Author's note - I'm posting two chapters at the same time so be sure to go back and read the previous one too.


"There are days Doc, I feel so fucked up in the head that I wonder if I'm going crazy."

"Jason, you're going to go through a lot of emotions during this process of re-evaluating yourself. Let me assure you, you are NOT crazy. I would like to make mention the term 'crazy' is not one I like to use anyway."

"I just told you about being a private member of a BDSM sex club where I am a registered Dominant under an assumed name. I have also told you in my teen years I have actually killed people under my mother's orders, I was pimped out to her friends, I was forced to rape and beat my foster sister…Hell, I even allowed a couple of my friends to be used by my mother for her own twisted purposes, and I allowed it to happen, grateful that it wasn't ME… and you're telling me I'm not crazy?" Jason was in disbelief as he paced his study, nursing another scotch and running the fingers of his free hand through his hair in agitation. "You're just placating me Doc. I know better."

Dr. Nelson could see the struggle within the current Duke of Winchester as he calmly explained, "Jason, many successful couples use sexual role play in their lovemaking. It's completely normal. As long as both are consenting adults and they each agree to what's being done and set a few ground rules such as safe words, I don't see anything wrong with it."

"Hah! This isn't lovemaking Doc. This is fucking. I don't DO lovemaking." Jason cold voice was full of conviction as he poured more scotch into his glass, glaring at the doctor.

Dr. Nelson didn't seem to be a bit affected by Jason's tone. He simply gave him a raised eyebrow, his doubt obvious, "Oh I see… So you are saying in nearly thirty years of your life, you never came close to simply making love to a woman? Someone that cared about you too? That it was always just about sex and getting your rocks off, as you so eloquently put it earlier?"

That made Jason pause in thought as he sipped his drink. Swallowing, he sat down heavily in an easy chair. After a few minutes of silence and staring into his scotch glass like he was seeking the answers to the universe's questions in the bottom of his drink, he sighed, "Once." he muttered.

"Okay, and how did that experience make you feel?"

Jason wasn't used to thinking about his "feelings" regarding experiences of his past, but Dr. Nelson was forcing him to evaluate them. After a lifetime of repressing his feelings, he now had to scrutinize them. It made him very uneasy. He sat his tumbler on a coaster next to his elbow as he shrugged, "I don't know... vulnerable?"

"Vulnerable... how?"

"Damn it Doc, do I really have to over-analyze every little feeling in my life?"

"It would be good practice if you did once in a while. But I'm pointing this one out for a reason. Why did it make you feel vulnerable? That was an interesting choice in wording."

Jason thought back to the past, back to a high school senior who was perky and smart and had the greenest eyes that sparkled with mischief, and blond hair that was as soft as silk. And the night they had sex at her house... and during the night, getting next to no sleep. And then the following morning, especially that morning. Because he knew that was probably going to be the last time he would be with her, and it turned out he was quite accurate in that assumption. Until he saw her again, a little older and more mature, totally rocking her little outfit at the BDSM club a couple of nights ago.

He wanted to make sure his time with Chloe was memorable for her. Then and now. Not because he considered himself some kind of stud. But because she was the first girl that actually gave him a little bit of happiness within a dark world. She made him feel alive, and... loved perhaps? Women generally hang around him for what he can give them, whether it's due to his wealth or his prowess in the sack. But Chloe was already different somehow and he couldn't help always feeling drawn to her.

Actually, she was quite literally the reason he is alive today. Thinking back to the day he was shot by Lionel Luthor. Jason still remembered the force of the bullet penetrating his shoulder and propelling him off the high cliff into the water below. Once he hit the water, it had knocked him out, and apparently his body floated downstream. He often wondered if there really was some higher power watching out for him because he woke up on a muddy bank, out of the water, but every muscle in his body had been in pain.

