Chapter 9
The choosing of partners for the Yule Ball had yet to be finalised, though in the excitement of the first task many had almost forgotten it.
Plenty of girls remembered that Erich Snape could not go with his sister this year since she was now Madam Draco Malfoy; and as he was good looking and seemed to be pretty wealthy, he was beset by many a giggling, coy girl.
It has to be said that some of them hoped he would introduce them to his friend David Fraser whom they could quickly persuade that a good witch was better than a half-goblin, even a pretty one like Ellie.
Hawke too was without a partner; Hayley was going to the ball by rights this year as were the rest of her class, and she told Hawke apologetically she was going with Eustace Benton.
"Scrubb's all right" she said "And I got him reading CS Lewis and he calls me Pole; so that kind of makes us a couple."
Hawke nodded, understanding perfectly. Young Benton had come a long way from being almost as priggish as Fenella; his fellow Gryffindors had good-naturedly sat on him. Slythers and Gryffs of that year were pretty good, really. He had a chat with Romulus; and they decided to break with custom entirely and ask two second years, Lynx and Senagra respectively.
"Let's face it, they've each decided to have us when we grow up so we might as well get the bickering over and done with by the time they're old enough to be sexy" said Romulus fatalistically.
Hawke laughed.
"Speak for yourself; I shall run if Lynx chases too hard" he said.
The fourth had to sort themselves out; JJ, as Jasper Crouch Jones had become known and Colin Weasley picked two Gryffindor MSHG girls on the grounds that at least they'd have interesting conversation; Ed Dinalt asked Peta Umbridge, Prince Viktor asked Pris Lockhart, Crispin asked Cleonie Puckeridge and Gervase asked Emerald Lenoir.
Kinat, also partnerless, boldly asked Madam McGonagall and was turned down; so he settled for Garjala on the proviso she left any of her famous jokes and tricks behind.
Erich meanwhile had an excellent idea; and asked Fenella, who flushed and agreed.
"You don't dance I guess" said Erich "I'm not good at it; but you now have good conversation and that is all I look for; I am not for romance in any way ready." Being nervous increased his German idiom.
"I'll be glad not to be left unwanted by anyone, even if I don't really want to go" said Fenella.
"We go; we smile; we eat some things then go back to the common room with a good book and roast chestnuts together" said Erich.
"Sounds a much better evening than the one they have planned" said Fenella.
The other decision made on MSHG grounds was Francis Davenport's asking of Elisa Mourne. Elisa was delighted! She had spent a slightly miserable term, with Dione Parnassus still pointedly ignoring her, and Elisa was still worrying about Madam Malfoy, whom she thought was wonderful. She had made much of Jade Snape, knowing the child was adopted by Krait and Severus, especially after Jade had been injured; which Jade had endured kindly, and had sat to sew with Elisa and with Sephara. Sephara was going to the ball with with Martin Umbridge; and did not know that Neville Longbottom planned on dancing with her since he would teach no longer after this term if all went well for Krait.
Much however was to happen before the ball occurred; not only the stalking of eligible bachelors like David and the Malfoy twins – girls were watching avidly to see if Myrtle was out of favour yet – who were fair game.
Lionel Dell was glad to be out of it for another year, and said so to his new friends; for Ross had drawn him into his own group of rather eclectic friends, including three of Dell's own year, Tamsin Clintock and Tim Barnett, and the scatty but sweet Mary-Anne Green. Dell's conversion had brought him more friends too in his own year, including Callum and Cynner, Alice Trumball – whose mother had also absconded and wanted little to do with her – and Melody Bloom. It was a grouping with contacts in the Marauders, Junior marauders, Mei Chang's gang and Jade's gang. Lionel had never been so happy!
He was therefore deeply suspicious when Malcolm Baddock asked him to take a message into Hogsmead and send by village Owl service.
"What's wrong with a school owl, Baddock?" asked Dell.
"Mind your own business" said Baddock.
