author's note: This is my first songfic in this drabble series. While it's EdxWin, it's also hard to completely write about EdxWin with Edward being in Munich. However, I still wanted to add it to the drabble list! It's rather angsty because I'm having a hard time in my life right now, so writing and drawing helps. I hope you enjoy this as much as the others
Home
I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
He'd been taking a walk around the city for quite awhile; just something that always helped to clear his head. Edward wasn't sure how long he'd been gone nor did he really care for that matter. It was cold, but from all the years of traveling he'd done, this weather hardly phased him. In the year he'd been here, he'd done nothing but search for a ways to go back home. Ed had delved into the science of rocketry with his best friend, but it was to no avail. It had been a year since he was lost to this side of gate and Christmas was just around the corner. All Edward wanted was to go back home to his little brother Alphonse, and back to the woman he realized he was in love with only too late, Winry Rockbell. How he longed to find his way back to Granny Pinako, his teacher Izumi, back to that bastard General Mustang, Lieutenant Hawkeye, Major Armstrong and all of the other members of the military he'd grown so close to. He missed Amestris, he longed for home.There was just no other word for it. A light snow was beginning to fall from the dark heavens as he made his way down the Munich outskirts. He had his gloved hands shoved deep into the pockets of his long, dark-hued coat which billowed out behind him with every step he took.
Edward stopped to admire the river that had iced over and watched the falling, crystal-like, white flakes begin to build a small blanket over the top of the sparkling, frozen water. The lights from the city across the water shone brightly on the river's glassy surface, giving an almost green-tinged hue. It was a beautiful sight, but the blond knew of even more beautiful sights he could be seeing right now. Ed would much rather see the snow falling on the green grounds of Resembool. The young scientist leaned up against the fence, resting his elbows gently on the rickety wood, stared out into the night and wondered what his little brother and Winry were doing at this time. They were most likely putting up the Christmas Tree, or having hot cocoa and snuggling in front of the fire like they'd done every year together when they were just carefree children. This was going to be his first Christmas without his little brother or Winry. He could feel a miserable ache raising in his chest, followed by a lump in his throat, which he tried to swallow back.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
Edward could imagine that if he were home right now, they'd all be sitting in front of the fire, wrapped up in a big fuzzy blanket with him in the center. All three of them would be clutching mugs of steaming, hot cocoa between their hands and laughing at miniscule things; Winry would probably be anxiously trying to fit him with proper automail to handle the cold weather, and Al would probably own a thousand cats, all climbing all over him and mewing while he teased them with ribbon used from wrapping presents. He could picture himself and Winry snuggled on the couch together, his arms wrapped tightly around her warm body while the younger Elric decorated the tree and Pinako would bring in trays of fresh eggnog. All of the years back home just seemed like such a distant memory now, and the holidays here were nothing but colorless and cold compared to how he'd spent his Christmases in the past. Those were the days he could remember he felt wonderful and it didn't hurt.
Well, it did. Sometimes it hurt too much. Especially the times going back to Resembool. Those were during the years searching for the Philosopher's Stone with Edward's little brother, but whenever they came back home to Resembool, that beautiful, warm and smiling face always was there to greet him. Her blue eyes would sparkle at his sight and he would feel his heart leap, but it would also clench painfully at the same time. It was always so hard to tell her that their stay wouldn't be long. This pain when he came back to her though was a different type of pain that he felt. It wasn't like the automail being reattached, which he hated to admit that he missed. It wasn't one of physical hurt from a battle nor was it sadness. It was a good type of the pain, the only type of pain that a normal human would want to feel in their lives. He never could understand it himself at that time. Of course he'd only been 15 years old, so it was hard to understand why Winry made him feel that way. However at the same time when it came time to leave, the hurt would change into a hurt he never wanted to feel. Trying to stay strong, he'd just shove it to the back of his mind and move forward, just like he tried to do now.
I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.
The young scientist continued to walk, gazing at the piles of snow that lay scattered across the ground. The grass felt stiff and crispy underneath his boots, but he paid it no mind and just continued on, wondering about his family and wondering about home. All he had here was Alfons Heiderich. A young man who very much resembled his younger brother and who he'd become very close friends with. They had met at Dr. Oberth's and resumed studying rocketry together. Edward had hoped against hope that by studying this science, he might be able to find a way to go back home. In fact, he'd been so determined and made himself believe that by doing this he would find a way back that he'd dedicated his life's work to this. He told stories to Alfons about his home, this other world that was just on the other side of the gate, but the rocket engineer had just laughed at him and told him to become a novelist. Back when he was younger, Edward probably would have gotten angry, but he didn't. He tried to understand how the things the blond was telling his friend would sound far fetched. Despite all of that there were really only a few times a year that would pull at the young scientist's heartstrings and making him long even more for home. That was Winry and Al's birthdays, Christmas and Oct 3rd.