The rest of what happened was a pain-filled blur in his mind. He remembered stealing an old farmer's truck. He remembered driving it to his dorm. But try as he might, he couldn't remember making it into his dorm. He did remember Chloe being there; looking worried and scared out of her mind. He remembered forcing himself to stay conscious long enough to emphatically insist on no ambulances and no doctors. Once assured that she wouldn't call anyone, that's when he felt safe enough to rest.

And he woke up to being completely healed. No muscle soreness, no bullet wound, and if he would have had the time, he would have thanked Chloe in a physical way. He had to settle for a kiss before he walked out of her life. To him, Chloe had been an absolute angel.

And now she's back and he just might get that chance to thank her physically after all.

"Jason, you haven't answered my question." the doctor prodded gently after he made a few notes on his legal pad.

"Well, maybe you might not call it lovemaking with her either... she was a high school senior, I was in college. But... I dunno Doc. She wasn't as experienced as me, everything seemed new to her, although I know she wasn't a virgin. I'm kind of assuming alcohol may have been involved in her previous sexual encounter and according to her, she had received no pleasure out of that experience... so..."

"You wanted her to enjoy the experience with you?"

"Absolutely... so if you wanna call that lovemaking, that's as close to an experience in lovemaking that I ever had… I might have even taken advantage of her a little bit… she had issues with self-esteem back then, which makes me wonder now if I really was just a substitute for someone else..." Jason momentarily thought of Clark Kent. Jason held no anger toward him any longer. The past needed to stay in the past. Anger and resentment were a waste of time. Besides, Kent moved on to Lois Lane. He saw the engagement announcement in the paper recently.

"But your feelings for her were genuine?"

Jason shrugged, "As much as they could be at that time. Keep in mind I was still under my mother's thumb. As a matter of fact, I actually had to leave Chloe to kidnap Lex Luthor... and I told you about what happened there. That kind of shows you how twisted my life was at that time. I had intended to break away from my mother after that. All I had to do was to help her obtain this precious artifact she was so obsessed about, and she thought the Luthors had possession of it."

Dr. Nelson held his fingers in the shape of a steeple and continued listening to Jason, watching his body language carefully as well as listening to his words… "Mother thought I was in love with another girl back then. Lana Lang. Hell!" Jason laughed a little, "Even Lionel Luthor thought I was in love with Lana... and yeah, I had some feelings for her at one time until I found out my mother set us up. So after my break up with Lana, I got to know her best friend Chloe. And to be honest, she deserved way better than me. I think she was definitely better off without me."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I'll repeat, I'm too fucked up for a woman and I'll wind up fucking her up too. I just admitted a few minutes ago that I get off on power and control in the bedroom. I find like-minded women that get off on being the submissive. That way, everybody gets what they want and everyone is happy."

"Well, you know I have to ask, does anyone get hurt physically during these sessions at the club?"

"Oh no! Not by me anyway. Some of these women like to be whipped with these riding crops and I always pull back when I use it... I make sure I don't break the skin."

"Because you saw your mother do the same with your foster sister, and with one of your friends, and the impact it had on them?"

Jason's mind had flashes of Guin being whipped, and of Jackson going through the same thing while being cuffed to his mother's bed... his football buddy, who actually agreed to be fucked by his mother... he never could understand the appeal.

Jackson changed dramatically after his experience with Genevieve... and he's actually now one of the male submissive members at the club!

"Yes..." Jason answered quietly, and then he jokingly asked, "Is this session over yet?"

"That's up to you Jason. It's your money."

"And now Chloe is back, she is here in London."

"The high school senior you told about? How many years ago was this?"

"Nine… and I find myself more drawn to her now than ever. She knows about the club now, she knows somewhat about what I do there. Newbies at the club I tend to bypass. I usually pick one of the regulars. But there she was, bold as brass, and admitted she was doing a story on the place. She's a columnist for the London Dispatch, fighting for a reporter job. I should get far away from her just due to that, but… for some reason I can't. Do you see what I mean when I say I am a fucked up mess?"