Dell held his peace. One did not argue with a member of the lower sixth reputed to have tied a first year into a knot and flushed him down the loo.
It was not true; and Dell was fairly certain it was not true. But that would not be for want of trying on Baddock's part.
This letter was underhanded; and Dell dared not fail to send it. He did however note the address, as far as he could read Baddock's handwriting; and then went to David.
"Fraser, is it sneaking to tell you something that I found a bit disturbing?" he asked.
David put down his quill and managed not to sigh. He was not sure if he was disturbed by or glad of the interruption of an eighteen inch essay on Gamp's law and its exceptions.
"Tell me as a friend and I'll decide then whether I need to put on my Head Boy's hat" he said.
Dell grinned.
"Baddock wanted a letter sent by Village Owl; that seemed shady" he said.
"It does sound underhanded; if it was to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes or somewhere like that though, I guess that's just paranoia about Argus Filch" said David.
"It wasn't there; it was Ascura Alley or some such" said Dell. "EC1"
David sat forward.
"Would that be Obscura Alley?" he asked.
"It could be… it looked like six-six-six which is an arithmantically scary number."
"There aren't that many houses in Obscura Alley….Abrax said it numbered to seventy something or thereabouts…. Write it down as well as you remember" he summoned paper and a quill for the boy. Dell was suitable impressed; and did his best.
"This COULD be sixty-six b you know" said David "That would be feasible; next to a VERY dodgy premises selling abortion and promising kidnap…. That's Draco's bag to pick up, I'll send him over. That's not so much school official as possibly legal official; you did quite right to come to me. It might just be a shady joke shop; but we'll see. Thanks, Lionel! Oh yes, I spoke to Lucius – had an owl from him this morning as it happens – he can't trace any problems Tony had with wizards in the past; he just seems to want to blank out the knowledge as Vernon Dursley does. Lucius said he just encouraged his mind not to think about it rather than confund him totally. No-one is as subtle as Lucius; he assures me he's forgotten any desire to kill you."
Dell heaved a sigh of relief.
"Thanks,Fraser; and thank Mr Malfoy for me!" he said.
"I gather your father's a cousin of his anyway so he did it with double enthusiasm" said David. "He said Tony's having some troubles right now, the police are interested in him for kiddy porn, his computer appears to have visited some dodgy sites. I suppose you're computer illiterate?"
"Utterly" said Dell.
"Hmm" said David "Guess I'd better not ask how skilled young Tuthill is and if he can hack into someone else's ISP to seem like their computer was used to browse where it shouldn't…."
"You might as well be speaking ancient Greek to me Fraser" said Dell with a straight face.
"Let's keep your level of ignorance over computers and mine over Tuthill about level right now" said David. "Oh – and NICE lateral thinking, the pair of you, don't go too far. Getting him suspect is one thing, fitting him up totally unless he is a significant risk to the wizarding world is something else entirely."
"Yes Fraser; I promise."
"Good man!"
Dell was sorted; Fenella Fenwick was sorted; Baddock and Pritchard might be about to be caught out at something rather unpleasant. The term was going fairly successfully.
It was time for something to go wrong.
The gasps of collective horror over the 'Daily Prophet' heralded something wrong before David had a chance to open his copy at breakfast next day.
Ellie passed him hers.
There was a letter decrying the members of the Fifth at Hogwarts, which was said to be full of unsuitable people like magical breeding experiments, zombies, known squibs and lawless elements not to mention the insane sixth former.
"What?" said David.
"Sephara's the known Squib of course" said Ellie "Myrtle's the zombie I suppose; I think I'm the breeding experiment, the marauders are the lawless element – not that they've done anything lawless since the sugar and salt incident last year – and I guess the insane is a dig at Fenella."
"I am not insane!" said Fenella.
"No, but you didn't come across that tightly wrapped at first" said Ellie. "I'm not a breeding experiment for that matter; truth doesn't matter much to poison pen writers so long as they cause hurt and trouble. What do we do, David? Ignore it?"
"Unless you've any idea who's doing it."
