I do not own Victorious.

Chapter 9. 365 ways to Kill Andre

"Ugh Robbie gross!" His friends exclaimed.

"So you're a panty sniffer? Can't say I'm surprised" Beck said, making the gang crack up.

"That's not what happened! I fell over with my grandma's laundry and landed on them!" Robbie defended.

"Yeah, but not before taking a whiff." Jade said.

"Okay Andre, your turn. Tell us a deep dark secret." Robbie said.

"Okay okay" Andre racked his brain.

He looked sheepish. "I had a crush on Jade for like two days last year."

The group howled.

Tori nodded her head. "It's true, Andre had it bad."

"Wicked Witch probably cast a spell on you." Rex said.

Jade glared at the puppet. Robbie shoved him in his bag. She looked at Andre and smiled wide, no malice behind it.

No one had noticed that Beck seemed to turn to stone.

"How'd you get over me?" She asked. Taking her hand, Beck locked their fingers together.

Andre hesitated.

"Please, tell us." Beck said mechanically.

"Tell them, it was really sweet!" Tori said.

Beck wondered exactly when his crush was and why Tori never mentioned knowing. He didn't like secrets in the group.

"Remember that song I wrote dedicated to my dog?"

Jade thought back as Andre began singing.

"Monday, well baby I fell for you
Tuesday, I wrote you this song"

"Yeeeah" she said slowly.

He stared waiting for her to comprehend.

Jade's jaw dropped. "That was for me?"

"That was for her!" Beck said. He remembered that song. He had danced and clapped for a song written for his girlfriend.

Jade dropped his hand and placed it on Andre's shoulder. She was smiling hard.

"That's so cool Andre."

He grinned at her.

"Really Jade?" The group turned to Beck.

"That's cool? If a girl wrote a song for me you would murder her. I'm not being funny. You would –"

"Calm down Beck! Are you mad?" Jade said.

All eyes were on him.

"Hell yeah!" his subconscious yelled. "No."

Jade turned towards Andre. "Can you send me a link to the song?"

No one caught Beck roll his eyes.


"Later Slappers!" Tori said turning off her webcam.

"You know no one there calls themselves Slappers?" Beck said.

"I do!" Tori raised her hand.

A ping sounded from her laptop. "Check to see who that is." Tori said heading to the kitchen.

Clicking on the link, Beck saw ScissorLuv requesting a video chat.

"It's Jade." He clicked open.

Tori scrunched her face at him as she handed him a water bottle.

"She's never sent me a chat request before."

The screen loaded into Andre's smiling face. Beck looked confused.

"Hey guys." Andre said waving.

"Why are you on Jade's laptop?" Beck asked. He saw a familiar wall paper behind his head. "Are you in her house?"

"Yeah we're watching a monster movie marathon. It's almost over so you guys want to do something?"

"Sure what –"

"Where's Jade?" Beck interrupted Tori.

"She went to take a wazz. Here she is."

Jade's legs appeared onscreen. They seemed to go on a mile before her flat stomach appeared. Her face finally came into view as she sat Indian style next to Andre.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Beck and Tori." Andre said

Tori gave a wave.

Jade looked at the screen and frowned.

"What are you two doing?"

"We were making vids for –"

"You two have a movie marathon day half naked and ask us what we're doing?"

Half naked may have been a stretch. She had on a crop top and shorts. She wore it at his house every weekend. He didn't quite like her parading around in front of Andre in it however.

"You said you didn't want to watch with me, so Andre got your spot. At least we probably aren't making porn vids!"

"I'm sorry what?" Beck said.

"You heard me. Why else is Vega's hair so messed up?" Jade said.

"Hey!" Tori said. She studied her face in the laptop.

"This is weird" Andre said, Tori agreeing.

"How about everyone meet at my RV in twenty minutes."

"And do what?" Jade said. "Watch you and Tori make a sequel?"

"We weren't doing anything!" Tori whined.

"Put on some clothes and meet us there." Beck closed out the program.

"My hair looks fine." Tori said scratching her head.

.

.

"Hi!" Cat said barging into the RV. "Jade invited me so I brought Robbie!"

Andre, Beck, Jade, and Tori sat around the RV.

"Cat, Robbie. Glad you could make it. Let's play the honesty game again. You have to answer any question honestly, if not then you take the punishment." Beck said.

"What's the punishment?" Cat said.

"Can I come up with it?" Jade asked excited.

The group let out a unanimous no. Jade mumbled under her breath.

"The punishment is –" Beck looked around for inspiration. He reached under the bed and pulled out a small cup. "You have to eat this old pudding."

Everyone shuddered. Even Jade grimaced.

"Dude, that's been under your bed for like two weeks!"

"You first Andre." Beck said.

Andre shrugged.

"Who would you rather make out with – Tori or Jade?"

Andre was silently thinking, weighing the pros and cons.

"I don't know. It's –"

"Times up!" Beck said. He scooped a crusty spoon of pudding into Andre's mouth.

The group made a pained expression as Andre gagged.

"I don't like this game." Cat said shaking her head.

"This is pretty gross." Tori agreed.

"Glad you all think that after I eat the pudding!"

"Let's play monopoly!" Robbie said.

"So no one else has to eat the pudding?" Andre said loudly.

"No dude, that's gross" Beck turned to find the board game, a small smirk playing on his lips.

