She becomes aware of sounds at first. an annoying beeping, the murmur of voices. then she can smell the room around her, anesthetic, and flowers, and something she can't put her finger on. She feels sore, all over her body. everything hurts. if it hurts so much when she's just laying here, then it's going to be terrible when she's forced to move. Wait where was she, who was she what was her name. 'think, what's my name what's my name dammit' She thought as her eyes slowly slid open 'Peyton my name's Peyton Sawyer' she remembered, as her eyes tried to adjust to a dim light above her, but even turned down low, its blinding, Peyton squints for a second, cringing.
Her eyes adjust and they dart around the room. the walls are painted a sterile white. on the wall facing the bed is a bulletin board, covered with pictures and cards and drawings.
along the wall is a counter and cupboards above it, there's flowers lining almost every inch of the counter, bright, happy flowers that just don't seem to fit the mood in the room, even though she's not exactly sure what the mood is. She doesn't understand where she is. She keeps looking for some indication, but she can't find any.
She looks down at her body feeling her stomach and was pretty sure there was a bandage wrapped tightly around her, scared and wounded - slowly, and she gets it. She's in a hospital. The scene rushes back to her mind. the deafening blow of the gun, getting shot in the stomach. Lucas's panicked face as he found her after that, but the rest. The rest was a blur. A Monitor suddenly goes off beside her bed, and she realized her heart is pounding with the memory and tears have started to fall from her eyes. Then she feels the soft touch of a hand placing itself on hers.
"your awake" he says brightly as her green eyes met his with confusion, Lucas?
"what- no- is -is Nate okay?" she stuttered out, him being the first to come to her mind, as she didn't know what could've happened to her best friend whilst all of the commotion had happened.
"he's fine, no one was hurt except... you... okay I can get a…doctor" he hesitated panic coming over his features as she winced whilst trying to sit up.
"what happened?" she asked, though she remembered perfectly. She needed someone to confirm it.
"you…you were shot Peyton, in the stomach there was internal bleeding and you died about three times during the surgery" He murmured his icy blue eyes boring intensely into hers with a scary kind of passion.
"whoa" she whispered, her voice hoarse. Before she choked on her words. Lucas shot up immediately before bringing her a picture of water and helping her drink it. "Slowly" he commanded as she gulped down slow sips before pulling away and leaning her head back against the pillow. Even with her eyes closed she could feel the uncomfortable tension radiating off the two of them. She let out a breath trying to break the ice but failing miserably.
When she opened her eyes again, she looked at him to find his eyes still watching her intently as if she was going to break any minute or something. "What?" she asked hoarsely, as she watched him divert his attention.
He looked to his shoes before twiddling his thumbs anxiously. "Um…Peyton when we were in the library you said something about Sammy" he tried and it was then she remembered. Everything unfortunately not even a good sedative could even make her forget, what that despicable creep had done to her, and how Lucas had betrayed her…and the library. She put her walls back up instantly shifting her attention to the ceiling.
"How long have I been in here I gather it's only been a few hours" she rasped while looking around at her taking in her surroundings. "No Peyt it's been two days, we've been waiting for you to wake up we didn't think you would and you didn't answer my question" he stated before his whole expression went from worry too serious in a split second.
"Nothing" She denied simply dismissing the whole situation altogether this could not be happening, what the hell had she said. "Peyton" he warned she could tell he was getting irritated by his dismissal and she could feel herself melting a little at his lack of concern but she just couldn't and wouldn't budge. She couldn't stand the pain that memory brought her it was consuming.
"What happened, you told me about the party and how you went off with him" he paused momentarily choking on his words and swallowing his jealously and resentment he had towards the whole idea of it before collecting himself and trying again. "Then what…you've been acting weird for a month. You're doing drugs why?" He asked her head snapped up looking him in his eyes with a fire that hadn't been there for months. "How, how do you…who told you that?" she queried, it had to be Nate she should've know she couldn't trust him.
"No it wasn't Nate" he said like he had just read her mind and she visibly relaxed. "We found out that you had drugs in your system whilst they were doing surgery on you and you were suffering withdrawals. Also the other night gave you away" he finished before looking at her with a disappointment that she hated and she felt the anger well up inside of her threatening to choke her and send her over the deep end. And then she snapped. How dare he…
"What the fuck do you know any way you don't give a shit about me why start now?" she queried her eyebrows knitting together in sheer rage. "Peyton I care, of course I care" he stressed his frustration starting to get the better of him.
Maybe if she pushed him hard enough he would fuck off and crawl back to Brooke. "No you don't if you did you would know about all the crap that I've been going through lately, Nathan that's someone not Brooke not Haley and definitely not you" she cried feeling the tears starting to prick her eyes.
