Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation and I just borrow characters to write a fan fiction story with noncommercial intentions. And I hope I don't offend anyone.

A/N: italics – for song lyrics

PAIN

Tohma's POV

Why is Eiri talking to him…No, Eiri, don't… Eiri says something and walks away. I see brat didn't like it from expression on his face.

If I could find him when he ran away, I would drag him back by all the means. Eiri was devastated because of that little selfish excuse for a human. How did he dear! I didn't expect that. Not from him.

But then Eiri calmed down. He was fine. He even said that this is for good and started seeing other people. I think he was over Shuichi. And now he's back. And…the things he said…I wouldn't believe he is Shindou Shuichi, if I didn't see him.

It seems Eiri was cold to him. Sure he was…but I don't want to think what was that really about.

I can't let him hurt Eiri again…

Shuichi's POV

How you dear! You! You… I…can't breathe… I need to calm down. Breath, breath, breath…I feel like slapped in the face…he talked to me like I was some cheap slut. I need to get out or I will do something I will regret later. I grab a waiter and ask him to show were the back door is. I assume I look kind of scary right now, because he looks scared.

"Show me the fucking back door!" I growl. And imbecile starts moving. I feel relief when I am out in the fresh night air. Why! Why can he do this to me? I thought I was stronger than this… I even had Tohma! Why! I hate him! I hate! Hate! Hate!

Ryuichi's POV

I see Shuichi pushing funny looking waiter somewhere. I haven't talked to him tonight! That's not fair! So I follow them out of the ballroom in the hall. Then I bump into waiter (clumsy me!) and he's alone and I ask where is Shu. He says that he went out through the back door and point's direction.

I walk to the door and…

"Shuichi! What are you doing?" I cry out. He's punching stone wall as it was a boxing bag with bare hands!

"Stop it! Stop!" I lock his hands on his sides with my own.

We need to go to hospital.

My heart is breaking when I watch Shuichi. He's lying on the seat opposite me in my limo with his hands bandaged and his eyes are so empty that I get feeling he's staring right in the nothingness. I am really concerned and Kumagoru too, but we don't know what to do.

When car stops in the front of house Shu climbs out and walks in not saying a word. I follow. There is a tall blonde with mobile phone. He is cute and has nice green eyes. But he looks totally stressed out.

He asks Shu were was he and says that he's been calling hospitals and police departments and then he notices bandaged hands and gets even more worried. Shuichi answers that he's fine.

"Thank you Ryu." He says and disappears in the door which could be his bedroom door I think. Maybe I could leave Kumagoru here to look after him?

Then American notices me. He says he's sorry for being rude, but he's just worried. He says his name is Aaron Fleming and he already knows who I am. I smile and shake his hand. This is great! If we are lucky I and Kumagoru will have a new friend! He asks what happened. And I tell him. He asks me if I could give me a ride and ads that we could talk in the car.

I say I am not sure, maybe we should stay and watch Shu, but he sighs and tells, that our friend is usually very peaceful after his tantrums, but he probably will not like to see anyone in the morning. Tantrums? Shuichi is having tantrums… We really need to talk.

Shuichi's POV

Cell phone wakes me up.

"Shuichi." I answer.

"How are you?"

"Warm and breathing."

"Ok, then, I guess. I just wanted to warn you. Media find out about you visiting hospital last night. And that's not all. Tabloids are gossiping about our relationship. Usual crap, you know. They are calling me all the time, of course I denied everything, but who cares."

"Morons! I am sorry, you can go back to States if you…"

"No, no…I'll be fine. I already expected that. Besides it's kind of complementary. But you will have to go to some TV-shows. And don't say anything! Only two or three interviews!"

"Fine." I drop the phone.

Yuki…Yuki…Yuki…I am tapping my keyboard with one finger. I can't play, because my hands are bandaged. I can't go biking. I can't go for a walk, because I am afraid I will meet Yuki accidentally and…

I hear myself shouting his name. Yuuuukiiiii! I hear my own voice in my head. My voice as it sounded back then. Yukiiiiii! La li ho! I'm home! Where are you, Yukiiiii! I think I'm going crazy…

I was fine. Really. But all it takes is to see Yuki Eiri a once and I…pathetic, he said. He's right. He makes me feel like that lovesick, loud, whining baka again…I don't want to. I want my pride, my self esteem. I am so afraid. I am afraid I will crawl on my knees and beg him to take me back. I love him, but I hate him for what he does to me. How is it possible? Is this a cruel joke? How can human being be so stupid? I think no one really knows were love comes from…

The night I run away I was acting like halfway domesticated animal who gets free from his leash for the accidentally and doesn't know what to do, run away or to his master. I ran, because my instinct of self-preservation told me to and I run fast, because I was afraid that I will change my mind and return to my master.

I can't explain how I suddenly developed self esteem. Maybe I had it all the time; I just hushed that small voice in my head, saying that I am being a door mat in this relationship, because I was in love. I hoped I can change Yuki. But I couldn't. What right did I have to change him?

I just couldn't take his treatment anymore. I don't know if he knew it. Maybe he thought I've used to it. But that wasn't true. It always DID hurt. I just didn't show it. I hoped that one day he will love me if I will be nice and patient, and loving.

Sometimes I thought he did. But I couldn't be sure, never. How can anyone be so cruel to someone he loves? I tried to tell, show Yuki that he hurts me. But what more could I do? Ask him to love me? Stand on my knees and beg: Love me Yuki! Please, love me! Yukiii!

He would laugh in my face and call me baka. Yes. At first I was just a little bit out of it. Now I understand why I left him. But still – I love him. I love him, but I can't let him destroy me.

I pick up the phone.

"Aaron, I want to ask you something. But I think you should say, no."

Maybe I understand why Aaron is looking after me, because he thinks I am vulnerable, fragile and something like that. Maybe I am.

He is that kind of person who is into saving lost puppies. Even if only because they are cute and pitiful. That's not very sane. But can I blame him for being out of it?

Find me, save me,

Warm me

Take me home

Hug me, burry me

As dead puppies don't play

TBC