So it's been about a month and a half since I put up a new chapter...sorry for making you wait! You know how writing goes...sometimes you just have to wait for the muse. But with Infinity War coming out in just a few weeks, I caught the bug again. So here we go! Astrid's story continues...

-Rose

The next day at the lab, Astrid's world was a blur. She couldn't focus on anything - it all seemed pointless. All she could think about was the plan she and Loki had created, and how it would play out.

Astrid would fly to the U.S., program the nanobots, prepare them for distribution, and administer them to all of Loki's human soldiers...by tomorrow afternoon. She would only have time to code the enhancement program on the plane. It was an intimidating amount of work, and yes, it was all experimental...but she and Karine had already done human trials with the nanobots to fight disease - switching to code to enhancements shouldn't be much different. There would be very little room for error, but Astrid had a good idea of how to code the new program, though she wasn't sure if she could do all of that by herself in time. Still, she would try.

Her tired brain ran scenario after scenario in her head, trying to account for every possibility: if the bots worked, or if they didn't; how she could overpower each Avenger, in multiple ways; if the portal opened, or if not; if Loki betrayed her...

Her thoughts drifted back to last night. She had never experienced such intimacy; it was like her whole mind and soul had been woven into his. They had shared so much with each other in those few hours, so much that Astrid scarcely believed it was real. That morning when they awoke, he had kissed her softly on the forehead, held her gently, felt her acceptance and her heart exploding with affection. And she felt the same from him. That brief moment of elation was all that remained of their escapade before reality settled in.

Loki shared everything with her, everything Barton had given him - who the Avengers were, their strengths and weaknesses, what he anticipated they would do once they discovered where the tesseract was, how much time he calculated they had. Connected by the stone, they never said a word, but Astrid's mind ran more clearly and rapidly than ever before; she understood every facet of his information, making connections, relaying ideas and brainstorming how she could use her knowledge and resources to give Loki an edge, then another, then another. Within minutes, they had come up with the plan together - a plan that would have taken anyone else days to formulate. Their combined intellect, enhanced by the stone, was beyond anything even Loki thought could be possible.

Then...they had to disconnect. They both knew it; for one thing, Astrid couldn't go back to her lab with electric blue eyes. And neither of them knew if Astrid's unique connection to Loki would interfere with his abilities as he managed operations at the U.S. base, a risk that was too great to overlook.

With one final kiss, Loki pulled the stone's power from her, and Astrid immediately felt drained. Loki, too, seemed jarred by the loss of their connection, but as she saw his face harden while he gathered himself, she could only make a best guess at how he was feeling...the emptiness was excruciating - did he feel the same? Was what they shared real? Had this all been a mistake? Doubt and guilt instantly flooded her thoughts.

Since Astrid's clothes were trashed from the night before, Loki created a replacement outfit for her - exactly the same clothes, but he'd added a necklace: a gold chain, with a simple emerald teardrop pendant in a gold setting. He had looked into her eyes and kissed her gently before they parted, and she watched as he faded away and teleported back to the United States.

Astrid reached up and touched the jewel fondly as she leaned over her microscope, feeling a surge of excitement at the small bit of proof around her neck. It wasn't a dream. But the emptiness that remained was torturous.

News about the attack at Stuttgart was still the top headline everywhere she looked, and every time she saw the footage, she saw herself next to Loki. She feared him, she craved him, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She kept imagining when she would see him again, at his base back in the United States. What it would be like when they kissed again...

"Astrid!" Karine yelled, and reached across to stop her arm. Astrid was so lost in thought that she didn't even notice her elbow had almost knocked over a stack of delicate glass slides - years of samples that would have needed to be redone. She held her breath, then exhaled heavily. Between staring at the image from her electron microscope, following the tiny iridium trackers through a particularly tricky section of a lymph node, and the wild circus of daydreams consuming her thoughts, she could barely register anything in the world around her.

Astrid blinked several times and looked over at Karine, eyes tired and watery. "Oooh, Astrid...you don't look good…" Karine's eyebrows furrowed in concern, then she leaned in and whispered, " Did you get any sleep last night? Is this about what happened with Nikolaus and Benedikt? I didn't mean to freak you out or anything…"

"No, no, it's not that," Astrid stepped back and rubbed her eyes, the pressure squeezing hot tears from under her eyelids. "It's...something else." Without the stone's power, she was exhausted. So much of her energy went into being afraid - what if she was wrong? What if something happened that she hadn't accounted for? It would be her fault, for not thinking of it and being ready for it. She already felt the crushing guilt of failure, and her mind ran manickly trying to think of other situations, other solutions to problems that didn't yet exist.

