Again, Paramount owns and screwed up all these characters by themselves - i'm only playing with the leftovers!

This one is a little... well, you'll see.


"They're really good," Harry admitted, fracturing the quiet of the group watching the couples whipping intricate patterns together on the dance floor.

"It's easy to be good when you're programmed to be so," B'Elanna offered, one eye on Miral being nursed by Sam Wildman and danced around by Naomi, and one eye on the Doc and Seven, dancing.

"Oh, come on - they have talent," Tom interjected.

"I'm just saying," she shrugged. "I think Janeway and Picard are better - natural talents." She didn't need to look to know her husband was giving her a reproachful stare.

"They do look good together," Tom conceded. "Could be a new golden couple…" A series of groans met his supposition. They were not getting into another 'golden couple' betting pool.

"Whatever happened to the old betting pool?" They were all surprised to hear the question come from Harry Kim. He who doth protest there was ever anything going on between the royal Voyager command team of the old betting pool. They all looked at him with suspicion.

"Why?" Tom asked. Harry shrugged and looked away. Tom followed his guilty expression to land on Chakotay. He idly noted Chakotay looked seriously pissed off by something Troi had said but he was too curious about whatever Harry was hiding momentarily to care. "Harry?" he drawled, moving closer to his friend. "What do you know?"

"Nothing."

"Harry…"

"Its nothing."

B'Elanna and Tom shared a silent look and then fixed their eyes back on Harry. He lifted his hands in a defensive position, noticing the crazed look in their eyes. "Look, like I said… its probably nothing."

"Probably?" Tom folded his arms and considered Harry in a disappointed manner. Harry always caved if he thought you were disappointed. His wife however, had little patience, and this one might need a little time for disappointment to work. She advanced on Harry, wagging a finger at him.

"Listen, Starfleet. Spill. Now. Or I'll tell Meghan about the Fair Haven episode." Tom watched Harry's eyes grow in fear and his face drain of blood. He glanced quickly around and immediately began speaking in a hushed tone.

"So, I was in the turbo lift with Commander Chakotay…"


"Refreshment?" Kathryn Janeway was clutching her chest and gasping for air as she escaped from the dance floor. Her eyes, also dancing, flashed up to Sekaya with such delight it coaxed a laugh from the young woman. Without waiting for the captain to answer, she placed the glass of red wine into her hand.

"Thank you," Kathryn said diplomatically in between huge breaths of air and over the thunder beating in her chest. "But I think I'll have something a little lighter, and cold."

"I could have sworn you like it warm, dark, and full bodied." Kathryn blinked and forgot to breath for a second as she stared into eyes so familiar she was lost for words for a moment. She tightened her grip on the wine glass and smiled tightly.

"Sometimes," she offered nonchalantly and her eyes flickered almost imperceptibly far off to her right. Sekaya wondered if she already knew where her brother was located or if she just instinctively gravitated towards him.

You told him you would stop this, Sekaya chided herself.

"You dance wonderfully," she said, changing the subject and bit her lip to stop the smile as the captain took a long gulp of the wine and bent to massage her calves.

"Thank you. Unfortunately these heels do not concur with you."

"But they look great," Sekaya told her. "And that's the point, right?" She flicked a quick raised eyebrow at Kathryn, who countered with her own as her hand slowed on her calf and she went back to her glass without responding.

"You're close with Chakotay, aren't you?"

Kathryn instantly decided lighter and cold be damned and sunk a quarter of the wine glass Sekaya had given her, hoping that it was some of the 'real stuff' that Tom had told her was mandatory for the final party on Voyager. Right now, she agreed with him. She nodded, feeling guilty about her answer.

Am I? she quickly wondered.

"What do you think about his relationship with Seven?"

Kathryn, who was mid 'drown-my-guilty-look' with another sip of wine, coughed into her glass and some wine sprayed onto her face. Sekaya only frowned at her and then started speaking again. "I mean, Chakotay has always liked blondes… although he was going through a brunette phase before he left…" she stopped, thinking while Kathryn wiped at her face and tidied her wine glass, trying to look anywhere but at Sekaya. She noted with apprehension that Sekaya seemed to be slightly drunk. "... and he always had women, you know?" she looked at Kathryn for agreement.

