After eating, Casta typically falls asleep. Today, however, he seemed to have other plans. He squirmed to get down, so I placed him on the floor. He got on his hands and knees and began crawling straight for Maul, who was no longer watching. I prepared myself to get up and retrieve him, but only after I saw what happened.
Casta was near enough to Maul to reach out his hand, but was pushed back by a gentle force push. He seemed confused and crawled towards him once again. Maul pushed him back once more. This time Casta squealed in delight and was eager to crawl forward and be pushed again. Unfortunately, seeing that he was unintentionally bringing the child joy, Maul allowed Casta to reach him. Casta pulled himself to a standing position by grabbing at Maul's pant leg. He reached up with one hand, cooing and wishing to be held. Knowing that wasn't going to happen, I decided now was a good time to retrieve him.
"He likes you," I stated and I lifted Casta from the ground. "You should have some compassion, at least for a few people. It won't make you any less of a Sith lord. After all, isn't my father the most powerful man in the galaxy?" Casta still seemed determined to get to Maul, reaching and stretching with all his might.
"Isn't the dark side about letting your emotions consume you? Hatered and pain are powerful, but they are fueled by love and the care of someone other than yourself. Besides, what's the fun in living only for yourself," A small smile tugged at my lips. Smiling had become rare and felt foreign.
Seeing as there was no response from Maul, I decided to leave and lay Casta down for his nap. On the way, I passed by my father's office and heard my name.
"I just can't understand how Erith is comfortable around him. I know he does your work, Father, but he's not like you. He's an assassin; a cold blooded monster," It was Sabra's voice. I was surprised she was still here. It was hours ago that she left Casta with me.
"Your sister has always been a curious girl and Maul presents a mystery for her. She must sense something within him, just like I did all those years ago," My previously mentioned curiosity was piqued and I tilted my head towards the door.
"But what? She isn't force sensitive, so it can't be his power," Sabra sounded confused and unconvinced.
"No, no, nothing like that," My father sounded like he was deep in thought.
"I will not speak further on this matter. She must discover this for herself and I fear if you were to know what I suspect, you would interfere," With that I continued walking, but slower as my mind was elsewhere.
It was a fact of life that I would never stop trying to get into Maul's head and that I would always feel the desire to be close to him in some way. For me, he is a representation of home. He is safety and security. I have known him since we were children. My feelings are to be expected. Aren't they?
I reached Casta's nursery and lied him down in his crib. He has fallen asleep on the walk and barely stirred when I set him down. I drew my fingers across his soft, pudgy belly, smiling at the sight of his nose scrunching up and his tiny hands moving to push mine away. I watched him for a moment to make sure he would remain asleep before I left and went to my own room.
I made myself comfortable on my bed, propped up by an enormous amount of pillows and read until I heard Casta awaken. I had a peaceful evening playing with him and speaking with my father. For the first time in ages, I felt relatively normal. When I decided to retire for the night I was comfortable enough to turn off all of the lights, though I did leave the door open.
I was awoken late in the night by a shrill cry coming from the monitor. I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up enough to drag myself out of bed. I pushed my heavy blankets aside and swung my legs over the bed. I felt light and wobbly as I wandered down the moonlit corridor. When I reached Casta's nursery the door was cracked and I couldn't hear any crying inside. Assuming my father had gotten to him first, I entered the room to keep him company.