Before Karine could ask, Astrid turned and walked toward the door, mumbling about needing to pee. Karine watched her leave, sadly. It had to be what she had done, what she had said in their conversation. She had never meant to hurt her friend by being to blunt about her exploits - and in the moment when they talked about her wild night, Astrid had seemed really excited. But now it appeared to have weighed on her. Karine turned around to go back to work, but she couldn't keep her mind on the task at hand knowing her friend was hurting because of something she did.

Astrid walked down long hallway, her shoes making a loud "tick tick tick" on the hard linoleum floors, echoing off the cold walls . She could barely keep her eyes open, and when they were closed, all she could see was him. His hair, his eyes, his body...all of him. She almost thought she could feel his touch, the hallucination of a weary mind blending reality and desire. She entered an empty lab several doors down, leaned against the wall, then slid down onto the floor and held her face in her hands.

It was maddening the maintain this facade of normalcy - a normalcy she had prayed for after Stuttgart, a normalcy that would never again be her reality - and it absolutely wore her out. All she wanted was to feel that energy course through her again, to let out the dark feeling inside her and be powerful and confident like she was before...not the way she was now - weak, inadequate, doubtful. It crushed her. Tears welled in her eyes as the exhaustion pushed her over the emotional edge.

"Astrid?"

Karine's voice floated softly into the room soaked with concern and compassion. Astrid looked up with wet cheeks and red eyes. No longer physically or mentally able to maintain her composure, she broke down. Karine lowered herself to her friend and hugged her tight. For a long time, she just held Astrid as she cried. They didn't need to speak - to Karine, it didn't matter why Astrid was crying, all that mattered was to be there for her. Astrid would talk when she was ready.

Eventually, the sobs turned into muffled whimpers, and the catharsis of her tears slowly drained the last of her energy. She rested her head on Karine's shoulder, wiping her hot face with the sleeve of her lab coat, eyes closed.

"Astrid, honey…" Karine pushed the disheveled strands of blonde out of Astrid's face.

"Karine...I'm sorry. So much has happened…"

"Shhhhh" Karine hushed her. "It's ok. You haven't done anything wrong."

"Yes...yes I have…Karine. Everything's different...ever since Stuttgart…"

Karine rubbed her back gently, comfortingly. "Different how?"

...Different, how? The question was ludicrously inadequate to cover the violent uprooting that had happened to her life. She was going to betray everyone she knew, steal a powerful technology that dozens of people had worked hard to create - under the auspices that it would only be used ethically - and destroy the world as she knew it. It was the science she and Karine had pioneered - she never could have done it without her. Karine was a world-class coder, and the nanobots wouldn't even work if it hadn't been for her. Though Astrid was the one that really pushed the implementation through her anatomy research, without the technology it never would have been possible.

And she was going to do it for Loki. For HIS war. Astrid's breath caught in her throat. She had become someone different - someone dangerous, someone dark...someone evil?

Loki's arrival on Earth had set global events into motion, and by pure luck she had been swept up in the chaos. But once she was caught...she chose to help Loki. She hadn't started the war, but she had joined the side that aimed conquer the world, to topple every government on the planet. Those governments would do everything they could to prevent their own demise - which would more than likely that would involve nuclear weapons, massive destruction, huge death tolls...she had no doubt Loki's forces would overturn them eventually, but the cost would be devastating. Was THAT evil?

Astrid sighed and looked at the blue sky through the window with bleary eyes. "It's incredible how, when you're in the wrong place at the right time, your life can change forever, without your knowledge or permission. One event that you could have never predicted changes the course of your life instantly, like a stream breaking its banks and heading in a different direction, suddenly and violently. And then everything you thought your life would be - all your plans, all your dreams, everything you had worked for up to that point – fades and twists into something different. Something strange and exciting and terrifying and wonderful. And in that one moment, in that one split second between your old life and your new…"

"Astrid...what are you talking about?"

"Karine, I...I'm so scared…"

If she hadn't been so tired, she would have felt the dark fire flare up in protest at that word. But it was caged again, helpless…

"Why are you scared?"

"I just...I can't explain it. It's too much."

Karine sighed and sat next to Astrid on the wall, her hand resting supportively on Astrid's knee. "I'm so sorry. Whatever you're going through must be really difficult. I wish I could help…"

"I think I just need to lay down for a bit," said Astrid. Karine nodded and stood, then helped her up. Down the hall in the lounge, there were several couches that Astrid knew from experience were excellent for taking naps, and she curled onto one, closing her eyes. Within minutes, she was fast asleep.

