EPISODE 9

The mysterious shinigami cuts Ichigo free from the Kingfisher and Ichigo plummets to the ground. Ichigo begins to spit out hair and won't stop.

'YUCK!' he screeches and continues to hack up hairballs. 'Let's have a hairy Hollow! It'll be interesting! Who's fucking idea was this again?'

'CUT! Someone get Ichigo some water!'


'We really need to find a girl to go with this episode's Hollow's gimmick fast, Urahara!' a writer says earnestly.

'I know but it's not that easy finding good actors who fit the part!' Urahara cries out. 'NEXT!'

A pale girl with short black hair walks in. She smiles shyly at them and Urahara smiles back reassuringly.

'What's your name, little girl?' he asks sweetly.

'My name is Nagato,' the girl answers in a surprisingly deep and scary voice that makes the writer scream and faint. Urahara stares.

'YOU'RE HIRED!' he says triumphantly.


'And his favourite victim…are women,' Rukia says solemnly.

'So does that mean…you have nothing to worry about, Rukia?' Ichigo asks.

SLAP!

'Ouch! Jeez, can't you take a joke?'

'CUT!'


'Ichigo, even Soul Reapers have to die sometime,' Rukia says quietly as she checks the man's body. 'If the injuries are severe enough-'

SNORE!

'Wait, is he sleeping in the middle of the scene?' Ichigo demands. Rukia smacks her forehead.

'Should we cut, boss?' the cameraman asks Urahara who scratches his chin.

'Nah,' the director says and shakes his head. 'We can use this in the movie. The cameraman stares at him. 'Hey, it's funny!'


'Whatever I do, I must not help him, I must not lend him my strength, I must not-listen, if she wants to help him so much then why don't you just let her?' Rukia cries out in exasperation.

'Because it's not part of the storyline, Rukia!' Urahara explains impatiently. 'And besides, your character is secretly in love with Ichigo's character!'

'WHAT?'


'Ichigo,' his mother says softly and sweetly. 'Thank you for loving me, thank you for loving me, loving me, loving me, loving me, loving-!'

'CUT! CAN SOMEONE FIX THE DAMN RECORDER!'


BONUS: MAKING THE THEME SONG INTRO

As the song starts, the cameraman points the camera to the sky and the sun suddenly glares through.

'AHHHHH MY EYESSS!' the man screams and runs away from the camera, covering his eyes with both his hands.

'Hey, Urahara, maybe we should change the scene a bit and NOT show the sun,' one of the producers mutters to the director.


'Okay, Ichigo, when I say jump, jump in this shot, okay?' Urahara exclaims as he settles into his seat and pulls out his megaphone.

'Okay,' Ichigo answers and nods.

'Ready? And JUMP!'

WHAM!

'What the-! Okay, who forgot to put a mattress for Ichigo's landing!'


As the credits roll, the camera switches from the scene with Urahara to the one of Urahara and the cat. But the cat is missing.

'Where the hell is the cat, people?' Urahara says impatiently as he leans out of his box to notice the panel beneath him to be empty.

'RUN! BE FREEEE!' Orihime sings as she skips across the scene with the cat running away from her like she is some kind of lunatic. Which she is.

'Why did I hire her again?' Urahara mutters as he shakes his head.


Rukia steps on the wooden plank sticking out of the water and suddenly loses balance to topple into the water.

'CUT! Alright, let's try this again!' Urahara calls over his megaphone.

'Question: how is this bit even related to the series?' Rukia asks as she angrily gets out of the water, soaking wet.

'Ask no questions and I'll tell no lies.'

'Answer no questions and you'll get a wedgie!'

'SECURITY!'


Ichigo stands still as the world revolves around him faster and faster until suddenly his face turns green and he pukes onto the side.

'CUT! Ichigo, you really need to control your gag reflex,' Urahara tuts.

'You need to listen to me when I say I get dizzy really quickly!' ichigo snaps.

'Huh? I'm sorry I wasn't listening! Can you repeat that?'

'Never mind…'


'WAIT!'

'What is it now, Ichigo?' one of the producers asks exasperatedly.

'How come my panel is so tiny?' Ichigo demands as he leans out of his box in the cluster of panels meant for the end of the intro.

'Ichigo, you've got one of the bigger panels!'

'Nuh-uh! Chad and Uryu have got bigger panels!'

'That's 'cause we've got bigger and better weapons!' Uryu says smugly.

'What was that, four eyes?'

'You got a problem with me, berry boy?'

'I'm hungry!' Orihime whines.

'Why do I have to share a panel with these bozos?' Urahara complains. Ururu rounds on him with a murderous glare.

'Who are you calling a bozo?' she says dangerously. Urahara turns pale.

'Just play dead. Maybe she'll walk away without harming you,' Jinta murmurs in his ear as he stares fearfully at the raging little girl.

Kon flops out of his panel and lands in Rukia's. The producer sighs. Playing babysitter wasn't exactly in the requirements when he signed up for this job.