I apologize for the delay. But, if any of you care my little vacation was fantastic! It was a nice little break from my already hectic school/work life! So, I'm not dead; overdosed on the sheer awesomeness of having time away, maybe. I AM ALIVE AND READY TO UPDATE. PREPARE YOURSELF.

But thank you for the reviews and I hope you're still enjoying the story!

-EM


"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see,

but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."

-Anonymous

My Darkness: Chapter IX

Conflicting Emotions

xx

He'd been awake that night.

And with Sakura wrapped around him he hadn't found himself being able to find any measure of sleep.

She made him feel uncomfortable because he found himself enjoying the warmth that her body provided. Be that because of his low body temperature or not he wasn't sure. He stared at the wall of the cave until he felt her stirring, instantly forcing himself into a sleep-like state. He lowered his chakra signal, slowed his breathing, and stayed as still as he possibly could.

Even as she touched him, her soothing chakra flowing through his body from her fingertips, it took a lot of restraint to keep his breathing steady and chakra masked.

Why was he letting someone have that affect on him? He could have avoided the entire situation if he hadn't protected her. But when he saw her in danger... there was a deep instinctual urge within him that told him to protect her; to make sure that Sakura didn't get hurt. It was a feeling, among a sea of others, that he didn't understand.

Those feelings seemed to accompany her. Every time they were near each other he would get the same wash of protectiveness telling him to make sure that she was okay. His earlier declaration to Naruto about Sakura being nothing more than a member of the team didn't seem to fit anymore.

If it had been Kiba or Sai in her position, he had no doubt that he wouldn't have batted an eyelash. Because they weren't her. They weren't Sakura.

But if she wasn't just another person on the squad to him then what was she? His mind was still telling him that she was going to cause nothing but trouble for the things he was trying to achieve with Konoha, but another part of him was urging him closer to her; wanting to be near her, relishing in the closeness that she provided him on that night.

As he watched her sleeping now, he found the same draw. The one that wanted to reach out and brush the strands covering her face away. The one that wanted to cover her in the blankets as she had to him and make sure that she was warm enough. But there was no way he would ever do those things. Even if those feelings were inside of him, he'd always taken a sort of pride to people not knowing what he was thinking. He liked being unpredictable.

Then again, covering her with the blanket would be very unpredictable. She wouldn't expect it. It would throw her off guard.

So that's exactly what he did.

He ignored the feelings as his fingers came in contact with the smooth skin of her arm and took a step back, his eyes focused on her face. He hadn't seen that peaceful look on her since their missions as genin. The only looks he'd received since his return had been cold glares and narrowed eyes. But now she looked almost happy, albeit a little frustrated, as the small crease above her brow indicated.

Was it frustration, or was it... sadness?

It was her dream, he concluded. He knew how haunting dreams could be, and how they could ruin an entire day if they were powerful enough. He remembered all too well the nightmare of his family's massacre. How painful it had been to relive that every time he closed his eyes. Maybe it was a dream like that; something painful for her to retain.

Or maybe she was just tired. She'd exhausted her chakra trying to heal him the first time, and then almost depleted it again while she was trying to keep his temperature warm. He should have done it himself, but he didn't want her thinking he was awake. He didn't want to deal with the endless questions she would give him about how he was feeling. He knew they would come eventually, but things would be easier if she was sleeping and he was awake.

So he waited.

xx

Those who had never gone without sleep for twenty four hours didn't understand how hard it was to maintain consciousness when one was low on chakra and trying to keep tabs on ones own body and also someone recovering from injuries that would have killed him. Accelerated regeneration rate or not, it was still hard.

Sakura had succumbed to the desires of her tired body at some point, falling asleep without even realizing what she'd been doing. It wasn't a long time, as her still low chakra stores proved, but it was enough to keep herself and Sasuke warm.

With a sigh, she glanced to where he was lying, her eyes widening in nothing more than shock was she realized he was gone.

"Did you sleep long?"

Her eyes flitted to him in surprise. He was standing by the mouth of the cave, nothing more than his silhouette visible. She could only tell that his arms were crossed over his chest and his back was to her.

"I-"

"You'll be useless if you aren't rested."

