Chapter 9: Frantic Choices
"Humphrey?"
Humphrey's ears twitched at the sound of his name being called, a moment later he lifted his head to see Kate standing before him in his den. He had been lying on the floor ever since returning from his visit with Salty, trying to figure out what to do next in his life. Hours passed by quickly and the next thing he knew Kate had returned from wherever she ran off too. His heart pounded at the sight of her, a sympathetic look staring back at him. The time alone to think hadn't really helped in the way he hoped. His friends told him that he and Kate needed to talk everything out, but looking at her all he felt was regret and sadness. He knew he messed up, and he could only hope that his friends were right about talking things out.
"Hey Kate." He replied plainly before rising up to sit.
"You don't look so good..." She commented, trailing off.
"I could say the same about you." He replied, noticing how her fur was a tangled mess in spots.
There was silence after that, Kate sat down and the two wolves faced one another. Yesterday there would have been a friendly bond between them, now it just felt like a wall separated them. Everything felt different for them, their pent up emotions holding them back from acting like normal friends again. With a breath Kate decided to follow what her sister said, they needed to talk things out, not just sit here in the shade from the afternoon sun.
"I'm sorry for running off this morning," She began, watching as his gaze went from looking around the den to focusing on her. "I just wasn't thinking clearly and needed to be alone."
"It's alright, I understand, I needed some time to myself too." He replied.
The conversation felt so awkward, like they were only just meeting each other for the first time. Kate began to hate it and went straight to the point, not wanting to waste any time. Perhaps by the end of the day they could figure something out and move on to pleasant thoughts again. "I take it you regret last night too?" She asked.
He nodded. "Yeah, it's my fault isn't it?"
She sighed. "No Humphrey," She replied with a shake of her head. "I'm just as guilty, if I had stayed in control of myself I could have avoided all of this."
"But if I had stayed in control of myself and resisted you, then none of this would have happened." He argued, still thinking it was his fault.
"Don't keep blaming yourself, this is our problem and ours to solve." She replied back. "I refuse to listen to you if you're just going to blame it all on yourself."
He was surprised by the strong tone in her voice, perhaps it wasn't his entire fault and that she was just as guilty. Yet at the same time he didn't want to see her take the fall with him. "Alright, so we're both at fault," He agreed finally. "but what are we going to do now Kate, I'm scared at what will happen to us if our secret gets out."
She felt a little relieved that he was scared as well, that she wasn't the only one between them who had a mountain of troubles on her mind. "I'm scared too, which is why we need to figure out what to do next." She answered, sharing the same concerns as him.
"Well if you're pregnant then our secret is exposed, I don't know what would happen to us but I know it isn't good since we broke one of the highest laws." He stated.
She nodded. "My parents will be furious with me if they learned you were the father." She replied.
"Then I would be blamed for it." He added, a hint of disgust in his voice. He knew her mother was very protective of her daughters and could only expect her to jump to conclusions.
"No," She snapped. "I will make sure that they know we're both equally guilty, it's not like you gave in easily."
"Still, what will happen to us when they do find out? What will the pack think of us?" He asked.
Kate looked down to her paws, thinking about his questions. What would the pack think of them? Well it wouldn't be anything good for sure, but then what would be their punishment for their actions? She knew the price would be banishment at the worse, but she couldn't see her parents doing that to them. In reality she wasn't sure what would happen, and she shook her head because of it. "I don't know."
"Well what's the punishment for alphas and omegas mating with each other?" He asked again, thinking he already knew the answer but wanted to hear what she thought.
"My only guess is banishment." She replied, sounding slightly uncertain.
He nodded, he had the same answer on his mind. However while the time alone he had today didn't help him find peace of mind it did give him one idea. An idea that he didn't entirely like but it was the only way he could see their problem working. Yet as he was about to express it he was cut off by Kate.
"The only solution I see is to come clean and hope that something works out." She stated, looking up from the ground and into his eyes.
However to Humphrey this was a crazy idea, they shouldn't risk letting the pack find out for fear of the anger it could cause. "No Kate, we can't do that." He replied.
"Why not? If we just tell my parents what happened then maybe they'll understand." She asked.
"That's just crazy; we're two friends that decided to hang out during mating season. It was a foolish idea from the start because at the end of it we would be where we are now." He argued. "It's not like this was all an accident."
Kate sighed. "We were doing so well until last night..." She replied with a sigh at the end.
"Yeah..." He agreed before shaking his head to focus back on his idea. "I have a better idea, but you may not like it." He didn't exactly feel confident about this being a good plan, as indicated by the uncertainty in his eyes.
She rose her head back up to listen. "What is it?" She asked.
He took a breath before starting. "We go our separate ways, you stay here in Jasper and I will take the fall by leaving this place." He explained.
She gasped. "You can't be thinking about running away again, I thought we were in this together!" She replied with an annoyed swish of her tail, a spark of anger on the end of her words.
"We are, Kate just listen and I'll explain." He replied, trying to keep her calm. She exhaled and let her body relax, giving him a nod. "I do not want to see you be hurt from this, I'd rather take the fall and lose it all if it means you can stay here and live a normal life."