Oh, I know, Kathryn thought acerbically but kept her face neutral and took another sip. If she didn't get away from Sekaya soon, she was going to say something stupid, or get very drunk and possibly, later, do something stupid. Her eyes scanned for possible escape routes as Sekaya busied herself with her own glass of wine. "But the last two years… his letters made him sound settled. Like he wanted a life, a family and had a future planned. And he's been writing me about his new relationship. Sounds nice. She just seems…"

"Seven is unique, she's hard to pigeonhole, so don't try. Give her a chance," Kathryn bit back her heartache and played that best friend and mentor she had promised she would. Sekaya regarded her quietly.

"You like her?"

"She's like a daughter to me," Kathryn confessed and she noticed Sekaya take a deep, long breath.

"It's not that I don't like her. It's just…" she tailed off, her eyes finding her brother across the room, standing nearby Seven and the Doctor looking uncomfortable. "I'm not sure they are Naakazhishi."

Kathryn's face contorted. She knew that word. She looked away and raised her glass again.

"You might translate it to soul mates." Sekaya said absently.

"I see."

"What do you think?"

Oh God…

"I think…" she stopped, her throat catching and she swallowed another mouthful of wine, emptying her glass to cover the falter. "...that Chakotay wouldn't start a relationship lightly. You should have faith in his decision, his path, and..." Her own eyes found Chakotay now, also being watched by Sekaya. "...be happy for him."

Sekaya rotated her head slowly to lay watchful eyes on Captain Janeway, but the woman didn't miss the movement and broke her own gaze, flashing a short smile and announcing, "I think I'll have that water now," as she glided off across the room.


"Fading already, brother?" Sekaya teased as she advanced on him and Deanna Troi. Neither looked particularly happy. "Where's Seven?" she asked glancing around.

"She was tired, I think she went to… regenerate," Deanna supplied, looking at the top of Chakotay's head that hung bowed over the table he sat at. After his little outburst at the bar, he quickly realised half the room was staring at him and he apologised to her quietly before he slunk off to drink more alcohol in a less conspicuous manner. What she should have said, was that Seven had gotten tired of Chakotay's inability to offer more than one syllable answers and eventually left. Politely. But Deanna sensed the woman was somewhat unsettled by her partner's mood.

Her partner, Deanna repeated in her brain. She had been sure Chakotay was paired with someone else earlier on, then for a while she wasn't sure if there wasn't some kind of strange love triangle going on either. The emotions she was sensing from several of the senior staff, including the command team had her mind tangled. She was two chocolate martinis down just to deal with it all.

"She doesn't like it when I get… inebriated," Chakotay announced brandishing another glass, filled this time with something that looked like whiskey. Sekaya twisted her lips to the side and nodded. "I guess inebriation runs in the family," she said as she plopped down in the chair beside him and hiccupped. "You look upset," Sekaya pointed out and Chakotay avoided her eyes. Deanna listened from a distance, interested. "Angry. I thought you… lost your anger?" Another hiccup and she had the good grace to look embarrassed about this one and slapped a hand over her mouth, holding her breath for a couple of seconds. "If its any consolation, I like her." This earned her a smile from him and she charged on. "Captain Janeway is right. You wouldn't start a relationship lightly… and if you are happy, I am happy for you." Behind her, Deanna Troi gasped and sought purchase in the chair beside her. She briefly afforded the Betazoid with a frown. "So is she, by the way, even though you are technically dating her daughter." The sound of skin hitting skin registered in her ears, and if Sekaya had looked back, she would have seen Deanna Troi do a facepalm.

"Y-yo… you…"

"She's a good friend, Chakotay. Even if she does hustle you out of cider."

"You told Kathryn about Seven and I?" Chaktoay asked, alert and loudly. Sekaya stilled, her brow creased.

