An unfamiliar car was parked outside when I got home around dusk. As soon as I stepped inside, I wanted to leave. I could hear my mother yelling at someone-my father. And he yelled right back. Arguing about what was best for me and the wake of problems that their marriage and time spent together had left blaringly obvious. Mom spat out that he was a greedy bastard and he replied she was a pain in the ass.
I sighed and started out the door when I heard Dad ask, "Katie?" That meant a no on the escape plan. I didn't even try to act happy. Just turned to face him with a blank expression.
"No, it's the Queen of England." I muttered sarcastically. He just smiled and pulled me into a hug, acting like he hadn't been ready to duke it out with Mom two seconds ago.
"Always such a kidder," he murmured affectionately, pinching my cheek like some great aunt would. I moved away from him and sighed.
"I'm going to bed. See you in the morning."
I heard argues and pleas of me to hang out for a little while as I went to my room. But they never really registered. I was still drowning in my self-pity and pain. I wanted to just allow myself to wallow for once-to actually feel something instead of pushing it aside. I just wished that what I felt was happiness and love, not misery and despair.
The next morning I was awoken by the sound of yelling. It was Sunday, so it was rare for me to be up before eight willingly. I thought about breaking up the fight, but vetoed for a shower instead. I was in desperate need of one, judging by the greasy quality of my hair as I scratched my head.
Clean and dressed, the fight was still going on. But I froze when I heard my name involved in the fight.
"-Katie will never agree to this!" Mom exclaimed.
"How do you know? She loves visiting, and she and Ashley could use some bonding time." Dad argued.
She scoffed loudly, as I would have had I not been spying. "Is that why she nicknamed your little wifey Gurtie McFake-Boobs? What exactly does Katie mean when she refers to the yearly visit to the mansion as 'her reminder that Hell is, in fact, real?'"
There was an eery pause before Dad roared, "That is not true! Stop putting words in our daughter's mouth out of spite and-and jealousy!"
"Jealousy? Leroy, you motherfucking asshole, I wouldn't want to touch you or your filthy money with a ten foot pole. Katie just happens to have the same sentiment, only your wife is included on that list." She laughed hysterically. "Quite frankly, I'm grateful that Ashley decided to pick up your sorry ass because now I don't have to deal with you!"
I could picture the look of indignance as my mother knocked Dad down a peg. But then he said something I didn't expect.
"She's spending the summer with me and that's final."
I knew Mom would be quick to argue, but I was faster. I ran down the stairs and bounded in front of him, my footsteps echoing through the house. Dad looked startled, his eyebrows shot up in surprise. He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.
"Do you think you can just march in here and dictate my life? It's mine! And there is no way in hell that I will ever willingly spend the summer with you and the wicked witch of the west." I stated, crossing my arms over my chest to express that I was unyielding on this matter.
He sighed tiredly. "Katie, just listen-"
"No, you listen! You abandoned me, Dean, and Mom for a stripper! And then you just waltz in here all the time to screw up my life and then waltz back out. You don't care about me at all! It's just about you and your fucking image. No one likes the rich business CEO who ignores his poor little girl," I spat, fuming. "But guess what, Daddy"-I spat the word out like it was the most vile thing I'd ever put in my mouth-"I'm not a little girl anymore! And you need to get it through your thick skull that I am putting my foot down about this. I refuse to be pushed around anymore!"
My voice had risen to where I was practically yelling in his face. At first, he didn't react. He just stood there, his mud colored eyes staring off into space and his expression blank. Finally, he looked down at me and cleared his throat, always willing to keep up the calm façade, and said, "I can see that you're under a lot of stress at the moment. Clearly not in a state where you should be making important decisions. I'll be leaving around noon to catch a flight to Seattle. I have some business and will see you again in time for your graduation." He kissed my forehead as if to prove a point and I flinched away from his touch. "Meanwhile, before I leave, I'm going to go get some breakfast."
I didn't bother arguing with him that I was definitely capable of making my own decisions-now and always-but his reluctant offer to not press the issue right now was too tempting. I really didn't want to have to deal with him right now. Mom sighed with relief when we heard the front door slam shut and his car start up outside. She began scuttling around the kitchen and getting out stuff for breakfast; cereal, milk, juice, etc. And then the issue of my ignorant father were forgotten.
