The song in this story was based on the real life Jedi Drinking song by the Brobdingnagian Bards.
Entry 11
Stang! Tonight was fun! It was Anakin's bachelor party. We went to a cantina that Anakin's father highly suggested. It was a place called the Red Rancor…which is coincidently what my father calls his ship. I wonder if there is a connection there? Anyway, Han Solo said going to the Red Rancor for bachelor parties was an old Corellian tradition and since he was paying for the party he had a say in the venue.
What I didn't know was that all our fathers were going to the party also. Why in the worlds would Anakin invite his dad, Luke, Corran and my father? It sort of puts a crimp on our style. There is no way they would tolerate us getting drunk and starting a bar fight…they are all too prim and proper for that kind of behavior. Not that I wanted to get drunk and fight, but if I did…the option is no longer there.
Despite the presense of our aging fathers, we did manage to have fun. There was me, Jaden, Anakin, Jacen, Valin and Ben all sitting around a large table at the center of the tavern. The food was good and there was plenty of drinks courtesy of the father of the groom, but no strippers. Anakin said he was scared of Tahiri showing up with lightsaber blazing if she got a hint that scantily clad women would be there.
"Gods, you are so whipped!" I said to Anakin.
He just frowned at me. "She didn't say I couldn't have strippers. I just didn't want to do anything that might upset her."
"Ha! In other words, whipped!" Jaden yelled out then went back to drinking his second mug of ale.
"At least I have a woman," Anakin shot back to Jaden.
That got my big brother riled up. "Who said I don't have a woman?"
"If you do it must be the invisible woman." Anakin joked.
"Or she could be a student at the university I am attending," Jaden replied. "Not all of us date female Jedi."
"Although some may want to," I said with a snarky tone. I know Jaden has had a crush on a couple Jedi ladies at the Temple. Talk about a wuss! He is too scared to approach them.
"Oh no," Jacen moaned as he looked up to the tavern's small stage by the dance floor. "Please don't tell me they're going to sing."
We looked up to see Han Solo and Corran Horn walk up to the microphone on stage. Both were holding large mugs of ale in their hands. The establishment had a Singing-Assist machine. A patron could pick a song and the background music would play as the lyrics moved across a screen. The patron would then sing the lyrics…usually very badly…as their friends cringed in the audience.
We heard the background music of a traditional Corellian drinking dirge sound out from the speakers. I notice Jacen, Anakin and Valin all slid down in their seats a bit as they tried to hide their faces.
"Somebody please kill me," Jacen moaned as his father started belting out a horribly off tune rendition of the song.
In a Corellian pub far, far away,
I sat on a barstool, just drinking away,
I couldn't hold it down, I guess I had too much
I felt a tremor in the force and then I lost my lunch
"No, kill me first," Valin moaned as Corran chimed in with the chorus.
So let's all drink up and prepare to fight
In defense of Corellia we ride tonight!
Ben laughed. "Hey Corellian drinking songs come with the territory. At least you don't have to hear the 'When I was a boy I had to get up before sunrise to fix moisture evaporators.' lecture."
"No," Anakin shot back. "We have to hear, 'When I was your age I had two death sentences on my head and had to support myself by swoop racing.'"
"Oh Gods!" Ben put his head down on the table in an exaggerated look of embarrassment. "My dad's going up on stage with them. He isn't even Corellian!"
Luke was now on the stage and the three men were trying to wave my father up to sing also, but Dad refused with a shake of his head. My father doesn't drink so his inhabitations were obviously firmly in place. Still, the fear that he would go up almost had me fleeing the establishment. Luckily Ben's younger brothers showed up.
Jak and Owen were identical twins born to Luke and Mara a couple years after Ben was born. Both had green eyes and dark blond hair that would get reddish highlights when they spent too much time in the sun. They were tanned, having not inherit the pale skin and freckled complexion of their older brother Ben. They were okay guys, but they had this creepy identical twin vibe going on all the time. They would finish each other's sentences and often would dress alike.
"Guys," one of the twins said as he ran up to the table. At that point I wasn't sure if I was dealing with Jak or Owen. "We found where the…"
"Bachelorette party is being held," the other twin said as he came up behind his brother.
Anakin perked up. "Really? Where?"
"Two blocks down. At a tavern called The Palace. It's ladies' night." The twin, who I am fairly certain is Jak, smirked. "There are tons of hot looking ladies down there."
"Do you want to go check it out?" Owen asked.
I look up to the stage and see my father has given in to peer-pressure and was joining Luke, Han and Corran up on the stage. "Yes!" I say enthusiastically. "Let's get out of here!"
We moved out to the crisp night air and quickly walk down to The Palace. We paid the cover charge to a guy that gave us a weird look. I wasn't sure what that was about until we got inside and realized it was not just ladies night, but Male Revue Night.
So now I am thinking, 'Why do the ladies get male strippers when we couldn't have female dancers?'
"Stang!" Jaden exclaimed. "Valin…is that your sister Jysella in a microdress and putting credits into that guy's…ummm…front pouch?"
Valin looked over to where Jaden pointed and turned white. "Oh Gods!"
"She looks beautiful." The words came out of Jaden in almost a whisper, but Valin must have heard him because he gave my brother a light punch on the arm.
"Don't be looking at my sister like that!"
"Valin," Ben chuckled. "Women don't wear dresses like that unless they want to be looked at."
Jacen let out a gasp. "Oh Force…is that my sister next to Jysella?"
Owen started cracking up. "Yes, and it's too bad she's my cousin. She looks…" He didn't get to finish the sentence. Jacen shot him such a glare that both twins slunk back a step.
"Wow, that dude is really rubbing up against Jaina." Ben remarked hoarsely as he stared transfixed at the scene before him.
"Tahiri!" Anakin mumbled in shock as he saw his fiancé laugh and throw credits up on the stage to a muscular man with tight, tight shorts that outlined his manly assets in a way that made the women scream but made me queasy.
Then I saw something I never want to see again. There in a corner booth cheering the young Jedi on were…our mothers!
"Oh kriff! Mom's here!" I said to Jaden as I pointed to a dark corner of the club.
"And my mother!" Anakin said looking faint.
"Isn't that Mirax Horn with them also?"
"And that redhead that is facing away from us…" Owen started.
"Is our mom!" the other twin finished.
Ben looked like he was going to be ill. "I think I've seen enough."
We all agreed and nearly ran out of the tavern. We didn't want anybody seeing us there.
So we went back to the Red Rancor. By that time Han and Chewie were fighting with a swoop gang. At least the night wasn't a total bust.