"I just asked her what she thought about you two," she shrugged and Chaktoay's shoulders sagged. He sunk the rest of the golden brown liquid in the glass and looked away abruptly.

"I assumed…" she quieted as she saw his eyes darken with pain and he pressed the base of his hand to his forehead. "Shit." She reached for his arm. "She didn't know?" He shook his head. Sekaya turned her mouth down, considering something. "She didn't seem surprised." He looked at her now.

"I need to talk to her…"

"Commander-" Deanna started as they all rose quickly from their seats and Sekaya wobbled a little.

"You're drunk." Sekaya pointed out.

"So are you."

"I'm not planning to tell my best friend-" Hiccup. "-That her half-borg daughter is my Naakazhish…" Sekaya inclined her head, satisfied her argument had won and when he stood perfectly still for a minute, she smiled triumphantly at the horrified Deanna Troi behind him.

"Shit." Chakotay this time.

"I would say so."

"I have to talk to her…" and he was gone before her mouth opened lazily and offered another hiccup. She pulled a look that said I tried as she shrugged at the woman standing opposite her.


Chakotay charged down the corridor and into the turbo lift. "Computer, locate Captain Janeway." A frantic scan of the holodeck hadn't provided him any help, but when he answered B'Elanna's question about who he was looking for, she told him that Kathryn and Picard had left about twenty minutes ago - together. As he thought again about how Picard had been glued to Kathryn's side since he arrived he felt a storm brew in his belly.

"Captain Janeway is in her quarters," the computer responded and he directed the 'lift there.

Over the course of the last day, he had to admit he was finding his reactions to the attention Picard was giving Kathryn rather… intense. It was only tonight, as he saw the man take her onto the dance floor and treat her more like a lover than a colleague, that Chakotay realised he was jealous. Damned jealous. Picard waltzed onto Voyager and in mere hours he was fawning over, and flirting with Kathryn on a level that Chakotay had never been able to achieve in their seven years together - and she seemed to be loving it. He had seen men fall hard for Kathryn before, and while it had always bothered him, especially when she returned the attention, he knew they wouldn't be sticking around for long. Like all the rest, they would eventually... fade into the background. But Picard wasn't going anywhere, they were home, and Kathryn was a free, single woman. A woman half the men on Earth, and maybe a few other planets would be tripping over themselves to court. And for some reason, that made him angry as hell.

A small voice popped up and reminded him, you have no right to be angry, but he pretended not to hear it. If she really had felt anything for him, like she said so almost two years ago, then surely she could have at least given him a fraction of what she was throwing at Picard. If she really did feel the uncontrollable love for him that she spoke of, how was it so easy to push him away and fall into another's arms so quickly?

Because you walked away! the voice reminded him and his body flinched at the pain that the realisation stabbed him with. He was also swiftly reminded that the reason he was on his way to see her was to try and repair whatever damage he had done by not being the person to tell her about Seven. He could blame her for all of this - for avoiding his attempts to tell her today, he could blame Picard, but the truth was… he should have told her as soon as it started. This was his fault. He wasn't angry at her, he was angry at himself. Angry because he screwed up, angry for all they had given up, angry that after everything, he still loved her just as much as he did at the beginning, probably more. He was disillusioned at how much of themselves that they had to sacrifice to see this journey through, and now that it was... what did they have? Not even each other.

No... no! he vowed. He had promised that they would try, and he would. They could at least have the same friendship that kept them going through the worst of it. He would keep a lid on his anger, and since she was most likely now angry as hell with him, they would just have to work through it - together.

As his anger dissipated, fear crept in. He started to imagine how she would react - he had done it since the day this thing with Seven had been born, often imagining her jealous, sometimes not caring, offering her support, once, he embarrassedly imagined her pleading him to choose her instead. He rolled his eyes at himself, feeling a little mortified and very, very, stupid.