"So, I met someone," Mom said conversationally.
I smiled. "That's nice, Mom, but I'd rather not get the cheap romance novel description of him. Keep it PG, m'kay?"
She huffed dramatically before beaming at me. "See, that's why I wanted to mention him. Usually you meet my men"-that was how we referred to the men she'd had sexual encounters with-"through very awkward situations, but this guy..." Mom cut off to sigh like some lovesick teenager. "He's...he's different. In the best way possible."
That was when I really noticed how different my mother was then just yesterday. She was beaming, practically glowing with happiness. That sounds weird, but it was true. She just seemed so bright and beautiful in that moment, shining like a star, as cheesy as that sounds. And if she was happy, so was I. While she enjoyed the company of her men, they never truly made her happy. She never loved them. Mom bounced from man to man, but I had a feeling that was about to change.
"So," I said. "What's his name?"
She sighed and looked at her feet. "Don't judge me for this, but I'm not going to tell you. I want to make sure that this is going somewhere before I dish out. That way, if it doesn't work out, I won't have to worry about someone slipping up and mentioning him, making me miserable." While her logic was edging towards being neurotic, I didn't question it. Just nodded and started to pour myself some orange juice.
Just as we were about to sit down to eat breakfast, there was a loud, steady knock at the door. I sighed, knowing it was probably Dad come back to haunt me some more. I could feel my annoyance from before building up within me and I jerked the front door open violently.
"You can take that damn offer, Daddy, and shove it up your-" I cut myself off with a squeak.
Dark eyes stared back at me, their depths clouded with too many emotions to tell which one was which. They let out a breathy chuckle at my rant and I blushed furiously, something I never do. Jacob shuffled nervously on the porch, not really sure what to say.
Quickly, I stepped out on the porch with him and shut the front door behind me. I tried to smile at him but it came out as a grimace. "Hey..." I murmured quietly. "Sorry about before...I was expecting someone else..."
His laugh rang in my ears, the sound making my heart flutter with excitement. But I forced myself to stay calm. Tried to make myself remember why I'd hurt myself so much by breaking up with him, but having Jacob standing before me in the flesh made all those reasons disappear.
"Yeah, I figured," Jacob said lightly, his eyes sparkling with humor.
I glanced around awkwardly. "Um...is there a reason you came here, Jacob? Not that I don't appreciate the visit or whatever, I just..." I cleared my throat, "...wasn't expecting it."
He nodded as he remembered and stepped aside, revealing the Green Bomb in perfect condition. I squealed happily and fought back the urge to throw my arms around Jacob.
"Thank you! I totally forgot that I'd left my car there!" I exclaimed, running to examine my baby more closely. Not a single scratch. It was in the perfect condition I'd left it in. Then I noticed my shoes and jacket in the front seat. He'd gone searching for that crap too? I didn't deserve his help. Anyone would agree with that statement.
Not really sure what to say, there was a long, awkward pause. I wasn't sure what to say. I wasn't sure if I could say anything without ending the sentence in "I love you," honestly. Even now, just staring back as Jacob looked down at me from his Sasquatch height, I could feel my heart trying to offer him all my love. Offering itself as a sacrifice if he would just glance at me lovingly once. But I berated myself for this. I'd broken up with him for a reason. He had been embarrassed of me. And the feelings I had for him weren't mutual, so why bother? I was only setting myself up for more heartbreak if I stayed with him regardless of his lack of attachment.
Then Jacob did the thing I'd been waiting for. He asked about something that I didn't want to explain.
"Why did you break up with me?"
I was stunned at first. I'd thought he would just bounce back from the break up like it was nothing. Move on to a Twiggy-like model or something. Maybe he was having trouble comprehending the fact that a girl would dump him-probably one of the most heavenly men on the planet.
"I told you," I murmured quietly. "I figured out that we would work out."
Jacob's face twisted into an expression of anger. "And what made you just decide this? What justifies breaking off something that was perfectly fine?" He gave me a slightly desperate look. "Were you not as happy as I was? Did you have feelings for someone else? Did I do something wrong? Why can't you just open up to me? Do you not trust me?"