"NO PEYTON I'M HEAR YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME, YOU'D KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT WHAT YOUR SAYING ISN'T FUCKING TRUE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE KISSED ME!" He roared.
"I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE LUKE, AND YOU TOOK CARE OF ME YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU AND NON OF ANY OF THIS SHIT WOULDN'T Have HAPPENED IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR THAT GODFORSAKEN PARTY" She cried with a mad rage that was exploding out of her.
"THIS ISN'T ABOUT BROOKE PEYTON SO DON'T BRING HER INTO IT. IF YOU HAVE SUCH FEELINGS FOR ME THEN WHY DID U NEVER ACT ON IT. YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME HOW I FELT YOU PUSHED ME AWAY, AND YOU FUCKED SAMMY!" He shouted his anger matching hers as her heart dropped into her stomach and her eyes glazed over with tears is that really what he thought of her? That she was some cheap easy slut, she was so angry and just couldn't stop she hated him, she hates him.
"I FUCKED SAMMY? I FUCKED SAMMY AT LEAST YOU FUCKED BROOKE INTENTIONALLY AND WASN'T FORCED TO DO IT!" She sobbed out covering her mouth as the information of what she had just said sank in. there was a deafening silence that fell upon them as he stared at her mouth agape his eyes wide with what could only be described as shock.
"What?" he asked not sure what he just heard. "Nothing" she said before looking down at her hands as the tears fell freely down her cheeks. Before she knew it he had flew from his spot at the bottom of her bed and had a firm grip on her chin forcing her to look into his deep blue eyes.
"Use your words Peyton, what did you just say?" he asked in a voice that was scarily calm. She shook her head refusing to talk again afraid that she would break.
"PEYTON!" He snapped making her jump and close her eyes tightly before shaking her head more fitfully. "he raped me" she whispered before looking into his eyes with fear. Fear of what his reaction would he. Fear of him. He stepped back away from her as if she'd burnt him and she took that as her answer.
"Yeah I know, I'm disgusting I know all that so you can stay away now" she choked settling back down on the bed and turning away from him. She heard him shift from his spot but he nothing happened. "Peyton…why didn't you…I would've…" he begun but choked on his words.
"What you would've stopped him, you would've saved me. No you were too busy ball deep inside that bitch. And because you never loved me back" she whimpered closing her eyes. "That's where your wrong Peyt, I…I love you I always have, I was just lost and confused" he admitted, finally after all this time. She thought that she cries tears of joy or if she could jump into his arms and kiss him senseless but all she felt was sheer rage.
She struggled to sit up a coy smile playing on her lips at his little speech before letting out a bitter spiteful laugh. "Wow that wasn't so hard was it, it took me doing drugs, getting raped and breaking down but you finally spit it out" she said sarcastically staring him in the eyes with hate. "Peyton…I'm so sorry" he stated his eyes holding nothing but desperation and guilt.
"Yeah? Then where the hell were you this whole time" she muttered before looking to the floor. "You know the drugs just made the pain stop. I didn't have to feel like I was dying every time I went to school and had to see him every day let alone see the ones who portrayed me the most" she cried finally letting it out and bending her head to try and hide her tears. She heard him shift and a weight sink on the side of her bed next to him.
Her eyes met his as he grabbed the side of her cheeks. Looking into her eyes with something she didn't quite recognize. Before she knew it her mouth was pressed to his in a kiss full of passion, love and comfort all mixed into one and it was if the pain died away a little ever so slightly. He fisted the back of her hair as the kiss grew more heated, more urgent but she couldn't let him in he'd hurt her again she knew it.
She pulled away shaking her head as her green eyes met his hurt blue ones. "we can't you're with Brooke now remember" she sobbed the inner turmoil threatening to rip her apart. "Let me help you" he soothed wiping at the river of tears that were flowing from her tear ducts.
Pressing his forehead against hers as he rubbed her cheeks. He leant forwards again and pressing his lips to hers desperately, moaning slightly into her mouth as her nails pressed into his back.
But no, this wasn't the right time to much had happened. He was with Brooke and she knew that she hated her but she wasn't that bad mind. She pulled away yet again pulling his hands away from her cheeks.
"This isn't right you need to go" she said the pain those words brought her evident in her voice. It was hard turning him away but he had screwed up bad and a kiss wouldn't just make it all better.
"Peyton…" he begun but she shook her head showing him that she meant what the hell she said. She wanted him to leave her alone. "Just leave Luke cause people always leave remember your good at that" she whimpered as she turned away from him again before letting another tear slip down her cheek.
"I'm not leaving you Peyton not this time" he said as he lay down on the bed with her his arms wrapping themselves around her; and in that moment she had no more fight left in her she just let him do it before starting to sob uncontrollably.
A/N: Review and tell me what you think. Love you guyz and thank you for all your brilliant review already.
LeytonFan4Eva xx