"I know Isabelle Yaxley's made snide comments about Sephara and Myrtle's backed Sephara up" said Ellie.
"Hey, it's in Witch Weekly too" said Lysistrata "What a hoot! They're planning on sending a reporter to make sure that no irregularities disturb poor young David Fraser, the second youngest Head Boy ever, from his tasks in the Triwizard competition in which he's also the second youngest ever competitor."
"Only because we didn't make it" said Abraxus, more out of habit then in any contentious spirit. It was a running joke.
"Cheeky so-an-so's" said David
"Give the reporter a burst of Severus-speak" suggested Kinat.
"I jolly well will too!" said David.
"Ouch" Fenella winced "I've been on the receiving end of that!"
David went to Dumbledore over that.
"I've had a hint that this is the fault of Isabelle Yaxley who has it in for her allegedly squib cousin" said David after showing Dumbledore the Witch Weekly article "I don't like to sneak or abrogate responsibility; but I think this needs some concerted idea about what tone to take with any reporter as you've managed to exclude them from the Triwizard on the grounds of the trouble Rita Skeeter tried to cause last time."
"Oh I haven't excluded reporters" said Dumbledore, twinkling roguishly "I just stated that a large fee would be required to the school to report on any private interschool competition but that they might – at a lower cost – purchase articles on the ongoing competition from a budding reporter."
"God's teeth and Merlin's bollocks who?" asked David aghast.
Dumbledore laughed.
"Almost as good as Miss Granger's comments about Merlin's underlinen….Willow Prince volunteered; she has a good writing style, if rather snide at times – can't think where that comes from – and a nice turn of phrase. I believe she said something about 'the unwholesome synthesis of German brisk pragmatism with an inhumanly reckless indifference that was the paradigm of eastern European carcinomous malignancy. I framed it" he added.
"Nice. I've been deliberately not reading any reports, working on the principle that they were probably made up" said David "I'll look out for them now! I'm surprised they printed it though, if it's against the enemy the 'Prophet' usually cuts it out."
"I don't think the editor understood it" said Dumbledore simply.
David laughed.
"THAT I actually can believe" he said. "What do we say, though?"
"We ask a ministry inspector in to test the fifth and see for himself that there's nothing wrong" said Dumbledore calmly "And permit this reporter only to accompany the inspector and write as she sees. You may prepare a written statement along the lines that the Triwizard is keeping you busy enough, in addition to your duties as Head Boy and that you feel this ridiculous nonsense is an imposition on your time – or something along those lines."
David nodded.
"If I run out of a flow of cacaceous effluvium I'm sure Willow will help" he said cheerfully.
"And I shall watch Miss Yaxley like a hawk and avoid letting her talk to this reporter at all" said Dumbledore.
David duly wrote,
"Whilst I am both flattered and grateful that Witch Weekly should consider my welfare so deeply, might I also point out that my welfare with the joint responsibilities as Head Boy and Hogwarts Triwizard Candidate would be better served without having to deal with answering questions on what appears to be the fetid and fevered outpourings of some hysterical teenager perhaps under the influence of alihotsy leading to the risible and mendacious allegations launched inexplicably at the fifth year. It would seem to me that Witch Weekly might do better to aid Professor Dumbledore to uncover the identity of the unfortunate who has resorted to such cacaceous absurdity, the better to obtain for him or her the medical care this unfortunate attention seeker evidently needs, since the mental state of anyone who can write in so asinine and fatuous a fashion must be considered questionable."
He showed it to Dumbledore, who laughed.
"Nicely done. How many times did you resort to a Thesaurus?"
"Only three; Severus trained me well."
"Good; I'll pass this to the reporter. You may, if she says anything, say that you have said all you intend to say in your written statement. I'll insist it's published in full too."
"Thanks" said David, realising that a good cut and paste could make him sound as though he was uttering feverish teenaged outpourings.
Sometimes a free press was a trial!
