A/N: Here's a chapter.

Don't own

Reviews are nice

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The ride back to the hospital was slow and quiet as Ducky insisted upon driving. At least it was his car and not Ducky's they were riding in. Gibbs couldn't stand the thought of having to be scrunched down in that Morgan.

"Do you have any questions Jethro?"

"Yeah, I get the gist of the AVM thing, but the other thing…"

"The Chiari malformation?"

"Yeah, what the hell is it exactly?"

"It is also a defect in the skull that causes the cerebellum to be displaced creating many but not all the symptoms Anthony is experiencing. It's the combination of the two that seem to be making things so critical."

"So they do surgery? What does that mean?"

"It means they will go in to the base of the skull and fix the defect and possibly place a dura patch to give more room. But the difficulty here is that Anthony's AVM is in close proximity and is I believe the more urgent issue."

"Because it could rupture, like an aneurysm. What would that do to Tony if that happened?"

Ducky grew silent for a moment. "If that happens Anthony may die or be permanently disabled."

Gibbs felt the bile rising in his throat.

I can't deal with this

Ducky sensing Gibbs distress said, "Jethro, this situation is terrible but you must hang on to the belief that Anthony will prevail against the odds as he has so often before."

"Yeah, well not finding it easy to do that Ducky."

Gibbs crossed his arms and stared out the window; the rage and hurt emanating from him like heat from a forest fire.

"Jethro, if you can't have faith in something larger than yourself, at least have faith in Anthony."

Gibbs stared out the window at nothing. It was a while before he replied.

"I have faith in Tony. I just finally realized that I will never get the happy ending. I am tired Ducky, tired of always losing. I love my job and I love my team but sometimes it just isn't enough."

Oh Jethro my friend I am so sorry…

"Jethro I am no stranger to what you are feeling, and I can only speak of my experience… But giving up has never gotten me what I wanted."

That was as tough as Ducky was willing to be given Gibbs current mood.

Gibbs gave a dark, mirthless, laugh. "Yeah, I guess you're right Duck."

Then why do I feel as if you don't agree Jethro?

Ducky simply nodded and focused on driving leaving Gibbs to continue brooding.

They pulled into the hospital parking lot a few minutes later, and Gibbs was out of the car before Ducky had even finished parking.

Ducky wasn't sure if it was eagerness to return to Tony or a desire to get away from him and his questions.

A little of both I imagine…

"Jethro will you please slow down!" Ducky hollered after Gibbs.

Gibbs reluctantly slowed his pace and stopped to wait for the older gentleman. When Ducky caught up he gave Gibbs an irritated look.

"Sorry Duck, just don't want to miss the docs."

"That's fine, come along then."

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Gibbs and Ducky weren't the only ones there when they arrived in the ICU waiting room. Jimmy Palmer was pacing back and forth in front of the sitting area.

Ducky was a bit miffed by Palmer's presence.

"Good morning Mr. Palmer. May I ask why it is you are here instead of in autopsy?"

Jimmy became defensive and he answered with a hint of anger as well.

"Dr. Mallard, Tony is my friend and I wanted to check on him. As for being in autopsy I do not have to report to work until 9:00 am on Wednesday and correct me if I'm wrong here, today is Wednesday."

Gibbs and Ducky raised their eyebrows in surprise at Jimmy's snippy reply.

Good for you Palmer…'bout time you got a backbone.

"I see. Well, do forgive my impertinence Mr. Palmer." The hint of sarcasm in Ducky's tone did not bode well for anyone.

"Y-yes well anyway, good morning." Jimmy was obviously regretting his display of anger.

"Palmer." Gibbs just nodded.

"Since you arrived before us Mr. Palmer would you be so kind to tell us Anthony's status."

Jimmy took a swallow; Ducky was going to make his day very difficult.

"Well, actually the neurologist and neurosurgeon are with him right now. They said they would come and speak with me—us when they were finished."

Gibbs felt the panic return; the urge to flee was strong.

"Thank you Mr. Palmer. Jethro let's take a seat and wait."

Ducky could see the anxiety rising in Gibbs body language and led him to the chairs.

"Mr. Palmer, perhaps you wouldn't mind getting us some coffee and tea?"

It was phrased as a question but Jimmy knew it was a command. He didn't want to leave but knew he had already pushed things with Ducky too far this morning.

"S-sure Dr. Mallard I'd be happy to." The young man turned on his heel and walked quickly to the elevators.

Gibbs couldn't help but be slightly amused by the whole scene. It was a welcome distraction from his fears. Unfortunately they returned as quickly as they abated because the two doctors came out of the ICU and out into the waiting room with grim looks on their faces. Gibbs shot up from his chair and met them beside the nurses' station.

"What's wrong?"

Dr. Sheridan replied. "Agent Gibbs this is Dr. Hayden Tony's neurologist he was assessing Tony while I checked his surgical site."

"Good to meet you Agent Gibbs."

The young doctor held his hand out but Gibbs just stood with his arms crossed and ignored it.

"I want to know what is going on now."

The two medics looked at one another neither wanting to answer. Finally Dr. Sheridan spoke up in the face of his colleagues cowardice.

"Agent Gibbs—"

"Just call me Gibbs."

"Okay, Gibbs, Tony seems to have had a minor stroke during the night."

"Oh dear." Ducky whispered.

Gibbs stood stock still frozen by the doctor's words. Sure he hadn't heard him right. His query came out quiet and small.

"Stroke?"