Part II: You Can't Handle the Edd
Chapter Three
Kevin and Rolf walked out of Jonny's house and saw the others coming out onto the street.
"We couldn't find Jonny anywhere. Did anyone find anything?"
Sarah started. "My brother's tub of gravy is empty."
Jimmy gave his findings. "There was an empty spot on Double D's bookshelf."
Nazz was wiping her shoes in the grass. "I stepped on some used tissues on the floor of Eddy's room."
Kevin seemed to know what Nazz was talking about. "Well, it seems safe to assume that Jonny baited the Eds into a trap, and he's using the Eds as bait for a trap set for us."
"Rolf shall not stand by to leave the Ed-boys at the hands of Jonny the Wood Boy."
Kevin headed off toward the old abandoned house. "I have an idea. We'll camp out on the front lawn of the old abandoned house and wait for Jonny to show up. When he does, we'll ambush him and have him tell us what he plans to do with us in the house. Once we get the information we need, we'll go in, find the Eds, rescue them, and get out."
Nazz hadn't followed up on what Kevin had said. "How are we going to do that, Kevin?"
"We'll work on a battle plan once we get there."
They made it to the house and set about searching the perimeter. The door was closed, and the doorknob lay on the porch under a window.
"Well, looks like we can't get in there. Which is just as good, considering that Jonny probably wants us to go in there."
"Rolf agrees with Kevin. We must scour the perimeter, find Jonny the Wood Boy, and extract from him his intentions. Or at least extract from him the whereabouts of the Ed-boys."
"Right." Kevin sat down on the porch step. "He could've just said that the Eds are in this house when they're being held somewhere else. We've searched Jonny's house and found neither Jonny nor the Eds there. Sarah searched the Eds' houses, and we can assume that none of our houses are being used to hold the Eds hostage."
"Are you sure that Jonny kidnapped Ed, Edd, n Eddy?"
"Who else could've done it, Go-Go Nazz girl?"
"Well, the last time they went in that house, they came out with the Kanker sisters riding a wagon behind them. Jonny would've had to have gone into each Ed's house one by one to steal the bait items, which would've weighed him down, giving him a long time window to be caught in action. But the Kanker sisters could've stolen them all at once, giving them extra time to get away."
"Rolf would believe the Weird Sisters would have taken the Ed-boys to their house on wheels if they were the ones to abduct the Ed-boys."
"So, should we check for them there, then? Someone has to look there to know if they're there."
There was a long pause.
"Yeah, don't everyone jump at once. Kevin? Rolf?"
"Well, one of us has to stay here in case Jonny shows up here."
"Maybe you and I can go to the trailer park, and Sarah, Jimmy, and Rolf can stay here to watch for Jonny."
Kevin got on his bike. "I guess it's for the best if we do find the Eds and rescue them if we have to."
Nazz got on behind him. "Just remember that I'm here, Kevin. I don't want to have to deal with you obsessing over your bike like last time."
"No need to tell me twice. Not with where we're going."
"You probable already knew from our drawings on the fridge and from our chanting in the woods," Lee rolled the blue candy under her foot on the floor, "that we already knew who you guys were."
"I figured as much. And that detail was affirmed by the document from Eddy's brother to you."
"So, how did you know where to find us when we went into the woods?"
"We followed you guys to Oven Mitt's house, and by listening through the garage door, we figured that you three would be headed for the woods between the trailer park and your houses."
Ed shuddered at the memories. "Were you teleporting through the woods?"
Lee responded nonchalantly. "No, you were just running around in circles."
May added her own note. "At least until you fell in the mud."
Marie nodded. "At which point we knocked you out with empty ketchup kegs."
"And it was then that I would surmise you took us to your trailer, undressed us, cleaned us up, and put us in your fathers' robes?"
All three girls nodded at Edd's conclusion as Eddy whispered to Edd. "Do you think they saw anything?"
Edd whispered back. "It would be difficult to imagine that they didn't."
None of the girls heard that exchange and went on explaining their actions that day, resuming with May.
"We had made plans to bring you guys to our place to get you three in a position that would suit us for our spy needs."
"Which I can surmise involved getting us acclimated to fearing your presence in case we came across you three spying on us?"
Lee nodded. "And considering our track record, I'd say we were successful there. But anyways, we had already developed the feelings we have toward you guys by the time you met us."
Marie took a breath. "Which you probably figured out while you were there from our drawings of us six."
Eddy didn't know how to respond to the girls knowing that he had crumpled up Lee's drawing.
May picked up where her sister left off. "The whole thing about providing dinner and a movie followed by having you clean up the trailer was a way to get you to fear us while at the same time showing feelings toward you guys."
