Chapter 9 Nightmares and Politics

The last few months have been horrible. I had been having nightmares recently. Last time I dreamed of my mother dying my arms over and over again. This time I dreamed of Padme dying during childbirth. It happened nearly every night but on most nights, it was just her screaming in pain and crying as she faded away into the darkness. I would wake up shaking and sweating all over and I will spend the night trying to meditate and use the Force to calm my mind.

Finally, I went to Master Yoda who told me to do the unthinkable. He told me to let go of those whom I love. I had just stared at the ground. I couldn't let Padme die. Not after what happened to Mum. I can't think. How can I let go of her? I lost Mum. I couldn't lose her now.

That wasn't the only problem I was facing. Recently I felt that the Jedi Council had gone astray. They would only discuss among themselves and not listen to the Chancellor. Palpatine was a dear friend to me, having watched over me since I arrived to train as a Jedi. He was kind and I often go to him for advice. I felt that I could trust him. Obi Wan tells me not to trust him since he was a politician but how could Palpatine, the Supreme Chancellor be behind any of these recent attacks and the war. I prayed that the war would end soon.

More Jedi had been deployed throughout the galaxy to help assist the planets in need. With the help of the clones, we have managed to keep things in order for now. It looks like the war could actually be won soon but Obi Wan says there are more foul things at play than it meets the eye.

I would watch Padme as she stands at the window, brushing her hair and talking about how we can decorate the baby's room, where it might be born and I would smile and watch her eyes sparkle with excitement and her hand over her belly. I would go to her and kissed the round spot and hug her. She was so fragile, but her will was as strong as any Jedi. I tried to shake off the nightmares and avoid telling her about it. I couldn't consult Obi Wan for help as it might get me expelled from the Jedi Order. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I can't lose her. I would do anything in my power to keep her safe. Anything.