"Normal?" She blurted. "Nothing in my life is normal anymore..."
"I understand that, I can say the same thing too." He replied. "There's nothing left for me here in Jasper besides my omega friends, you however have so much more. A family, and friends, I don't think you want to leave them do you?"
He expected her to agree but instead she shook her head. "Humphrey if you're leaving Jasper then I'm coming with you, like I said, were in this together." She stated.
He was surprised to see that she wanted to run away with him, he had to admit the idea did sound nice but she would be losing so much if she left with him. "No." He replied. "You can still have a good life by staying here with the ones you love. To get through the problems on your mind and find enjoyment again."
However instead of her understanding like he hoped she only shook her head again. "If I stay then what about our pups, do you want them to grow up without a father?" She asked, feeling upset that he would think of doing such a thing.
He sighed, she had a good point. She would soon be holding his pups, no one else's. How could he just leave her and let her deal with it on her own? He should stick with her and help her get through it instead of running away, but then the fear of the pack finding out came back to him. "That's for you to decide." He replied before seeing her eyes widen. "Make the pack think their Garth's, or say they're really mine when I'm gone. Who knows, maybe Garth will be open to it and it could bring you together like a proper couple."
"What? You can't be serious!" She exclaimed, the further he went on the more she thought he was crazy. They were talking about the fate of their pups and he expected her to allow them to grow up with a father that wasn't their own blood? She didn't even love Garth more than a companion, how could she ever do that now when her heart was being twisted by Humphrey.
"Think about it," He replied, expecting her outburst and remained speaking in a soft tone. "you're already married to another wolf and if we leave together then you break the bond that keeps the packs together. Surely your parents would send wolves after us to find us, and when they do we'll be in even more trouble than just telling them flat out."
Reluctantly Kate had to agree to his point, she could be sure that her parents would try to come find her. They did it before and they'll do it again. However the thing she over looked was breaking the bond that held the packs together. What would happen when the two wolves that united the packs went separate ways? Surely it wouldn't cause them to split up and become hostile again? Those thoughts seemed to make her open up to his idea, but only slightly. The fate of her children was more important to her then her pack mates, and what she wanted the most was for them to grow up knowing their true father. Not some other wolf that she herself had trouble loving.
"We can't be sure of that." She replied, her tone calming but remaining stern.
"But is it worth the risk?" He asked.
She sighed "I don't know" her paws scraping the dirt from feeling nervous about the outcome of this conversation.
"I'm just trying to think of what's best for us, and I believe that this is it." He stated.
"How is this best for us?" She wondered. "We should be sticking together through this, not pushing each other away."
He couldn't help but agree with her, they should stick together and work things out by themselves. In a normal world that would be no trouble, but in their current situation, there weren't many options. "I know, and believe me I already regret having to do this. I want to be the father of my own pups but doing that here is forbidden..." He trailed off, a wave of realization hitting him.
"Then let me come with you." She suggested, her voice becoming soothing. "We can raise these pups together and maybe learn to make things work out between us. We were friends before this, and perhaps we can become lovers out there in the wilderness." She had moved up to his side so that they were mere inches apart.
He really wanted her to come with him; there wouldn't be much of an issue for them to maybe fall in love over time. They were close friends and could work well as a team, both of them against the world seems like an ideal future, but it was not meant to be. He was certain that she would be better off here in Jasper rather than abandoning everything she had ever known. As much as he would hate himself for doing this, this felt like the right thing to do. He would take the fall and blame if he had to in order for her to continue on a normal life. A selfless act that only an omega could go through with, putting others before him. It seemed logical to him but to Kate she saw no way of how it could be the best decision.
He was abandoning the wolf he spent an entire week with to mend their once broken friendship, a risk in its self but only worked out until this morning. The way they talked now wasn't exactly friendly, it was more like two wolves put together in an unfamiliar situation. Forced to work out the best conclusion that would make them both happy. Kate's idea of going with him would insure their friendship, which could maybe grow into more than that. Humphrey's old self would have no trouble in following through with it, for his old self loved her. But now was different, repairing a broken heart has made him a stronger wolf in some ways, and it was because of that which made him see that the more logical plan was his idea.
"No." He repeated, still resisting her to come with him. "Just think Kate, there's so much to lose if we both leave. If we split then you can keep everything that has been close to you and I can learn to move on and start my life over."
"But Humphrey, that just doesn't seem right!" She argued, clearly not wanting to listen to his crazy thoughts. Feeling a new fear from thinking they were heading for disaster.
"Look at me" He replied, holding out a foreleg as if he were pointing at himself. "Do I look like the wolf you want to spend your life with?" He was not fond where he was going to go with this, but he needed her to see the force behind his plan.
Her amber eyes looked at him from head to paw; she wasn't sure how to answer his question. It was obvious that they should spend their life together, as a consequence to their actions, but was it what she wanted? She could see them working out as a better couple then her and Garth, but what if they really didn't? Today wasn't a day she could think straight and she was sure that he wasn't, but the more he explained the more she found things to agree with. Perhaps this is the best plan? She thought, feeling hopeless at thinking she would allow him to leave her behind and deal with raising their pups by herself.