My brain was about to explode. I couldn't take the rapid fire round of questions. The answers were too complicated and I wasn't given any time to explain. So I just kinda...lost it.
"Stop!" I roared, cutting off Jacob's endless flow of questions. "I did it because I don't want to get hurt, OK? Satisfied, Jacob?" My voice was sharp and bitter, a façade to hide the fact I could feel my heart slowly crumbling inside me.
He looked stunned and confused. "What do you mean? I would never-"
"I'm not that girl." I blurted out. "I'm not that small town sweetheart who charms the hell out of everyone. I'm not going to be the girl you show off to your parents and friends because you're proud that she's on your arm. I'm the girl who gets dumped. The one who won't have any hope of finding someone compatible-not even 'Mr. Right', but a compatible partner-until after I'm out on my own. Guys settle for girls like me. They want the hot cheerleaders and sexy sluts and gorgeous celebrities, but they end up with me instead because that's all they can get. Only, here's the problem with that, Jacob. You aren't that type of guy.
"You're the one men envy because you actually get the supermodel or whoever you go for. And while that's all fine and dandy, I don't want an attachment to someone like that. I'm not willing to risk my heart, thinking that you're it for me, while you go off chasing the perfect girl. I don't want to give you the chance to leave me in the dust and-"
I didn't get to finish my rant, although I'm not sure if it ever would have had I not been cut off. But I couldn't get out anymore words because Jacob had grabbed my face in between his hands and smashed his lips to mine. At first, I tried to pull away. But he refused to allow me to move. And then, before I could put up another fight, I melted the way I usually do when we kiss.
That fire was there too. Heat enveloped me and surrounded me completely-I was in my own little world, kissing Jacob. His lips were as soft as I remembered, but more forceful than any other kiss we'd shared. He didn't hold back, when before he'd treated me like glass. A porcelain doll.
Not this time, though.
Jacob clamped a hand on my waist and slowly snaked that arm around my torso while the other gripped my jaw. I could feel the heat building up within me, like a volcano ready to explode. Every molecule was ablaze as far as I was concerned. Magma flowed within me and boiled my insides, searing them, but in a good way. My arms clutched the source of the heat closer to me and my hand gripped the nape of his neck while the other explore his broad shoulder. I was practically hanging off of him as of right now.
And the special little world we were trapped in was broken by a horrified voice; my father's.
"What the hell is going on here?" Dad demanded. He was still in his "casual" wear from when he stormed off to get breakfast at some diner. His brown hair was slicked back and his eyes were fiery and furious. I fought the urge to scoff. As if he had a right to be angry.
I smiled. "Oh, nothing. I was just enjoying my morning make out session. How was breakfast?"
He glared and marched towards us, attempting to yank me away from Jacob, but he refused to let go-Jacob, I mean. His arms were locked securely around my waist and he wasn't letting go.
"Who is this boy?" Dad demanded. I rolled my eyes.
"Jacob Black."
"And why were you kissing him?"
I shrugged. "It's fun." My tone was practically screaming duh.
His eyes narrowed. "I suggest you say goodbye because I am seeing to it that you never see Jacob ever again."
I snorted. "And how do you plan on accomplishing that? You and the human matress live in Florida. And you have a plane to catch in exactly two hours."
Dad huffed angrily, but seemed determined to see his threat through. "You'll see, Katie." He turned to Jacob. "As for you, scum, get lost."
Jacob was about to retort some smartass remark when I cut in. "Hey! Don't talk to him like that!" I snapped. "At least he didn't abandon his family for a stripper just because she didn't charge you for a good time."
He didn't reply, just marched into the house, as if to prove a point. I watched him go, extremely pissed off by his slightly self-righteous attitude. Who was he to make decisions in my life? What gave him the right to dictate what I did when he'd just left me? And what else didn't make sense was his sudden interest in my "well being." When I was little, he'd had no problem ignoring me and letting me do whatever the hell I wanted. Why now?
"You really shouldn't have done that," Jacob said quietly, breaking me out of my furious trance. My eyes snapped from the closed front door to him and I raised an eyebrow.
"Why?"
"He's your dad. I don't want to cause any trouble between you and your family." Jacob said, nervously looking at his feet. Embarrassment didn't fit Jacob. He was supposed to be confident, Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky, even.
