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POV: Carlisle, Bella, Edward

Chapter 9 – Conversations and Silent Declarations


"Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin."

-Tori Amos


CPOV

It was an issue that I hadn't addressed immediately with Bella, only because I knew that it was a delicate subject, and one that she was probably not very willing to discuss. However, at this point, I couldn't postpone it any longer – it wasn't medically safe, and I was beginning to believe it wasn't emotionally safe for her, either.

I knew that if I brought up the topic, Bella would likely have questions. Questions about Richard, about us, about the differences and the similarities. Of course, that would be entirely understandable. I knew she was clever enough to see the differences, no matter how subtle we tried to make them.

I hadn't made my decision until seconds before Bella's check-up was over. I didn't want Alice to know what was going on, because Edward would likely see it, and he would try to stop me. I knew my son well. He would want to protect Bella for as long as he could, but this was something I couldn't avoid. I wasn't going to tell Bella about who we were, not until I had discussed the idea with my family, and we had all reached an agreement. However, from a medical standpoint, this was something that needed to be done – for Bella's sake.

"Bella, how have you been feeling since you arrived?"

"Fine. My bruises are healing well and I'm already thinking -" I interrupted her before she could speak another word.

"Bella, I mean how are you feeling emotionally? I know some about how you're doing physically…" I noticed the very immediate and obvious change in her expression. Her eyes became heavier, and she averted her stare away from me, seemingly shamed.

"I know this must be a difficult topic for you, but it's important to your recovery. Healing isn't just a physical process, you also need to heal yourself emotionally."

"I know. I know. I know that… it's just that, I really don't feel much, right now. Other then happiness to be away from him and sadness that there are so many people still there, still in his grips…" she said gently.

"I understand Bella. And your reaction isn't uncommon, especially for people who have been through such a great deal of trauma."

"I just… can't. Not yet, at least. I don't have anything to say…"

"I understand. And there is no rush. I just wanted to make sure you were actually doing as well as you let on."

"I'm…" I didn't need Edward's gift to know she was just about to say she was fine. It was evident that she intended to say that, but something stopped her, and I was curious as to what that could have been.

"It's hard… sometimes. The nightmares… the reminders. But I try to forget about it. It's hard – to block it out of my mind. But being around all of you has really helped; it makes things a lot easier. There is still a lot I don't understand, but right now, I can manage, and that's making this easier to handle. I don't know if I got a chance before to thank you for everything. I can't tell you how much it means to me, Dr. Cullen – I mean Carlisle." I couldn't help but smile at the incredibly brave young woman sitting in front of me. She had the most magnificent smile, and it captured my heart every time she looked at me.

She truly was special. And although I didn't feel for her the way Edward did, she was special to me, too. There was just something about her that tied her to me, and my family. Some cosmic, otherworldly connection that none of us could properly explain, but all felt.

"I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is for you. Just know that if you need us, we're here for you – however we can be." She smiled, nodding her head slightly, as if to say she understood.

And now for the hard part…

BPOV

Carlisle was one of the gentlest people I had been around in a very long time. Fearfully, I wondered if I had become used to the harsh treatment I suffered while living at The Manor. I shuddered at the thought.

It was with sadness that Carlisle reminded me of my own father, the memory of Charlie stirring within me a familiar panging sadness. It was comforting to be around Carlisle, because I felt as though I had some sort of a father again, but being reminded of my own father was a painful experience.

Truthfully, I hadn't spent much time these past few months thinking of either of my parents. My whole world seemed to revolve around single moments, pain and recovery lately.

Carlisle had been the first to bring up my emotional well-being, and I wasn't sure if I was relieved or nervous when he did.

"It's hard… sometimes. The nightmares… the reminders. But I try to forget about it. It's hard – to block it out of my mind. But being around all of you has really helped; it makes things a lot easier. There is still a lot I don't understand, but right now, I can manage, and that's making this easier to handle. I don't know if I got a chance before to thank you for everything. I can't tell you how much it means to me, Dr. Cullen – I mean Carlisle." I put emphasis on his name, wanting him to know that I respected him enough to respect his wishes. He smiled, his gentle eyes surveying me.