Astrid dreamed. Distant thunder, a grey sky, bursts of lighting illuminating the clouds above her. She was on a windy, grassy hill, overlooking a dark and turbulent ocean. A village below her - thatched roofs, animal pens, ramshackle fences; it looked stone-age. But on the sea, she saw a huge wooden boat - a dragon head at the front, and dozens of oars protruding from the sides, beneath a huge white billowing sail. Astrid could hear the rhythmic beat of a drum, and see the oars moving in time as it crawled out to open water, past the breaking waves.

She felt a weight in her arms, and when she looked down, she saw a tiny baby, sleeping swaddled in an animal-skin blanket. She cooed at it and hummed a soft lullaby, then looked up again at the boat. She knew - her love was there; her husband, the father of her child, was rowing out into the open sea. Hot tears filled her eyes, and the sense of loss was overwhelming. But she dared not let it overcome her, for the sake of her son. Regardless of the fate of her husband, she would be strong. She would raise this boy, protect him, nurture him, alone if she had to. This was her resolute promise. This was her life now.

This vision faded, and a new vision arose. Tall, dark buildings rose on either side of her, and a church bell tolled in the distance. The cobblestone street beneath her feet caused her to lose her balance as she ran after the canvas-covered truck. She knew - her love was there; the young man that left to fight for king and country, speeding down the road that was so familiar to her, yet in this moment felt alien and strange. She ran as fast as she could toward the vehicle, yelling his name, crying for him, watching him look at her sadly as the truck disappeared over the hill.

Defeated, she stopped running and fell to her knees. Hot tears filled her eyes, and the sense of loss was overwhelming. But she dared not let it overcome her, for the sake of her country, and for the unborn child in her womb. Regardless of the fate of her love, she would be strong. She would go to the factory every day, and fill bullets and ammunition with gun powder that blew fingers off of her friends' hands, She would work to stop the war through force, whether he came back or not, and carry on. This was her resolute promise. This was her life now.

Again, the vision faded, and a new vision arose. Horrendous black creatures flew through the air between the skyscrapers amidst screaming people. It was New York again, war-torn, under invasion by the Chitauri army. She was standing on top of a building, trying to anticipate where the creatures would come from. She looked across the skyline at Stark Tower. She knew - her love was there; Loki, in his full battle armor, fighting for his life against an adversary in a billowing red cape - Thor.

Loki looked scared, reactive, as he dodged and tried to stay away from the massive hammer, using the scepter as a melee weapon while shooting off bursts of blue energy at his assailant. They grappled, each trying to disarm the other. Somehow, she could hear them.

"Look at this! Look around you! You think this madness will end with your rule?" the man in red yelled over the screaming motors of the demon airbikes.

Loki did look around, eyes darting, his brow tense. "It's too late," he said. "It's too late to stop it."

She could read it on his face - he knew he was going to lose.

Hot tears filled her eyes, and the sense of loss was overwhelming. Everything she had sacrificed, everything she had done… But she dared not let it overcome her, for the sake of her king. Regardless of the fate of her love, she would be strong. She would fight to ensure that this invasion, this massive gamble they had started, would not be in vain. She would take this world by force, whether he survived the battle or not. This was her resolute promise. This was her life now.

Then the hammer came down on Loki's head, sending him crashing to the ground, and the golden horns broke,

Astrid screamed and bolted awake on the couch in the lounge of the university. She was sweating and breathing heavily, her hair disheveled in its loose ponytail.

Karine came running out of the lab. "Astrid! Astrid, what's wrong? Are you OK?"

The look of concern on Karine's face broke Astrid's heart. She took a few deep breaths, reorienting herself. "Yes...yea, yea, sorry, I'm ok. Bad dream."

Karine came over and sat next to her. "Astrid, honey, you poor thing…" She put her arm over her friend, comforting her. "God, that Stuttgart thing really got to you, huh?"

Astrid laughed heavily, "You could say that…"

Karine looked nervously at her friend. She was acting really weird; Karine started wondering if she had gotten PTSD from her experience a few days ago. She had always known Astrid to be a quiet but stable person, and now it seemed she was "going off the rails," so to speak. Karine had to get to the bottom of it.

"Astrid," her voice was serious. "What is going on? Was it Stuttgart? Was it me? Please, tell me. I can't handle not knowing. You're my friend, I WANT to help you."

Astrid stared vacantly at the floor, her mind running faster than light. What could she tell Karine? If she told her what had actually happened, Karine would have her institutionalized. But she needed to tell SOMEONE - the burden she felt was too great without Loki around.

Steeling herself, Astrid took a deep breath.

"I need you to know that what has happened to me over the last few days have...changed me. I'm not the same as I was before Stuttgart, but not for the reasons you think. I have been through some SHIT, Karine…" And Astrid began.