"What did you just ask me?" I ask Brittany after I set my water down and walk towards her.
"Are you fucking Quinn Fabray?!" She all but yells at me.
"Why the fuck would you ask me that?" I snap at her. "How the hell do you know Quinn?"
"She's Samantha bitchy ass cousin." Brittany replies. She stares at me, she then turns and picks up a pair of gloves off the table. "I'm asking because Quinn just left here, at fuckin midnight, to drop them! She said you left them after leaving her condo? You had lunch with her? You knew she was Samantha's lawyer?"
Fuckin Quinn! "Yes, I had lunch with her, we are old friends. Yes, I went to her condo for a drink one night, and yes, I knew she was Samantha's lawyer."
I watch Brittany's eyes redden and start to water.
"No, I didn't sleep with her." I add as she turns and walks away. "I didn't sleep with her, but if I did, you couldn't really judge me, now could you?"
"You can't keep holding it over my head that I'm married." Brittany screams in my face. "We know I am, I've apologized to you over and over for that, we can't move forward if you don't forgive me."
I glare at her. "I d-do."
"No you don't." Brittany shakes her head. "You say it, and you want to convince yourself of it, but you don't."
"I'm trying." I tell her. "I'm really trying."
"So you gave me hell for being married, but you're out parading around with your ex lover! How is that fair?" She asks angrily, throwing the gloves on the ground.
"You're fuckin married!" I scream at her. "I stepped on your wedding ring, your fuckin wedding ring after we had sex," I hiss. "You can't possibly compare me hanging out with an old friend to the shit you did."
"You slept with her." Brittany shook her head sadly.
"Yes, years ago when we were in college. I did not sleep with her when I went to her condo, we are sorority sisters, we had a few glasses of wine and just talked, she works at NYU with me, she's a lecturer there now. I don't have to tell you about every fuckin friend I have, or every woman I've ever slept with." I brush past her and go to the bedroom.
"Why are the rules different for you?" Brittany asks as she follows me back to the room.
I ignore her and get back in bed. "You said you know Quinn as Samantha's bitchy ass cousin right?" Brittany crosses her arm over her chest and nods. "Then you know she's a bitch, whatever she said to you is a lie, if she implied we had sex or did anything other than hug hello, which I do to everyone, then she's mind fuckin you, and you fell for it. I didn't sleep with her, unlike you I've been faithful to this relationship, or whatever we are doing now." I glare at her and roll my eyes before lying back down.
"Why didn't you tell me she was Samantha's lawyer?" Brittany asks.
"She's your family, why didn't you assume she was her lawyer?" I ask, sitting back up. "I'm not in your divorce, I don't want to be a part of it at all, it doesn't concern me, that's your business."
"Then why are you talking to Quinn about it?" Brittany challenges.
"I'm not!" I yell as I get back out of bed and walk over to her. "Shit." I sigh. "Quinn approached me at work, I hadn't talked to or seen her in years, we ended our relationship on terrible terms, it was a shock to me, we chatted and it turned into her letting me know she was Samantha's cousin, and her lawyer. I didn't tell you because I don't want any part in this divorce, hell I try to forget you have a fuckin wife." I take a deep breath. "I'm not arguing with you tonight." I roll my eyes and grab a pillow off the bed and storm to the couch, where I lie down.
Brittany follows me out a few minutes later and kneels in front of me, she brushes the hair out of my face and presses a soft kiss there. "Come back to bed."
"No, I can't keep arguing, I don't want to argue." I shake my head. "I'm pissed right now, and just want to sleep, please just leave me alone." I close my eyes tightly and turn to face the couch. I feel Brittany start to pick me up. "Dammit, put me down!"
"I will in a few seconds." She sighs, she bends down and grabs my pillow and carries me to bed, gently tossing me in it; she hands me the pillow and walks to her side of the bed and slips in. "Good night."
I don't reply and instead just stare up at the ceiling.
The next morning when I wake up, Brittany is walking back in the bedroom, wrapped in a towel, freshly showered. "I'm going to go for a run this morning." Brittany states quietly.
I nod at her. "Okay, do you want breakfast first or?"
"No thanks." Brittany smiles. "Go back to sleep."
I watch her change into a pair of leggins and an under armor thermal. "Can I use your ipod armband?" She asks.
"Yeah, of course." I yawn and get out of bed. I go to my drawer and pull it out, handing it to her.
"Thanks." She leans down and kisses me. I cup her cheek and deepen the kiss a little before breaking it. "I don't know how long I'll be gone, so don't wait for me to have breakfast if you're hungry."