"I can't answer that." She admitted, hanging her head.
Humphrey saw this as his moment clear her uncertainty, if she couldn't answer if he was the wolf she wanted to love then she deserved someone else. "Kate, you deserve better than me. You're an alpha at the top of your ranks, destined to become a leader. I'm just some omega, at the bottom of this pack. We're opposites; naturally we shouldn't be able to love one another, which is why you should learn to love Garth. Someone equal to you, who knows how to make good decisions, and according to law you should stay with him." He stated.
"But Humphrey how can you say that? You know how Garth and I get along; it would take a miracle for love to grow between us." She replied. Her mind was too clogged for her to take into full account that he had practically tore himself down in order to make her see that she was better off staying.
"And maybe that miracle is raising pups together." He suggested. Their eyes locked and he could see how confused she looked, he couldn't understand what her pain was like right now but he knew he was feeling something similar. While she was scared about their pup's future, he was scared about the pack learning what they did.
By now the sun was beginning to get lower in the sky as the day was nearing its conclusion. Kate seemed to notice that there couldn't be any decisions made today, she knew she wasn't thinking too clearly, and what she was thinking about proved more difficult then she anticipated. She needed some time to think before agreeing to Humphrey's plan, which is if she could agree to it once her thoughts were cleared.
"Honestly I don't think I can agree to your plan today, I feel horrible and I think I need some time alone to think, can I come back and meet you tomorrow?" She asked.
Humphrey paused for a moment before answering. "Alright, we should make a decision once we can think clearly, because I don't feel too well either." He agreed.
"Thanks." She replied and couldn't stop herself from pecking the side of his muzzle with her nose. "I understand you're trying to think of what's best for us but I think there's more we should discuss tomorrow."
He was surprised from her affection but accepted it, after what seemed like a rough day, it helped him see that there wasn't any hostility between them. She wanted to think something out as much as he did and he was glad that she was taking this alright. This day could have been worse in some ways, he could be facing her wrath if she had decided to blame him for last night. However it was not like that, they were being mature about it and accepted what they had done even if it was causing them to suffer right now. Soon... He thought, watching her silently leave his den after saying goodbye. Soon we'll be able to go back to living our lives Kate.
Originally he wanted to leave the pack tonight, but since Kate was uncertain he decided to wait. He couldn't help but agree that they should think it out more; however as evening turned into night his thoughts changed. He was restless, lying on the den floor, trying to get some early rest. His body felt fatigued from the amount of feelings running through him all day, this was an experience he felt before but this time he felt less helpless. He knew what he wanted to do, it was just a matter of Kate understanding it and realizing that it was for the best. They were destined for disaster, so why stand in its way?
It was during this restless state that Humphrey's fear took over; he needed to get out of Jasper as soon as he could. He didn't want to face the wrath of the pack leaders if their secret got out before he was gone. Also he didn't want to chance Kate coming up with her own ideas when they talked tomorrow. He tried his best to convince her today but wasn't sure how he could tomorrow is she continued to argue against him. It was fear that was driving him now, making him choose to just leave right away instead of waiting. He left his den and soon found himself staring down at the den grounds one last time. Each of the pack's dens were dimly visible in the moonlight, there was no time to say goodbye to his friends, he only hoped they would understand why he left in the days to come. He wanted out, and as quickly as he could.
He was going to miss this place, but now was his time to move on after making foolish choices. He reflected one last time on his choice, did he really need to leave Jasper, was there some other way? He didn't know but he made up his mind, he would leave and abandon everything he cared for. Not out of anger, but out of fear and his wellbeing along with Kate's, even if she didn't agree to it now. He felt so out of touch with himself; that once again he was broken for the second time, and it was caused by the same wolf as before. Yet how could he blame her for it? It was both of their faults rather than hers alone.
"I'm sorry Kate, but know this is for the best..." He said to himself before turning and running off toward the pack's border and eventually into the unknown forest beyond.
Fear is a dangerous emotion sometimes, for it can lead to drastic decisions, and as Humphrey ran he couldn't stop himself from thinking if he was making the right choice. Did he really want to abandon Kate in her time of need? He couldn't answer that honestly, maybe it was the right choice, and if not then they would have to live by it. For as soon as he crossed the border he would begin moving on from this difficult time and learn the ways of a lone wolf. However he still vowed to someday return to see his pups, they deserved to meet there real father even if it wouldn't be accepted. But that wouldn't be for a long time, now all that mattered was to put his plan into action; he just hoped that Kate wouldn't hate him for this.
A/N: Interesting twist of events going on here. Humphrey's leaving Jasper and leaving Kate behind? That seems crazy but he feels it's right, yet is it really for his own good, or is he just trying to save himself? It's too soon to know for sure, and while this may seem like the start of a new life for him there is still plenty of unfinished business to take care of…
Yes I know I have been slow with updates, however I am going to take my time with this story. I don't keep it at the top of my priorities, and I certainly will not work on it if I don't feel up too it for fear of losing quality. So be patient, because by the end of it I want this to be my best work, something I'm proud of. -ChriZ