Clorinda Vale, Minister of Education, turned up herself, with Lucius Malfoy and the tiny, stooped figure of Madam Griselda Marchbanks, head of the Wizarding Examinations Board; as well as the brisk and eager figure of a plump young witch bearing a press badge naming her as Corinne Deveaux. David had suggested insisting on the wearing of a Press Pass, a muggle concept, so everyone who wanted to avoid her could.
As head boy, naturally he greeted the visitors.
"May I ask you some questions, David? I may call you David?" asked Miss Deveaux.
"I think you'll find all I need to say in the written statement I issued" said David, smiling pleasantly "Excuse me…will you have a seat, Professor Marchbanks while I fetch Professor Dumbledore?"
"Thank you; my bones are not as young as they were" said Madam Marchbanks.
David flourished his wand to use a summoning spell to draw up a chair for her as comfortable as he could make it based precisely on her height. She eased herself into it.
"Oh VERY well done, young man, produced with style, elegant in appearance and remarkably comfortable! If you are able to place a permanency charm on it too, I shall have my house elves take this home to use" said Madam Marchbanks. "And only in the lower sixth I believe? Remarkable!"
David bowed.
"At your will, Ma'am" he said, performing the permanency enchantment, using the extra curricular chanting he was learning to add to it.
"Well, I don't see YOU are going to have any difficulty in your NEWTs" said the elderly professor. "What will you be taking?"
"Potions – my best subject – DADA, Care of Magical Animals, Arithmancy – my second best subject along with Geomancy that I'm also taking and Transfiguration, which I'm not so good at."
"Not so good at Transfigurations? After a display like that? My dear boy!"
"It's my theory" said David mournfully "I can't always think in the wizarding way; I see a guinea fowl being closer to a chicken than to a Guinea pig. It's a mental block. And I LOATHE Professor Gamp and his exceptions" he added with feeling.
Professor Marchbanks laughed.
"With such practical talents I hardly feel you'll find the theory slows you up. And between you and me" she added "If you can find a LOGICAL reason to write about for the transfigurational closeness of one thing into another, you will be credited with thinking – which is what NEWT level is about more than churning back knowledge."
"Thank you ma'am!" said David.
"And I don't know anyone – except perhaps Hermione Weasley – who likes Gamp" said Lucius "I recall having homicidal thoughts about him myself when I did MY NEWTs."
"You achieved a very creditable 'E' in transfigurations as I recall Lucius" said Madam Marchbanks "You might have done better if your violin hadn't bitten the examiner after you had turned it back from being a cat."
Lucius grinned.
"At least I didn't refuse point blank to turn it back like my reprobate son and his friends!" he said.
"Hmm, well, the arguments for humanitarian grounds were very laudable; especially in light of the times and the troubles" said Madam Marchbanks. "And that naughty niece of yours used a Divination exam to warn of Voldemort's return…scared me silly I have to say when she described Morsmordre…quite right of her, but then to write about perturbations in Uranus….she's teaching now I hear?"
"She's having trouble with her latest pregnancy and is off sick until the end of this term" said Lucius "We're all a bit concerned; but her husband is taking excellent care of her."
"Well pass her my best; I had the treat of seeing her Patronus too and some excellent charm and transfiguration work" said Madam Marchbanks. "Ah, here is Albus…this young Head boy drew up a chair for me, Albus, with as much aplomb as you did in your Transfiguration NEWT, you should be proud of him"
"I am" said Dumbledore, dropping an arm across David's shoulder "He is a good boy, a hard worker, brave to a fault and one of the most popular head boys we have ever had with the little ones. I don't HAVE troubles in the school with David; he's going to run Draco a very close second as the most famous head boy ever"
"Ah well, Draco only got to kill deatheaters, he didn't have the Triwizard" laughed Lucius. "So perhaps if Fraser manages so well we should ask HIM what this trouble is in the fifth – beyond my nephews?"