"Okay." I know that means that Brittany needs to think, so I decide to call my support system and see if they'll do brunch with me. After Brittany leaves the apartment I get dressed myself and send out my text message, telling everyone it's my treat, and smile when the replies all come in.
"I just don't know how long I can keep doing this, the up and down with my emotions is draining me." I shrug.
"We know your heart is telling you to stay and work it out with Brittany, but what is your brain telling you?" Mercedes asks, taking a sip of her mimosa.
"Hopefully to run like hell." Kurt chimes in.
I roll my eyes at him and shove a forkful of hashbrowns in my mouth.
"Listen, I know you don't want to hear it, but I'll be the voice of reason and common sense here." Kurts states, he clears his voice when I stare at him. "Brittany is a lovely person, she's beautiful, she's funny, she's charismatic, but aside from all of that...she's a cheater, hun. The same way you got her is how you'll lose her."
"I didn't force her to cheat, I didn't know." I reply quickly.
"I'm not saying you did, but how can you be so sure that one day you won't get approached by a woman she's sleeping with." He asks. "Do you honestly trust her, didn't you go all jealous girlfriend and bust in her hotel room?" He asks raising an eyebrow. I quickly glare at Rachel, since she's the only one that knew about that. "I'm not judging you or Brittany." He continues. "I just want you to think about this, do you honestly trust her? If you don't then you don't need to be with her."
"I love her so much." I say quietly. "So, so much, and I know she loves me; but the arguing..."
"You know what you need to do." Rachel tells me. "I know you babe, I know you, and you aren't truly happy right now. I know you love her, we all do, it's plain as ever, but you aren't happy, and love isn't supposed to hurt, this is hurting you."
I know everything they are saying is true, and yes I know what I need to do, but it's a matter of what I want to do at this point. After brunch I go back to the apartment and see Brittany lying on the couch listening to her earbuds, she smiles at me and sits up when I walk over towards her.
"Can we talk?" I ask.
"Yeah." She turns her music off and tosses it on the table.
"I think you should move out and we should break up." I ramble out quickly before I lose the nerve.
"Wh-what, why?" Brittany asks. "Because of last night? I'm sorry, about accusing you of sleeping with Quinn. I'm just on edge right now, and I'm sorry."
"It's not just that." I sigh. " You need to focus on your divorce, focus on your life right now, I can't keep arguing I can't get going back and forth with my emotions, it's not fair to either of us. My heart wants you, but my brain is shooting up red flags all over. I need some time and space right now."
"I don't get a say in this?" Brittany asks.
I shake my head and stand up. "No, I um, I got some boxes for your things." I point to the stack of boxes I have by the door. "I'm sorry." I tell her as I walk back to the door. "I'm going to leave for a little bit, please pack up all of your stuff and leave, it's better for us this way, so much better."
Brittany stares at me with the most confused face in the world. I can't take it so I turn and leave the apartment, I lean on the door and sigh since as soon as I blink tears comes streaming out.
Two hours later I come back to my apartment, with Rachel who goes straight to the bedroom, and waits for me to talk to Brittany. When we pulled up I saw the cab outside full of boxes, and bags. Brittany is standing in the living room, a duffel bag at her feet. She hands me my key when I stand in front of her.
"I love you, always will." Brittany sniffles and picks up the last bag, she stares at me, her eyes a sad shade of blue, rimmed in red. "I love you." She exhales again. I watch her bottom lip start to quiver. "I love you." She repeats.
I break our gaze and wring my wrists together, my own tears cascading down my face. "We can't, I c-can't." I whisper. "I can't do this anymore."
Brittany drops her bag and grabs my hands. "Tell me you still love me."
"Love isn't enough." I tell her, lifting my head to look at her again. She shakes her head and starts to mouth words inaudibly before the sound finally starts to come out and I can tell she's singing to me.
I wanna stay and fight for you
Fight 'til my heart is black and blue
Fight til there's nothing left not one single strand of the love we had
I wanna stay and fight for us
Fight like hell before I give up
'Til I'm the only one, the only one in love
I'd fight for you
"Am I the only one in love?" She asks me.
"Don't make this harder than it has to be." I sniffle and take my hands back from her.
"Fine." Brittany nods and wipes her eyes harshly. She picks up her bag again and steps closer to me, she ghosts her lips over mine, barely letting them touch, I feel her labored breathing on my lips, and for a split second I consider changing my mind and pulling her into a hug, kissing all over her face; but I keep my composure and take a step back from her. I see Rachel, who came over for support standing in the guest bathroom doorway, giving us some privacy but still listening to make sure everything goes smoothly.
