A/N: Hello, thank you for reading this far! I've got to take a break for a few days because I'm moving to Montreal for college (don't worry, I'm taking my computer with me!). I've got a few more chapters up my sleeve before then, though, but there will be a delay before more come out, what with the long drive and the time it will take to get the internet set up, etc. But have no fear, more is on the way.
So without further adieu, Chapter Nine...
June
Lupin sat by Tonks' bedside at St. Mungo's.
The spinning in his head from turbulent emotions—fear, intense grief, and fatigue—subsided as he watched her sleeping face. The tranquility that she was experiencing permeated his mind, and he was filled with a calm he had not felt for days.
He didn't like leaving her bedside for more than minutes at a time, even if he was hungry. Mad-Eye Moody had stopped in to see her a few times (he surmised the ex-Auror was rather protective of her) after his own bleeding had stopped. Kingsley and other Order members had popped in as well, but most were attending to their own grief and the growing responsibilities they had now that Voldemort was exposed. The only people to stop in regularly, almost everyday, were her parents.
Remus observed them and felt a jolt of shock when he saw Mrs. Tonks' resemblance to Bellatrix Lestrange. However, the kind-eyed woman that knelt at the bed of her daughter could never have been the same person as the Death Eater murderess. The couple were somewhat of an oddity, he couldn't help notice—Mrs. Tonks wore black robes hemmed with dark lace, not unlike Sirius' mother, while Mr. Tonks wore Muggle-style overcoats. Tonks' mother seemed to have a ghostly delicacy from her pureblood heritage, moving with a grace that suggested nobility and pride; Tonks' father had a large belly that reminded Remus of Father Christmas. Although his weight didn't restrict his movements, he had an inexplicable clumsiness coupled with insuppressible optimism that didn't make it difficult to see where Tonks derived most of her character. When they visited, Remus usually excused himself immediately before they could inquire who he was or why they found him so often beside Tonks' sickbed.
The parents were gone already for the day. Remus sat in a chair near her bed, holding her hand with guilty pleasure. His thumb caressed her open palm for the thousandth time.
"Mmm," she moaned quietly. He released her hand immediately as she stirred awake. The other arm was slung to her chest, still healing. Her leg that had disappeared was regrowing slowly—the knee was almost done today, he could see from the lump in the sheets. "Am I dead? Sirius?"
"It's me, Remus," he said gently. "And you're very much alive, Nymphadora."
"Dammit," she murmured, her eyes still closed. "Tonks. It's Tonks."
"Tonks," repeated Remus. "How do you feel?"
He hadn't properly talked to her since February. All of their conversations had been half-baked versions of the intimate friendship they had shared. They seemed to avoid close contact, but he would seek her out and she him if they went too long without seeing each other. He felt the deadened facts of it kill him slightly.
"Moody," she replied with a grin, her eyes still closed. She wiggled her leg, the one that was only half there, just like Mad-Eye's pegless leg. Remus laughed. But her smiled faded. "But Sirius…he is dead, isn't he?"
He grew quiet for a moment as the eyebrows over her closed lids raised in anticipation.
"Yes," said Remus gravely. "He is dead. Bellatrix Lestrange killed him, and she almost did you as well."
"I saw him fall," she sighed. "I was upside down, on my back—but it looked like he was flying into a veil in the sky. It was a beautiful way to go." She pulled her shoulder up, adjusting her back. Remus immediately obliged and fixed her pillow for her. "Did they all get out okay? Harry and the others?"
"Yes, they'll all be fine, thank God."
"And ours? The Order?"
"Mad-Eye got a nasty whack of something to the head, but he's fine. He's been in everyday to see you."
"Good of him." She opened her eyes now, resembling a spiky-haired kitten opening for them for the first time. "Sirius is dead?" she asked again, looking into Remus' face.
"Sirius is dead," he said again. She turned away from him and looked up at the ceiling. He could see a thread-thin tear needling down her temple, so much different from her trembling, terror-induced sobbing. And felt closer to her in this moment than he had in so long—she reminded him of Dumbledore. It was the way her eyes looked contemplating death; it was not horror or fear, but an undying sadness of parting. He resisted the urge to take her hand again.
"There will be a small memorial service," he said quietly. "In two days."
"What about Harry?" asked Tonks, turning back again to him. "Doesn't he have to be in school?"
"Yes. He will not be there," agreed Lupin.
"Doesn't seem fair," she sad with a frown.
"Sirius' death is a secret," said Lupin firmly. "And must remain so for a time. Imagine explaining what a host of Aurors, respected wizards and Harry Potter are doing mourning at the grave of a notorious, wanted Death Eater. Not to mention the discovery of Kingsley's and Dumbledore's cover-up of his whereabouts this year. It is trouble beyond anything a secret Order needs right now when Voldemort has come out of hiding."
Tonks nodded with a sigh. Kingsley would no doubt be sacked if it were discovered that he was deliberately not doing his job. And she would be as well for helping him.
"You look awful," she said suddenly, looking into his tired eyes. They were red and everything in his face seemed to be weighed down by something.
