As it turned out, Voldy couldn't bring himself to ask Quirrell about what love was. No matter how much he prepared himself, or said to himself that today would be the day, he simply could not get the words out of his mouth. It wasn't just the fever that was holding him back, although that did play a big part in it. No, it was also the fact that he just didn't want to look stupid in front of Quirrell. Why it worried him so much, he didn't know, but he just couldn't do it. Not yet, at least.
There were times where he could have prepared himself, like when Quirrell went to see Dumbledore, but that always backfired because he ended up being too nervous. Even for the past weeks, when Quirrell was seeing Mrs. Cole a lot on top of his Dumbledore meetings (Quirrell said it had something to do with him being interviewed or some stuff like that), Voldy couldn't do it.
And no, he wasn't going to go to the library again. He had gone there once after chickening out on asking Quirrell, and all that he had found there were some cheesy muggle stories about men and women being angry or sad at each other. Voldy had only scanned through them (they were so boring!), and not once did he see anything that could help him out. Even if some of them had the word 'love' in the title! What a confusing mess.
Two months had passed since Voldy had perfected the Patronus Charm, and although those months had been relatively normal for both him and Quirrell, Voldy couldn't ignore the gnawing feeling that there was something different about their friendship now. Not to say it had turned for the worse or had gotten awkward or anything, but it just seemed like Quirrell was clearly showing signs of the fever now, and for some reason he sometimes acted very weird because of it.
Of course, because Voldy had lived through having this chronic fever for over a year, he understood how distracting its symptoms could be. The constant twisting, turning, leaping and dropping of the tummy; the racing heartbeat that always felt like the chest was ready to burst open; the extreme heat in the face because of all the blushing; the extreme panting; not to mention the shaking hands that made it difficult to do magic properly. But so far he had managed to hide it from Quirrell very smoothly. Quirrell, on the other hand, was another case.
For one thing, he always whimpered when he had the tummy turns, and sometimes even wrapped his arms around himself as if to fight back. Then there were times where his breathing obviously got much faster and he started looking very stressed about something.
But what probably struck Voldy as the oddest part was the blushing: he was noticing just how often Quirrell's cheeks reddened up. Granted, Voldy's cheeks did that too – all the time – but ever since they had met, Quirrell hadn't shown any signs of this. It wasn't until recently that he started burning up half the time, and Voldy was actually getting pretty concerned about just how bad Quirrell's case of the fever really was.
Still, despite all the weird goings-on in the fever department, the two still kept on with their days, always together. They were practically attached at the hip, no matter what the circumstances. Quirrell was even beginning to ask Dumbledore if Voldy was allowed to be present during their appointments. Dumbledore always said no, of course, but Quirrell still persisted, as if he didn't want to be apart from Voldy at all.
They had become so close, in fact, that Voldy's entire body would feel empty at the mere thought of having to give Quirrell a goodbye hug in the evenings before going to bed. He knew they would always see each other in the morning, but for some reason it was so hard to not have Quirrell near him all the time. Oh how Voldy longed for another sleepover…
Voldy was thinking all this through while the two of them sat in their usual spot in the backyard. Winter had been pretty kind to them up until now. So far, it hadn't snowed, and the wind was normally calm, but it was always pretty chilly outside. Even Quirrell's flowers wouldn't stay upright for very long in the cold.
"How does it even ma- make sense?" Quirrell said after yet another bed of lilies withered and died. "They st- stay alive in my room for weeks, but they don't stand a ch- chance out here. Weird."
"Yeah, weird. You'd think that someone like Quirinus Quirrell could figure out how to make plants survive cold," Voldy joked and playfully nudged his friend with his elbow.
Quirrell blushed slightly and laughed. "Hey, I just d- do magic, not m- miracles!"
Voldy grinned. "Better work on it, then!" he teased, promptly receiving a slight shove from a still laughing Quirrell. They then calmed down slightly, and Voldy decided to bring something up since his last library visit. "Hey Quirrell, have you ever read any muggle books?"
"N- not really," Quirrell replied, now looking straight at Voldy, having seemingly given up on trying to keep any of his flowers alive. "I mean, I d- didn't grow up with mu- muggles or anything, so I dunno. Why?"
"Oh, nothing, it's just, there's this section in the library that only has muggle books in it, and they're all pretty stupid," Voldy said.
"St- stupid how? Like, boring stupid or si- silly stupid?" Quirrell asked, now looking intrigued and curious about the subject (surprising Voldy a bit).
