Lies - Chapter 9

Open report -

- It is apparent by the lack of explosives on the captured lifeforms that they were not involved in the accident on the lower decks last night. I can see no further connection between the two.

Actually they were completely connected. Caused by the same woman in fact. Can't tell you that though.

- The unknown civilian would not submit to identification. I did not know who she was.

Well at least thats half right. Lark Tsornin. It was a beautiful name. Much better then Cassie Smith. How had I ever thought that was her real name? Its so childish and bland, everything she wasn't, even more so now. With her fire red hair, lean graceful body, and wicked sense of humor I should have guessed immediately that some unfeeling Jedi stodge had came up with the very vanilla name. A thought startled me. What was her name before Revan? Could this finally be something real hidden behind all the layers of lies.

- The civilian left in the confusion of the back up teams arrival. I was unable to ascertain why she had been attacked or question her further.

Oh I had questioned her. And every one of her answers had burned a hole inside of me I had thought long since healed. Her answers were never going to be heard by my superiors. They were for me and me alone. I would live with her decisions and my own. I would move forward like I had been doing for the past five years. But why did I feel like this had been the first day I had really felt alive in all that time? Why did I still want her after five years of silence. After having to watch her walk out the door again?

- She alluded to a ship, we could not find the name of it.

The Redemption. It fit just like her name did.

- I don't know what she is planning to do or where she is going.

Truth. The only full fucking truth in this report and the only one I regret.

The blinking light of the cursor is the only thing I can focus on. Why do I still protect her? She has made it very obvious she does not want it, even if it is equally as obvious that she needs at least some of it. I shuddered at the thought of how very close I came to loosing her today. But I still lost her didn't I? She walked away from me again.

I jabbed the submit button on my desk and the screen lit up with the hundred other tasks I needed to do. That I had been putting off for the past couple days. I swiped the screen to turn the alerts off and walked to the window in my office. Perks of being commander. My office was large but was mostly dominated by the desk in one corner that faced the window that covered most of the far wall. I had a couple of pictures on the wall but nothing that held significance to me. On the bookshelves I had mostly regulations and text books, with one corner devoted to new ship blue prints and novels of space adventures. It was the only thing in this office I cared about. I was always more at home behind the controls of a fighter then a desk. I had couches and chairs in here for less serious meeting but there were rarely used.

I had become all business in how I ran the station. And with a large helping of pride I recognized I had done an extremely good job. During the beginning stages of the Telos project I had been so driven to restore my home. That drive I feel carried over to the men and women under my command and in the past five years we had become a well oiled machine. A machine that with the help of scientist and engineers were making leaps and bounds of progress. I got less and less priority or emergency calls about different factions trying to kill each other and got more and more status updates on progress and calender reminders for superfluous meetings. I had finally gotten this station working to where I barely had to do any actual work and that made me more unhappy then I thought it should. In a few years Telos would be completely livable and that didn't fill me with joy the way it should have.

I had planned on a life here. I put my heart and soul into this project because I thought I would bring the woman I loved here and have the life I had lost when Telos was destroyed. Why did I think she would be happy here? Why did I think I would be happy here? The life I had had on this planet was as gone as my wife. I couldn't bring it back no more then I could bring her back.

At the window, the station had turned to face the planet below. Looking out over the blues and greens that were slowly coming to life I could see the beauty my home-world had, but my gaze was drawn above the horizon. Out to space, out to adventures I used to be a part of. Looking for Lark, as if I could find her ship in the sky and will her to come back to me. This time not to stay but to take me with her.

When had I become to good to follow her? She had not idea the depths I had sunk to before I met her. Or hell the trouble I had gotten into before the Mandalorian Wars. She was the reason I had been inspired to attempt to be good again. How could she not see that? But I guess it is the same way I didn't see her hurting after the battle of the Endar Spire. Maybe we were both at fault for the mess we had made of each other.

I put my hand on the glass and rested my head on the cold glass. I was a mess. I had a duty to this station and all I could think about was a woman. A woman who admitted she could kill me with her mind and I still thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. All I wanted was to wrap her in my arms and never let her go. Well that is not all I wanted to do. I had never been a saint even if she thought I was. My motivations were not pure and never had been. Until I saw her today my imagination had been tethered and under control along with the memories of the night before she had left. Seeing her today made me crazy. Surprising even myself I started remembering every moment of that night. The arch of her back as she cried out in pleasure above me. Her eyes looking deep into mine right before I kissed my way down her lean body. And oh her soft lips repaying every sweet torture I gave to her. There was a reason I had locked these memories away. There was only one way to stay sane when for one moment you had held everything you had ever wanted in your grasp. You had to try and forget.