I lick my lips when she steps back and stares at me again, tasting her for one last time; but this time her lips taste different. They taste forbidden, angry, sad, remorseful, everything negative in life. I glance at Rachel, who nods in support of me and wipe my eyes. "You should go." I tell Brittany quietly.
"You broke us!" I scream at her, tears clouding my eyes. "This is all your fuckin fault, don't you try to deny it."
"You keep bringing me back to you! You're hot and cold! Make up your mind. I love you, you love me!" Brittany yells back, her face just as red. "If you let me go this time, do it for good!"
I stare at her and bite my quivering bottom lip. I watch as she wipes her face and stares at me.
"I…"
"Good bye Santana." Brittany leaves the slams the door to the apartment, and I instantly feel sick to my stomach. Rachel jumps up and grabs me as I start to hunch over, grabbing my stomach. I refuse her help and walk over to the couch, and bend over as tears take over my body. I glance up at Rachel, who knows I need more than anything to be left alone so she goes to the window and looks out at Brittany, who is more than likely loading her last few bags and boxes in the cab. I sniffle and start to sing softly.
Tell me when I can open my eyes
I don't want to watch you walk out that door
There's no easy way to get through goodbye
I'd probably try and talk you into staying once more
Or I'd lie and say it's all for the best
Wish you luck and say I have no regrets
But I'm not up to being strong
So I'll wait until you're gone
Is it over yet, is it over yet?
I sniffle and shake my head when Rachel locks eyes with me. "Oh San."
A taxi's waiting in the driveway for you
You call my name, I guess your ready to leave
I'd like to help you with a suitcase or two
But I'm afraid I'm gonna wind up down on my knees
I should tell you that I want you to go
I really need to spend some time on my own
Smile and say goodbye
So you don't see me dying inside
Is it over yet, is it over yet?
I choke on a sob and stand up, walking over to the window. Rachel rests her hand on my shoulder, so I sniffle and lean on her for support, thankful she's there with me. She pulls me closer to her and holds me around the waist. "There's still time to get her back." I shake my head against her chest as tears continue to fall.
I should lie and say it's all for the best
Wish you luck and say I have no regrets
But I'm not up to being strong
So I'll wait until your gone
Is it over yet, is it over yet?
"Is it really over?" I whisper.
"Yeah it's over." Rachel replies. "Her cab just left."
I turn in Rachel's waiting arms and break down completely. I couldn't even watch the cab drive away, my heart feels like someone ripped out and is stomping on it. I let out a heart wrenching sob as Rachel slides to the floor with me, she doesn't say a word, she just holds me tightly.
8pm
I finally wake up from my phone ringing and open my eyes. They are so sore and weak from crying that they actually fuckin hurt. I look around at my surroundings and realize that I'm on the couch. Rachel left a few hours ago, after I promised her I was okay, which was clearly a lie. As soon as she left I collapsed on the couch and cried myself to sleep. As perfect as Brittany and I were for each other, she was married, and our relationship started as a lie, which forever taints it. As much as I tried to convince myself I was okay with it, I wasn't. I reach over and grab my phone in the pitch black apartment and see it is a message from Brittany.
FROM BRITTANY: I'll wait forever for you
I swallow thickly. "I know you will." I whisper and stare at her text.
Brittany POV
I stare at the phone and wait for some type of reply from Santana, one I don't even know if I'll receive. When I walked out of Santana's apartment this afternoon, I knew it was a mistake, but I also know she needs some time. Time that I never gave her, time I never allowed her to process what was going on. I fell for Santana the moment I laid eyes on her, and I went after her, I wasn't truthful, I wasn't completely honest, but my feelings were all true and real. I love her with my whole heart, I know she can feel it, but she needs this time.
I look around at the hotel room I'm in and fall back on the bed, closing my eyes tightly when my phone chimes with a message. I sit back up and see Santana replied to me.
FROM SANTANA: I won't make you wait forever.
I can't help the smile on my face and set the phone back down, flopping back down myself and staring at the ceiling.
Cause we done went through the fire baby
We still survived baby
If you know where I stand, then, I'll be waiting
Cause it'll never be my choice baby
To give up on us really
When it's so rare to find in the first place
When you're the realest thing I've ever met
I wanna stay and fight for you
Fight 'til my heart is black and blue
Fight til there's nothing left not one single strand of the love we had
I wanna stay and fight for us
Fight like hell before I give up
'Til I'm the only one, the only one in love
I'd fight for you
"I love you too much to give up on you, Santana."
The END