"Uh, a little bit of both, really," said Voldy, putting his wand to his chin in thought. "They write about all kinds of stupid stuff that could never happen in real life. Like this one book is about these two men who survive the end of the world by 'getting a lift' from a spaceship or something. I didn't read it," he added when he saw how confused Quirrell looked (probably waiting for a further elaboration), "but it just looked so stupid. I mean, what are the odds of that happening?"
"Yeah, it does sound pr- pretty weird," Quirrell said and chuckled. "What about the b- boring stupid ones?"
"Oh, there's tons of those!" Voldy exclaimed. "At least the silly stupid ones are silly enough to be weird and stuff. The boring ones are just so… ugh! There's all kinds of books that are basically about the same thing: a man and a woman meet, argue a lot, and then end up being very sad the whole time."
"W- wait- what?" Quirrell said and laughed. "Who'd wanna r- read about something like that?"
"Yeah! It's so weird," Voldy said, chuckling as well. "And get this: they're apparently 'love stories'," he added, accidentally speaking the word he still hadn't uttered around Quirrell. He froze momentarily, wondering if Quirrell even knew he didn't know what it meant.
"Really?" Quirrell said with a dumbfounded expression. "W- wow, that doesn't sound very l- lovey to me. M- maybe muggles see love differently? I d- dunno…"
Voldy didn't say anything to that. He didn't know what love even was, so how was he supposed to know whether or not muggles saw it differently than wizards? Still, the moment Quirrell had spoken the word, something clicked in his head, and he just had to get it out somehow. He had chickened out way too many times to screw this up. He took a deep breath, though trying to keep it subtle, and just asked.
"Quirrell, what is love anyway?" Voldy's heart started pounding once more, and he felt his cheeks heat up. Oh come on, was he seriously blushing because he finally asked?
There was a short silence, and to Voldy's surprise, Quirrell started blushing as well. He looked away, probably in an attempt to hide it, fidgeting with his fingers in an awkward manner. "Um, uh, we- well, I, uh…" he stammered and then cleared his throat. "S- see, I'm not sure ex- exactly what it is, but I think it's caring a lot for another pe- person, and like being around them."
Voldy tilted his head in confusion, his heartbeat calming down only a little bit. "Wait, I thought that was friendship," he said and scratched his head. "Are you sure you're not just talking about that?"
"Oh! R- right, right, yeah," Quirrell said and laughed in a very odd manner, his hands reaching to his tummy now. "Yeah, I- I'm sorry."
Glancing at his friend, Voldy noticed just how weird he was acting, obviously because of the fever. It was so strange seeing Quirrell act this way, as if he was hiding something from Voldy that he thought was silly or embarrassing or something. Why would he do that? He should know by now that Voldy would never laugh at anything he said.
"You okay?" he decided to ask to make sure it was just the fever and nothing else.
"Oh, y- yeah, I'm alright," Quirrell said and rubbed his arm. "It- it's just, ya know, hard to f- focus when it's so chilly."
Voldy grinned. Yeah, it was definitely just the fever. He knew exactly what Quirrell was talking about: all those feelings did make it hard to focus, so now he wasn't as surprised that Quirrell had confused love with friendship. It made him feel a little better about not being entirely sure himself what on earth love even meant.
"S- say," Quirrell said, "could you maybe sh- show me the muggle stories? I just wanna kn- know how stupid they are."
"Sure. But I'm gonna warn you, they're super stupid," Voldy said as he stood up. Quirrell did the same and the two walked back inside, passing the other kids in the backyard as they did so. For some odd reason, the oldest kids were giving them weird looks and whispering something to one another. What was that about?
As they walked inside and Voldy felt his body adjust to the warmer temperature, they took their coats off and ran towards the library. Voldy wasn't sure exactly why Quirrell even wanted to see those silly muggle stories in the first place, but still, if he wanted to see for himself just how boring they were, he wasn't going to stop him.
When the two finally reached the library door, Voldy opened it up, allowing Quirrell to step in first, and then he followed. They took a few moments to breathe and Voldy had a little look around. He gestured to Quirrell to start walking towards the adult section, and they did just that. Passing the numerous shelves and hundreds of books, Voldy noticed just how enchanted Quirrell was by the amount of reading material available in the library. He obviously didn't visit the place that often.
"Well, there they are," Voldy said as they reached the muggle section, and pointed at the shelves that contained the so-called 'love stories'. Quirrell gazed wide-eyed at the amount of books presented to him. Voldy grinned and pushed him forward.