I sighed and shook my head. "Things in this family have been broken for a while now."
He didn't know what to say to that. Jacob watched me, waiting for me to explain, but I didn't. I couldn't without feeling uncomfortable. Besides, we were broken up, I reminded myself (even though we'd been making out two minutes ago). That meant that we didn't have to do the sharing game anymore. My business was mine and his was his. End of story.
Then why did I want to say or do anything I could to get him back as soon as he left?
*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*
The few days after my father left and my last encounter with Jacob were very mundane and boring. Maria had somehow roped me into helping her with pinning up posters about prom around the school. Since she was a part of the student council, she had to participate in at least one school event and Maria decided to go nuts over prom. Although, I think she still would've, with or without student council.
"So, how ya holding up?" Maria asked Thursday after school as I drove us to my house. I'd told her about me breaking up with Jacob Monday, and I'd thought my tough façade had been convincing. Evidently not.
"I've been better," I murmured honestly. No point in lying. "I'm not even sure why I'm acting like this. He's just a guy. There are billions of other guys on the earth, why do I have to obsess over him?" I wondered out loud desperately.
Maria shrugged. "I'd tell you my theory, but you'd just make fun of me like the bitch you are." The term bitch in this sentence was used affectionately, I assure you. Bitch was like a synonym for best friend in our minds; then again, our minds are very screwed up places.
I sighed. "Well, I've run out of options at this point. So whatever it is, lay it on me."
She stopped putting up fliers for a second and turned to face me. Slowly she leaned her back against the wall and slid down it slowly, planting her ass firmly on the ground. I eyed her suspiciously, but did the same, plopping down right next to her. The tiled floors were grimy and freezing, but I didn't get up. Maria watched me cautiously before letting out a long sigh.
"I've always believed in fate, karma, that kind of thing. And I've always believed that there is one person out there that is made for you; one of the main reasons you were both on the earth was to find each other. And I know that, even if I don't find my soulmate this time around, I will in another life because we were made for each other. Made to be together."
She was right. I wasn't buying her theory at all. It was just a bunch of crock that girls tell themselves because it's either (1) comforting when you can't get a boyfriend or (2) it's supposedly "romantic." Nevertheless, I didn't interrupt.
"And when I meet my other half, I'll know because there will be this...spark. Like fireworks or electric shocks or hot magma running through me when our eyes lock. And that connection I know we'll have..." She gave me another guarded look. "I see that connection when I see you and Jacob together. You're like magnets, always attracting the other. No matter how hard you try to fight it, the pull to be together is too strong to fight."
Her analysis had me bewildered.
Why? Because it made sense.
I, however, couldn't take the questions that had been gnawing at me for a while now. The questions that justified-in my mind-me breaking up with Jacob. Quickly, I jumped up and began pacing back and forth, hand raking through my hair.
"But-but what if he changes his mind? What if he decides he doesn't want me anymore? How am I supposed to deal with that?" I demanded. "I'm already practically in love with him and the thought of Jacob leaving me kills me inside. And that's unhealthy. We've only known each other like a few weeks and I'm already in love? Stuff like that belongs in cheesy Lifetime movies and romance novels."
When I'd stopped ranting, Maria gave me this incredulous look. Before I could ask why, she said in a low tone, "You dumped him because you were scared?"
I sighed. "It's not that simple-"
"You gave up what tons of people would kill to have because you're a fucking coward? Are you really that stupid?" Maria demanded. "Did Jacob ever indicate having a fickle heart? Did it ever seem like he would leave you for someone else-and not because you don't think that highly of yourself?" She paused and pursed her lips. "Although, after this stunt you've pulled, I'm starting to agree with your low opinions."
Her words cut me deeply. And not because they were harsh, which they were. I could handle harsh. I could deal with criticism. The words' wounds were so deep and painful because, even though I might not admit it out loud, they were true. I was being a coward. And selfish. And idiotic. But all I could think about whenever I thought about "chancing" it was that feeling I got when I thought that Jacob was embarrassed of me. Afraid to admit he'd been dating me to his friends. Obviously he'd made me out to be this great girl to his father, but was concerned that I wouldn't own up to the description.
Or, at least, that's how it'd seemed.
"You didn't see his face," I murmured.