""I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is for you. Just know that if you need us, we're here for you – however we can be."

"Now, Bella. There is one other serious matter that I need to discuss with you before today's check-up is over. It's important that we take care of this as soon as possible, and I know it will be difficult, but I'll do everything I can to make it as easy as possible…"

What is he talking about? I wondered to myself. What could be left to do medically? He had already done everything I could think of…

"Sure, Carlisle. What is it?" I questioned, apprehension teeming in my voice.

"I don't know much about what happened to you that night, when we came to get you from The Manor. I do know, however, that when we found you, you were quite battered, and you weren't clothed." My heart sank to the pits of my stomach, as my head began throbbing wildly, my face flushing a bright red.

Of course. Of course he would have questions about that. He's my doctor! I didn't know how to respond. What would I do, or say? Did he already know what happened that night? Did he know what Richard had done – what he had taken from me? Would I need to be examined? My hands began shaking, my heart thudding wildly.

Just don't cry, Bella! Don't cry!

"W-well… w-hat do you want to know?" I tried to steady my voice, but it was impossible.

Carlisle pulled a chair up beside my own. He had taken to the habit of examining me while I was sitting on a chair instead of the bed. Now I understood why – he probably figured that the reminder would be too vivid, otherwise.

"I know this is going to be difficult for you. And we can take as much time as you need. If you'd like, I could ask Esme, Alice or Rose to join us?"

"No. It's fine."

"Alright, just let me know if you need a moment, okay?" I nodded, trying to stabilize my emotions.

"Were you sexually assaulted that night, Bella?" Hot daggers. It felt like hot daggers were soaring through my veins, ripping my body open, allowing my soul to pour from every open wound. My heart was pumping wildly in my chest, and I idly wondered if this is what it felt like to go into cardiac arrest.

Those words. They meant so much – held so much meaning. They had more power then I could have ever imagined – and up to this point, I hadn't even really thought much about what my answer to that question would be.

"Yes" I managed to choke out. The response was immediate, and a simple yes was all I could offer. I couldn't piece together enough words to formulae a response beyond that. Carlisle seemed to understand, because although I could see his jaw clench at my answer, while his eyes remained soft and understanding.

"Well, if that is the case, I really think it would be beneficial, and in your best interest to have an examination done. We would want to make sure everything is fine, and that no serious damage occurred. You might not feel the pain, but it could be due to the pain medication you're already taking. I'm confident that nothing serious has happened, otherwise we would probably know at this point, but it is important to make sure." Carlisle explained while his voice remained gentle and understanding with each word spoken purposefully.

I couldn't help the feeling of shame that began to overwhelm me. I could feel my face flush, as my hands continued to shake, despite my efforts to steady them. This wasn't a reality I wanted to face. It wasn't something I felt I could manage – it just seemed to be too much.

Everything had been fine until this point. I had managed to successfully ignore that night as best I could, and now, here it was, my world crashing down around me at the mention of two simple words. I wanted to run and hide, and bury myself away in the darkest depths of the world, never to be found again by anyone. Because I didn't think there was any pain in the world that could compare to how I felt right now. I didn't want to be apart of myself, I didn't want to exist, especially not in my own skin.

This body, it was tainted. It was torn, battered and bruised – both inside and out. It was a simple receptacle for evil, the very root and core of the evil that was capable of penetrating the lives of so many. My heart felt as though it was being slowly compressed, to the point of bursting into millions of pieces.

I couldn't process anything. I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe.

CPOV

Looking into the eyes of that positively tormented young woman was surely, without a doubt the most troubling experience I had ever had with a patient. Possibly because she was more then just a patient now, I didn't know exactly what Bella was, but she was slowly becoming part of my family, and watching anyone I cared about in pain undoubtedly meant I would be in pain as well.

I watched her lips quiver as I mentioned two words I feared exposing her to. Two words that would be the source of heartache for a long time for this beautiful creature. And I could see as those two words resonated in her mind, bringing to her the full realization of her experience.