He clearly was not over Kathryn Janeway. And he may never be. Truth be told, his mind had been recently slapping him with great big reminders of he had often imagined would happen with him and Kathryn if they ever got home, and more potently, reminding him of their date in Venice where he was sure she had told him she loved him and promised him a future. The following months however, had been evidence to the contrary and her increasing distance made him wonder if he had just dreamed the entire evening. He loved her, that was undeniable, but all he had witnessed since then was a growing chasm between them, and more resentment than love. He was left with the inevitable assumption that, unfortunately, she didn't seem to feel the same way about him anymore. This was something he had always been silently preparing himself for. Preparing to be happy without her. And the first step, was to admit that even if he somehow managed to find someone else and be happy, that he would never love another woman the way he loved her. As the turbo lift rested to a stop he took a calming breath and reminded himself, that's why you're moving on with Seven.

He agreed with himself and strode towards her quarters with a new sense of hazy drunken, calm and he ignored the voice that whispered, you never prepared yourself for her to be happy... without you.


After bidding Jean Luc goodnight, and thanking him for a wonderful evening, Kathryn turned to her quiet, dark quarters and sighed. It had been nice to be at the party, despite seeing Chakotay and Seven together. She had not seen any looks of pity - the ones she imagined the crew would give her - which was ridiculous in itself, how could they possibly know how she felt to be in the position to pity her in the first place? Instead, she had spent a mostly wonderful evening, enjoying a few brief sojourns from being 'The Captain' as she danced and joked with Jean Luc.

Even though her blood was already swirling with enough alcohol to give her a significant buzz, she made her way to the cabinet at the back of her quarters and poured herself a whiskey. In the absence of her escort and in the quiet of her own company, snippets of her conversation with Sekaya kept popping up that she would much rather forget. As she sipped from the golden liquid, she kicked off her shoes and padded over towards her desk, lifting a PADD that she had been working on earlier today. It was the draft list of temporary quarters available for her crew once they arrived on Earth. Starfleet had allotted them with enough space to accommodate the entire crew but warned her that a few might have to share as the space was not unlimited. Chakotay had taken on the task of making recommendations where certain crew members would prefer to share - like couples - and asked her to review and sign it before he sent it back to Starfleet.

Couples, she thought and immediately wondered if Chakotay would be sharing with Seven. She bit her lip and scrolled, curious. However, before she reached the information, she stopped, not sure she wanted to know. She set the PADD down carefully as she considered what it would be like to have to visit Seven and Chakotay in their own apartment… married… with kids. Her lip trembled lightly and she rounded the desk to stare at the drawer that held forgotten promises of him and her in that same fantasy. She couldn't resist the urge, so she set her glass down and pulled out the box again.

Her fingers danced over the patterns carved on it for the hundredth time and the word that Sekaya had spoken to her came floating back.

Naakazhishi.

In light of her initial bumble in her research into the traditions of Chakotay's people - she had wanted the time she would re-present the box to him to be perfect. And completely devoid of misunderstanding. That's when she had read about Naakazhishi. It turned out that presenting the Bonding Box to someone, was the same thing as declaring them your Naakazhish - your soul mate, as Sekaya had put it. No wonder Chakotay had been speechless when she had originally given it to him. Not only did it seem like she was telling him she loved him and that she wanted to commit herself to him, romantically, for life, it was also indicating that she considered them to be Naakazhishi.

She had imagined he might be shocked second time around when she presented it to him again, and made sure to tell him she considered him just that, so that she was making herself perfectly clear.

My Naakazhish.

Wetness rolled on her cheek and she found she was crying again. Tears were becoming too much of an unexpected habit the last week and heartbroken or not, she was going to have to get it under control. She set the box down and wiped furiously at them, only to succeed in soaking her hands. She got up to retrieve a towel from the bathroom, freshening her face as she did. Returning, she felt the pang for whiskey resurface and made to retrieve her glass when her door chime went.

It was probably Jean Luc… maybe he had changed his mind about the nightcap she had belatedly offered when faced with the rest of the evening alone with her misery. She brightened at the prospect as she hurried over to greet him.