She found herself clenching her jaw, wanting to sock him in the side of the head. Why did he always have control of the situation? Even after being passed out for just over two days, he was still able to wake up and tell her what she should be doing. No! She'd been taking care of him for that time, making sure the bastard didn't freeze to death and he was going to demand that she rest? She would rest if she damn well wanted to, not because he told her to.

"I'm fine." Sakura muttered, her eyes landing on the extinguished fire. It must have gone out while she was sleeping. She started to stand up, startled by the blanket that was resting on her legs. When-?

Her eyes softened slightly as they landed on his back again. Had he put it on her?

"I don't want to have to protect you all the time. Rest." That was a lie. Even if he didn't want to want to, his body did.

"I'm not a little kid anymore! I can take care of myself!" She felt some rage boiling up in the pit of her belly, ready to pack a hard punch to the side of his head when she got the chance.

"Clearly." Even his tone was mocking her, and it took the majority of her self-restraint not to march over there and deck him. Once again, she mulled over the different shades of bruises that she could mark him with. If he didn't want to deal with her as some kind of excess cargo, then why the hell had he protected her? What were his reasons if all he was going to do was criticize her?

"You're still a jackass, even after I saved your life."

He turned around then, his brows furrowed angrily together. "After you saved my life?"

"Yes!" She yelled back at him, not letting him startle her with the loudness of his voice.

"You wouldn't have needed to heal me if I hadn't had to protect you!" He shouted, startling her for barely a second before she returned his angry.

"You didn't have to!" Sakura retorted, her fury clearly showing through her tone.

"Yes, I did!"

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him "I never asked for your help!"

"Would you rather be dead?" He snarled, looking at her like she was nothing more than a pest to him, which she figured she was. At least in this situation. He was healed now; he didn't need her for much more than that.

"If that was the alternative to owing you some kind of favor then yes!" She snarled.

"I didn't do it for a favor."

"Then why the hell did you do it, Sasuke? Because I don't know what the hell you're thinking anymore." Sakura never realized that she had it in her to yell so much. She'd never yelled at anyone; at least not like this. Yeah, Naruto saw her ugly side more than others, but it was never meant to hurt him, it was meant to teach him a lesson.

"You never did." Sasuke snapped.

"That's because you wouldn't tell me anything!"

He shook his head, taking a few pissed off strides toward her until she had nowhere to run. "And what gives you the idea that I should have shared anything with you? You were an annoying pest!"

If the words hurt her, she didn't show them. Instead she infused the little chakra she had left into her hands and shoved against his chest, pushing him back at least ten feet. "Then you should have told Naruto! We were your teammates! You were supposed to trust us!"

"I don't trust anyone!"

"And that's your problem! You're going to be alone for the rest of your life because you won't let anyone close to you. The second you think that someone is getting too friendly, you push them away before they can hurt you the way your brother did. You didn't want to be betrayed again, and yet that's exactly what you did to Naruto! That's what you did to everyone in Konoha!" To me. She thought absentmindedly.

Sasuke's face darkened, and for a moment Sakura thought she saw true fury on his face. She wouldn't back down now though, she was too proud. "Don't talk about my brother. You have no idea what he did. No idea the things he made me sacrifice."

She hesitated, the air around her suddenly making her airway feel tight. The second she didn't respond right away, he turned to leave, marching straight for the mouth of the cave. "I'm getting out of here." He hissed.

"Oh yeah? And where are you going to go?" Sakura challenged. It was still snowing outside, there was no way he was going to make it back to Konoha in those conditions, especially not with those clothes.

"Away from you!" He yelled again before leaving her in the cave by herself.

She wasn't surprised... not really. It was more like the sensation of feeling a little bit lighter. She'd wanted to tell Sasuke what she was thinking for a long time and just hadn't had the guts to really let loose and yell. It had been six years of pent up fury for him leaving, and she was finally able to release it. So in short... she was relieved.

As much as she didn't want to be near him either, she wondered if she should follow after him and make sure that he didn't do anything stupid and reckless. If he went on some killing rampage the blood would be on her hands.

Their argument made her laugh, to be honest. They'd spent so much time not talking to each other, then gradually increasing to one syllable words or even just looks. And the first time they actually have some semblance of a conversation it's a fight.

