Chapter Nine
Ash pushed open the front door, stepping outside into the cool air. It was late – everyone else had already gone to bed, and they all probably thought he had done the same. Everyone was staying at the lab overnight. The professor was, after all, one of the most important members of the league, so if any news came from Team Rocket it'd reach the lab first.
Ash was surprised that any of them were getting any sleep. How could they just shut off while their lives, not to mention the lives of their friends, were in such grave danger? Maybe they were used to the worry. It was, after all, a dark time. The people of Kanto had probably seen more danger than Ash would have liked to think.
But even if they were used to it, he certainly wasn't. He'd tried to lie down and close his eyes, but the faces of his friends kept flashing through his mind. Where were they now? Misty and Brock were locked up in some dingy cell, he presumed, while Pikachu was still with Giovanni, carrying out whatever cruel tasks he ordered.
The thought of it made Ash sick. He looked up at the sky, searching for some distant star to wish on. But it was a cloudy night, and there was nothing above him but the darkness of the night.
"Couldn't sleep?" a voice asked.
Ash turned his head around slowly to see Professor Oak standing in the doorway, both hands firmly placed on his walking stick. "No," Ash said. "I'm too worried."
The professor smiled, but it wasn't the sad, pitiful smile from before. Rather, it seemed genuine, like the way he had smiled in the past. "Same here," he said. "The others have learnt how to deal with the worry, but it was a trick I could never master."
"How do they deal with it?" Ash asked curiously.
"They tell themselves that it's hopeless," the professor said with a shrug. "It's easier to cast aside your fears if they're out of your hands."
Ash scoffed and turned away from the old man. "Are you telling me it's not hopeless?"
Professor Oak shuffled forwards until he was standing next to Ash, joining him in gazing up at the starless sky. "I don't know," he admitted. "But I certainly can't get rid of the tiny shred of hope I have."
"And what's that?"
The professor didn't answer him, and instead stood in silence for some time. When he did speak again, it was to say, "Do you remember what you said at dinner? About someone not affiliated with the league taking down Giovanni?"
Ash nodded. Even when he'd first said it, he'd known deep down that it was a stupid, naïve suggestion, and he hadn't been at all surprised when Gary had shot it down instantly.
"That's what I've been hoping for," the professor said. "A trainer strong and brave enough to do what's necessary."
"There are plenty of strong trainers out there," Ash said. "But I don't think any of them are stronger than Giovanni."
The professor chuckled, which seemed rather inappropriate to Ash. "Giovanni's just a human," Professor Oak said. "He's not invincible. No one is. I'm sure there are plenty of trainers who could beat him."
Ash snorted again. He had always looked up to Professor Oak, but now he couldn't have been more wrong. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't have known about Mewtwo. Well, Ash wasn't going to tell him. Since he'd arrived back in Kanto, he hadn't seen a whole lot of hope, and the last thing he wanted to do was break the one person who hadn't totally given up.
"Do you know why no one's tried to fight Giovanni?" the professor asked.
Ash thought about the question. He could come up with a number of reasons – getting through the Rocket Tower alive was almost impossible, Giovanni was unbelievably strong, and even if you somehow managed to beat him, the police would just arrest you. He didn't say any of that though. He knew the professor well enough to know that the answer wasn't anything that simple. Instead, he just shook his head.
"It's because they think they can't," the professor explained. "That's Giovanni's greatest weapon. He's made himself seem unstoppable. That's why he built that imposing tower, that's why he keeps most of his grunts out in the streets, and that's why he blackmailed the police. He's made his defences seem impenetrable, when in actuality they're not that difficult to get past. You just need to believe that you can."
"Well, you haven't done a very good job of inspiring that belief in the league," Ash said. "I heard you over dinner. You sounded just as hopeless as the rest of them."
Professor Oak sighed. "Yes, I suppose I did. But the thing is, Giovanni has connections with more than just the police. Even if the league managed to take him down, a lot of powerful people would lose a lot of money. They could shut the league down in a matter of days, and we can't afford to risk that happening."
Ash furrowed his brow, not fully understanding what the professor was saying. Was that really the reason? "Are you saying that the league is more important than the lives of the people who live in Kanto?"
"No, of course not," the professor said. "But think of it like this. Team Rocket is an organisation that inspires fear, while the league is an organisation that inspires hope. If we took down Giovanni, the league would go down, and we'd lose that hope."
"But you'd also get rid of the fear!" Ash exclaimed.
The professor shook his head. "No. It's all too easy to inspire fear, I'm afraid. Another organisation would rise up and take Team Rocket's place. You've seen it yourself, on your journeys. Just think of all those other organisations, just as terrifying as Team Rocket. Without the league, they'd have free reign to do what they wanted."
"So what do we do?" Ash asked. "You said you had hope. Where is it?"
The professor turned to him and placed a firm hand on each of his shoulders, holding him at eye-level. "Right here," he said with a smile.
Ash stared at him, wide-eyed. When he finally grasped the professor's meaning, he burst into laughter. That was the most ridiculous thing the professor had ever said, and frankly that was saying a lot. Surely he was joking?