.

.

Two hours later everyone was exhausted and bankrupt except for Jade and Beck.

"Ha! Go to jail bitch!" Jade said plucking Beck's top hat across the board.

Beck groaned "If only I had a card that let me get out. Oh wait –" Beck reached behind his back dramatically. "I do!"

"I'm bored now." Jade said.

"Yeah me too. I think I'll head home now. Jade you riding?" Andre asked.

"Yeah." She crawled over the board and grabbed Beck's face, planting a quick kiss on him.

Beck wrapped an arm around her waist. "Stay, I'll take you home later."

"I have to finish some make up work for class."

She stood and made her way outside, Beck following.

Andre had already gotten in and started the car. Jade went to put her hand on the door handle but Beck caught it. He weaved his fingers through hers and closed all space between them. Pressing his lips to hers, he pushed her back against the car and used his other hand to cup her cheek. He pulled away and gave her another kiss, this time chaste like the one in his RV.

Stepping back, Beck noticed Jade hesitate a moment before sliding in the car. He leaned down and tapped the window for her to roll it down.

"Go straight home." Jade looked at him funny but only nodded.

Beck watched them drive away, satisfied with her reaction from the kiss. Just in case Andre wanted to brag about another piece of music he'd written for her or decided to sing in the car. Beck wasn't having any of that.


The first update Beck had seen when he'd woken up was that Jade had been slapped in a picture by Andre. In it, she was just about to shove a burger in her mouth.

The caption read "Dinner to cap off best monster movie marathon weekend in a while. Thanks Jade!"

"Best in a while? They've had weekends together before" Beck contemplated.

Slamming her locker shut, Jade was startled by Beck standing directly behind it. Her phone went off. Beck's eyes nearly popped out his skull. Jade's new ringtone was 365 Days.

"Is that Andre?" He asked.

"No, it's my mom."

"That's your ringtone for everyone?" Beck said pulling her into a hug so she couldn't see his frown.

She nodded.

"You and Andre went out to eat last night?"

"We got some burgers before he dropped me off." Jade said. "Is that a problem?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Course not. Do you guys have movie weekends together a lot?"

"Not like we used to since he's always hanging out with Tori and we're usually together."

"So what made you two have one this weekend?" Beck asked the question that had really been in his mind.

"You were with Vega so we got to hang out this weekend. Why are you acting so weird?"

Beck scoffed. "I'm not acting weird. My best friend writes a song for my girlfriend, spends the weekend with her having a pajama party, and then takes her to dinner. I'm not the weird one."

Jade's eyes widened. "I can't believe it."

"Thank you!" Beck said rubbing a hand through his hair. "Do you see what I do?"

"Yes." Jade said smiling. "You Beck Oliver...are jealous."

"What? I'm not jealous." He said unconvincingly. "I just think Andre has a crush on you."

"Well, to be honest…" Jade said low.

Beck's heart began to sink. Did Andre make a move on her? He leaned into hear.

"You're jealous." She said brushing past him.

"I am not!" Beck called.

He was. It wasn't irrational though. Andre – his best friend – wrote a song for his girlfriend. That broke like two or three rules in the guy code.

To make it worse Jade loved the song! He couldn't get what was so appealing about having a song written about you.

Well he could, but he didn't think she should.

"Delete that ringtone next time I get her phone, check. What else can I do to make her get over that dumb song?"

What would Jade do in this situation?

"Murder the girl and brag about it on the slap." Beck laughed at the thought but it did give him an idea. He'd need to find a webcam though.

.

.

"Hi guys Beck here, and look! I made a sign." He held a piece of yellow paper up. "This segment is called Things I Love in a Girl." He dropped the sign.

"First off, I love girls in black. That's the hottest color. I hate girls who wear pastels and floral colors. The darker the clothes the deeper the soul in my book.

I think colorful hair extensions are hot though. Blue, green, purple. Solid hair is so boring. My dream girl is a triple threat. She can sing, act, and write. Basically she can be her own one woman show. I like an opinionated girl who knows she's the best and what she wants. She'll give me an honest critique even when I'm crap. If a girl has all these qualities and then some, there's a good chance my heart belongs to her. I wouldn't want it any other way."

Beck raised the remote "Oh, and she has to have an irrational hate of ducks." He clicked the camera off.

Beck smiled as he tagged Jade in the video before uploading it to the slap. His hand slipped causing Andre to be tagged.

"Oops." he said dryly.

.

.

"…the clothes the deeper the soul." Jade smiled watching the video from her seat. She pulled out her phone and texted Beck.

Jade: See you at the RV tonight. Tell me more about the 'and then some' part of your dream girl!

.

.

"Are you gonna apologize to Andre for making him eat the crusty pudding?" Jade laughed.

Beck held the door open as they walked into school.

"Yeah I guess. Maybe next time he'll think twice though before –"

"Hey Beck, do you notice anything weird." Jade said.

Looking up, Beck saw a sea of black throughout the halls. Every girl was dressed in it head to toe.

A group of cheerleaders walked by, all rocking a rainbow of colorful hair extensions.

"Hey Beck." one said. "That's a really awful shirt."

"Um, I'm sorry?" He said.

"You should be because my opinion matters." She strolled away. Beck looked at her like she was insane.

"You're making your Slap private." Jade yanked him to class.