Quirrell was a bit hesitant at first, probably not sure whether or not he should actually give books like this a chance. But sure enough, he started browsing the titles, and picked one out at random: Emma. Voldy cocked an eyebrow at the cover of the book once he saw it, and he noticed that Quirrell was looking at it strangely too.
"Wow, th- this is so weird," Quirrell said as he kept staring at the completely still woman on the cover. "She's not m- moving or anything."
"Yeah, I dunno why muggles even bother with photos, nobody ever does anything in them," Voldy said as the two friends turned to find a table. They found one quickly and sat down, and Quirrell opened his book. He flipped through the pages to scan it, and Voldy saw that already he looked like he would likely give up on it. Still, he apparently wanted to give it a shot, and started reading the first few pages.
Voldy didn't have anything to do, so he just sat there and looked either at Quirrell or at random objects around them. For a few minutes, he wondered just what might be so interesting about that book that Quirrell still hadn't closed it. He decided not to ask him just yet – maybe he really did like that thing.
Voldy was just about to ask Quirrell what he thought of it so far when he heard footsteps in the distance. Quirrell obviously heard it too because he looked up from his reading as Voldy turned in his seat. Mrs. Cole was approaching them, holding a stack of papers and a quill. The two friends looked on as she came nearer, and then at each other. Voldy shrugged and Quirrell raised his eyebrows and shook his head, as if to say: I dunno either.
After a few seconds, Mrs. Cole was finally at the table and greeted the friends with a nod. "Good afternoon, boys. Having a nice day?" Voldy wasn't sure what to say, so he just gave a small "Mhmm" and Quirrell nodded. "Good," Mrs. Cole continued, and then eyed Quirrell. "Quirinus, I was wondering if you would care to join me in my office in a couple of minutes."
"Why?" Quirrell said, looking slightly confused.
"I have a feeling there's somebody there who would like to see you," Mrs. Cole said ambiguously and grinned. "Be there in the next ten minutes or so, alright?" she added as she turned to leave. She looked excited for some reason, and Voldy wondered what was going on. He turned to Quirrell, who looked just as confused as he did.
"Did- did I do something wrong?" Quirrell said when Mrs. Cole was out of sight and scratched his chin. "Do you th- think I'm in trouble?"
"You? In trouble?" Voldy playfully batted his hand. "Please, she's probably gonna award you for good behavior or something."
Quirrell chuckled. "Still, I- I really don't know what she's up to. Maybe she wa- wants to check how I'm doing with Dumbledore or something. Oh!" He snapped his fingers in realization. "Or maybe it's about my interviews!"
"Yeah, that's probably it," Voldy said and shrugged, not bothering to ask what the latter part was about. He then stood up and knocked on the table. "Now come on. Put that muggle story back in the shelf and let's go!"
With that, Quirrell closed his book and put it back in its place. He then joined Voldy in running out of the library and up to the second floor, where Mrs. Cole's office was. When there, Voldy urged Quirrell to knock on the door, and he did. The two waited for a couple of seconds (Voldy kept giving Quirrell assuring grins, to which Quirrell nodded accordingly) before hearing footsteps approaching the door from the inside. The door opened, and Mrs. Cole came into view.
"Ah, Quirinus!" she exclaimed happily. "Excellent. Come right in, dear." She opened the door completely, and Voldy saw that there were two other persons in the office. What on earth was going on? As Quirrell walked inside, he looked like he was just about to ask something when Mrs. Cole spoke again, this time speaking to Voldy. "Voldemort, I'm sorry but you're going to have to wait."
"What? Why?" Voldy said confusedly.
"Don't worry, this will only take a couple of minutes," Mrs. Cole said and led Quirrell inside. "Why don't you just wait in your room, Voldemort, hm?"
Voldy rolled his eyes at how silly Mrs. Cole was making herself look, but agreed nevertheless. He eyed Quirrell and said: "I'll see you later, okay?"
"Ye- yeah," Quirrell managed to say just before Mrs. Cole closed the door to her office. Voldy stood outside for a few moments, then sighed and began walking upstairs to his room.
When there, he dropped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Now that Quirrell wasn't around, he had no idea what to do. He wasn't in the mood to dance, and practicing magic was only worth his time when Quirrell was doing it too. Voldy sighed and closed his eyes.
His heart was fluttering slightly, and his tummy felt a little deeper than usual. He hated when that happened – it was the kind of feeling he always got when he couldn't be with Quirrell. Having to be separated from him in the evenings was hard enough, but at least then they both knew when they would see each other next. Times like these, though, when somebody just took them apart with no explanation, were rougher. Mrs. Cole had said that whatever was going on wouldn't take very long, but that was adult talk, and 'not very long' usually meant 'longer than you think' in adult talk.