But Professor Oak didn't let go of his shoulders, nor did he drop his smile. When Ash saw that, his laughter trailed off into a stunned silence. "Oh god, you're serious," he said.
The professor nodded. "It's always been here, Ash. Even when you'd left, I never lost that hope."
"I don't know if you noticed, Professor," Ash said solemnly, "but I did."
The professor nodded with understanding. "Yes, so I can see. You used to have so much fire in your eyes. Your mother said it had gone out, but I suppose I didn't believe it until I saw you in person."
"So, do you still believe in that hope?" Ash asked.
The professor finally let go of his shoulders and took a few steps back, distancing himself from Ash. "Ash, I'm going to ask you a personal question now," he said, "and I want you to know that you don't have to answer it if you don't want to."
"Go on," Ash said, already guessing at what was coming next.
"What happened to you?" the professor asked. "Why did you hide yourself away from us like that?"
Ash sighed and turned his gaze back to the sky. He was tempted to lie, or at least give the same half-truth he'd given Misty. But here, standing with the one man he'd always looked up to, he knew that it was time to tell the full reason. "I lost, professor," he said. "Like always. I got to the quarter finals of another league, and I lost."
"Like you said, you've lost before," the professor said. "Why was this any different?"
"It wasn't," Ash admitted. "But I guess it was the last straw. Like always, I had friends there who believed in me. I saw them after the battle and I… I choked up. I was too ashamed to bring myself to say anything. So I left them there, at the league, and I ran. I hopped on the first plane to Kalos, fully planning to get a flight from there to Kanto, but when I arrived I froze. I kept thinking, what if the same thing happened with my friends back here? What if I couldn't talk to them either? I always lose, professor. That's what I do. I realised then and there that I wasn't cut out to be a pokémon master, and it left me feeling so defeated that I couldn't tell anyone about it. So many people stood by me because of my never-give-up attitude, and there I was, giving up. I'm not saying it was a rational fear, but I was scared that if I told anyone I was quitting, they wouldn't want anything to do with me. So I bought an apartment, got a sensible job in a poké mart, and I hid out in Kalos."
Professor Oak gave him a sad kind of smile. "You're right about one thing. That wasn't a rational fear. Your friends didn't just stick by you because of your attitude. They stuck by you because you're kind, and you're brave, and you're compassionate."
"Not anymore," Ash said. "It wasn't kind, or brave, or compassionate to abandon all my friends like that."
"Maybe not," the professor admitted. "But that doesn't mean you don't have any kindness or courage left in you. In fact, I don't even think you'll give up. Not now, when your friends need you." He reached and gave Ash a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, then turned to head back into the lab.
"But what am I supposed to do?" Ash asked, his voice practically begging for an answer. "I'm not as strong as I was back then. I don't stand a chance against Giovanni."
The professor stopped walking. "Yes you do, Ash." He reached into the inside of his coat and pulled something out, but Ash couldn't tell what it was in the darkness. "Have you already forgotten? To me, you were, are and always will be a champion."
With one, sharp movement that Ash didn't even know the old man was capable of, the professor turned and threw the object he was holding. It nearly soared past Ash, but he instinctively reached out and just managed to catch it in his fingers. He held it in front of it, staring at it with teary eyes.
It was beaten up, faded and dirty, but he still recognised it instantly. His hat. The one he had worn all those years ago, at the start of his journey. How the professor had gotten his hands on it, he couldn't be sure, but he was immensely grateful to have it returned to him after all those years.
He adjusted the straps and pulled it on. It was a little tight, having been made for a ten year old, but it still fit, even if it did feel like it was squeezing his skull. He didn't care, though. For putting that hat on brought hundreds of memories flooding back to him, none of them tainted by the sadness of the past few years.
He remembered getting zapped by pikachu for the first time, and then the difficult day that followed. He remembered getting chased by the spearow, and Pikachu saving his life. He remembered meeting Misty and frying her bike, then arguing with her about it in the poké centre. There was his first catch, his first evolution, his first gym battle, befriending Brock, travelling all throughout the region with his friends by his side and beating the gym leaders until he had all eight badges.
He had lost his first league, and his second, but it didn't matter, because he had had them. And even when they had both left, he had always held her in his heart, along with all his other friends. May, Max, Dawn, Iris, Cilan, Clemont, Bonnie, Serena, and everyone after that, and all the pokémon he had caught on those journeys.
How had he forgotten such a simple thing? He couldn't give up, not while he still remembered their names, their faces. He had to keep fighting, for them, until he finally won. Maybe he had given up on his dream of becoming a pokémon master, but that had never really mattered. That was just the excuse he had used to go on so many adventures, to make new friends. To have fun. So, so much fun.
And now his three closest friends were in grave danger, and he had to save them, whatever it took. No more giving up, no more hopelessness. Just him, and his friends, and his courage.
Because he remembered now. He may not have been a league champion, but he wasn't just a trainer either. He was the best.
He was going to fight Giovanni. And he was going to win.
