Day 3 : Brittany & Santana
The arrival of the UPS driver the morning after Emma's visit took Cooper by surprise. He was certainly not expecting a parcel for his brother to be delivered, particularly one that had been sent on overnight express delivery. Its arrival left Cooper torn as to whether to actually give it to his brother. In the end, he did - if Blaine found out that he had withheld it, a minefield might open up. At first, things seemed positive - it got him interested. He tore the box open - but as he caught sight of its contents, his face changed from curiosity to rage. With a roar, he flung the box across the room, its cargo falling out and hitting the floor. The small soft toy bounced and stilled. It was a unicorn, with bright blue eyes.
"Where did this come from? Who sent me that? Did they think that it would make me feel better? A reminder of Kurt in plush." He paused, and his brain clicked the answers into place. "Actually, I know who sent it. I suppose in her mind it was a nice idea. It is lovely. It is. Just not right now. Not right now…" and Blaine dissolved into tears. Took a step across the room and picked up the toy. Held it to his heart. For a moment, he could feel the love with which it had been sent. The kind heart that had sent it. He loved Brittany for it. He couldn't hate her. Not her. It was just not an ideal gift right now.
He became aware that his brother was also crying and holding out a sheet of pink paper. The note that had come with the toy. It confirmed what Blaine thought. It read 'My dear, sweet Blaine, I hear that you are very sad after losing your dolphin. I feel so sad too; I used to have two happy unicorns, now I only have one. It makes me cry when I think of you all alone. I know that it isn't the same, but this reminded me of Kurt. I hope it makes you a bit happier, because I miss you and want to see you. Santana says I can't just now as you are too sad. But I miss you so much, so you have to get better soon. All my love my dear dolphin, your friend Brittany.'
The note was typical Brittany - sweet and full of references to the usual animals. There was one line that jarred with Blaine though. Why had Santana told her she couldn't see him? Of all of his 'friends', Brittany was the only one that he felt would make him feel better. Who did Santana think she was to ban her from visiting? He asked Cooper to find out where Brittany was - the answer came back quickly - in New York with Rachel and Santana at Bushwick. Too far for him to go and visit in his condition, but perfectly comfortable for Skype. So for the first time since that fateful day, he logged in, to discover that Santana was on line. He quickly sent her a talk request.
To say that Santana was shocked when his talk request popped up would have been an understatement. It also left her slightly worried. She accepted it nonetheless, prepared to take whatever was flung at her. The very amicable Blaine that spoke to her was a shock. From what Mike had said, she had expected a hobbit version of herself, not the same old young gentleman, enquiring politely how she and Rachel were holding up. The small talk continued for a few minutes, and the only thing that concerned Santana was his appearance - he looked so unkempt. So unlike Blaine. Then he asked if Brittany was there - she was and to his satisfaction, Santana went to get her. While he waited, he grabbed the toy unicorn. His breathing was calm and measured, his mind clear. He waited with anticipation for his friend.
She appeared, and instantly gave a shriek of delight at seeing the toy held in Blaine's hands. "You got him! Do you like him? I thought his blue eyes looked like Kurt's. I miss him, and I know you must do too. I just wanted to show you how much I love you, my dolphin." And Blaine could only smile at the genuine outpouring of love and affection from the former Cheerio. She was so different to Santana - he could quite easily have let her hold him and comfort him, because from her it so obviously came from the heart and was only for him. But for some reason she was being told that she could not come to him. He was being denied her comfort and that made him angry.
Just for now he had to stay calm - not let his anger show. "I love him Brittany. He does remind me so much of my Kurt - he's sweet, beautiful and made for snuggles. I am not going to go anywhere from now on without him. I think that I might even call him Kurt if you think that is a good idea." Brittany vigorously nodded her head in agreement. "I'd love to see you next time you are here in Ohio. You're a true friend and I love you so much."
"I love you too, Blaine." She blew him a kiss - the very gesture made him tear up. So he asked her to go and get Santana back. Because now he needed to know why she couldn't be here with him.
Santana returned to the computer with less trepidation. Blaine seemed to be his old self. Maybe Mike and Tina had just caught him on a bad day. So she sat back down in front of the screen, not fearing what she was about to hear; curious to see the toy that Brittany had sent. It wasn't there, and Blaine was not smiling. Santana realised that she was about to get both barrels from him.