I ran my hands through my hair, it was getting shaggy again and kept getting in my eyes. I needed to get a hair cut once I was done torturing myself with thoughts of a woman I could never have. I banged my head on the glass. I was an idiot. From the reflection on the glass I saw my desk light up again. I turned, confused, I had turned the damn thing off no one should be able to turn it on remotely. Then a voice came from the speakers.

"Uhhhh, Carth? Is this Carth Onasi's office? Hello?" The voice was low and hesitant. Vaguely familiar but I couldn't place it. A woman's voice but not the one I wanted to hear.

Anther voice interrupted the first, this one lower and lilting. "This is a bad idea. She is going to kill us."

I had no idea who these people were but some how they had gotten through my security to access my desk. I walked over to see the video feed. It looked to be a girl maybe 17 or 18 looking hopefully into the camera while a young good looking man paced in the background.

"This is Carth, I hope there is a good reason you just broke the law to access my offices system commands."

The man in the background laughed. "Oh, this guy? This is the guy?" He theatrically slapped his palm to his forehead. "We are going to get killed for this you know."

The girl named Mishca didn't respond to his words she just looked at me quizzically, as if she was sizing me up. Apparently finding me acceptable she proceeded to answer me.

"Sorry for interruption sir. I just needed to call you because you needed to hear a story."

She was completely calm, as if talking to a station commander and probably one of the most high ranking officers in the Republic happened every day. Her quite voice reflected no trepidation. I however was extremely confused and I didn't mind showing it.

"What? What are you talking about?"

I know my brow was furrowed, it was a habit Lark used to make fun of me about. As that thought entered my head I realized I had just called the Cassie I had know Lark. As if she had always been Lark. Maybe she had, she just hadn't known it yet. Mishca was talking again in her measured tones and the man was pacing again. He kept looking back at the corridor that lead to the bridge of whatever ship they were on. He was looking out for something or some one?

"I want to tell you about my Captain. I'm going to tell you something she doesn't want people to know about."

So this was a crew reporting a crime. That explained the look out who chose at this moment to interject.

"She really is going to kill us this time. Its not going to be like the time we released the laughing gas in the ship where she said she was going to kill us. She is really going to kill us for messing with her personal life."

Mishca finally snapped on the video screen and turned away to face the man.

"Trev. Would you please shut the fuck up. We need to save her from herself. Its the least we can do. She saved all of us, you, me, dozens of times. Now the least we can do is give him the chance to make a choice."

With that she turned back to me. The man called Trev in the video screen looked stunned. At the words or the vehemence in this small girls tone I didn't know but his face mirrored my own reaction to this girls words. This girl knew Lark, this was the cyber hacker who had been helping her. She was part of Lark's crew. I could feel myself growing cold with anger. This girl and that man, Mishca and Trev, they for some unknown reason could follow her and I could not. Mishca continued as if her outburst at Trev had never happened.

"My Captain is the greatest woman I have ever met. She risks her life almost daily to save the innocent and the weak. She kills the guilty and the evil without mercy." At this Mishca laughed a little. "or sometimes just the bad or neutral. But she cares deeply for everyone she meets."

Everything this girl was saying was fitting for Lark, the Lark five years ago and the one I saw today. She had to be talking about Lark. I was standing with my hands leaning on the desk in front of me and I could feel my fingers digging into the soft wood.

Mishca stared at me as if weighing how much she could trust me. I can't know what she saw there but she continued.

"My captain has stranded me on planets to keep me from danger. Multiple times." Mishca motioned towards Trev, "She only did it to him twice so far." Trev winced and spoke again. "Its kinda her MO. Though to be fair if she didn't do it we would have way to much crew for the Redemption to handle. That's how much she inspires loyalty, she picks up one or two people willing to die for her every week."

Mishca looked at me again. I couldn't formulate words my head was racing. She must have taken my silence to mean I wanted her to continue.

"My Captain Lark Tsornin is a protector. She doesn't want any of us to follow her because she knows it puts us in danger. It started with Bara but now we don't give her a choice." Mishca straitened in her seat. "We refused to stay where she had left us after she saved us, and we all would follow her straight to hell, because she is the only person I have ever met who would ask us not too."

Mishca started typing on her side of the screen. I was finally able to speak.

"Why?" I almost whispered it. "Why are you telling me this?"

She smiled and leaned in conspiratorially. "Because you deserve to know there is a choice. If you love her as much as she loves you, you know what you should do. And because I want her to be happy. And if you make the wrong choice I will be able to rest well knowing you did not deserve my Captain if you roll over and give up like last time."