"That's Hufflepuff honesty for you," he said with a smile, rubbing his right eye. "Only a true friend would say something so bluntly."
"No, Remus, I can see something's wrong, it's all over your face," said Tonks with a slight urgency. "Is—someone else dead? Did Voldemort get the prophecy? What happened?"
"Nothing like that," he said quickly. "It's just—well—they brought you out of that chamber on a gurney."
"So?"
"Tonks, everyone thought you were going to die," he said. His eyes seemed to grow darker and she could clearly see that he was troubled. "You weren't breathing and you didn't have a pulse. Someone even put a sheet over your face at some point. I watched the whole thing—luckily, the Healer discovered you under a curse. One of the Darkest. I heard the name at some point from the Healer—it is called Mortis Fallax. It replicates the effects of death for several days; the intention is that the cursed will be buried as if dead, only to wake in their grave sometime later, helpless, to die a true death of suffocation."
"And Bellatrix Lestrange—this is what she tried to do to me?" asked Tonks quietly. "On top of chopping off my leg?"
"One might conclude that it was her intention," said Lupin stiffly. "However, she has been in Azkaban for over a decade. Advances have been made since then and the recently discovered detection of this spell, through the use of dragon's blood, has made it nearly useless and ultimately obsolete."
"Lucky me," said Tonks after a moment. "Dragon's blood? That'll be Dumbledore's…I suppose I have him to thank that I'm not writhing in a grave right now."
Lupin gave a shudder as he looked at her, as if imagining it.
"What's up?" she asked, trying to sit up slightly.
Lupin was quiet for a moment.
"I haven't talked to you like this for months."
"I noticed."
"I have—a lot of things I want to say to you." He fidgeted slightly, something she'd never seen him do. He had obviously prepared something that seemed to have flown out the window.
"Hm," she said, wiggling her stump leg. "I guess I'm not going anywhere." He gave a faint smile but did not laugh.
"Sirius was a brilliant man," said Lupin sorrowfully. "In school he was top-notch, he and Harry's father. When we made plans to cause mischief, he was very thorough in making sure all of our loose ends were closed. He was so careful that he even designed a map, a map that we created together, a map capable of tracking every soul inside Hogwarts School, so that we would always know when we were in danger and could cover our backs. He was reckless, yes, but often carefully reckless—if that makes any coherent sense."
"Maybe not. But go on all the same." Tonks shrugged and his small smile grew wider.
"Did you know why Sirius was accused of being a Death Eater?"
"Of course," replied Tonks. "Not only did he help kill Harry's parents, but about a dozen Muggles for chuckles. Or at least that's what they told us at Auror's Headquarters. I never got the full details of his innocence, I've mostly been trusting the Order's judgment."
"He had laid out a dangerous scheme that he thought would protect Lily and James. He was their Secret Keeper under the Fidelius Charm," he explained. "But he was afraid for them. He had planned to go into hiding, but he was afraid he would be found, tortured or forced to take Veritaserum. It didn't matter to him what he was subjected to, but keeping the Potters safe was his priority. Instead, he made Peter Pettigrew the Secret Keeper. He fully expected that Peter would go well into hiding (it was a special talent of his) and that Voldemort and the Death Eaters would come after Sirius and perhaps kill him instead. Sirius might have even found that funny, to die tricking Voldemort."
"Carefully reckless," said Tonks sadly. "But it didn't work out as planned."
"Exactly," said Lupin. "And he reminded me of that in February."
"In February?"
"On Valentine's Day," said Lupin, nodding. He bent his head over his knees, holding it in his hands. "I've been—overly cautious. And I have sacrificed my happiness for it, and possibly yours."
"What do you mean?"
"I do stand by what I said," he nodded slowly. "I am old and poor and not good enough for someone like you. But I would not care half so much if it weren't for-" he paused, biting his lip. "-but for the fact that…"
"Your condition?" she asked helpfully.
"No," he said quickly. "You must know now. I can't keep it from you any longer. It was irresponsible in the first place." He swiftly swept the hair out of his face nervously. "Nymphadora, I am a werewolf."
"What?" she asked, flabbergasted. She completely missed that he had called her by her hated first name. She looked away, then looked back at him. "You?"
"Yes," he said as calmly as possible. He watched her face, waiting for a look of fear or disgust, but she only looked confused.
"Really?" she asked, blinking.
"Yes."
"Since—when?" The hair on her head turned tomato red and grew to the length of her shoulders.
"I was bitten at about two years of age," he said remorsefully.
"Since you were two?" asked Tonks, tugging a lock of hair uncertainly. "Merlin's pants, Remus…I can't even imagine."
Remus watched her silently. He leant back in the chair.
"Is it painful?" she asked finally. "When you transform?"
"Yes," he replied, his finger tracing an unseen scar under his sleeve. "Immensely."
"I'm so sorry," she murmured, looking at him with a look of such extreme pathos. The only time he could remember that intense of a look was on another redheaded girl many years ago-
"It is nowhere near your fault," he said calmly.
"Does everyone know?" she asked.