"There isn't any trouble in the fifth" said David shortly "The er, lawless elements – you nephews and friends – have been working like stink all year and only occasionally broke out in mischief in the fourth. The rest of the strange allegations I really fail to understand; I cannot even guess at whom they might be aimed – unless the alleged squib was your niece who had been wrongly diagnosed as a squib and treated so badly."
"Ah yes! Sephara is doing quite well. I believe, even though she has had to catch up several years work?" said Lucius.
"Yes, my girlfriend Ellie and your nephew's girlfriend Myrtle have been helping her" said David. "And she's also made friends with a girl who had had some difficulty settling who's in Slytherin House, and who is getting on famously now. Oh there are some troublesome elements of course – the odd would-be bully, the occasional know-it-all, the bonehead who thinks moonlight broom flying would be fun on a cloudy night who has to be rescued from a tree – normal things."
"Relatively innocuous when I recall that in the fifth I was sneaking out for a torrid affair with a witch in Hogsmead" said Lucius.
"That's what happened to your grades was it?" said Dumbledore.
He shrugged.
"That and Voldemort…. Many of us got rather lost for many years under his influence. I suppose the stability of the school background has been the saving of many of us who would have been irreclaimable deatheaters. And that, Miss Deveaux, is what I resent about this sensationalist rubbish that has been printed and your avidly twitching nose like a curious guinea pig in search of a juicy story. You have been writing busily about Fraser's NEWTs and will doubtless make some snide comment about him taking six and if you even think about speculating on how the strain affects his mental state the way that Skeeter woman wrote about Harry, expect a law suit from me as a Governor on Fraser's behalf. Fraser stood the strain of studying for ten OWLs whilst fighting Voldemort; as my son took six NEWTs whilst fighting Voldemort. Strain sorts the men from the boys – I think I just called Hermione a man, tacitly – and worse, Krait – and moreover, Miss Deveaux, the reminiscences over my own school days were not for public consumption and I forbid you to use then and if necessary I shall put a lien on your paper, is that clear?"
"P-perfectly Mr Malfoy" said Corinne Deveaux, striking frantic lines through her notes.
"Good" said Lucius.
"Have you ever grown up, Lucius?" said Madam Marchbanks.
"Oh I hope not" said Lucius.
The Minister had, David thought, been very wise in 'laying low and saying nuffin''; but now she cleared her throat.
"Shall we do a brief test of each of the fifth then, Madam Marchbanks?"
"Certainly" said Madam Marchbanks. "Dear me, I really am very comfy…Wingardium leviosa!" and with a wave of her wand she levitated the chair to go along with the other testers.
The fifth quite enjoyed the change of routine; and performed with aplomb and panache, even Fish. Madam Marchbanks had a kindly word for both Kinat and Ellie, saying how pleased she was to see Goblins and those of Goblin blood at Hogwarts at long last and doing so well too, when many had predicted that they would drop out.
"With due respect, Madam Marchbanks" said Lucius "A many times great uncle of mine had goblin blood; he was only an eighth goblin admittedly but in the early years of the nineteenth century that was quite something; and he went on to teach until he was murdered by someone who objected to his blood status. I have Cosmo Malfoy's diary, that my nephews here, Hawke and Abraxus and their friends – Kinat and Romulus and Willow – discovered. I'm thinking of publishing it, or maybe having it semi fictionalised. And perhaps serialising Cosmo's story would be of greater interest to Witch Weekly than this storm in a cauldron dredged up by some doubtless malicious mind – wasn't there a boy who got a howler from the ministry for spreading lies about his class mates?"
"I never told lies, not intentionally anyway, they sent me up and I believed it!" howled Derwent "And I didn't write to Witch Weekly at all! If you like Abraxus making out with an abomination like Myrtle, I'm sick of the whole affair!"
"Dear me, Mr Derwent, I think it goes beyond what is nice to refer to Huffers as abominations" said David "You will write me an impot, please, of three repeats of the school poem to be found in the front of 'the History of Hogwarts' where the aims of the four founders is laid out."
