This is a tad short, but you're gonna have an extra long epilogue to make up for it. Scout's honour lol. xxx
Rose blinked groggily as she woke, stretching her arms. She smiled to herself and turned, seeking the warmth of John's body beside her. When she encountered only bedsheets, the cold settled deep within her stomach. Biting her lip, she squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to banish the previous day from her mind.
She turned on her back, breathing as deeply as she could. Trying to hold back the tears. The ring that once felt like a feather upon her finger suddenly felt like a rock. Crushing her with the memories of his smile. Rose swallowed and sat up in bed, flipping the hair from her eyes. She fiddled with it nervously, knowing he wasn't coming back. And the only thing she could try to do was move forwards. Yet...eyeing the ring, Rose couldn't imagine ever taking it off.
"Rose?" The Doctor's soft voice sounded at her door.
"Come in." She croaked, and after a pause, the door slowly opened. The sight of the man who looked identical to the one she had lost caused a fresh surge of pain, and she looked away. The Doctor watched her bow her head, hiding from his gaze, feeling an unbearable amount of guilt fall upon him.
"Do you want to talk?" He questioned gently, afraid of upsetting her in her fragile state.
"What is there to talk about? He's gone. I...I have to move on. Simple." But from the look of her red eyes and rasping voice, the Doctor could tell that it wasn't simple. He dithered for a minute, unsure of what to do.
"What about the mourning? I know that you can't possibly be done with that."
"Be done with that? Yeah, your compassion is greatly appreciated Doctor." Rose sniffed as she threw a glare his way.
"Rose, no. I..." The Doctor trailed off as he crossed the room to sit on the bed beside her. Words failed him as he saw her shoulders begin to shake.
"I want to mourn him Doctor. I want to." She sobbed, and the Doctor swallowed before drawing her into a hug.
"Then you can't rush it, Rose. Not something like this." He whispered into her sweet smelling hair.
"But it hurts. I just had to let him die. I couldn't do anything." Rose felt the arms around her tighten for a moment.
"You really loved him...didn't you?" Rose sniffled, and somehow the Doctor didn't mind the wet patch that was slowly forming on his shirt.
"Yeah. I did. I mean, how could I not? I had a man who loved me, and did everything he could to please me. He was smart, and strong, unbearably cute. Let's not mention how gorgeous he was." She threw a small smile to him. The Doctor shook his head at her, a slight smile playing about his mouth.
"But....I didn't love him because of that. I loved him because he was....he was John. He was himself, he was his own person."
"I know. I can see it. In the memories. You were in love, and he knew it too. It's all up here." The Doctor tapped his temple, and Rose's eyes looked downwards.
"Doctor....last night you said that you could remember. Everything, I mean. Like...do you remember when we-"
"Yes, Rose. I remember it all." Her face was a mixture of horror and embarrassment, flushing a terribly bright shade of red.
"Oh my God." She murmured, and the Doctor caught her hands in his.
"Maybe it's not the best time to discuss this, Rose?" She licked her lips and nodded.
"I just can't believe you remember-"
"Rose."
"Sorry. Sorry...we'll talk about this later. I shouldn't be focusing on that now." Shaking her head as if to clear it, she rested her head against the Doctor's shoulder.
"You gonna miss him?" The question resounded in the air for a while.
"Yeah. I think I always will."
"You could've always just....stayed with him. Left me in the watch, It was comfy in there, not as cramped as you'd think." Rose pulled back frowning, studying the Doctor's humorless smile.
"Could you...I mean...turn back into him. Do you have the ability to do it?" The Doctor's brow twitched as he hesitated.
"Yes....do you want me to?" He said slowly, almost dreading the answer. He gazed into her eyes, watching her thoughts twist and turn behind the chocolate irises.
"No." She said finally, and a breath of complete relief left him. And the Doctor hated to do it, but he had to question it.
"But I thought you loved him?" Rose regarded him with a strange look.
"But how could I ever just leave you behind. You know that. I love you more than I could ever love anyone else, Doctor." His eyes widened as the words ran through his head, and Rose's own eyes widened in horror.
"I didn't mean it like that." She blurted out, and the Doctor's eyes flashed with hurt, before a blank look settled in.
"It's o.k. I know. You're my best friend. Right?" Rose frowned and opened her mouth as if to say something further. But then she just shook her head and smiled softly.
"Yeah." She reached over and took his hand, stroking her thumb along his skin.
"Yeah." He echoed.
"I'm sorry, I've been thinking about myself all this time-"
"It's understandable Rose. To be expect-"
"Yes. But what about you? I know you must have an opinion on it. It's helping no one if you're silent through this whole thing." She kept a steady gaze with him, urging him to speak.
"Well....I....didn't expect. I didn't think you would be so...involved with him. I wouldn't have asked this if you otherwise. If I had known that you were going to get hurt, then I never would've done this. I would have found some other way." Rose took it in and nodded slowly.
"I know...but you really thought that I wouldn't have an emotional attachment to him?" The Doctor looked down sheepishly.
"Honestly? Of all the things that I was thinking...it wasn't that." Rose smiled and shook her head.
"Well, you wouldn't."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He raised an eyebrow, and Rose giggled.
"Nothing. It's fine." Her laughter subsided and the Doctor sighed.
"It's good to see you smile. I haven't seen you smile for me in nearly three months."
"Yeah, well....I can still smile. I think that he would've wanted that." The Doctor stared back at her.
"I know that's what he would've wanted." They looked at each other for a moment before pulling eachother into an embrace.
Hope you liked. More soon. xxx