But seriously; she'd spent so much energy trying to save his life and he didn't even want to give her a thank-you? A nod of appreciation? Instead he has to storm out all pissed off at life and her.

Tch.

Who needed him anyways. Konoha sure didn't; if anything he was just a nuisance. She sure as hell didn't; he was a betraying asshole. No one needed him here. No one wanted him! Not with that attitude.

It was just like she'd told him. If he didn't stop pushing people away he was going to end up alone for the rest of his life, and no one would be able to help him through that; not even Naruto, despite how much he might want to try. Despite every bit of knowledge she'd gained, despite all of the things she'd learned about Sasuke, and despite the sane fibers of her mind...

She wanted to help him anyways.

It was an emotion that she couldn't explain any better than if she tried to explain why the sky was blue. Or why there was air around them or why the ocean was salty. It was just... there. An anomaly that couldn't be dissected and described.

Maybe it was because they were old teammates and some part of her wanted to see him back on his feet with people that cared about him. It didn't matter if he thought it was all lost because she would help him find it again. That's what teammates did. They helped eachother. But then, like a cold slap in the face she remembered why the greater part of her hated him. Bastard.

She decided that following would probably only make matters worse. What would he do? Return to Konoha and explain to the guards that he got in a little spat with his team and that's why they weren't with him? No. He wouldn't be able to go back without herself, Kiba, and Sai.

He would have to venture back here eventually, after he'd blown off some steam.

Again, her mind wandered to Kiba and Sai. They should have been back by now. It was only one guy, and with Kiba's nose and Sai's paintings they should have been able to find Tamaki in no time. What was taking so long?

Without her permission, and against what she wanted to do, she found herself drifting off to sleep. Her mind was muddled with angry thoughts regarding Sasuke and worried thoughts about her other teammates; it was a miracle her mind had found some vacant window to let sleep in.

xx

It was freezing, but that wasn't what bothered him. It was that the frigid temperature and wind were annoying. Continuously whipping against his skin, like a wave crashing against the rocks, like Sakura eroding his calm exterior. There was only so much of it he could take before he snapped.

It's exactly what she was doing. She was wearing him thin, slowly but surely, after every word that spouted from her mouth. He didn't know why, and he didn't like it. The big question mark that he associated with her was more than likely one of the reasons he'd found himself trying to distance himself. She represented too many unsure endings; she was a wild card that he didn't want to have to deal with.

Though he had an idea that she thought the same of him.

He knew that she had every right to yell at him, at the very least for leaving; he'd never received the brunt of her hatred from that and expected it to last a lot longer than one measly argument. Berating him over leaving he could take, but one mention of his brother and he lost it.

There were so many things about Itachi that she didn't know... that no one knew. The reasons for his return to Konoha lay buried deep within his brothers legacy. It was his duty to his family, to Itachi, that he go through with it.

He cringed at the thought of his family. Every single day he was painfully reminded of everything that was now gone. There was a feeling of immense sadness that ate him up from the inside whenever he thought of them. The feeling intensified whenever those thoughts focused on his brother and the unfortunate fate that had followed him through his short life. Even now, he struggled to accept everything as just a part of old memories, but obviously, it wasn't that easy. He desperately wanted to accomplish his because he was dreadfully aware that if he tortured himself for much longer, nothing good would come out of it.

And yet, along with the very idea of Sakura, there were still so many questions that he needed the answers to. Questions that were being withheld from him until the proper time, apparently. It was something he didn't understand, but a luxury that he didn't have time to dwell on. He needed to get his job done as soon as possible.

However, this mission was proving to be a problem. How bad would it look that the first mission he was sent on ended in disaster. Though none of it had been his fault, Tsunade didn't know that. It was suspicious. Easing back into Konoha would be hard, but set backs like this would only make things more difficult.

The cold wind regained his focus, and he found the weather becoming an unbearable irritant, much like the kunoichi still in the cave. He moved his chakra through his body, but even that act didn't seem to ease the physical pain the wind was starting to cause him. It burned, whipping relentlessly against his skin.

He was tough, but no one could beat the weather. No one could fight against the wind.