Edd was perplexed. "I really don't understand what you find so likable about us in lieu of what Eddy's brother told you about us."
May looked to him. "What do you mean?"
"Ed using medications which were only recently made legal in the state, Eddy possessing a volume of magazines made to promote self-pleasure, and I myself having swapped genders in my youth."
"That's kinda what we like about you." Marie set her foot down on the floor.
"I can understand what May sees in Ed, seeing that they display similar traits. Lee and Eddy also share common mentalities and could get together after some quiet time. Though I can't say that you and I could be any more different if we tried."
"Well, that's why I like you, Double D. I feel like I'd lose myself, sporting a tough girl image, if I didn't have a guy like you in my life."
"So, why do you insist on leading a tough girl lifestyle if you don't want to wander off on a wayward path?"
"It gives me confidence in getting through a life of constant struggles. Everything I do as a tough girl helps me in making my life more than just trash." Marie swallowed hard. "I was put in a tight spot with Matthew recruiting us to torment you guys, having to choose between being able to get to a point where I could give up my tough girl looks or pursuing a boyfriend to keep from going off the deep end."
"I'm sure we could've done something like this sooner;" Edd produced a handkerchief, "you didn't have to push through with Eddy's brother's requests if it meant we could sit and talk in a more orderly and civil manner."
"That's just it." Marie accepted the handkerchief. "I didn't know if you would want me, and I was worried that Matthew would cut off the deal if we did sit down and talk."
"What about May and Lee? Couldn't they have broken off their contract with Eddy's brother?"
Lee shook her head. "As Marie pointed out, we're living in hard times, so we had to do what we could to make sure the family has food on the table."
"Given your initial behaviour during the first summer, I would hazard a guess that you started becoming less willing to wreak havoc upon us by pure bullying as your feelings for us took hold?"
The girls all nodded. "And there were a few times where we didn't meet face to face, but we still steered you guys toward failure."
Ed was now curious. "Like what?"
"We filmed you guys at that sprinkler party on Matthew's orders on the reverse side of that letter."
Edd flipped it over and found what May had mentioned. I left Eddy with three small speedos for him and his friends. I told him to go to the first water-based party he knew about with him and his friends wearing them, under the pretense that they would enhance their appearance. Get them on film once they're at the party; they should snap off by the time the party's over.
Eddy was mortified. "You girls saw us naked?!"
"We saw you naked in our trailer when we got you in our dads' robes, so we were prepared for overexposure." Marie produced a bag of tapes tied shut with twine. "In any case, we scavenged all the tapes we sent to Matthew from his trailer. We'll destroy whichever ones you want destroyed once we get into position for viewing them."
Eddy tried to untie the twine, to no avail, earning a statement from Lee. "It's our special Kanker knot; only we know how to tie and untie it."
May started talking when Eddy returned to his seat. "You probably remember when you gave Big Ed that makeover."
"Yeah, when you wrecked the scam of showing him off to the kids and took our money." Eddy soured at the memory.
Edd, on the other hand, was deep in thought. "I do recall one oddity of that day. It was the first time Ed had ever bathed since we started working together, and it was the only time he hadn't panicked at the sight of soap."
Ed swallowed. "I thought the Kanker sisters would stay away from me if I didn't touch soap."
Lee thought aloud. "I guess that explains why the story you told that one kid from inside the wall had buildings turning to soap."
Edd knew what was being referenced. "Oh, you mean Jonny? Yes, I remember that day quite well. Ed's story was quite a..." he cleared his throat, "...masterpiece."
Marie shrugged and looked at Ed. "Well, Lee and I were less inclined to pursue you with your normal habits."
May let off a small laugh. "Would you get over your fear of soap if you got over your fear of us?"
Ed nodded as Eddy rolled his eyes. "What's next? His fear of heights?"
"I can't say that phobia was induced during either of the previous two summers." Edd pondered. "Aside from the EdCo. elevator to the moon, he hasn't shown any emotion other than fear at being high off the ground."
Eddy looked around. "You know, I am curious as to what you girls did the last time we were here."
"As in how we put everything together for your arrival?" Marie straightened her bang. "Because we also have questions about how you guys got here the first time."
Ed brought up a hand. "Rock paper scissors?"
Edd didn't like the idea. "I don't think that's going to work between six people."
Lee scooted back in her seat. "I think this'll work better if we started by having you explain the events that brought you to the front doorstep."
"I suppose that would make sense." Edd scratched the back of his head. "That would allow you to fill in from your perspective of that day at appropriate times and transition to the reverse."
"Well, we can't get anywhere until we start, Dreamboat."
"Right."