Edward found himself a spot in the grass and plopped down, biting his lip to fight back lonely, bitter tears he could feel creeping up beneath his golden irises. He missed everyone so much so that was inexplainable. He was lonely and nobody could fill the empty void in his heart the way that Alphonse and Winry could. The blond reached his left hand up, placing it carefully on his counterfiet limb. He loathed these limbs he wore in this world, but if it wouldn't have been for Hohenhiem, he wouldn't his arm or leg at all. When he tried to bring back his brother, his right arm and left leg were taken once more in the equivalent exchange, but he was also brought here. Edward couldn't feel angry about this though. This was the life that had been chosen for him when he tried to bring his brother back. He didn't regret it though as long as his brother was alive and living the life he should have four years ago. Ed just hated the hell that had been allotted for him.
The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.
Somehow and some way, Edward didn't know how, but he knew that his brother was alive and living in his human body on the other side of the gate. He also knew that Winry, Pinako, Izumi and the others were taking good care of him in his stead. For the first time in his life, at this very moment, he longed for the automail that Winry had always so graciously and generously put so much thought and time into to make for him. He missed the familiar feel of the steel of the automail, flexing the fingers, the gentle pressure he'd feel from her hands while she worked on his arm or squeezed his metal fingertips. His had been the only automail she'd ever tenderly carressed just like she would a real, human arm. However at times it seemed as though the closer Edward got to a new development into the rocketry with Alfons, the further away home seemed to get. It angered him. Sometimes, all the familiar faces he knew from home seemed to become a blur, and the blond would grip onto them with all of his mental and emotional strength, not wanting to lose those memories of the ones he'd loved so much. Sometimes even his brother's face would start to fade, sending him into a torrent of curses and often accompanying tears. He never allowed Alfons to see just how nostalgic and desolate he felt. Edward wouldn't let his friend see how lonely he'd become, but in his times alone, he found himself delving into thoughts of going back home; back into Winry's arms and by his little brother's side.
The blond could also remember all the times he'd treated his mechanic so poorly, and that just infuriated him all over again. He clenched his gloved fists against the grass, feeling the crisp blades break off into his hands. Though no matter how terrible he'd been to her, how hard he'd tried to hold back his feelings, Winry had always been there with open arms to hold him, to comfort him in his times of need and to love him. The beautiful blonde had never once pushed him away. It had taken the alchemist awhile to realize that he loved his mechanic. He could never tell her though. Ed loved her so much that it hurt, but he couldn't allow it to show to her. There had been many things he had to do at the present time. His first priority had been to get his younger brother back into his body just as he'd promised, and honestly Edward didn't know if he'd come out of it alive. The blond had always felt that it would be selfish of him to allow himself to succumb to the romance he'd longed to show the mechanic and that it would be just cruel to Winry if he tried to pursue something with her only to end up leaving her behind just like Hohenhiem had done to Trisha. The young scientist didn't want Winry to end up like how his mother did, so he kept his love for her hidden and made sure she never found out. Now he wished he'd at least said something to her before he'd left her for the last time.
So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
Edward tugged on some of the crisp grasp in between his thumb and forefinger, as his sentiments continued to invade his mind and wind themselves around all the times he'd spent with his brother and with Winry. He was tired of being in this strange world. The land was completely foreign to him. There was no use of alchemy here which was a part of him. That part seemed to die away once he'd arrived in this world. Everything was so dull and colorless compared to his world. It was even much more cold here as well. Sure, Ed had seen a lot of familiar faces. He'd met Officer Hughes, the Hughes of this world, but there were major differences in between the two. The Hughes from back in Amestris had been killed, but before that he'd been a very outgoing, cheerful and noisy man. He had always carried around pictures of his little girl Elysia and showed them off to everyone he came in contact with. He was definitely the epitomy of a doting daddy. The blond let out a small snicker as he remembered just how nice and insane the Lieutenant Colonel, now named Brigadier General, had been.
Another one was Edward and Alfons's landlady. She was the doppleganger of the Gracia from back home. Gracia had been Hughes's wife before he met his untimely demise. However, this Gracia was just as sweet and warm as the other one had been, which always made the blond look forward to seeing her. Even though they were familiar faces, they weren't the ones he longed for back home. In fact, sometimes he was getting tired of seeing them day after day, except for maybe Alfons. Often, he'd even found himself looking at Alfons as his little brother, and then would the blond mentally slap himself in the back of the head and remind himself that this was Alfons Heiderich and nothis little brother, Al.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.