Maria stopped during her rant to shoot me a confused, sidelong glance. "When?"
I let out a huff of air. My explanation as to why I broke up with Jacob had been pretty shitty, I'll admit that. I just didn't want to acknowledge the pain out loud at the time-and now, actually. But I sucked in a deep breath and told her, "I went to see Jacob the other day. The day I found out that my dad was coming for a hellish visit. I was going to go tell him about the whole family drama and why I refused to let him meet my dad, and hoping that maybe my long winded recollection of my parents' shitty marriage would help him understand why I had commitment issues.
"Anyway, I got there and Jacob wasn't home, but his dad was. So, his dad, Billy, let's me in and he's going on and on about how great Jacob said I was-"
"See!" Maria cut in. "I told you!"
I shot her a murderous glare. "Shut the fuck up," I said and continued with the story. "And it sounded like Jacob was making me out to be this amazing, wonderful girl that I obviously am not. Anyway, half through Billy's Jacob's-told-me-so-much-about-you rant, Jacob gets home with a couple friends. As soon as he spots me, he freezes up. And while his friends and I are obviously waiting for introductions, he doesn't say a word. He couldn't even..." I sucked in a deep breath as my voice cracked a little bit as the pain resurfaced. "He couldn't even fucking look me in the eye. He just seemed so embarrassed and ashamed. And I realized that he wasn't as committed to the relationship as I had been. I was the in between girl." I paused and chanced a glance towards Maria. "That's why I broke up with him."
For a moment, she didn't say anything. Just sat there and stared at the dusty tiles while I fidgeted with my hands nervously in my lap. I kept waiting for her to tell me I was right, that I was Jacob's in between girl. And then she'd give me this sad look where Maria would pretend she'd been in this situation before-even though she never had and she never will-and just nod sympathetically. Assure me that there were other guys, better guys, out there for me.
But she didn't do any of that. She just sat there.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, she spoke.
"Did you ever think that maybe he was ashamed of his friends?" Maria asked quietly, still looking kind of spaced out.
My head whipped to look her in the eye as I gave her a disbelieving look. "What?"
"What if it was his friends? What if he was worried you wouldn't like them? I mean, if he had annoying friends and you were the type of girlfriend who gets all 'either it's me or them' on your spouse, I'd be wary of introductions too."
I bit my lip as I thought over the possibility. It fit and made sense. We hadn't been "together" that long. Jacob wouldn't have an idea if I was that type of girl or not. (Which I am not-if I didn't like the friends, I could deal with it myself.)
And as it all clicked into place, I wanted to do two things.
1. Kiss Jacob senseless.
2. Beat myself up with a baseball bat for being an idiot.
When I got home after finishing up with Maria, it was around six-thirty. The sun was starting to lower from the sky, causing strips of pink, orange, and red to spread across the sky. The rare appearance of the sun today had only made me angrier. Of course on the one day I want the world to be as dreary and depressing as I am, it decides to be bright and sunny and cheery. The streets of our neighborhood were lifeless, people already settled into their homes. The lights in the house were on and I saw Dean's car parked in the driveway as I pulled up.
Mentally, I just prayed he hadn't had a breakdown again or something. I couldn't take that today.
Luckily, I came inside to find my brother and mother laughing at something on the television while eating Chinese take-out. When the door shut their eyes strayed towards me, pointed me towards the take-out for myself, and went back to watching TV. Silently, I slipped into the kitchen and grabbed a box of food and chopsticks before heading back into the living room to watch whatever they were watching.
I plopped down in the squishy arm chair that would envelope whoever sat in it with its softness and started picking at my food. My gaze didn't stay on the TV, though. It was aimed directly at the floor as I thought over my situation. I'd done the most idiotic, stupid, selfish thing in my life and I had no idea how to take it back-if I even could.
Jacob no doubt hated me for dumping him. If not because he liked me, because he never gets dumped. Usually the dumper instead of the dumpee. And if I tried to get him back he'd probably throw the break up in my face. Tell me that it was my fault we weren't together, which it was. That I deserved the consequences of the break up and could most definitely not take it back, which was also true.
So now I was stuck in some miserable limbo where I longed for Jacob, but, sadly, couldn't have him.