I didn't know if she would be able to handle it at this point, but I had to explain that an examination was necessary to ensure her well-being. The sooner, the better. It had already been put off long enough, and if there were any serious repercussions, the earlier we caught it, the better. It was a big request of a traumatized person, to sit through an examination that would no doubt be a vivid reminder of the very event that had traumatized her.

I allowed her some time to process the information, and only a few minutes had passed when her heartbeat went into overdrive, and the sound of her breathing was no longer steady.

She was having a panic attack, and a severe one, at that. Immediately, I was at Bella's side, coaching her through deep breathing exercises aimed at helping her to regain control of her breathing. The attack lasted for only 7 minutes before she was able to breathe regularly again. She looked at me, her eyes brimming with tears, and her expression sorrowful.

"It's alright, Bella. Your response is understandable. I realize I'm asking a lot of you, and if you're not able to do it, I understand. We could always take you down to the hospital and have one of my female colleagues perform the exam if that would be of any help." I offered. But Bella fervently shook her head, and managed a small smile in my direction, wiping the tears that were brimming at her eyes before they could spill over.

"No. No, I can do this. And I don't want to go to the hospital; I don't want to leave this place. It's too dangerous." She explained slowly, her words jumbled between deep intakes of air. I nodded, standing up and moving toward my medical bag.

"Is there anything I can do to make this experience easier for you?"

"Can you make sure Edward is here… so I can see him afterwards?" I smiled. Of course, that was the least I could do. I was vaguely aware that my family had left just before I had initiated the conversation with Bella.

But if I knew Alice, I knew she would know she needed to bring Edward back – that he was needed.

BPOV

I truly didn't understand why I was agreeing to this. Just the idea of it was terrifying, and it hadn't even begun yet. Why was I putting myself through this?

Because you're strong enough. And even if you aren't, you have to prove you're capable, that you're not falling apart. You can't let them see you fall apart. Ever.

I didn't know why, but when Carlisle asked if I needed anything to make the situation easier, I requested to see Edward afterward. I didn't know why, I would have figured that I wouldn't have wanted anyone anywhere near me, but for some reason, I felt complete when he was next to me. I felt safe, and I felt… more absolute then I had in a very, very long time.

"You'll have to lie down on the bed, and remove what you're wearing on your bottom half."

And that's when my stomach really began doing back flips.

EPOV

I was angry. Fuming. Livid. I couldn't control the anger that was overwhelming my every sense. I wanted to rip something to shreds, feed on anything I could get my hands on. It was the monster within me responding to my dramatic emotional state.

I had quickly peered into Alice's mind to understand why she so quickly ushered us from the house, and what I saw brought about a very difficult realization.

My mind immediately began replaying the moment when we had rescued Bella. I pulled the covers from her battered figure, only to find that she wore nothing underneath the covers concealing her fragile body.

I hadn't really thought about what that could mean, or what could have been done to her in that time. Things had been so hectic around my household since she arrived, with Jasper working twice as hard to control his bloodlust, and the entire family, Carlisle, Alice and I excluded, hunting twice as much simply to be on the safe side.

I spent my time trying to find an appropriate outlet for my anger. I was angry that someone could brutalize this precious angel in such a malicious way. I was angry that I wasn't able to finish Richard off, and I was angry that it was one of my kind that had done this to her. She could have so easily been killed by Richard – the strength of a vampire could allow us to easily tear a human being to shreds, with very little effort.

I couldn't understand how we didn't foresee it. Why didn't we know that there was another coven living so closely to us? And how had Richard been able to control his bloodlust to perpetuate such despicable acts against Bella?

In a short family discussion we had while Bella was asleep about the situation, and how we were going to handle it, Carlisle suggested that perhaps Richard's gift was that of unmatched self-control. He vaguely remembered hearing something about a newborn vampire that showed impeccable self-restraint during his time living with the Volturi. He couldn't be entirely sure, but it would explain why Richard was able to be around Bella and so many other humans for so long without killing them.

And his eyes weren't red, either. Carlisle suggested that it was probably because he wore contact lenses, to ensure that nobody became suspicious.

I had been so distracted for so long, that I hadn't even really tried to understand what Bella might have experienced that night, and I hadn't bothered to ask Alice to see if she knew, either.