"Now that you know, I think that's everyone in the Order," said Lupin. "I resigned teaching because my secret had been revealed by Severus Snape to the school, although I can't imagine how it wouldn't have gotten out anyway. An inquiry was made and I was summoned to the Ministry to be officially registered as a werewolf. Although Dumbledore, as an act of charity, had given me a significantly higher salary than most of the other faculty members (not unnoticed by Severus Snape, of course), most of my savings were forfeit to fines for late registration. It is no longer a secret in the wizarding society."
"Unfair," said Tonks, frowning.
"It doesn't matter," said Lupin, waving away her statement. "All of this, of course, contributes to my reservations about being…that is, someone more than a colleague or friend to you."
"What?" asked Tonks, surprised. "Why?"
"Well, that is if the revelation itself did not disgust you beyond caring for me," he said somewhat callously toward himself, "it still remains that I am a Dark creature, a dangerous entity."
Tonks's hair burst into a sunny yellow sphere that reminded Lupin of Elphias Doge as she outright laughed at this.
"You?" she said when she caught her breath. "A dangerous entity? Ha! You can't even beat Ron Weasley at wizard's chess!"
"I suppose it is easy to laugh," he said somberly, "when we are sitting in the daytime, a week and a half away from the full moon, and you have never seen me when I am transformed."
He laughter died as her hair went back to a shoulder-length pink.
"I'm sorry," she apologized at once. "I know it must be awful for you."
"It isn't me that I am concerned for," said Lupin, shifting in his chair. "I am thinking about you. I haven't been able to think about anything but you for several days." She hid her blush quickly.
"Poor you," she said with short laugh.
"Sirius' death has—made me reconsider," he said, scratching the back of his head. "I believe anything beyond friendship between us is a hazardous mistake. Yet," he sighed, looking at her hopefully, "to not—to not attempt something more is, perhaps, a waste of life and time we have to hold those we care for close to us. However, I haven't forgotten that it is also your life and your decision."
"Well, yes," she said emphatically, taking his hand. "Yes, of course. I want you."
With surprising strength, she had pulled him forward, kissing him intently. He was clearly taken aback by her power.
"What—truly?" he asked, astonished, breaking away and touching his lips. "Even though-"
"Yes, you poor, old wolf," she teased. "Even though." She kissed him again, kneading her fingers through his graying and light brown hair. Then she got a familiar tingling on the back of her neck.
"Merlin's pants, it's Mad-Eye," she said, breaking away from him as she saw Mad-Eye's figure through the window of her private room, coming to open the door. She quickly pushed Lupin back into his chair and smoothed her comforter, wiping her mouth. Lupin had a wide and sheepish grin on his face, as though they were teenagers almost caught snogging by a parent.
"Awake!" said Mad-Eye cheerfully but gruffly. "And vigilant. That's excellent."
"Very vigilant, Alastor," agreed Lupin while the corners of Tonks' mouth twitched. "I'll be off. I will come in to see you tomorrow," he said to Tonks, a warm look on his face.
"Don't be late," she said, with a tiny wink to him that she had hoped Mad-Eye would miss. Of course he didn't. He watched Lupin's retreating figure with suspicion.
"He's here 'round the clock," Moody said warily, as he took Lupin's vacated seat. "How's the arm and leg?"
"They don't hurt," replied Tonks. "In the case of the leg, half of it doesn't exist yet."
"Y'know you're quite lucky to have such good treatment," he said grumpily. "My leg was-"
"Eaten clean off by a Hairy MacBoon that escaped from the fourth floor at the Ministry," completed Tonks.
"Is that what they're saying?" hissed Mad-Eye angrily at the world. Tonks laughed.
"Just yanking your wand, Mad-Eye. Everyone knows you lost your leg to the Death Eater Wilkes before you got him."
"Oh," he said, an apparent attempt at an apology. "At any rate, what are you doing messing around with that Lupin? You know he's dangerous, don't you?"
"He's not dangerous," Tonks shot back. "Give me a break, Mad-Eye, he's never hurt a soul."
"I don't like it," he said. "It's not just his fangs. Werewolves are funny in the head."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Tonks indignantly.
"They don't keep jobs. They don't have families. If Lupin weren't in the Order, I'd say they're all vagrants. Touched in the head."
"You're touched in the head," Tonks retorted childishly. "Except for Dumbledore, he's the sanest person I know! Sometimes I think he's saner than Dumbledore." She bit her lip and glared at him. "They probably can't keep jobs because people you like spread nonsense like that around."
"Constant vigilance, Tonks," Moody said testily. "You're an employed, single woman. You're desirable."
"Aw, thanks Mad-Eye," said Tonks sarcastically.
"It makes you a target for any lowlife on the street," said Moody. "Now, I'm not saying Lupin is a lowlife or that he's targeting you. I like him. He's in the Order. It doesn't change his base nature. Vigilance. If he tries anything funny—let me know and I'll take care of him." As he cracked his knuckles threateningly to no one, Tonks was caught between irritation at his presumption and affection for his protective nature of her.
A/N: So what do you think?