Why was it so darn hard for people to understand that he just didn't want to be apart from Quirrell, ever? Granted, he would never be able to explain why to save his life, but not having Quirrell around always made Voldy's days seem slower and gloomier. He had to have his company; it always brightened his day. Besides, Quirrell and everything about him was what got his Patronus to work, so his friendship must have been worth something.
But then there was the fact that Quirrell was just so gosh darn (Voldy actually squinted and felt himself blush as he thought about the word) beautiful. Voldy didn't know why, but just looking at Quirrell would somehow send shivers down his spine and make his tummy twist and turn. Especially his eyes – his eyes and his smile. Those were Voldy's two favorite things about Quirrell's appearance. He reluctantly let out a small sigh as he realized how much he cared for his best friend, and mentally thanked whatever force it was that had made him talk to Quirrell that fateful day.
Voldy smiled wide as he felt his fever act up again, only this time it was kind of nice. For once, it didn't make him feel uncomfortable or anything. It just sort of made him realize that his internal organs still worked, and that his blood was still pumping. Voldy then turned to his side and, despite himself, hugged his pillow and kept smiling gleefully. His mind had no idea why, but his body knew there was something going on with him that made him want to do this. Whether it was thinking of Quirrell or just the fever, he didn't know, and honestly, he didn't care. He just kept hugging his pillow, snuggling up to it as if it was a real person. He felt super silly, but at the same time so glad.
He probably stayed like that for a good five or ten minutes without even knowing how time was flying. It must have been more than a few moments, though, because before he knew it, he heard a soft tap on his door. He instantly shot up to a sitting position, blushing madly as he realized what he had been doing this whole time. He shook his head to start thinking straight (all he could think about was Quirrell!) before hopping out of bed and went to open the door.
As he touched the handle, he heard someone breathing heavily on the outside, and someone else was whispering something that he couldn't quite make out. He decided not to think about it and opened the door. As soon as he did, Quirrell barged in and hugged him, making him almost lose his balance.
"Whoa!" Voldy exclaimed while trying to remain standing up. "Quirrell, everything okay?" He felt Quirrell nod, and hugged him back. He then looked up and saw three figures standing over them: Mrs. Cole, and a man and a woman he had never seen, all smiling happily. "Wha… What's going on?"
Quirrell loosened his grip on Voldy and looked at him in the eyes. For a moment, Voldy wasn't sure if he was crying or not, and his expression had a mixture of sadness and happiness in it. He sniffled loudly and grabbed Voldy's shoulders. "I'm getting adopted!"
Three words. Three simple words. That's all it took to make Voldy feel like somebody had just ripped out his intestines. So that's what the interviews had been about. Voldy stared blankly at nothing for a moment, taking in what his best friend had just said. He couldn't feel his legs, and even though Quirrell was still holding his shoulders, he couldn't feel that either. In fact, he couldn't feel anything. Just emptiness.
"V- Voldy? Are you okay?" Quirrell said, looking very concerned as he let go of Voldy and took a step backwards. Voldy didn't reply. No, he couldn't reply. There was something lodged in his throat and he could barely breathe, let alone speak. "You're sc- scaring me. Say something!"
"I… I c- can't," Voldy whispered.
Quirrell was taken aback at how sad Voldy was, and his glossy eyes looked like they were about to tear up as well. "Oh, Voldy!" he exclaimed and hugged Voldy again. That was all he needed to do to make Voldy's waterworks start. He grasped Quirrell tight, not wanting to let him go, ever. Well, he always felt that way when they hugged, but now was different. If he let go of Quirrell now, he would leave the orphanage with his adoptive parents and Voldy wouldn't be able to see him every day.
Suddenly, Voldy heard the door to his room close, and noticed that he was alone with Quirrell. The adults had probably realized that the two boys wanted to say their goodbyes in peace, which Voldy was sort of thankful for. He hugged Quirrell even tighter and kept on crying into his shoulder.
"Qu- Quirrell!" he sobbed, finally finding his now very cracked voice. "I don't want you to go!"
"And- and I don't wanna le- leave you either!" Quirrell exclaimed and sniffled loudly. He then started caressing Voldy's back to comfort him as he kept talking. "B- but it's all done. The pa- paperwork, I mean, and I'm g- gonna leave soon."
The words coming out of Quirrell's mouth didn't make sense. He wasn't supposed to say them. He wasn't supposed to leave. Why oh why was this happening? Why couldn't this be a nightmare?