I had the sinking feeling that my entire family had a good idea of what Bella had been through. Especially because Rosalie, on several occasions, had spoke for Bella when Bella couldn't speak for herself, advocating the pain Bella might be experiencing through her own knowledge of such brutal violence.

It was quite obvious. So why hadn't I realized it until now… until Alice's vision had shown Carlisle asking Bella if that was what had happened to her?

"Be easy on yourself, Edward. I'm not sure what's eating at you, but it's a powerful emotion, and I'm sure it's not one you deserve to carry with you." Jasper interrupted my quiet reverie, being the first to speak in the car since we had left, 45 minutes ago.

There was no where we needed to go, so we drove around in Emmett's jeep aimlessly, waiting until Alice said we were okay to return to our home again.

As if on cue, Alice spoke.

"Emmett, turn around!" Alice turned toward me before speaking "Edward, Bella is going to need you, soon. And you need to be there for her. So get a grip on your emotions, because right now isn't the time to fall apart."

And with that, we were speeding in the direction of our home, the silence restored.

CPOV

"We're done now, Bella. It's okay; you may open your eyes." Throughout the entire examination, Bella had her eyes tightly shut, refusing to open them at any point. I supposed that it helped her focus, or it kept her grounded – whatever the reason, Bella had been incredibly courageous throughout the entire thing.

Unfortunately, there were a few things that were cause for concern regarding Bella's condition. She would heal properly and promptly, from what I could tell, but when she was taken off the pain medication, she would experience pain for a few weeks, as well as some mild discomfort.

I was surprised that she wasn't in worse condition.

Bella didn't open her eyes. She was still breathing, and from the sounds of her heartbeat, she was still awake, but her eyes remained shut, and her body shifted into a foetal position, with her hands pulling her knees up to her chest.

Still, her eyes remained shut, even as Edward quietly entered the room, and sat down next to her bed. She remained like that for a long time, saying nothing, barely moving an inch. I left shortly after Edward arrived, and went to join my family downstairs, to discuss a few things regarding Bella.

I wouldn't discuss what had transpired between Bella and me earlier that day, and Alice wouldn't share what she knew. Even Jasper wouldn't reveal the emotions he was vicariously experiencing through the members of his family that understood the situation.

And although my family grew frustrated with me, I knew it wasn't my place to share this with them. It wasn't my place to share this with anyone. This was Bella's, and Bella's alone. Besides, it wasn't an important piece of information, anyway. Bella would recover, and that was all they needed to know.

"She can't stay here, Carlisle."

"Rose, she has nowhere else to go right now. We can't simply release her back into that sick, cruel world, only to be picked up by that monster again and hurt. No doubt he'll still be looking for her, she knows far too much for him to keep her alive." Esme explained, taking a seat next to Carlisle, sitting across from Jasper and Alice, and adjacent to Emmett and Rosalie. Edward was still upstairs with Bella, but I knew he could hear this conversation, if he chose to.

"All the more reason to take her away from here, to another country or continent or something, and let her go! We're harbouring her, waiting for him to come back and start a war with our coven. You saw how many vampires came when we were there, didn't you? There were at least nine, not including him." Rosalie seethed, her palms face down on the table, as she leaned over, staring intently at the members of her family.

"Rose… we can't just let her go. She has nothing left… and she feels… safe with us." It was Emmett who spoke now, as he snaked a hand around Rosalie's slender waist, only to have her forcefully slap his hand away.

"And we can't sacrifice ourselves for some human we barely know!" Rosalie roared, slamming her fists down on the oak table, making a cracking sound.

"Calm down, Rosalie. We are not your enemies, we're your family. Remember that." I said my voice remaining calm and gentle, but still stern.

"Rose, why are you acting this way? You know, better then anyone, the pain this poor girl is in, and you're still treating her like this!"

"Exactly!" she shrieked, sitting down next to Emmett, resigned.

"And that is exactly why I don't want her here." Rosalie's voice was low, so that only a vampire sitting in the same room as her would be able to hear.

"I don't want this constant reminder of my past hanging out in the spare bedroom upstairs. It's too much."

"This isn't only about you, Rose!" Alice shouted, standing up.