Edward choked back a sob, trying not to allow his emotions to get the better of him, but he just couldn't hold it in any longer. The feeling had crept on him earlier in the day while he and Alfons had been in the hanger. His friend had questioned him, wondering if he was alright, but the blond had just lied and told him he wasn't feeling well and decided to go home a little early. He still managed to keep up his cheerful front when they got back. Edward had went straight to his room, not saying anything more to the confused rocket engineer and decided to take a nap, hoping that it would wash out all of the anguish that had so unexpectedly built up inside of him. However when he woke it hadn't, but that had only been because his dreams were full of Winry, Alphonse and all the people he was aching to be with. They were filled with the rolling green hills that was Resembool, the bright, golden glowing sun, the gentle rush of the wind in his hair, the scent of the river, Winry's soft hands plaiting his hair. That was when he told Alfons he was going for a walk. He'd hope the cold, night winter air would clear his head, but it only made him think and reminisce even more. Alone out here on the ground, he finally allowed the tears to escape, streaming uncerimoniously down his cheeks. He never did hear the footsteps approach him from behind.
"There you are," came a warm, familiar male voice. "I was wondering where you'd went off too. You've been gone for a really long time, Ed. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah," Edward replied in a voice barely above a whisper. He fought shamefully to keep the trepidation out of his voice, but he just couldn't. He averted his eyes and turned his head so Alfons couldn't see his face.
"Are you alright, Ed? What's wrong?" Alfons questioned, worry imminent in his tone. He could tell Edward was upset about something.
"I just wanna go home, Alfons," Edward found himself admitting to his best friend. The words had just come spilling like a waterfall before he even had a chance to hold them back and he found himself pouring his heart out to his friend. "I miss my brother and I miss Winry. All I want is to just go home," he told him, allowing himself to succumb to his sobs of longing, of bitterness, of lonliness.
Edward dropped his head, allowing his golden bangs to curtain his face from the inundation of tears that were unwantingly cascading down his cheeks now. Alfons didn't mistake it though. He knew his friend was lonely. Even after hearing all the stories from Edward and as much he didn't want to believe they were true, they really were. Just seeing the normally cocky, strong and composed man like this made that fact known. Edward had never been one to allow his feelings to show. He always kept Alfons wondering if he even had emotions. If Ed wasn't cheerful, then he was just quiet, eyes either staring straight forward or nose buried in a book. However this was a side to the blond, Alfons had never seen.
"I can only imagine how hard that must be for you, but just so you know you're not alone here, Ed. I'm here for you too," the rocket engineer told him, kneeling down behind his friend and placing a hand on his flesh shoulder.
"I know I'm not alone. I'm grateful that I at least have you for a friend, but at the same time...it's hard to explain," the blond told him, reluctant to explain himself. He just didn't want Alfons to think that he didn't care, because he did. It was just hard to get close to him for fear of losing him as well. "I know it's probably really selfish of me huh?" Edward laughed bitterly through his tears. "I mean, wanting to be back with my brother. I wanted him back so badly. I wanted him to just...be alive again. Trying to do that got me more than what I bargained for, I guess. I didn't want this, but I have no choice." He ran one of his gloved hands down his face to wipe away his tears.
Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.
Alfons just sighed as he squeezed Edward's left shoulder gently. He'd heard the young man whisper in his sleep at night. He'd heard the names Al and Winry more than once. It still seemed so very strange to him that there was really another world and how this boy had ended up here. Yet still, seeing his friend so distressed, so anguished it put the truth into his logic and Alfons knew that Edward hadn't been making up all these stories.
"You love her, don't you?" he questioned his friend gently.
"W-what?" Edward stammered, his golden eyes widening at Alfons's words. He inclined his head over his shoulder to look back at the smiling face of his best friend. "What do you mean?" The blond raised a thin, golden eyebrow.
"I mean, I've heard you whisper her name in your sleep. Winry I think is what you've said. You don't just miss your brother, but you miss her too, don't you?" the rocket engineer pointed out with a smile so evident that Edward could have slapped him if he were in a better mood.
The young scientist just sighed and dropped his head back down once more to stare the grass. "Yeah...I do...I miss her and love her. I just never told her, Alfons. I really wish I had now," he spoke in a voice barely audible.
"C'mon Ed. Let's go back to the apartment. It's getting cold and the snow is really starting to come down," Alfons proposed gently. "We can talk some more back there if you feel like it."
"Yeah...I guess. Maybe it'd be good to talk about it...," Edward replied sound slightly reluctant. He stood up on his feet and began heading back towards the city. "Listen Alfons...don't think...," he hesitated before continuing. "Don't think I'm taking our friendship for granted. I appreciate all the help and encouragement you give me."
"I know, Ed," Alfons stated, falling into step with the young, golden-haired man. "All this means is that we just need to work harder. We'll get you home, somehow. I promise."
Edward just gazed up at Alfons's smiling face and he felt his heart warm slightly. He really was lucky to have Alfons as his friend, and Ed also knew that he never broke a promise to anyone. As they walked back down the familiar path that led them to their apartment, Edward felt himself smile a bit. Winry...Al, I'm coming home. We'll all be together again soon.
