burn marks on his clothes.
How long can I keep running? He asked himself, but he already knew the answer.
He would keep running for as long as he needed to.
"What do we do now?" Ness asked, angry at nobody in particular. "What can we possibly do after this? Our worlds have just been smashed to bloody pieces. Are we supposed to just shrug it off?"
"No," Lucas replied in a melancholy voice. "If we try to deny the pain, we are no better than Fassad or Porky. We have to remember those who have fallen."
"Ninten always said to face challenges with a smile," Ness said, putting Lucas' words on hold. "I… think that he may be right. But… how am I supposed to smile at this?"
"Oh!" Lucas realized, his eyes darting wide open. "When you were acting jovial…"
"It wasn't a farce. I tried to take his advice and act happy, even though I was in hell and he had been reduced to a shell of his former self. I figured that… maybe if I could fool myself into thinking that I was all right, I could survive."
"I don't think that self-deception is what he meant," Lucas replied with surprising confidence. "We have to take the pain, Ness. If we try to deny the pain, we devalue Ninten's and Kumatora's lives. We should mourn now, but still make sure that we can see enough happiness in the world to be able to laugh and smile later. That's how I see it."
Ness was surprised by Lucas' acceptance of the pain. Ness had always seen Lucas' emotional responses as a weakness of sorts, but now Ness could see who Lucas really was.
Lucas accepted his negative emotions and was able to live with them. That, more than Ness' happy façade or philosophical emptiness, was true strength. He was able to cry when he had to, not letting the tears tear him apart. Instead of having to hide behind a barrier of denial, Lucas took these emotions straight on.
The collared monkey walked up to Lucas, looking at his sorrowful face in concern.
Salsa, Ness sent to the monkey. I am so glad to see that you are not hurt, my friend.
Salsa the monkey smiled at Ness.
There's something that I need you to help me with. Please… lead Lucas to the invention room.
Salsa nodded and tugged at Lucas' shorts.
"Lucas," Ness said, letting a ray of hope into his voice. "You need to escape this nauseating 'school.' Follow the monkey. His name is Salsa. He will lead you to the invention room. Take the flying machine and fly straight up. You should see a path leading out; I discovered it while playing around with those things. We have wasted too much time already."
"What about you?" Lucas asked softly.
"I have to stay and pretend like I'm loyal to Porky. He still has my family."
"Ness…"
"Don't worry about me. Or… if you do worry about me, don't let it destroy you," Ness said, remembering how Lucas could take a surprising amount of emotion and still not break.
Lucas looked into Ness' vulnerable eyes and nodded.
Claus ran into a dead end.
"Damn it!" He shouted, feeling hopeless anger manipulate his body.
Turning around, he saw that several pigmasks and a tank were advancing towards him. Time seemed to slow as the pigmasks ran forward, each step that the pigmasks taking hours.
"So this is where it ends," Claus announced, not afraid in the slightest. Now that he had accepted death, he had nothing left to fear. He just wanted to take as many of these pigmasks down as possible.
"PK Starstorm!" Claus heard from somewhere nearby. Stars cut through the smog of New Pork, smashing into pigmasks. Claus saw his chance as hope began to burrow its way into his heart.
"PK Love Beta!"
Hexagons sprouted from Claus' mind, launching themselves at the pigmasks. The hexagons collided with the pigmasks, killing many and throwing the tank on its back. I was worried before about whether or not the pigmasks that I fought would die, a small part of Claus said, And now I don't care at all? This isn't right.
Claus was forced to hold his thought as a foreign-looking boy wearing a white outfit with a black belt entered Claus' alley. In New Pork's aura of industrial efficiency, this boy's strange attire caused Claus to gape.
"Hello," the boy said, his voice heavily accented. "My name is Poo."
Lucas approached the steel door to the room that would provide his salvation. The last time I was here, everything seemed so normal. Salsa fiddled with the door and eventually managed to get it open.
"Thank you," Lucas said sincerely. "I don't know what I did to deserve this from you. You are better than most humans here in New Pork."
Salsa seemed to be happy with the compliment and entered the room. Lucas' eyes fixed on the flying machine, a helmet attached to a jetpack that could be powered by psychic energy alone.
"I could take you with me," Lucas told Salsa. "You would be free."
Wait, I'm talking to a monkey, Lucas realized. However, Salsa seemed to understand Lucas. The monkey shook his head with a confidence that dispelled all of Lucas' concerns.
"Still have something left to take care of?" Lucas asked. "Well, don't let me stop you. Good luck, whatever it is that you're doing."
As Lucas approached the flying machine, dozens of thoughts flashed through Lucas' head. How was Claus doing? Lucas felt an intense shame at forgetting about his brother during recent events. Also, how had Lucas known what to do in the PSI fight? How had he used PK Love Omega, an ability that he didn't even have access to? Lucas cut off his thoughts. There was still so much that he had to think about, but for now he needed to escape this prison.
Feeling a sense of finality, Lucas put the helmet on and took off, feeling the thrust carry him upward.
Lucas flew out onto the streets of New Pork, seeing once again the sickening splendor of the city. Electric lights lined every building, food was tossed carelessly on the ground to rot, and people had constant looks of mistrust on their faces. Dang, this machine is hard to control, he thought. A girl wearing a pink dress with blond pigtails and blue eyes screamed at the sight of Lucas landing on the ground.
Am I really that scary? Lucas thought.
"PK Freeze Gamma!" The girl shouted in panic.
Wait, what?
As Lucas was hit with the ice blast, the girl covered her mouth in shock. Realizing that the government was capturing people with PSI powers, she ducked and ran into an alley.
Why am I scary enough to cause someone to reveal their PSI powers? I know that this helmet looks futuristic, but really…
Lucas heard the sound of anther jetpack behind him. Lucas turned around to see another person wearing a similar flying machine to Lucas', only this one was more advanced. The helmet that this person wore was more of a mask; it obscured all of his face except for his mouth and a single eye. His jetpack had wings lined with rockets. The man wore an imposing black uniform and dull, orange pants. He carried a massive orange blade in his left hand that radiated heat. Lucas couldn't tell the man's entire facial expression, but it looked… empty.
With a start, Lucas noticed that the person standing right before him had the exact same build as him.
A part of Lucas knew this man.
"The masked man…" Lucas whispered.
The part of Lucas that recognized this person started screaming in terror.