"You don't understand, Alice! You have no clue what it's like!"

"That is enough!" I needed to interject. Not only would Bella be able to hear the shouting, but this was not how the Cullen's resolved their problems. We didn't pit against one another; we worked as a unit, as a team.

"Since we cannot reach an agreement right now, Bella will stay with us until we can figure out a more permanent solution. Whether that include her living with us, or living elsewhere. But while she is here, you will all treat her with respect. She has been through more then enough already."

Although I could tell I hadn't pleased anyone fully, they all nodded, agreeing that more time to think on it would be beneficial.

EPOV

"Edward?" The voice of an angel rang through the room, my eyes immediately rested on Bella, whose eyes were now wide open, and quivering with fear, tears brimming, threatening to spill over.

"I'm here." I pulled the chair closer to the bed, and focused my attention on Bella.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, as her fingers gripped around the pale white comforter.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Bella. Absolutely nothing." Her mouth opened in an 'O' formation, but no words came, no sounds, nothing. In moments, the tears began falling uncontrollably, as she buried her face in the covers, attempting to hide her pain. I said nothing, for once in my life, truly not knowing what would best help the person I was trying to comfort. Emotions were second nature to me, but I couldn't understand what Bella needed right now. It was maddening

BPOV

I needed to be held. I needed to be comforted; I needed to know I wasn't alone. Finally, the pain I had been pushing away was surfacing, and it was more overwhelming then I could have ever thought possible. The misery of the situation was violently gripping at me, taking a hold of every piece of my being, ripping at it.

The tears came. I couldn't stop them any longer. They streamed down my face, as I sobbed uncontrollably. The anguish was devastating me.

But I still wanted someone to hold me. I had spent so much time being alone, being afraid, tormented, beaten, humiliated… hurt. I needed to know someone was there, and was never going to let anyone hurt me ever again.

I rolled onto my side, and raised my hand to Edward's face, my palm connecting and resting on his cheek.

"Y-you're s-s-o cold. Like h-i-im. But I kn-ow you're diff-erent." I said through sobs. Edward's eyes softened, and he gently placed his hand over the hand I rested on his face, squeezing lightly.

"What can I do, Bella? How can I help?"

"J-ust h-o-old me?" And he did. I shifted my body forward on the bed, making room for him to crawl in beside me. He wrapped his arm around my middle; I could feel the tension emanating from him, but he was here, and he was holding me. And in that moment, I truly realized that I meant something to him – that I was special. Edward cared for me. I continued to cry, letting the pain in my heart soar through me and release itself.

And that was when I heard the familiar tune again. Edward was humming the familiar lullaby I heard the night he saved me. And it didn't remind me of Richard – no, not of him. It reminded me of my saviour.


A/N: Here it is! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed reading the reviews of the last chapter. Thank you all so much for your thoughts - it was greatly appreciated. As always, I'd like to continue to hear your thoughts about this story.

SO LEAVE A REVIEW!!!

This story is far from over, and I'd love to hear anymore thoughts anyone has about where they would like to see this going.

Thank you all for the reviews.
Thanks especially to:
-Siobhan- Those were all fantastic suggestions, and some of them are things I have already thought of, others are things I think would be a great addition... perhaps just added later on... in a different way (if you catch my drift!) Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, I hope you'll continue to do so. You have some GREAT suggestions!
-Cinnyshy- great questions! Okay, I hope this chapter answers some of those questions. As to the question about when Bella will turn into a vampire... well, that has to be a surprise, but I assure you it will be unexpected, and it won't be at the end of the story. I'm planning on having quite a few chapters portraying Bella as a vamp. Right now, Edward has a pretty good idea of what happened to her, however, he hasn't really had time to react. You'll see his reaction next chapter. Bella will find out the Cullen's are vampires soon, VERY soon!
-Cullencrazed2- Thanks for the review - I love hearing from you!

Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I was a bit disapointed to see that this chapter only recieved 6 reviews. I know more then 6 people are reading this... I don't know how long it's
going to be until my update if I'm only getting 6 reviews per chapter. I used to be getting 10+... I need some motivation, readers!

Thanks to the great people that reviewed. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.