"Well Satan, can you explain to me why Brittany has been banned from visiting me? Because let me tell you, the last few minutes talking to her have made me happier than I have been since I got a certain text message. She's so sweet, so genuine, so concerned for me as me, not for me as part of, as you might put it, Klaine. If I had her here by my side maybe I wouldn't feel quite so awful every second of every day. Is it because of what I did to Tina the hag? Because to be honest she did deserve it - always in floods of tears; not exactly the way to get me out of my dark place, is it? Whereas Brittany, she just treated me as she always has. As her unicorn, her dolphin. It almost made me forget. As for her cute little gift, I will treasure it because it is just so sweet. Cute as Kurt. And I can hold it in the night, because that is when it's worst. At night. Then I just feel so lost and empty."
"Are you finished? Then maybe I can answer your questions. The incident with Tina and Mike is exactly why I won't let Brittany come and see you. In case she says something that sets you off on her. You really upset Tina. She wasn't coping with Kurt's death as it was, but she thought that maybe she could help you, hold your hand. She just didn't know how to start the conversation. It's not something we are prepared for at high school, Blaine - how to start a conversation about the death of someone you loved with their fiancé. What you said to her was cruel and vindictive. It's no wonder that Mike was upset. I can't risk you doing that to Brittany."
"So what you are saying," countered Blaine, "is that she is banned from my physical presence in case I become overwhelmed and suddenly react badly to something she might do or say? She is a grown up, Santana, and you are not her mother. You can't always be there to protect her from life. People get mad, even the nicest one's in the world. They react, do things out of character, like setting fire to cheerleader outfits… If I did lose it with her, it would probably be because you would be hanging about in the background, making your usual caustic comments, in the off chance that I might say something. God forbid that my sense of loss bubbles to the surface and makes me lash out at some ill thought out, casual remark. I don't honestly think that I could lash out at her - she is just so sweet - unlike the majority of you."
"I beg your pardon, Blaine, but what exactly is your beef with the rest of us? We have gone out of our way to support you in all of this. Don't you think that we all miss Kurt too, or do you have a monopoly on that? I was there Blaine - me, Sam and Puck saw what they did to Kurt. I see it in my nightmares, just like you. I wake up screaming, bathed in sweat, with Brittany in tears next to me. You're not the only one suffering here. Perhaps you should think about that."
"Oh, I'm so sorry Santana. Let me apologise for getting you so involved in all of this. Next time I'm being beaten to death, I'll remember not to call you in a panic. If I see Kurt, I'll pass that on! You really are something else, do you know that? I'll write the three of you apologies as soon as I get the chance. And if I get to heaven first, then I'll make sure that Kurt knows to be waiting at the gates for you to apologise too. Do you know what? This conversation is over, we're over. My love to Brittany - and Santana - usted es una triste perra lesbiana. No sabes nada de mi y de mi dolor. Hazme un favor y mantener fuera de mi vida."* With that, he ended the conversation, leaving a shocked Santana wide mouthed in the loft at Bushwick. She had no idea that he was quite so fluent in Spanish. She did know one thing - it would be a very long time before she considered speaking to him again.
In Ohio, Blaine moved away from the computer and slumped down on his bed. Picking up the toy unicorn, he sighed. "Well Kurt, it's going to be a while before we see your Auntie Brittany again. Swearing at Satan in Spanish was not my best idea ever. I mean, I know they are suffering, but so am I. They've lost a friend, but I've lost my future. All that was planned is gone. I don't want to sing again without him to listen. I can't dance, and I don't know if I'll ever play the piano again. And as for sleep, now that would be nice." He curled up in a ball, clutching the blue eyed unicorn to his chest. His tears came again easily, but sleep was reluctant to. Even if it did, it would be haunted by blood and screams. Such now was the total of Blaine Anderson's life.
In New York, Santana sat with Rachel and cried. For the loss of Kurt - and the disappearance of the Blaine that they had known and loved. The boy that had swept Kurt off his feet from the moment he saw him. They had been the world to each other. They had seen first hand how they had floundered when they had broken up last year. Their joy when they came back together. And now, Kurt was gone and Blaine was sinking deeper and deeper, to a point from which he could not resurface. And however much he had hurt her, Santana could not help but mourn the loss of a friend.
* In English, Blaine says "You are a sad lesbian bitch. You know nothing about me and my pain. Do me a favour and keep out of my life."