Derwnt scowled; he had not meant to insult Hufflepuff – not that he minded insulting Hufflepuffs – but to bring Myrtle's dead state to the attention of important people like Lucius Malfoy.
Lucius had a quiet word with the boy as the others left.
"Young man, I fail to see what business it is of yours to interfere with my nephew's courageous pursuit of the girl he loves; and believe me, if I hear any more on the subject from you, you and I are going to fall out. I trust I make myself er pellucidly clear."
"Uh…yes Mr Malfoy" said Derwent, swallowing.
He knew when he was beat.
There was nothing spectacular to report; and the reporter felt it was all a wasted journey over some fetid and fevered teenage outpourings, probably because one of the people supposedly at the end of her – she was convinced it was a her – spiteful pen had been chosen to go to the Yule ball by a boy the writer had fancied. Corinne Deveaux remembered the jealousies and upsets over ball partner choices VERY well indeed! She planned to suggest just publishing David's letter in full with her own rider that the fifth form seemed on the whole a pleasant group of young people, supportive of David Fraser's attempt in the Triwizard and that she felt that his assessment of attention seeking was undoubtedly the truth of the matter.
Still, there was the chance to write about Lucius Malfoy's surprising great uncle.
She turned her attentions to getting an interview with Lucius.
"That was jolly decent of Lucius to turn attention off me by offering poor Cosmo as bait" said Myrtle.
"Yes" said Abraxus "Though I almost don't want him you know, profaned, by Witch Weekly."
"It's a poignant and moving story" said Hawke "Lucius won't let it go out until he's vetted it thoroughly; and they won't cross HIM. It'll be treated properly; and if it's done well it could raise sympathy for goblins and half goblins as well as painting the Malfoy family in a more sympathetic light. Neither of which will do any harm."
"I suppose" said Kinat "I know what Abrax feels though; I don't want Cosmo stripped naked for public foolishness."
"He's a beacon in a dark time of blood snobbery; he should be allowed to shine" said Romulus thoughtfully.
"Yeah… yeah, I guess you're right Rom" said Kinat. "That puts it in perspective."
"Rom often makes a lot of sense" said Abraxus "He might not say much but when he does, it's worth listening to."
"Oggleboggle oogle-splup" said Romulus.
Abraxus hit him.
Isabelle Yaxley was summoned to the Head's office; and though she was not formally expelled she spent the rest of her time at Hogwarts in the sick bay, and departed as soon as her parents had arrived to take her away.
"How awful not to be able to take NEWTs!" gasped Fenella "And surely I made more trouble than her?"
"YOU made trouble out of ignorance; SHE made it out of spite" said David "And therein lies a massive difference. You had Dumbledore spiel at you; he'll have tried the same with her and found her recalcitrant I fear."
"How can anyone not be moved when Professor Dumbledore reaches inside and reveals the motives one never knew one had?" said Fenella.
"A decent basic type like you, maybe that works on" said David "To Isabelle Yaxley she may be moved to anger over having been found out but that's about it."
"You'd think she'd be prepared to TRY so as to get the chance to study" said Fenella.
"My good and innocent ass" drawled Abraxus "You have the sweetly naïve attitude that study is something that everyone wants to do at school; but I assure you it is only we weirdos who feel that school is for an education rather than for making social contacts. For the Isabelle Yaxleys of this world, a socially advantageous marriage is more important than how many NEWTs she gets or does not; she does not need to spread her academic wings when all she needs to do is to spread is her legs."
"Merlin's beard, Abrax, that was coarse enough and snide enough to be worthy of Krait!" said David, a little shocked.
"Thanks, I've been studying" said Abraxus.
"And it's only too true" said Ellie "She's interested in Blood Status – which is why she shunned her supposed squib cousin and wanted her punished for existing."
"Sorry Fenella" said Kinat "Welcome to the real world where too many people are sad little gits."
"Well" said Fenella "I guess I'm grateful that I didn't end up as one of them. Thanks for all your help, everyone."
"You're welcome" said David; and he was backed up by murmurs of assent for all the Gryffindors.