"But Qu- Quirrell, what'm I gonna do without you?" Voldy said, the words a bit muffled because he had dug his face into Quirrell's shoulder, and in the back of his head marveled the fact that yes, his tummy could plummet even deeper.
"Hey, hey, we- we'll still be in touch," Quirrell said and sniffled. He let go of Voldy to look at him straight in the eyes, and smiled. "L- look, I promise I'll write as often as I c- can, okay?" he said while he brushed some of Voldy's tears off his face.
Feeling Quirrell's hand like this made Voldy want to cry harder. Without thinking, he grabbed Quirrell's hand and pressed it against his own face, nuzzling it with his cheek. "But it won't be the same." He had to let out a sob before continuing. "I- I need you," he said, realizing that he had never really told Quirrell just how much he meant to him. He blushed madly and felt his hands shake to the point that he could barely keep them still. Because of the shaking, he gave up on keeping Quirrell's hand in his own.
Quirrell gasped when he heard Voldy's words, but kept his hand on Voldy's face. The tears returned in his eyes and his lip quivered. "Voldy, I… I had n- no idea."
"I know, I feel so stupid!" Voldy cried as he limped down to the floor. "I should've told you! I just- I just- I can't! I can't do this!" He had never felt so sad in his entire life. He was crying more than ever, and he had never felt this empty inside. Unless Quirrell said that he didn't really have to leave, nothing would ever be able to cheer him up.
Quirrell dropped down to his knees, his hand still on Voldy's cheek. "It- it's okay, Voldy," he said in the sweetest, most comforting voice Voldy had ever heard. "I'll write, I pr- promise. And hey, sc- school starts next year. We'll see each other then, right?"
Voldy nodded slowly, although he wasn't sure if what Quirrell was saying was necessarily true. "But I… I'm gonna feel so- so lonely without you," he whispered, head down.
"I know, I know," Quirrell said, inching a bit closer to Voldy. "I'm gonna mi- miss you too, buddy. But it's not f- forever, okay? I promise." He then cupped Voldy's face and made him look up, and pulled him closer to him. Voldy closed his eyes – he knew what was coming – and sure enough, Quirrell nuzzled their noses together. He let go of Voldy's face and smiled caringly at him, making Voldy's heartbeat get a little faster.
"Quirrell, I…" was all that came out of Voldy's mouth.
"Voldy, you're my be- best friend in the whole wide world, you know that," Quirrell said as he stood up and then helped Voldy do the same. "And you'll always be m- my best friend, always. I'll never ever stop th- thinking about you, ever, okay? Because I… I…"
Quirrell hesitated and Voldy used the opportunity to sniffle loudly. He then looked at his best friend and waited for whatever it was he was trying to say. Quirrell's cheeks were beet red, and he was breathing heavily. Clearly the fever was affecting him again, and Voldy wondered what could possibly be harder to say than 'goodbye'.
"I… I…" Quirrell still couldn't get the words out of his mouth. He then took a deep, shaking breath, and looked Voldy straight in the eyes. "I love you, Voldy." He bit his fist and turned around, obviously embarrassed.
Voldy just stared blankly at the back of Quirrell's head. Love. As if this goodbye wasn't hard enough, Quirrell just had to say the one word Voldy had no idea what meant, but clearly meant a lot to Quirrell. Why did this have to be so torturous? Before he had a chance to react, however, Quirrell turned back to him, smiling.
"Just, um… Ju- just remember that, okay?" He came in closer and hugged Voldy once more. "Be- because hey, just because we won't s- see each other all the time, it doesn't mean we'll forget each other, right?"
"I… I guess," was all Voldy could say. It didn't matter what Quirrell said; the emptiness wouldn't leave.
Quirrell then let go of Voldy and looked at him with that sweet, beautiful smile of his. "I g- gotta go now, but I promise I'll write, okay?" Pause. "Okay?"
"Okay," Voldy said blandly and tried to smile.
After one last quick hug, Quirrell left Voldy's room. Right now, Voldy couldn't even think straight, let alone notice what was going on around him. He felt completely hollow, emptier than ever before, and the tears just would not stop running down his face.
Quirrell was gone. Just like that, he was gone, and Voldy was left alone. He absent-mindedly crawled into his bed and curled up into a ball, still crying. He couldn't stop. Everything he had ever cared for had just been taken from him in a single day. The one person he had ever considered a friend; the one person who had ever considered him a friend.
Voldy would never get over this. Ever. He was sure of that.