"Chakotay!" she gasped when she hit the open command and the doors separated to display him standing on the other side.

"Hi," he said sheepishly, unsure of himself.

"Is everything ok?" she asked, taking in his tired eyes and dull skin.

He seemed to almost shake his head in answer, but stopped himself and took a step towards her. A wave of alcohol reached her nose along with his presence and she briefly wondered if she smelled just as bad, thinking of the whiskey that she probably shouldn't have poured. As her mind's eye found the whiskey, it reminded her promptly what was also sitting in plane view beside it and a jolt went through her body so sharply that it almost made her gasp for air. "Can I come in?" he asked.

Kathryn blinked in terror. There was no way he could enter her quarters and not see it, no way possible. And then he would know how truly pathetic she was.

"It's late," she managed. He nodded.

"I won't keep you long, this is important, Kathryn," he explained and made to move past her. On impulse, she raised her hand to the edge of the doorway, creating a barrier with her body. His eyes, which had been trailing on the floor flew up in alarm.

"I'm tired, Chakotay," she said as firmly as she could manage. He was staring at her, deciding what to say.

"We need to talk," he pressed, almost pleading and she was glad but surprised that he hadn't challenged her apparent wish to block his entry. Instead he lifted his hand and took hers that wasn't bracing the doorway. Her eyes followed it as he held it between them and squeezed it. "Please," he begged and when she looked at him, she found herself wanting to let him in. Her mind rallied at ways she could get inside with him without him seeing the box, and instinctively she glanced over her should, worriedly.

I can't…

When she looked back around he was glaring at her and suddenly her hand was dropped with an icy motion.

"Chakotay…"

"Is he in there?" Chakotay asked in a low voice with almost contained anger.

"What?" she asked, perplexed. "Who?"

"You know who," when his volume grew a few octaves Kathryn grimaced but then her anger flared almost instantly.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, but you had better think twice before you continue this," she warned in a gravelly voice.

He laughed indignantly and not at all humoured. "Even I am not that stupid. You two have been all over each other tonight - the entire crew could tell you who is in there!"

Picard…

"At least give me the courtesy of telling me the truth, Captain," he snarled, his face moving closer to her in anger.

"Like you did with Seven?" Her words seemed to cut him like a phaser blast and he wavered backwards slightly, his face full of shock, shame and humiliation.

"I.." he began, seeing something akin to hatred on her face. But he had no words, none.

You have no right to be angry, the little voice taunted him. A little too late.

Kathryn was beyond furious at him. Breaking her heart was one thing, but then coming here, accusing her of… and pretending like he had a right to be angry at her!

To hell with him, she fumed.

"How dare you, Chakotay," she snapped. "From where I stand, who may, or may not, be in my quarters - or my bed - is none of your Goddamned business!" she hissed, straightening up and closing the gap between them in confrontation. "Especially since yours has likely been warmed for months by her." The volume in her voice drew lower with menace as she finished and watched him blink in shock at her.

"Kathryn…" he spoke weakly and she could tell all the fight was gone from him.

Good, she thought.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have s-"

"-No, you shouldn't have," she bit, "But you did." He reached out towards her and she pulled away. When their eyes met, she tilted her head and lifted her jaw. "I guess going back was too much to hope for," she whispered, unable to keep the regret from her voice.

He stood stupefied at what she was implying and before he had acted on the plea he wanted to make, she stepped back and let the doors close between them.

When the doors slid shut before her, swallowing his beautiful, pained face, Kathryn Janeway immediately fell stock still as her brain tried to register what had just happened and what she had done. Unsure of how long she stood like that - seconds, minutes? - she was suddenly jarred by the sound of a guttural cry from the other side of the door and the impact of a fist on the wall. She blinked fast at it and tried, impossibly, to stop the strangled cry that was wrenched from her in response, or the tears and sobs that brought her to her knees as she finally, truly wept for what she had lost.


AN: Yes, I know... but tell me about it anyway :)