Sighing tiredly, I lost my appetite completely and put the kung pow chicken in the fridge for later. Dean and Mom both gave me questioning looks, but I just waved them off, muttering something about being tired or having a ton of homework and slinked off to bed.
Dark clouds hung over my head and depression practically seethed off of me as I got ready for bed. I pulled on a t-shirt that was too big for me as a nightgown and brushed my teeth before hopping into bed. Where my bed was situated in my room was backed into a corner, right next to a window that over looked the foresty area behind my house.
At first, I tried sleeping. I closed my eyes and let my body relax, but my mind was going a mile a minute. After a long period of time, my eyes just snapped open and refused to close until my mind slowed its thought speed or whatever you would call it. But, of course, that didn't happen and that's how I ended up staring out the window at ten o'clock at night.
The sky was pitch black, the only thing lighting it up being the full moon and bright stars. The woods seemed more ominous than usual, seeming as if there was some big scary creature hiding within its depths. And for a really long time, when I was little, I thought that a dragon slept in the woods at night. I'd hear weird sounds at night and be like, "Oh crap, the dragon's awake!" Of course, my mom, being the unsupportive woman she is, only encouraged my fear. Saying that the dragon snacked on little girls when they got hungry in the middle of the night. Then she'd roar with laughter when I screamed or started panicking over the weird sounds I heard at night-possibly, I'm still not clear on if I made them up or not.
Just as I was remembering the good ol' days of my dragon phobia, the bushes towards the edge of the property rustled. My body froze and I watched, waiting for a demonic squirrel-or dragon-to pop out. After a few minutes, nothing happened, so I sighed and started to zone out for a second when the bushes rustled again. And again, I froze up.
But this time, I wasn't disappointed on seeing something come out. Only I hadn't expected what I saw. It was this giant, humungo wolf.
I should've been threatened by the wolf, scared by its sudden appearance and huge size, but I was fascinated. The wolf was kind of beautiful-or, as beautiful as a giant wolf can be. Its russet colored fur reflected and gleamed in the moonlight, its unfathomable eyes dark as night.
You know how you're always told animals are more afraid of you than you are of them? That they would never actually approach you? Well, this wolf defied that logic.
I sat up in bed and got extremely close to the window, practically pressing my face against the glass. And the wolf saw me. Its eyes connected with mine and we just stared at each other. Then, after a few seconds of our weird staring contest, the wolf started walking closer, slowly. As if he were testing the waters. Almost like he was gauging my reaction to him approaching. I stayed very still, just watching him gradually move towards me, only moving when I breathed in and out or occasionally blinked.
And then, after a while, we were right in front of each other, only the window seperating us. The wolf watched me and his eyes looked sad, like his little heart was breaking. My breath fogged up the glass, blurring the image of his face. But his eyes were still there. Always there, watching. And they seemed so familiar. Like this wasn't the first time I'd stared into their dark depths.
Oddly enough, the wolf's eyes reminded me of Jacob's.
"Hey," I breathed, even though the wolf probably couldn't hear me. Or maybe he did, because his ears perked up when I said that.
We stayed like that for a very long time. At some point I fell asleep, though. And when my eyes opened the next morning before I had to get up to get ready for school, I was sorely disappointed by the lack of appearance of the wolf-my wolf, I'd decided.
A/N: Happy Holidays! So, as a present to all you wonderful people reading this, I've decided to post two chapters today. As soon as I give a few thanks out and all that good stuff, I'll post the tenth chapter (double digits baby!)
Alright, so I'd like to thank everyone who's posted a review to this story:
1sweetmoment
BamaBelle630 (x3 because you've reviewed more than once, which makes me super duper happy)
Emily Rush (x2 again, reviewed more than once, for which I thank you)
XoXMaximumculleNXoX
nene82743
Gabs (also, you got the question from the last chapter right so... CYBER HUG! :) )
ChesireCat2012
And thank you to everyone else who's at least read this story! You have no idea how much motivation it gives me to update knowing that it's not pointless. That someone actually reads what I post.
Katie: *cough* Sap! *cough*
Me: *glares* Shut up! Can you not be infuriating long enough for me to finish my A/N?
Katie: Probably not.
Well, that's about it. So...bye.
- HBTC