Give up? How had I given up last time. But then the thought hit me. I had given up. As soon as she walked away I had let her go. Twice today I had let her walk out the door, three times if you count letting her ship leave the station. I had asked her to let me help her. At no point have I ever tried to stop her from leaving. I didn't stop her five years ago and I didn't stop her today. And just hours ago I had been sitting at this desk trying to busy myself with reports instead of installing tracers on her ship with the intension of following her. I had consigned myself to wallow in self pity because I was too tied up in duty and responsibility to fight for the only thing I had really wanted for the past decade.

I had done my duty to the Republic. At this point I was 39 years old and I had spent half of my life doing my duty. Ignoring my family, making it so I wasn't there for them when they needed me. Then later the command from Lark to make the Republic strong again instead of coming with her like I should have. Duty is what allowed her to run away from me last time.

With that I broke. It was like the past shattered into a thousand pieces and I made a decision. I have spent 22 years doing my duty. This time, right now, I would start the life I wanted. The station would be fine. Dustil was a man now with eyes to start his own family if I read the signals between him and his girlfriend Kalahn right. He didn't need me. Lark needed me. More importantly I needed her. I needed to be around her even if she didn't want me.

"Where are you?" My voice had a hard edge to it. It came out low and angrier then I intended. But this time I was angry. Angry it took a pep talk from Lark's crew to make me come to my senses and recognize what I should be doing.

Mishca smiled again. "Can't tell you that. But some trickster has loaded the Redemption's destination to find the Gar'un on to your office computer. Don't know who would have done that. It was nice meeting you sir. I hope I see you again."

With that she logged off. The room became dim again without the light from the desk's screen. I just stared at Telos out the window. After I few moments I left the office and headed to my quarters. A list of things to do was filtering through my brain. My quarters were a short walk away but when I got there I was finally struck by how utilitarian it all looked. I had never decorated. Never had anything personal besides a few pictures on the shelf next to the bed. It was like I really had never thought I would stay here that long. When you are waiting for some one you can get stuck in the waiting. I didn't want to decorate at first because the thought was what if she came back and didn't like it? Then it was well no one is going to see it so its not worth it.

I opened the locker at the foot of the bed and started taking weapons out. The door buzzed and opened and Dustil walked through. I could tell he was mad. I could tell he knew exactly what I was intending. He folded his arms and looked at me.

"Going some where?"

I reached in the closet and grabbed the military style rucksack back there, should be enough to carry all my favorite guns and a spare change of clothes. Maybe the pictures on the bedside table too.

"Your a man now Dustil and a good officer too. You have always made me proud. Keep the station going when I'm gone alright?" I started packing all the ammo and grenades I wanted to bring. Body amour, I would pack that too, I didn't need it right now.

Dustil's voice held and accusation. "She left you. Again! And you are going after her?"

I stopped and finally the anger I had been holding back at myself broke free.

"Of fucking course I am! I should have never let her talk me into letting her leave me behind five years ago!"

I slammed the vibro-blade knife in my hand in the bag. I knew this conversation was going to go badly.

"It was because of me wasn't it?"

I looked up in surprise. Dustil was standing with his arms to his sides. He wasn't looking at me just staring down at the pictures I was about to put in the bag. This one was of me and him about a year before the attack on Telos. We had just gone fishing together for the first time.

"She convinced you to stay by saying that I needed you. If it wasn't for me you would have been happier with her."

Well shit. I decided if I was going to leave I was going to leave with the truth. No more lies to myself or those I cared about.

"Dustil. I will never regret getting to know you again and watching you grow up into a good man. I wish that I had never left to begin with. You know that." His head came up and he was looking at me now.

"But yes you were one of the 50 reasons she threw at me for why I couldn't come with her." I took a step forward and grabbed his shoulder to keep him from pulling away. "But I shouldn't have let her go alone. You and I should have gotten on a ship and chased after her. I would have never left you. You are my son and we both needed each other too much to leave you anywhere. I am going after her this time. Alone because you have a life here. Besides my relationship with you, I have been in stasis for the past five years with nothing but work for company." Now it was my turn to look away as I walked back to the bag I had packed in less then three minutes.

"She makes me feel alive in a way I have not felt since Telos was destroyed and your mother died. I want to fight by her side and run and gun and get into terrible amounts of trouble with her. She is worth the risk."

"I get it. Just…" Dustil looked out the window and smiled. "Just don't forget to stay in contact this time. I need to know y'all are alive every once in a while."

I pulled the bag closed and latched up the sides. I smiled and reached out my hand and Dustil grabbed it.

"You got it son." And I pulled him into a hug.

"Good luck dad."

With a grin on my face I slung the bag over my shoulder. "What are saying that for now? I need to to help me get a hold of the best fighter we have in space dock."

He rolled his eyes. "Great, thats going to be easy to explain later."

I laughed as we started to walk out. Then I realized I had almost forgotten something. I went back into the bedroom and pulled on the orange flight jacket I had hanging on the closet door.