Except Naruto, from what he'd heard. Naruto had excelled in his techniques; more than Sasuke would have expected and it irritated him. There was no way that such an idiot could be getting closer to Sasuke's level. He was still immature and rash, things that would be his weak points in a battle. If someone he loved was in danger he would do anything to protect them. He would give his life to save them.

It was foolish.

Still, if he had progressed as much as people said; if he really was valued as some kind of hero in Konoha, then it only made sense that he would want to fight him, just to ensure that he was stronger. That if he wanted to, he could take Naruto out without a second thought.

If he needed to kill Naruto to accomplish his next goal, he would. In fact, if he needed to kill Sakura...

He would.

xx

When she woke up, she found the fire was ablaze in front of her, and Sasuke was sitting on the other side of it, his lips in a grim line. He looked pissed, but what else was really new with him. If she didn't know any better, she would have just thought it was his regular expression. But no, his brows were furrowed slightly and his eyes carried a more hostile edge to them.

He was still mad at her.

Talking to him would be no use, so instead she remained on her side, watching the flames flicker and listening to the sharp cracks that the fire created. It was funny to remember how talkative she used to be around him. How she would blabber on in random conversation that probably didn't even make sense to her. It was all so she could be near him, using mindless conversation as her excuse. Even if he didn't respond, it had been enough for her genin self. It didn't matter than he most likely wasn't listening either because he was there.

Now though, she didn't care to talk to him. She didn't even want to be stuck with him while they waited out the snow but here she was, secluded with a prick. Though she was a little bit proud to know that she'd been right. He had to come back, something that probably pissed him off to no end. A small victory on her part, but not enough.

All she wanted was to go home now; to be comforted by her welcoming bed and sleep until her body felt like it was time to get up and move. She wanted her best friend to bash on Sasuke with her. She wanted Sai and Kiba to return with Tamaki so she wouldn't feel like she'd failed. If they brought him back than it would be fixed... but if they didn't... she would feel devastated. Why hadn't she been more aware. Why hadn't she moved out of the way of those fucking weapons. She was stronger than that; faster than that. And yet she'd let their main target get kidnapped by some anonymous ninja.

Tsunade would be ashamed of her.

Hell, she was ashamed of herself. What kind of Anbu Captain was she now? A failure? She broke all of the promises she made to herself when she started out. She promised that she would be strong no matter what, promised that she would never have herself fail a mission, promised to never let herself sit around when there was something to be done!

Even if their current situation in the cave couldn't have been avoided, it was still annoying. She hadn't sat still and done nothing in such a long time, at least not of her own free will. Her brief restriction from missions had been tedious enough, but at least then she'd had the hospital to tend to. Now she was stuck with nothing, her teammates fighting to regain the charge that she'd lost. Because of Sasuke!

She decided that this was entirely his fault. If he hadn't returned to Konoha; if he hadn't been sent on this mission with her; if she hadn't been distracted by him... But she hadn't been looking at him. She was focused on the weapons, so blaming him would get her nowhere.

Damnit.

"It's letting up." She cringed at the sound of his voice, sending him a glare through the fire. If he was still mad at her then she had every right to be mad at him.

"Good." Fucking awesome. Because another minute spent with him in the cave would probably shatter any sense of sanity she had left. She couldn't be left with her thoughts for a long period of time like that. It wasn't healthy.

By the looks of the flakes outside of their cave, they would be able to leave in an hour at the most. She found it hard to hide the relief she was feeling, though thoughts of Kiba and Sai still made her hesitate to leave. Were they going to return to Konoha? Or would they go after Kiba and Sai and make sure everything was okay.

The latter was the obvious choice to her; it was Sasuke she was worried about. She didn't think he really cared about his team, but the success of the mission did matter to him. Maybe persuading him wouldn't be that difficult. However, persuading required actually talking to him.

Stupid jackass fucking bastard.

xx

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on...

-Dido

xx


Yay! I'm glad I got it up. Sorry for the long wait though!

Things are improving!
They finally get to leave!
Finally some action ensuing!

-Your Faithful Reviewer

I hope you enjoyed it, and I will try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible. And yes, faithful reviewer, I intend to have some things actually happen. The real mystery is... what will it be? Oh hohohoho.

My attempt at a little bit of suspense :3

-EM